Helping Fathers Become Dads - MichaelByronSmith: The Power of Dadhood

Using Quotes to Get Across Your Message

10/18/2021

“[A] quotation is a handy thing to have about, saving one the trouble of thinking for oneself, always a laborious business."
~ A.A.Milne

I love a good quote! Quotes are a sort of philosophical shorthand which can help an author, speaker, or you to get a point across.

When I wrote, “The Power of Dadhood”, I started each chapter with a quote. I didn’t limit their use to introductions, I used them whenever they helped to make a point. A good quote can say quite a bit in just a few words.

As an example, the quote I used for my ‘Introduction’ was attributed to Mother Theresa.

“The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.”

More than anything, this was a book about the need for, and the power of, love - comparing it to one of the basics of survival - food. This quote sets the stage for the reader and does it with clarity and brevity.

The quote that introduced Chapter One ‘The Power of Fatherhood’, was from Gloria Steinem.

“Most American children suffer too much mother and too little father.”

This quote was used to let the reader know that, along with love, my focus was going to be about the need for love specifically from a father. Steinem’s quote let us know that, among parents, it was not unusual that children learn most of what they know, and spend more time around, their mother. Not necessarily a bad thing, mothers are awesome! But when taken to an extreme, such as a father missing physically or emotionally, can cause numerous issues for a child’s behavior and self-confidence.

I’m not going to explain each quote in “The Power of Dadhood”, but I will say that just reading the quotes will do a lot to help a man be a father to his child. It is my hope, of course, that I enhance each quote using my experiences as a son and as a father. It's like working with a team! Some being brilliant.

With that introduction, here are some quotes that may get you thinking.

#powerofdadhood

Life Lessons through Flying

8/29/2021

Author during USAF Pilot Training

Introduction:

Those of you who have followed this blog, “Helping Fathers to be Dads”, know about my book on fatherhood entitled, “The Power of Dadhood”. The book was written from the standpoint of a father whose own father was not there for him, nor for his siblings. I am now writing a memoir of my childhood describing the unnecessary struggles we battled to succeed. What helped me to overcome the lack of help from, and even the obstruction of, my father, was my strong desire to be a pilot, which gave me purpose.

Currently, I am in an editing phase of my memoir, which I find quite difficult. I have added, deleted and flipped paragraphs, even chapters. I have written and rewritten sentences over and over again. Complete scenes seemed irrelevant on review and therefore dropped as I continued to fine tune my message . During this editing, I continued to write this blog each week.

Following is a deleted story from my draft. I found it was too redundant and excessive. But it is somewhat humorous, so I decided I could use it here as fatherly advice. The intent of the story was to show how failure is often caused by overthinking. When there is only time to react, you may find out you are more capable than you know.

The Excerpt

My slow start during T-37 training had passed, and I was getting into a rhythm. On a T-38 cross country training flight from California back to Texas, my instructor and I were leaving March AFB on a typically low overcast morning. This young captain, my mentor, had visited friends in the area and had a late night of celebration.

We were cruising around 30,000 feet over Phoenix, Arizona, and the ship was mine, meaning I was flying the aircraft. Suddenly, the nose of the T-38 shot straight up vertically! I did not know what was happening as I heard my instructor mumbling to me, “You…. have… the (gurgle)… air…craaaft.” With that, I pushed the control stick forward to stop the climb and descended back to our assigned altitude. When I leveled off, I asked him if he was okay. He replied, “I’m sick… very sick, you’ve got it from here.” I never heard another word from him until landing 800 miles later when he said, “Good job”! I taxied in, my instructor crawled out of the rear cockpit looking like a ghost and mumbled, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

The airman directed us to our parking location, climbed the ladder to the rear cockpit, and began cursing as if he were in the Navy! My instructor had thrown up all over the cockpit and left it to the ground crew to clean up. Courtesy held that any pilot who lost his lunch would clean up his mess, but my instructor was too sick to do that in his condition. Hopefully, he apologized to the young airman later.

