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Getting Your Kids Outside to Beat Nature-Deficit Disorder

1/25/2021

Photo by Pixabay

Does your family spend more time indoors than out? You’re not alone, but that doesn’t mean you are destined to suffer from nature-deficit disorder. In fact, there are many ways to encourage your kids—and your spouse—to get outside and start enjoying nature.

Find Ways for the Whole Family to Get Outdoors Together

30 Unorganized Sports You Should Teach Your Kid This Summer
10 Fun Ways to Turn Your Backyard into a Water Park
38 Outdoor Games to Make with the Family This Summer
Family Nature Walk Tips and Activities

Make Spending Time Outside Fun and Engaging

14 Ideas for a Kid-Friendly Backyard Play Area
50 Outdoor Easy Science Experiments for Kids
7 Fun Driveway and Sidewalk Games for Kids
How to Safely Observe Wildlife from Your Home
Learn More About the Nature That’s Around You

Teaching My Child How to Garden – Getting Started
6 Ways to Make Astronomy Fun for Kids
Helpful Hints for Successful Bird Watching with Kids

Encouraging the entire family to spend more time in nature doesn’t have to feel like a chore. By trying some of these engaging and immersive outdoors ideas, your family can beat nature-deficit disorder. And you might be surprised how quickly they acclimate when spending outside becomes fun family time.

This article is compliments of Lacie Martin <[email protected]>

#powerofdadhood

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Lessons from 'The Cat's in the Cradle'

1/18/2021

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Harry Chapin, stock photo

The following was a Facebook post submitted by a friend of mine just last week. He was born in Taipei, Taiwan in 1948, came to the USA in 1971 after finishing college and serving one year military duty. He and his wife moved to Shanghai permanently in year 2000 after 30 years in the US, retiring to Taiwan in 2016. A very successful engineering entrepreneur, his highest honor is raising his two sons and daughter, all very successful. He now has 5 grandchildren and even with an ocean between them, they remain very close!

His post struck me, so I asked permission to share it on my blog, 'Helping Fathers to be Dads'... because his post was perfectly about that topic!

Thank you James Yeh! An awesome Dad!

January 13th, 2021
James Yeh

Never heard of this song (released in 1974) until much later introduced by a good friend. Never understood the connection between the song title and its lyrics. And Chapin even said “Frankly, this song scared me to death.”

We started going to our children’s home games when they played soccer, basketball, then baseball and football, plus concerts and recitals. Soon we went to all their away games too, and I volunteered to be their team videographer.

When our children graduated from college, got married and moved away, we stayed in touch thanks to all the social media. When we were in China and Taiwan, they always found time to visit us, and came back to join us in celebrating grandparents’ big birthdays and attending funeral services.

Spend time with your children when they were young, and they will spend time with you when you get old! (Emphasis added). There’s so much truth to this song, and it’s not scary at all.

The Cat's in the Cradle
Harry Chapin

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away

And he was talking 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say, "I'm gonna be like you, dad, you know I'm gonna be like you"
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon

When you coming home dad, I don't know when
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said "Thanks for the ball dad, come on let's play, can you teach me to throw?"
I said "Not today, I got a lot to do", he said "That's okay"

And he, he walked away but his smile never dimmed and said
"I'm gonna be like him, yeah, you know I'm gonna be like him"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you coming home, dad, I don't know when
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

Well he came from college just the other day
So much like a man, I just had to say
"Son I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head, and he said with a smile

"What I'd really like dad, is to borrow the car keys"
"See you later, can I have them please?"
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon

When you coming home, son, I don't know when
But we'll get together then, dad
You know we'll have a good time then

I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"
He said, "I'd love to, dad, if I could find the time"

"You see, my new job's a hassle and the kid's got the flu"
"But it's sure nice talking to you, dad
It's been sure nice talking to you"

And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you coming home, son, I don't know when
But we'll get together then, dad
We're gonna have a good time then

Songwriters: S. Chapin, H. Chapin

Please check out my book, "The Power of Dadhood"

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The Seven Days of Your Life

1/11/2021

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Photo: M. Smith

Note: When I wrote this article six years ago, after having a bad week, little did I know I was going to have a bad YEAR in 2020! I don't have to tell you why because we all have shared many of that year's frustrations.

