MichaelByronSmith: The Power of Dadhood
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​Tools are the Best Gift a Parent Can Give a Child!

11/30/2023

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PictureNot all tools are metal and wood. Some are skills to be understood.
Did you ever use a butter knife for a screwdriver - or a shoe for a hammer? I have! They don't work as well as the real tools.

I once interviewed for a job I wanted very much. I was qualified but I didn't get it. You know why? I lacked a critical social tool, confidence!


We all know a simple fishing pole can feed someone more often than a coupon at Long John Silver’s. Think about that! A tool, used properly, is a gift that keeps on giving. Once you use the coupon, you're done!

What kind of tools do you ask? 


Having success in as many areas as possible is crucial, because the more tools one has, the more flexibility to adjust. Be aware of where your children may need help – help as in tools, not sympathy, or money, or things. 
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I'd like to quote a passage from my book, “The Power of Dadhood,” in which I discuss success in five areas. 

From: The Power of Dadhood

In baseball, a “five-tool” player is one who can run, throw, field, hit for average, and hit with power. Few players fit the description of a five-tool player. When they do fulfill their potential in this way, they attain fame and fortune.

Highly successful people also have tools in five areas of success:
  • Financial Success: Not necessarily having a lot of money, but knowing how to manage the money you do have.
  • Relationship Success: Having loving friends and family members who can be counted on in good times and bad, just as they count on you.
  • Intellectual Success: Maximizing your intellect by being open to others, their ideas, and their culture. Always being open to learning. Having confidence, patience, and empathy while understanding your strengths and weaknesses, and those of others.
  • Physical Success: Giving your body and mind the exercise, nutrients, and rest they need.
  • Spiritual Success: Being able to live outside the needs of your ego with love and understanding for people and all living things. {This could be, but not necessarily, through your religion}

Dad Tip:

Being a “Five-Tool Success” isn’t inborn; it’s taught. And while both parents have a good deal to say in teaching this to their children, as Dads we can assess our children’s abilities and objectively help them meet their goals.
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As fathers, giving our children these tools of success would be our own truest success. Look at each of your children. Which of these five tools does each of them need your help with? It will likely be different for each child. Spend time with each to teach, mentor, and encourage them as they make their way to success.

If you find one tool in which they all need help, it may be related to how they were raised. Hopefully you can recognize their shortcomings even if you have the same issues. To overcome these shortcomings, listen to the trusted advice of others, read voraciously, and practice what you learn. It will help if you can teach your children with the conviction of experience rather than just book learning.

Always remember the #powerofdadhood - and use your power wisely!

Watch out for my new book, "A Vagabond Life - A Memoir of Father Hunger", coming soon on Amazon and Barnes and Noble. It is the story of my growing up without a responsible father. This story is the catalyst for my blogs, and the reason I wrote, "The Power of Dadhood". 
Thank You!

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​Expanding Your Child’s Horizons: Unconventional After-School Pursuits

7/31/2023

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Photo Credit: August de Richelieu via Pexels
Foreword 

As a child, I was raised in an environment that was a stimulation wasteland, where many days went by without mental growth. It slowed my emotional intelligence and limited my ability to compete and grow. My book on this topic will be published later this year. It's entitled "A Vagabond Life - A Memoir of Father Hunger".

This article by Lacie Martin of <raisethemwell.org> has activity suggestions that will prepare your child for a future that will challenge them, making them competitive with peers, or even ahead of them. I heartily endorse these suggestions!

Michael Byron Smith



​​Expanding Your Child’s Horizons: Unconventional After-School Pursuits
 
After-school activities can make a significant difference in a child's life by providing opportunities that go beyond academics and sports. Participating in extracurricular activities can help a child shape their identity and broaden their interests. Today, Michael Byron Smith explores some alternative after-school activities meant to foster your child’s creativity, independence, and social skills.
 
Enroll Them in Martial Arts 
Martial arts is a popular activity that doesn’t require prior experience. Apart from its health benefits, martial arts provide a disciplined approach to physical fitness and help children develop emotional intelligence and learn self-defense. The advanced skills required for martial arts teach children to set realistic goals and work towards achieving them. Moreover, this activity teaches children the importance of respect, courtesy, and empathy, which improves their relationships with others.
 