The T-38 Talon had taken a sudden climb upward over the Phoenix area because the instructor hit the trim button on the top of the control stick as he was vomiting his breakfast into his flight glove. The purpose of the trim button is to adjust the pressure felt on the control stick as the flow of air over the control surfaces changes. To keep from losing control, I had to push the stick forward against all the pressure of the trimmed surfaces while ‘re-trimming’ (nose down) to a level flight position. Of course, when you are climbing and then push forward, you will become weightless. I can only imagine what this did to my flight instructor’s stomach, not to mention the vomit in the cockpit and that captured in his flight glove!

That flight taught me I could do what I needed to do when I needed to do it. Not that what I did was difficult at that point in my training. First, I had to recover from an unexpected out-of-control situation. Then, I had to take full responsibility for the aircraft, the instructor, and myself. Without the ‘chance’ to anticipate the challenge, it went flawlessly. This positive outcome came because I didn’t make it more difficult in my head beforehand.

Summary

My issue as a boy growing up was confidence and poor self-esteem. I carried these feelings into the Air Force. While I earned my wings, I had to fight every day to do so. Acting with full confidence and valuing myself would have allowed my training to be more enjoyable and made me a better pilot. I was learning basic life skills at a place and time when I should have simply been learning the skills of an Air Force pilot. I think I would have been in the top of my class had my father been there to prepare me. Fathers! Please mentor your children. Learn what they can do well, what scares them, and what interests them. You can guide them to a greater success!

The Decay of American Grit – Fear of the Unlikely

8/23/2021

My 6 yr old granddaughter jumping off a cliff.

Fear can be a lifesaver. Fear can also be a burden that reduces our life experiences and our chances for a full life. I had a fear of worms as a child and shied away from fishing. Consequently, I felt some shame. When I became older, I had a fear of leaving the United States, until I did, then finding it one of the most rewarding activities I have ever known. My fear of water was a huge, keeping me safe until I learned to swim at eight years old. After this, rivers, lakes, pools became fun adventures and pastimes.

Unnecessary fear grips many of us as we watch events on the news, not realizing that what we are watching may be real, but magnified and laser-focused almost without exception. This focus gives a false impression of the danger to us and our loved ones. A bridge collapses and you now fear crossing bridges, not considering that death by a bridge collapsing is astronomically uncommon. This magnification makes an unlikely incident seem likely. If you magnified a drop of common drinking water, you may never drink water again because, like a bridge collapse, you are seeing ugly things you normally don’t see.

Alternatively, we may not be aware of some unworthy risks because they do not have the scrutiny we get from our outside sources. Some may take certain drugs, not knowing the danger. Even prescribed drugs have danger. We have a 1 in 92 chance of dying of opioid abuse in our lifetime. Knowing this, you can reduce your odd to zero if you choose. We often ignore or choose to be ignorant of the risks for things we want to do.

In recent years, with expanding technology and social media, we have taken the woes that used to be suffered by a few and shared the pain amongst all of us through shared knowledge. When the shared pain reduces the severity of the few, by taking certain actions, it is a good thing. But when that pain becomes a burden without proper reasoning or positive results, it hurts the innocent far more than it helps the burdened.

As old people often say, “In my day, we did this and that.” It sounds trite, but it is true! In my day, some aspects of daily life were worse, but some were better. While the good things in life often come from technology, making our world safer and more comfortable, many of the bad things come from social influencing and lack of understanding of risks or statistics.

Risk consists of two components, likelihood and consequence. When we focus on the consequence more than the likelihood, we may miss opportunities like a life saving operation where death from the operation is one in a thousand. On the other hand, if we focus on high likelihood of a consequence, but the consequence is very low, like striking out in a baseball game, we miss out on competition and experiences.