The cherry on top for my wife and I was when she had a serious fall on Dec 30th, 2020, breaking two bones in her ankle.

A New Year's celebration does not erase all the issues of a bad year. We'll have a hangover for a while. The article I wrote in 2015 talks about balance in your life. Balance is key. We can't give or take too much. For me, this is a "Giving Day". See below.

The best to all for 2021 and beyond!

I had a bad day last week! Nothing I could do would get me out of it. If you ever stubbed your toe, had a flat tire, and a password that didn’t work and which you couldn’t reset, all in the same day--you know what I mean. It happens to all of us occasionally. If you’re lucky, and/or plan ahead, these not-so-good days should be few. But a few bad days are inevitable and realizing that can help get you through the day. That, and knowing about and looking forward to the other days you will have in your life.

What are the other types of days that you can experience in your, hopefully, many days on this earth? I’ve found in my own experience that there are seven basic types of days and you will live them over and over. I’ve already brought up “Bad” days. The other six are:

Giving Days
Taking Days
Playing Days
Resting Days
Loving Days
Good Days

These days don’t come in order like the seven days of the week. This is a metaphor. The ‘seven days of your life’ can come in any order and last more than a calendar day. They can even change during, or be combined within, a calendar day. We do, however, have some control over five of the seven days of our life. If you plan correctly, your Bad days will be minimized and Good days will be like icing on the cake of the other five days. Let me explain.

Giving days are for work, causes, family, and people we care for. We forget about our wants and needs on these days and give of ourselves and our time. It may be to volunteer for a charity, or to give up something you would like for time to help, or be with, another who needs you. It may be to visit a sick friend or to mow a neighbor’s lawn who may be out of town. Giving days will come back to you in good ways.

Taking days are for you. Depending on what kind of person you are, these days are many or few. We spend these days doing the things we like for ourselves. It could be reading, climbing, flying, or sleeping. We usually do these things alone or with those like us. We need these days to grow and recharge our imaginations.

Playing days are different than Taking days. Playing days involve friends or family, while enjoying life. Going to a movie, a picnic, going out for dinner, etc. are all playing days. Playing days are not self-sacrificing, nor or they focused on the ‘self’. Playing days are both give and take. You need Playing days for your social self and bonding with others.

Resting days are just that. We all need to refresh and renew, and true rest is needed to do that--however that works for you. You can’t really rest on Playing days nor Taking days—unless you’re Taking days involve sleep. Hopefully, most of us like more variety for our self-interests than extra sleep. But resting is more than sleep.

Loving days are noticing days. Days where you see the sunshine, you hear the birds, you smell the flowers and feel the breezes. Loving days can be full of awareness for the love you have for the simple pleasures of life, like the giggle of a child, or the wisdom of an elder. Loving days are for the senses. They are in appreciation for the things you often take for granted.

Good days are gifts. Like Bad days, they come without warning. Any of five days can also be Good days. You can have a Good day while Giving, Taking, Playing, Resting, or Loving. But by definition, you can’t have a Good day on a Bad day.

The ‘Seven Days of your Life’ should have some balance (see my previous post). With too many of any one type of day you can reach a saturation point, a point of diminishing returns, or uncontrolled pain.

Too many Giving days and you may become a self-fulfilled martyr.
Too many Taking days and you will become selfish.
Too many Playing days and you will be not accomplish anything.
Too many Resting days and you will become bored or boring.
Too many Good days and you will lose appreciation for them, a common malady!
Too many Bad days and you will become frustrated and/or depressed.