Start a Book Club After School 
Encouraging your child to read is one of the most effective ways to spark their imagination and shape their personality. By joining an after-school book club, your child can enhance their reading skills and comprehension and discover new authors, genres, and cultures. In addition, book clubs provide a platform for kids to improve their social skills by discussing and debating different perspectives with their peers. Give your child the gift of a book club membership and unlock their full potential.
 
Check Out Coding 
Encouraging children to learn how to code not only provides a foundation for future careers in technology, but also supports the development of critical thinking, problem-solving, and creativity. Learning to code also teaches children how to approach complex tasks with patience and persistence, helping them to build resilience and confidence. Plus, coding skills can be applied to a variety of fields, from science and engineering, to gaming and media, making it a versatile and valuable tool for future success. You can enroll your child into a coding class or club, or use free online resources to get started!
 
After-School Theater Is Great 
The theater is an exceptional after-school activity for children who love performing arts or longing to enhance their public speaking skills. It is a platform that fosters creativity, collaboration, and self-expression. By providing a secure environment, theater instills a sense of comfort with vulnerability, enabling kids to develop emotional intelligence and social awareness. Besides, theater instills the values of teamwork and respect for others, as children work together to achieve a common goal.
 
Introduction to Entrepreneurship 
Encouraging children to unleash their entrepreneurial potential can be an exhilarating and fulfilling after-school pursuit. For instance, you should show them how to create a text logo online, which is a great way to encourage their creativity while also encouraging the development of other business skills like critical thinking, problem-solving, and leadership. At first, they can start small with products or services that cater to their peers and capture their interests. As their venture flourishes, they will gradually master various aspects of entrepreneurship, such as financial management, marketing strategies, and customer service.
 
Encourage Volunteering 
Encouraging your child to spearhead a volunteer project can be a transformative and gratifying after-school activity. By fostering a sense of social responsibility and empathy, they can hone essential life skills and create lasting community impact. From organizing a food or clothing drive to leveraging social media to rally volunteers and donations, their leadership skills will shine through every aspect of their initiative. Through volunteerism, they can not only develop emotional intelligence and social skills but also deepen their connection to society.
 
Learn a Musical Instrument 
Learning a musical instrument is not just a beneficial after-school activity; it is a life-altering experience that ingrains invaluable qualities like patience, discipline, and perseverance. It immeasurably enhances cognitive capacity, fine motor skills, and memory, besides providing endless personal satisfaction. From the guitar to the piano to drums and more, children can choose any instrument that resonates with them. With regular practice, they can sharpen their skills and unlock a lifelong passion for music that will stay with them forever.
 
Help Your Child Find Their Passions 
Extracurricular activities can have a profound impact on your child's life trajectory. By motivating them to engage in after-school activities, you expand their horizons, improve their social skills, and empower them to pursue their passions and interests. Offering your child these opportunities to explore, grow, and learn vital life skills can unlock a world of possibilities and create a strong foundation for their future success.
 
Being a parent is hard, but Michael Byron Smith wants to help men learn how to be great dads to their kids. Visit me online to learn more parenting tips.
 

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Father, Dad, Good Dad, Better Dad, Best Dad Ever!

6/18/2023

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(A Tool for Dadhood)

When I see a father holding his child's hand, or pushing a stroller, I get a mini-shot of endorphins in my brain. I admit being sensitized to the relationships of men to their families. It's in my DNA, background, and life mission since retirement. Holding your child's hand is simple yet effective, and most fathers do this automatically. But not every facet of fatherhood happens automatically. To be the best father you can be depends on your willingness to listen, learn, and contribute using every tool available. Occupations, sports, hobbies, etc. all have tools and would suffer without them. That brings me to a tool for  ‘Dadhood’, which is 'fatherhood with caring.'

A Tool that will make you an even better Dad!

In my book, “The Power of Dadhood,” Appendix B is a tool all fathers can use to evaluate their actions and skills as a parent. Its title is “A Dad’s Self Inspection (DSI) Checklist.”