If you can’t handle a one in a thousand risk here and there, you’re going to have a boring life. Yet many shy away from potential joy or gain when a risk is one in a million, or less. But that is certainly your choice! It may help, however, to spend some time analyzing common risks we take every day. Would you do something where the odds of dying from this thing in your lifetime are 1 in 100? Maybe not, but if you don’t, you will never ride in a car. Actual odds of injury or death for certain activities can be seen on the National Safety Council website.

https://injuryfacts.nsc.org/all-injuries/preventable-death-overview/odds-of-dying/

As stated by NSC, “Fear is natural and healthy. It can help us respond to danger more quickly or avoid a dangerous situation altogether. It can also cause us to worry about the wrong things, especially when it comes to estimating our level of risk.
If we overestimate our risk in one area, it can lead to anxiety and interfere with carrying out our normal daily routine. Ironically, it also leads us to underestimate real risks that can injure or kill us.
It can be difficult to accurately assess the biggest risks we face. Plane crashes, being struck by lightning, or being attacked by a dog are common fears, but what about falls, the danger inside a bottle of pills, or your drive to work?”

I think it important for parents to have a handle on risks, rewards, natural fears, and unhealthy fears when raising their children. Knowing the risks of certain activities, regarding both likelihood and consequence, is helpful and imperative for you and your children’s happiness and safety! Some parents are risk averse and may cheat their children of fun and learning, while others are overly risk tolerant, sacrificing too much safety. There is a middle ground which may vary for each family and person. And vary it does!

Michael Byron Smith
Author of “The Power of Dadhood”

The Character of Children

8/16/2021

Reposted from August 2018

“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” —Frederick Douglass

When I was a new father, it never occurred to me to be a life coach. Sure, my wife and I would teach our children practical things like colors, numbers, dos and don’ts, and simple manners. But developing character wasn’t on my radar. As my children grew physically and as I grew in maturity as a dad, it dawned on me that having values and good character were at least as important as having an academic education.

As the oldest child of six, in a mostly single-parent home, life lessons were more basic and most certainly of short term value during my childhood. There is no doubt that my siblings and I suffered from a lack of character training. There were issues of confidence, respect, self-control, attitude, and ethics lacking in varying degrees among us. Without an early introduction of these tenets, it can take time to work things out--if we ever do. Given that we are sometimes born without certain values, then the absence of character training can become a huge obstacle in one’s life!

My wife and I wanted our children to have every advantage in meeting all of life’s challenges. Encouraging them in their studies and correcting behavior as necessary were obvious responsibilities as parents, but I began to do more as I learned more myself. I would often write notes and thoughts to encourage and teach them (example). Surely, they thought I was a little square, maybe even a nerdy dad. But that was okay with me, and they knew I cared.

I don’t know how much thought goes into character building by other parents, but their actions are teaching character every day. It’s obvious from this fact that our character matters quite a bit. From The Power of Dadhood, “A father must have good character to use his influence properly. Having good character and knowing how to influence others, using respect and being respectful, you will have all the tools necessary to be an outstanding Dad.” *

So what makes up character? Here are a few areas to look at.

Respect – Respect is many things! It is an appreciation for what’s given to or shared with you. It is acceptance of proper authority. It is an admiration for those you trust. It is deference to those who know better. Children must learn that when no respect is given, no respect will be received.

Patience – Simply stated, patience is the ‘delay of gratification’. It is self-control. This is one of the most important principles for success. Children that can do what’s best for themselves before doing what is most pleasing at the time will be more successful than an impetuous child that wants dessert before dinner or who wants to play in the pool, but not take swimming lessons. Aristotle stated, “Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.”

Confidence – This is a two-edged sword. False confidence without ability can be disastrous. Ability without confidence can be wasteful and inefficient. Therefore, building confidence must be groomed and supervised, one of a parent’s most important responsibilities. Challenge your kids with incrementally tough but achievable tasks to build their confidence. Also, “What a father does to prepare his children for the challenges of life will likely be different from their mother’s approach”.

Courage – With absorbed confidence comes greater courage to try new challenges. Trying new challenges, whether successful or not, will create true growth. Parent’s need to gently coax their children to face their fears. Sometimes, it is best to suggest a dip of a toe in the water of fear. Other times it might (with good judgement) be best to jump right in.