The only day you can’t have too many of are--Loving days! The only thing you may lose with Loving days are Bad days. So the lesson I see here is...“variety and vision in your life”! A little give, a little take--a little work and a little play—and a huge dose of noticing the little things in life.

Recognize and plan Giving, Taking, Playing, Resting, and Loving days. It will make you a better person, and if you are a mom or a dad, a much better parent!

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Why Do Lost Boys Look to Gangs?

1/4/2021

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photo by author

Gangs: Acceptance vs. Values

What is it that draws boys (or girls for that matter) to gangs? For some young people, acceptance is more important than the values a civilized society expects of them.

Acceptance

Most individuals want acceptance and will perform in ways to get it. Sometimes they will act in foolish ways to get it. In families, an individual's acceptance or feeling of belonging should be natural--but not without limits. If limits do not exist for or from a family member, then caring for that family member does not exist. One indication of caring or acceptance is getting attention; without it, there is no recognition of worth in the view of the one not receiving it. This situation creates an over-riding hunger for approval and belonging!

Quoting Mother Theresa, "The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread." In fact, a serving of bread can fill a stomach, but it takes time and much love to fill a heart.

Let's assume a boy, as an example, is in a home where the father is physically or emotionally missing. Let's also assume this boy has a loving mother to isolate the issue. This boy will have an emotional void whether he realizes it or not. A boy wants to become a man, not just biologically, but emotionally and just as importantly, in the eyes of society. He needs a proper mentor to do this because a mentor will praise a child's efforts leading to positive social values and condemn acts that hurt the child or others.

As stated by Jordan Peterson in 12 Rules for Life, "Sometimes, when people have a low opinion of their self-worth—or, perhaps, when they refuse responsibility for their lives –they choose a new acquaintance, of precisely the type who proved troublesome in the past. Such people don't believe that they deserve any better—so they don't go looking for it. Or, perhaps, they don't want the trouble of better."

Why might father-starved youth have a low opinion of themselves, or why do they seek the easy way out in life? In an obvious or even an obscure way, being rejected by a parent will significantly impact a child's personality, self-image, and self-esteem--and not in a positive way. It will forever determine how they relate and are accepted by and blend with others. This desire for acceptance and validation is one of the most potent motivating forces known to man. When parents don't do this for their child, it creates a void that needs resolution.

What does an involved father do for a child? In Fatherless Society by David Blankenhorn, Quadrant, 12/1/1997, he states clearly,

"Fatherhood is a social role that obligates men to their biological offspring. For two reasons, it is society's most important role for men. First, Fatherhood, more than any other male activity, helps men to become good men: more likely to obey the law, to be good citizens, and to think about the needs of others. Put more abstractly; Fatherhood bends maleness - in particular, male aggression - toward prosocial purposes. Second, Fatherhood privileges children. In this respect, Fatherhood is a social invention designed to supplement maternal investment in children with paternal investment in children.
Paternal investment enriches children in four ways. First, it provides them with a father's physical protection. Second, it provides them with a father's money and other material resources. Third, and probably most important, it provides them with what might be termed paternal cultural transmission: a father's unique capacity to contribute to the identity, character, and competence of his children. Fourth, and most obviously, paternal investment provides children with the day-to-day nurturing - feeding them, playing with them, telling them a story - that they want and need from both of their parents. In virtually all human societies, children's well-being depends decisively upon a relatively high level of paternal investment."

Further, from 'ScienceDaily,' "A father's love contributes as much -- and sometimes more -- to a child's development as does a mother's love. That is one of many findings in a new large-scale analysis of research about the power of parental rejection and acceptance in shaping our personalities as children and into adulthood."

From The Power of Dadhood:

"It is in the home where;

Children should learn kindness, goodness, values, discipline, and manners.
Children should find understanding, caring, and comfort.
Successful lives should begin -- with open minds, encouragement, and love.
Compassion should exist, where the safety nets of our children's failures are made of rubber bands, ready to sling them back into the world — stronger, wiser, and with new momentum."