Every year around Father’s Day I make the DSI Checklist available as a reminder to dads to think about their children in a focused way. It will take just a few moments to go over in your head and can be a tipping point positively contributing to being a more effective, loving, and caring father. Please read and think about every question that applies to your situation. It could change you or your children’s lives, or the checklist may validate that you already are an outstanding dad!

The DSI Checklist is an eye-opening and straightforward list of questions you can ask yourself as a father. If you would keep it handy, glancing at it occasionally, it can pull you back to your children in areas where you may have been lax. I developed it after I had written the book. Therefore, every question is a topic addressed in the book, helping with details.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!



A Dad’s Self-Inspection Checklist
 
Are you there for them, not just around?
  • Do you/did you hold your children as babies and toddlers?
  • Do you enjoy spending time with your kids?
  • Do you make time to focus on your kids?
  • Would you consider yourself loving and do your kids KNOW you care for them?
  • On occasion, do you give them special one-on-one attention? 
  • Do you comfort your kids when appropriate?
  • Are you willing to be ‘hated’ for doing the right thing for your children?
  • Do you really listen to them?
  • Do you have fun together?

 Do you help your children face their fears?
  • Do you push (encourage) your meek children forward and hold back (protect) your adventurous children?
  • Are you aware of any peer pressure they may be facing and how to deal with it?
  • Do you give them reachable challenges to conquer to build up their confidence?
  • Do you praise their efforts and rejoice when they are persistent?
  • Can you tell if and when your help will make them stronger or weaker?

 Does your family work together and support each other?
  • Do you and their mother see eye to eye on how to raise your children? Can you compromise?
  • Do you continue to parent the only way you know how, or do you research other options?
  • Are you aware of how much you, as a father, can influence your children in both positive and negative ways? If not, read my blog or books on fatherhood.
  • Do you develop family traditions that are loved by the entire family?
  • Do you know children’s friends? Do you approve of their values?
  • Is diversity allowed and cooperation encouraged in your home?
  • Are you careful to not favor one child over another?
  • Do you never give in, give in too much, or give in as appropriate to your children’s requests?
  • Do you communicate clearly with the children’s mother regarding punishments, rewards, their whereabouts, schedule etc.?

 Are you a good example to your children and do you represent yourself well? 
  • Do you avoid abusing your power as a father, using influence instead of force? 
  • Do you have an open mind toward things you don’t understand?
  • Are you consistent in your actions, discipline, encouragement, love?
  • Following your lead, are your children respectful and kind to others?
  • Are you a good model for your daughters to know how to be treated by boys or other men?

 Is building the character of your children a conscious part of your parenting?
  • Would you want your children to act as you do? Children will usually mimic you.
  • Do you encourage your children’s passions, dreams, and individuality?
  • Do you realize that lessons taught when your children are young will be anchored in them, but missed lessons may haunt you for a long time? Prevention is much easier than healing!
  • Do you allow them to make mistakes (for learning) when no one or nothing gets hurt?
  • Do you teach, or exemplify to your kids, kindness, values, discipline, or manners?
  • Do you praise good behavior while redirecting/correcting inappropriate behavior?
  • Do you help them to make responsible choices?
  • Do you tell your children mistakes are okay, but known wrongdoing is NOT a mistake?
  • Do you instill integrity, teaching what’s right to do and what is wrong to do?
  • Do they know what humility means and how it can help them to be liked and respected?
  • Do you teach your children to be self-reliant and to be responsible for their actions?
  • Have you taught them how to earn, value, save, and spend money?
  • Do your children know how to set and meet goals?
  • Do you emphasize and support education? 

 Summary                  

If you have plowed through this checklist, congratulations! The mere fact that you went through it all indicates you probably did well on your self-inspection. Your most important personal contribution to your family and society is your dedication to the welfare of your children. But none of us are perfect, and we do have many distractions. It’s good to review this checklist occasionally, maybe every Father's Day week, to check up on yourself while you are checking up on your children. Ask for guidance if you could use some help!

Note: Every topic in this checklist is explained, discussed, or answered in my book, “The Power of Dadhood: Become the Father Your Child Needs.”
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​The Highway to Success

6/6/2023

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PictureJagranjosh.com
Success is defined in many ways.

Let’s say success is helping society in a way that also provides happiness and fulfillment to the individual.  You may have your own view of success, but let’s go with this one.