“Many of our fears are tissue-paper-thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them.” —Brendan Francis Behan

Fairness – I just recently wrote an article on fairness. In short, I suggest not letting your children expect fairness in life while teaching them to be as fair as possible to others. People can be fair but often they are not. Nature has no concept of fairness. Lightning can strike anyone. Fairness to others includes honesty and integrity. Integrity will fight the unfairness of peer pressure. Fairness is good and real. Expecting fairness is a trap to avoid.

Attitude – Attitude is how you dress your brain. Will it be shorts or long pants? Bright or Gothic? Business or casual? You shouldn’t wear shorts or be Gothic-casual to an interview. Nor would you wear business attire to the beach. One’s attitude can change, but it must match the occasion. As a parent, you help your kids develop good attitudes by supporting good attitudes. A good attitude is a key ingredient in achieving goals, having confidence, and being persistent, and is important in being likable.

Values – Building character in your children is basically teaching the values you deem most important.
It is in the home . . .

where children should learn kindness, goodness, values, discipline, and manners.
where children should find understanding, care, and comfort.
where successful lives should begin, with open minds, encouragement, and love.
where compassion should exist, where the safety nets of our children’s failures are made of rubber bands, ready to sling them back into the world—stronger, wiser, and with new momentum.

When the home is successful then your children will ‘Have basic values you always live by, such as:

Respect for others
Honesty and integrity in all you do

Doing what is best and not what is easiest’

When your children have self-worth and acceptance from family, then they won’t look elsewhere for it.
Looking for acceptance can become more important than having values.…children can try new things and be influenced by others, but the values you have molded will remain.

Not always will our efforts bear fruit any more than the apple tree I planted six years ago. But someday that tree will bear fruit unlike the trees I never planted. Do your due diligence as a mother, a father, and a mentor. We owe it to our children!

* All italicized sentences are excerpts from my book, “The Power of Dadhood – How to become the Father Your Child Needs”

It Takes a Village? As a Last Resort!

4/26/2021

There are large, well-funded organizations that disparage the nuclear family. I cannot, for the life of me, understand that. Anyone at any time can type ‘Fatherless Families’ into a search engine and see the devastation the children of single-parent families go through. Please do it! Or read my book, “The Power of Dadhood.” If you truly can’t afford one, I’ll send one free until I run out.

Understanding that single-parent families will always exist, it is then that the concept of a village comes in to help the family and the children. This concept may work well in certain circumstances, but certainly not most. It works when the extended family is nearby and healthy themselves. It may work in a crime-free small town where single-parent families are rare. But these circumstances are not the issue.
When sizeable swaths of neighborhoods are a large percentage of single-parent families, most led by mothers, you will find crime, drugs, poverty, and gangs. This situation is a village that cannot help families. You can pour welfare funds into these areas, but history finds nothing changes.

In my previous post, I wrote the following:

“It’s time to focus on families! Incentivize fathers to be in the home instead of incentivizing them not to be there. Fix schools and neighborhoods, making them aids and not a hindrance to learning and health. Add police to high crime areas, don’t blame them as they risk their lives. Look to statistics and not rhetoric for true understanding! More youth programs with high-paying jobs to the best men and women who would mentor them. Encourage nuclear families! A village will help to raise children, but not near as well as a responsible two-parent household! Focus on the root cause, not a consequence.”

This post is short and sweet, but not if you do the research. My approach to help children and society will take a generation or two. But we must start now. Citizens and corporations, please know what you are doing when you give to a cause or organization; some intend to de-emphasize the nuclear family for reasons I cannot fathom. Others will help!

Less is More? Maybe, Maybe Not, in Parenting

4/12/2021

Photo by Author

I don’t know if it was an ad-man, a philosopher, or a tree-hugger who first said “less is more”. But it is a crock! That’s like saying ‘fat is skinny’, or ‘dumb is smart’. They are not giving you the whole story. They are leaving things out. I saw a Lexus Ad once which stated ‘more is more’. Now that is truth in advertising!