So back to the question, "What is it that draws boys (or girls for that matter) to gangs?" A study by Stanley S. Taylor, California State University in 2013 entitled "Why American Boys Join Street Gangs," stated this;

"All of the psychosocial histories of gang members in this study were diverse, however there were several underlying consistent themes prevalent in each members life history (1) frustration and anxiety stemming from family problems such as fatherlessness, (2) sadness, frustration, and anxiety in home life (3) the feeling that they wanted an end to the frustration (4) expression of hostility through defiance of authority in the industry versus inferiority stage and physical violence in the identity versus role and confusion stage of psychosocial development and, (5) misconduct at school, mostly for fighting or bullying schoolmates, and (6) gang membership as a salient opportunity for peer recognition in their immediate neighborhood and community."

When Taylor's conditions exist, gangs can provide some of what is missing in a young man's life. Gangs give a young man a chance at acknowledgment and status, but he has to prove himself before he can belong. He must adopt the values of that gang, and if he does, he will find the acceptance and respect that alluded him in the past. But how do the values of a gang differ from the values of a nurturing family?

Values

Goodness, fairness, honesty, helpfulness are all values that are common in successful families. These values are missing in gangs. But the desire to belong and be a part of a group is strong enough to place any common values you may have had or never learned in the rearview mirror when acceptance to a gang requires new covenants. Here are a few examples.

Toughness

Toughness as a value in a family situation would mean not giving in to peer pressure or trying even harder in tough times.
But in a gang, toughness is defined by how unafraid you project yourself or how dominant you can be, which often leads to violence.

Smartness

Smartness as a family value is common sense and one's academic achievements or judging or making the right decisions.
In a gang, smartness is the ability to outsmart or 'con' another person, i.e., cheating, taking advantage of others' weakness, conning people, and petty thievery are the hallmarks of a 'smart' gang member.

Enjoyment

Enjoyment in a family atmosphere would include reading, watching movies, playing sports, etc.
A gang's idea of enjoyment too often includes gambling, sexual adventures, drugs, and alcohol.

As I stated in The Power of Dadhood, 'prevention' is so much easier than 'correction' when it is about your children's attitudes and behavior, and it must be taught as early in their lives as they can understand it.

Summary

A kid with a supportive family, constant encouragement, and self-worth can be resilient to adversity and negativity. He will feel comfortable in his skin and have the strength to be himself and uphold the values taught to him that he holds to be true. He has the confidence of a worthwhile person, as shown to him most often and best by his family.

Without group support, he will often find himself alone and with little self-worth. Low self-worth begets devastatingly low ambition and an unwillingness to crawl out of the hole he finds themselves in. That hole is dug deep by an unsupportive environment, a missing father, a busy mother, and non-existent mentors. Tragically, it is the support of a gang that may fill the gaps in all the wrong ways.

Without a supportive family or role model, a kid cannot say 'no' when 'no' needs to be said, i.e., when expected to do something against their inner voice. When support comes from a gang, a kid cannot say 'yes' when opportunity outside the gang exists. Trapped by a code forced upon him to remain a gang member, it will take much convincing to trust support outside of the gang to have a purposeful life.

* Note: "…..gangs tend to propel youths into a life of crime, punctuated by arrests, convictions, and periods of incarceration. The costs to society are enormous. Each assault-related gunshot injury costs the public approximately $1 million. A single adolescent criminal career of about ten years can cost taxpayers between $1.7 and $2.3 million."

* https://www.nationalgangcenter.gov/Content/Documents/Impact-of-Gangs-on-Communities.pdf

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Getting Your Kids Outside to Beat Nature-Deficit Disorder

Lessons from 'The Cat's in the Cradle'

The Seven Days of Your Life

Why Do Lost Boys Look to Gangs?

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