But let’s talk not of your success, but how you may help your children reach success. What better way is there to help society through your children! But what makes a kid a successful adult? Some words that come to mind are focus, goals, passion, persistence, desire, and guidance. Some kids are lucky to be born with some or most of these qualities, but all kids need, or could be helped with, mentoring.

Parents can and should provide experiences to their kids in all the activities they have time and money for. This did not happen for me, therefore, I was on my own. Most little boys love airplanes and that’s where I turned for inspiration. That pulled me through to my success, but it was more difficult without other skills, skills that require repetition, encouragement, and simply introduction.

When you watch your kid’s involvement in any activity, you can generally tell if their interest and talent is there. But don’t give up too soon. Well-rounded experiences are good for a well-rounded person. To reach greater heights of success in any endeavor, however, one must attempt to be the hardest working person in that endeavor. When the effort isn’t there, recognize it in time and consider finding another interest/activity to invest in.

Anyone not attempting to be the hardest working person in an activity is either not interested in it or not motivated to be the best. That is a difficult issue to deal with and requires honest evaluation. What if your child has no interest in anything? It could be any number of reasons. Certainly, the mental or physical health of your child could be a factor and should be investigated. Or perhaps, they have yet to find a passion. If a child is so focused on one activity that they ignore everything else, then allow it only if there is a future in it. Usually, there is not. If this is a negative activity, one that is more destructive than helpful, you may have to step in. Addiction to video games, only hanging out with friends, or constant screen time could be negative, while drug use would certainly be obstacles to success. Laziness could also be an issue. It may take medication, counselling, or parental dynamite to solve, if possible. But something needs to be done or real success may never come, or come very late.

Watch closely! How hard are your children working? How much do they care? Your interests may not be their interests, not that you can’t introduce them. Just because they can’t do one thing well, doesn’t mean they don’t have other talents. A butter knife doesn’t work well as a screwdriver or pencil sharpener, but it spreads peanut butter nicely. Kids are like that too. Place them in an environment and situation in which they can not only build confidence but succeed!
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Our kids can’t be expected to travel to places we choose for them. No, our job is to teach them the rules of the road, helping them to get there safely, quickly, smoothly and with integrity.

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​Kids, Helping with Their Anxieties and Other Maladies

2/24/2023

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PicturePhoto by author
Excuse my language, but anxiety is a bitch! I know because I had it in scores, mostly when I was younger. I have seen loved ones suffer this terrible affliction, taking away moments when they should be happy, or at least comfortable. It's concerns of the future that take away the joys of the present, joys you may be taking for granted. Of course, we all have anxiety in one form or another. No need to think you are in any way unusual because you are a little nervous before a speech, interview, or test.

My experiences with anxiety have come in handy as a parent. Taking advantage of your experiences to help others is called mentoring. Parents are constantly mentoring whether they know it or not.

I remember two' pearls of wisdom' I tried on my children when they were anxious about something they were 'going through.' Once, I told my oldest daughter to imagine herself on the moon looking down on the earth. That visualization was supposed to put her issue in perspective. When looking at the entire world, one's own demons appear much smaller. We all think 'the world' is continually judging us when it just isn't that interested in us. Maybe that is disappointing to egotists, but it's a good thing to know for someone suffering from anxiety.

Another time, my son was nervous about performing well in something very challenging and important to him. This time my advice was to "try like hell, but don't give a damn"! I meant for him to do his very best to prepare, all the way up to the challenge. But as the challenge is about to occur, back off a while, relax, clear your head and tell yourself, "I did all I could do, I don't care about worrying about it any longer because whatever will come, I now can handle." because you will not need to look back with regret.

I found this sage advice affirmed when I ran across a quote by William James, an American philosopher, psychologist, and physician. 

"One ounce of good nervous tone in an examination is worth many pounds of anxious study for it in advance. If you want really to do your best in an examination, fling away your book the day before, say to yourself, 'I won't waste another minute on this miserable thing, and I don't care an iota whether I succeed or not.' Say this sincerely, and feel it, and go out and play, or go to bed and sleep, and I am sure the results next day will encourage you to use the method permanently."