Another way to say the phrase is, ‘less fat is more skinny’, or ‘less dumb is more smart’, or ‘less Taco Bell is more healthy’. It’s all about filling in the void!

See the difference? For instance, is less parenting more parenting? Well, it could be if less parenting means NOT being a helicopter parent, constantly hovering over your children and not letting them think for themselves. But less parenting is NOT more parenting when you are not engaging with them. When something is missing, something else fills that void.

What your child does not learn from you in the way of values and integrity, they will learn somewhere else. Unless you are not a good example, don't leave those lessons to chance. That’s why some boys join gangs when they haven’t a father to reassure themselves of their maleness. It’s why some girls, who don't have a loving father, are easy sexual targets for hormone enraged boys because they want the male acceptance they long for, but don’t have.

I can tell you this, ‘less bad parenting is more good parenting’. Continuing:

Less love is not more love. ---- Less 'smothering' love is more 'effective' love.
Less attention is not more attention. ---- Less attention 'on what’s wrong' is, hopefully, more attention 'on what’s right'.
Less discipline is not more discipline. ---- Less discipline 'may require' more discipline.
Less consistency is certainly not more consistency.
Less love is definitely not more love!
Less time with your kids is not more time with your kids. ---- Less time with your kids may become more time trying to reconnect with them.
Generally, “Less bad stuff is more good stuff!” and, of course, vice versa!

YES, less is only better when you are doing the wrong things. More is always better when doing the right things. As a mother or father, taking more time to think about the right and wrong things you may be doing without even realizing it. And like balancing a portfolio, you want to balance your parenting style as your children grow and even adjust to each child.

Do What’s Right!

3/15/2021

From my book, "The Power of Dadhood"

It’s always good to learn things from those with experience. And very wise to listen to them. However, the life lessons best remembered are those learned firsthand.

Let’s say your kid comes to you with a problem. It could be his sister is bothering him to no end. Or your daughter’s best friend is not talking to her. Maybe homework and dance class are competing for attention. Whatever it is, we often tell them what we think or tell them straight out what to do. Sometimes, we do this through expediency or lack of patience. It happens all the time. But what are we doing? It could be we are allowing our children to be lazy, dependent, or unable to problem solve.

When an issue is not too serious, you can trust them to do what they, themselves, think is right.

In raising kids, there are levels of interplay between you and them.

‘Being there’ for them is a fundamental base level of care. You may not interact with them much at that level, but you are an adult example who protects and feeds them - although there are, unfortunately, parents that even fail at that level.
The next level is being loving and showing that you care for your child. Knowing they are loved does so much for their confidence and psyche, allowing them to be happier and content. While showing love and care is crucial, you can do so much more to prepare them for their life ahead.
The highest level I hope all parents aspire to is to be present, loving, and nurturing. Nurturing consists of encouraging, observing, correcting, and teaching - all while reminding them of your love. What kid wouldn’t thrive to the best of their abilities with this kind of upbringing?

When a nurturing parent tells a child to ‘do what’s right,’ that parent is not making it easier for either their child or themselves. Shifting responsibility to your child is high-level nurturing! Making your child think and decide while being observed by a loving parent is the best learning there can be. Indeed, there will be times when they choose incorrectly! That’s where your nurturing will help them to understand situations and decision-making.

The parent has to encourage them to be responsible, observe the child’s action, correct their action if necessary, and teach them with feedback. “You handled that very well,” or “Next time, try this.”

Example:

“Dad, my friends are going to a concert Sunday evening, and I want to go,” asked your 17-year-old daughter.

“But you have your college placement test on Monday morning,” Dad responds.

“I know, but I really want to go,” she pleads.

“Just do what’s right!” says Dad.

The ball is in her court, for now. She has to consider what she wants versus what is best overall. An okay from Dad would have taken the pressure off his daughter. A ‘no’ may have caused unnecessary friction. Now the daughter has to decide, and problem solve. Can she put aside everything for now and prepare for the test? Will she get home early enough to get a good night’s sleep? As a parent, you observe. Did you see her studying long hours during the weekend? Did she tell you when the concert ends, and will she be home early enough to get a goodnight’s sleep? If so, she is doing the right thing even if she goes to the concert. And she did it maturely on her own!