One reminder, neither I nor Mr. James are suggesting to ignore painstaking preparation. Just give it a rest before your hard work and knowledge are tested. Be calm and purge your concerns just before your performance.

It's not just managing anxiety where you can help your family. You can help with confidence, fear, peer-pressure, responsibilities, and more. They all seem to tie-in with stress. I discuss all these issues in my book, The Power of Dadhood, which is a guide to mentoring your children. Being there for them, loving them, and nurturing them – all of these are so important to raising mentally healthy children.
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I don't think I would have been as good at mentoring my children had I not read books. William James, Maxwell Maltz, Napoleon Hill, Norman Vincent Peale, and many others taught me things I didn't know or reinforced somethings that I hoped were true. The Power of Dadhood does not approach these writers' stratosphere, but I wrote it with their knowledge. If you are a father or a mother, my book will help you think and mentor your children. Do you have a higher calling? I think not.



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… because Memories Got in the Way

1/21/2023

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PictureWhen we were younger. almost done raising our kids.
I have not been writing many blogs in this space lately. I lost my wife this past year and I’ve been writing a memoir. Going through things in my house, sadly transitioning to living alone and finding things I had forgotten. A photo put away that didn’t mean as much as it does now. Another photo that floods the memory. A note written that reminded me how simple it was to write then and how impossible it is to write now. My memoir is about a boy who hungered for his father. That hunger was never satisfied. But I met a young woman who learned to love me despite my lack of knowing how to be a man or how to treat a woman. Kathy is her name, and she became my wife. With her help, I learned to be the father my father never was while remaining a work in progress as a husband.

My first book, The Power of Dadhood, was a huge effort for me, and very successful for an unknown, first-time author. As a technical guy—a pilot, then an engineer, I didn’t know how to write at all. But I wanted to put on paper what I learned as a kid with a mostly absent father, and as a father myself. Because Kathy worked with parents and their children as a parent educator, she taught me so much, especially how important the connection is between parent and child in their first three years.

It’s been over twenty years since I began The Power of Dadhood, and seven years since it was published. My memoir, with a working title of The Vagabonds: A Memoir of Father Hunger, is the story of why I wrote my first book. Currently, my final manuscript is being edited.
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When I sat down to write, what you see here was not what was intended. It’s too early to push my memoir, likely months away from publishing. What I was going to write was a small moment I had documented quickly in those small memoranda pads I kept with me before smartphones existed. I will probably follow through with that intended task in my next blog. The reason I wanted to publish those words, written maybe two decades ago, is because I think I was practicing for my first book. Or maybe it was just to capture a moment I had since forgotten. However, I was happy with what I had written so long ago, found because my life has changed so much recently. So that story will be written next time… because memories got in my way.

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​Being an Example (re: “Titus CH 2”)

8/5/2022

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Parents much be good examples and teach proper conduct to their children. Fathers and mothers must follow through on their obligations and be sensible in their decisions or the wrong examples will be followed.

Urge young people to be self-controlled, because being quick to anger or quick to love can devastate their futures. Do good things for others with integrity, dignity, and careful language to avoid conflict and to show the way to a good and fruitful life.

As parents and children respect each other in their duties and obligations, as must employers and employees. An honest day’s labor must follow an honest day’s pay with respectful consideration for one another’s complaints.

We have been given the gift of life and the means to do good things. Whether you do this for God, yourself, or your offspring, it will benefit all around us and those who follow in our footsteps.

 
                                                                      *  *  *

What I wrote above was inspired by the Bible’s Titus Chapter 2. As a newcomer to the Bible for reasons I won’t get into here, these are my main takeaways from those verses. I respect the Bible’s teachings too much to be secular, yet I still have much to learn.

In my modest version of Titus CH 2, I have taken out references to slavery and the subjugation of wives to their husbands (areas of controversy) to concentrate on the importance of being an example of good deeds and teachings.