Now, what if she wastes time all weekend, or you find out the concert ends at midnight, but she decides to go anyway? Then you intercede and say no, and tell her why. One of the reasons you would intervene this time and not others is the importance of the decision. But the good news is this. If you are the kind of parent that operates this way, you already know how your child will react after seventeen years. They already know how to think and make decisions for themselves. You have been there for her. You have shown love and care. And on top of all that, you have been a nurturer!

When given the responsibility for their own actions, a child that continually makes unwise choices may be a disappointment, but at least you know you have work to do. This knowledge will allow a parent to take action to correct the behavior. A child that makes primarily good choices will learn how to handle life on their own. They will not be dependent on their parents to solve their problems. Either outcome is positive because you will know your child much better, and they will thrive after learning to solve their issues correctly.

Tell them, “do what’s right” – observe – correct if necessary – repeat!

#powerofdadhood

Dadhood is Fatherhood...PLUS!

3/1/2021

The Power of Dadhood - How to Become the Father Your Child Needs

Keeping Your Children Balanced from Unwelcomed Ideology

2/22/2021

Photo of granddaughter by author

Your kids are malleable. They have their inborn dispositions towards life and living, but they certainly can be molded by people and ideas. Obviously, it’s the parents that have the most leverage guiding their children - as it should be. We may disagree with how other parents do their job, but as long as they are not cruel, evil, or unbearable, it’s not our place to judge. For instance, I would not raise my children as Mennonites do, but I certainly respect their customs and beliefs. I have no right to criticize.

In our busy lives, especially when our children are young and we struggle to support them appropriately, we leave our children to others to teach a myriad of things. For the most part, this all well and good! A variety of views and exposure to those with different strengths is an advantage. But it is essential to know what they are being taught when you, the parent, are not involved.

Our values vary regarding religion, customs, and politics at a minimum. When others meet your values, there are no issues. However, there will be those that your children come into contact that have differing values. You should be aware of those things to the degree you care, and you should certainly care.

To give examples, I use my values, not expecting anyone to agree with all or any of them. Many will not, and those folks would not want me passing my values to their children. Just remember the title and not my specific examples below.