It is clear in my mind, as is obvious in my previous posts in my “Helping Fathers to be Dads” blog, that strong families with a strong ethical base are the cure for a crumbling society. Young people follow whoever shows the most interest in them. Hopefully, those would be parents. But sometimes the parents themselves are leading young men and women down the wrong path. That fact can lead to multiple generations of broken or struggling families.
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It takes someone who is in the predicament of being uninspired by those they love to become inspired by seeking help through their own volition. That help could be from reading, listening, the support of trusted mentors, or the church. When that happens, the ‘cycle of despair’ for that family branch is broken. Sometimes, a parent of their child will find a passage like Titus Ch 2 and get the inspiration they need. For some, it takes the secularization an important Bible lesson to reach those who do not follow it. For this reason, I wrote “Being an Example”.

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​How to Encourage Self-Care For Kids

4/18/2022

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​How to Encourage Self-Care For Kids

​Kids today live in a complex world where they have easy access to a wealth of information, which they don't always know how to process. From an early age, it's important that children learn coping mechanisms and how to de-stress from the frenetic world around them. When children learn self-care, it makes it easier for them to identify their own physical and emotional needs, which paves the way for handling stress well in the future. As a parent or caregiver, you might be wondering where to start with teaching kids about self-care. 

Be a Role Model

Parents or caregivers should practice self-care. Kids pick up on their caregivers' emotions and mirror what's happening in the home. Your anxiety and stress could rub off on them, so focus on maintaining balanced routines, eating healthily, and reducing work stress. 

Let Kids Be Bored

You don't need to provide constant entertainment for children. Let them be bored. Bored moments inspire creativity and provide a blank canvas for their young imaginations to run wild. When you leave kids to their own devices in a safe environment, you'll soon find them recreating scenarios from school, making up dance routines, and putting on shows. Boredom allows for expression and new ideas. 

Get Kids Involved in Arts and Crafts

Art can be therapeutic for children. It's an outlet for them to express their innermost emotions without having to verbally share them. Crafting can also improve hand-eye coordination and fine-motor skills, which builds confidence. 

Drawing is a great outlet for young people who suffer from anxiety, as it gives them a space to draw how they feel. Some kids are encouraged to match colors to emotions, which can help adults understand how they're feeling.


Encourage Time Outdoors

Encourage some time in nature, away from the screen. If you see your child is stressed, tell them about the calming effects of nature and instill a passion for the outdoors. As they get older, they'll learn that being outside is good for the mind and soul.

Find outdoor spaces and activities for kids. Try paddle boating on the river, have a picnic, or cycle on trails in your area.


Teach Kids to Breathe Mindfully

Teach your child that being upset and anxious is normal, but they can make themselves feel better. A simple technique is to get them to take five or ten slow deep breaths. Count with them until they learn how to do it themselves. It's a worthwhile technique for calming the nerves.

Schedule Family Time

Whether it's daily or weekly, schedule family time. Decide on an activity that everyone enjoys, such as walking the dog or playing a board game, and encourage everyone to participate. One simple daily practice is to each share one thing about the day that you really enjoyed. This encourages connection, gratitude, and positivity. 
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Practice Self-Care for Happiness Kids need to learn that happiness is essential. When practicing self-care from an early age, children will learn vital skills to handle stressors later on in life.

This helpful article was submitted to 'Helping Fathers to be Dads' by Lacie Martin of Raise Them Well.org <[email protected]rg>
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​A Dad is a Many-Splendored Thing

9/13/2021

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PicturePhoto by author
What do you get with a father? That is a question not easily answered because all fathers are different, and becoming one requires no skill. I think I can better tell you what you get with a Dad! Dads are those fathers that do things for and with their family.   

From my book, “The Power of Dadhood”

“What It Takes To be a real Dad
 
A Dad does not need to be handsome, strong, athletic, macho, rich, eloquent, college educated, or even married to the child’s mother, as is often the situation. Although many men want to be these things, such characteristics don’t make a man a Man or a father a Dad.
A Dad does need to be loving, available, caring, interested, and involved, as well as a nurturing teacher, disciplinarian, coach, cheerleader, and so much more.”

Look at the list below. If your father is, or does, just five of these things, then he qualifies as a Dad! But I bet most fathers are, or do, many more than five!

My Dad is my:
 
Security guard
Coach
Mentor
Caretaker 
Taxi Driver
Someone to play catch with
Bad joke teller
Superhero
Keeper of my secrets
Fixer of things
Disciplinarian 
Storyteller
Listener
Example
Helper
Adventure guide
Lover of children’s art
Photographer
Provider 
Counselor 
Challenger
Partner to my Mom
 
And your greatest fan!
 
Fathers, looking at the list above how would your children rate you as a Dad? How would you rate yourself? It’s a simple check to help you reflect on your parenting. We don't want to just get by, we want to excel. Engagement comes before skill.  



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The Decay of American Grit – Fear of the Unlikely

8/23/2021

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PictureMy 6 yr old granddaughter jumping off a cliff.
Fear can be a lifesaver. Fear can also be a burden that reduces our life experiences and our chances for a full life. I had a fear of worms as a child and shied away from fishing. Consequently, I felt some shame. When I became older, I had a fear of leaving the United States, until I did, then finding it one of the most rewarding activities I have ever known. My fear of water was a huge, keeping me safe until I learned to swim at eight years old. After this, rivers, lakes, pools became fun adventures and pastimes.

Unnecessary fear grips many of us as we watch events on the news, not realizing that what we are watching may be real, but magnified and laser-focused almost without exception. This focus gives a false impression of the danger to us and our loved ones. A bridge collapses and you now fear crossing bridges, not considering that death by a bridge collapsing is astronomically uncommon. This magnification makes an unlikely incident seem likely. If you magnified a drop of common drinking water, you may never drink water again because, like a bridge collapse, you are seeing ugly things you normally don’t see.

Alternatively, we may not be aware of some unworthy risks because they do not have the scrutiny we get from our outside sources. Some may take certain drugs, not knowing the danger. Even prescribed drugs have danger. We have a 1 in 92 chance of dying of opioid abuse in our lifetime. Knowing this, you can reduce your odd to zero if you choose. We often ignore or choose to be ignorant of the risks for things we want to do.

In recent years, with expanding technology and social media, we have taken the woes that used to be suffered by a few and shared the pain amongst all of us through shared knowledge. When the shared pain reduces the severity of the few, by taking certain actions, it is a good thing. But when that pain becomes a burden without proper reasoning or positive results, it hurts the innocent far more than it helps the burdened.

As old people often say, “In my day, we did this and that.” It sounds trite, but it is true! In my day, some aspects of daily life were worse, but some were better. While the good things in life often come from technology, making our world safer and more comfortable, many of the bad things come from social influencing and lack of understanding of risks or statistics.

Risk consists of two components, likelihood and consequence. When we focus on the consequence more than the likelihood, we may miss opportunities like a life saving operation where death from the operation is one in a thousand. On the other hand, if we focus on high likelihood of a consequence, but the consequence is very low, like striking out in a baseball game, we miss out on competition and experiences.

If you can’t handle a one in a thousand risk here and there, you’re going to have a boring life. Yet many shy away from potential joy or gain when a risk is one in a million, or less. But that is certainly your choice! It may help, however, to spend some time analyzing common risks we take every day. Would you do something where the odds of dying from this thing in your lifetime are 1 in 100? Maybe not, but if you don’t, you will never ride in a car. Actual odds of injury or death for certain activities can be seen on the National Safety Council website.

https://injuryfacts.nsc.org/all-injuries/preventable-death-overview/odds-of-dying/
​

As stated by NSC, “Fear is natural and healthy. It can help us respond to danger more quickly or avoid a dangerous situation altogether. It can also cause us to worry about the wrong things, especially when it comes to estimating our level of risk.
If we overestimate our risk in one area, it can lead to anxiety and interfere with carrying out our normal daily routine. Ironically, it also leads us to underestimate real risks that can injure or kill us.
It can be difficult to accurately assess the biggest risks we face. Plane crashes, being struck by lightning, or being attacked by a dog are common fears, but what about falls, the danger inside a bottle of pills, or your drive to work?”
 
I think it important for parents to have a handle on risks, rewards, natural fears, and unhealthy fears when raising their children. Knowing the risks of certain activities, regarding both likelihood and consequence, is helpful and imperative for you and your children’s happiness and safety! Some parents are risk averse and may cheat their children of fun and learning, while others are overly risk tolerant, sacrificing too much safety. There is a middle ground which may vary for each family and person. And vary it does!
 
Michael Byron Smith
Author of “The Power of Dadhood”



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