Some schools and social sites are teaching that objectivity is racist – that everything is subjective. In other words, there are no facts, just opinions. Since I believe in both objectivity and subjectivity, I would want my children to know the difference, not that objectivity doesn’t exist except for racists. See if it is being taught to your kids, whether you agree or not.
Our federal government says it is fair and legal for a biological male who identifies as female to compete physically. I believe that it is unfair for biological females. I want to discuss my reasoning for my view with my children. If others validate this principle, I want to know this, or it may never occur to bring it up. Left alone, I would think the explanation is unnecessary
The Smithsonian had an exhibit that said Success Principles are White principles. Punctuality, hard work, initiative, Standard English, planning for the future were all White values. In fact, a Black child that studies would indicate that they wanted to be White. To be honest, I thought this was fake news, but it was real. Any Black parent that does not believe these Success Principles only belong to Whites must speak up
There are areas in the progressive community that say biology isn’t ‘real’? I don’t want that taught to my children or grandchildren.
Many schools are teaching the 1619 Project. Countless historians have noted this as having many inaccurate conclusions. It states that US history began in that year when slaves were brought to the future USA. This project disavows our founding fathers, and 1776 as our nation’s birth, claiming the US was built because of and only for slavery. While slavery was sadly apart of US history, it ignores the fact that slavery was rampant everywhere since Biblical times. It also ignores the Constitution’s contributions and the fact that America has grown as a positive force for the world. I want to know if my children are taught 1619 history. You should, too, so you can judge for yourself and for your children.
I value any life. But I also appreciate what we have in the United States that makes so many others want to come here. To do immigration the best way for all, including past immigrants, we must do it in an organized manner. Organization and control will not exist with open borders. And it can be made worse by promising things to potential immigrants who don’t want to go through a legal process. That’s my view. I want my children to know my opinion because others will tell them their logic. I do like them also to know that legal immigration will make America stronger!
A professor has designed a litmus test for eight degrees of White Privilege. I don’t want anyone to be a racist, but to categorize Whites in degrees blames all. And anyone who is Black cannot be a racist because you have to have ‘privilege’ to be racists. I believe this is more divisive than inclusive. While true White Supremacists exist, the term has exploded to include people who don’t actively fight for people of color. While I support people of color in all endeavors, I do not carry signs and protest in person. But some would say I’m racist because fighting it is not on my daily agenda. If you want this taught to your children or not, be aware it is out there.
I don’t want my children or grandchildren to think Lincoln and many others were bad for America. When children see their statues torn down or schools renamed, it teaches them that their contributions should not be appreciated. I would not let my children go to a school that took Lincoln’s name off the building. If there is a legitimate grievance about his legacy, include it with the wonderful deeds he accomplished, like ending slavery. Kids cannot fathom the circumstances these demeaned men and women (see Dianne Feinstein) worked within.
Equity is not the same as equality, but even our Federal government is teaching this. Everyone should have equal rights, access, and opportunity. But equity means the same outcome for all. There are situations in health and disabilities, for instance, where we strive for equity. But there should not be equity (equal outcome) for grades, sports, or any true and fair competition. I want my children to understand this and the differences.
I believe in the strength of the nuclear family. Others do not. Disney has dropped Kermit the Frog for crimes against certain groups - really? Some think having to show your work in Math is racist. Why? Lucky guesses or cheating will not get children anywhere. Seattle schools teach that treating everyone the same is racist. Maybe there are reasons not to treat everyone the same. I don’t treat my kids the same because they are different. But when you do treat people the same, I don’t believe racism is usually involved.

I want teachers to teach my kids HOW to think, not WHAT to think. Is that too much to ask? If you’re going to be involved in your children's education and lifestyle choices, then be knowledgeable of their reading and social media, know their friends, and understand what is being taught in their school - from preschool to college. They will eventually make up their own minds as they should. However, you have a right as a parent to let them know your views and agree or disagree with the others who impact their lives. Remember the title, even if you disagree with my values.

#powerofdadhood
Please consider my book, The Power of Dadhood

23 Things Your Kids Deserve to be Told

2/8/2021

Photo by author: Solar Eclipse of August 21st, 2017 in Augusta, Missouri

Every kid is different. You can’t treat them all the same because of that fact. But there are things every kid deserves to learn, no matter their sex, temperament, IQ, or personality. The reason they deserve it is because it will help them to be mentally healthier and more successful. But without your support, they will be lost or dispirited. Remember, they are more likely to do as you do, than to do as you say. It is a team effort.

Let them know you are there for them, always!
Being there for them does not mean supporting their mistakes.
Have them know two important words, gratitude and humility.
Let them know you mean what you say - and say what you mean.
They will need to stand on their own two feet before they can rest on their laurels.
Patience will take them further than excitement.
Try like hell, then wait - without a care - for results. They already did their part.
Listen to others, but think for themselves.
Effort is the quickest way to make a parent smile.
Even good excuses will make you weaker.
Fear is natural, it keeps you alert and safe.
Don’t have babies until you are out of your teens and have a good job.
Success without effort is as shallow as a kiddie pool.
Let go of things they can’t control. Control the things they can.
No one is good at everything; and everyone has failures.
Money will never solve their real problems, and may even cause some.
Being respected is what your parents want most for you.
They won’t always get what they want, even if they deserve it.
It’s not all about them.
There is no shame in not knowing something. Be up front.
Show interest in others and they’ll show interest in you.
The good news is, no one really pays that much attention to you. So go for it! Or get over it!
Life is not fair.

Which of these caught your attention? Likely, it will be a thought you may not have considered. Think these over in relation to your children. See where you can help them. They need you!

Michael B. Smith
Author of “The Power of Dadhood”