Category: Decision Making

Expanding Your Child’s Horizons: Unconventional After-School Pursuits

7/31/2023

Photo Credit: August de Richelieu via Pexels

Foreword

As a child, I was raised in an environment that was a stimulation wasteland, where many days went by without mental growth. It slowed my emotional intelligence and limited my ability to compete and grow. My book on this topic will be published later this year. It's entitled "A Vagabond Life - A Memoir of Father Hunger".

This article by Lacie Martin of <raisethemwell.org> has activity suggestions that will prepare your child for a future that will challenge them, making them competitive with peers, or even ahead of them. I heartily endorse these suggestions!

Michael Byron Smith

Expanding Your Child’s Horizons: Unconventional After-School Pursuits

After-school activities can make a significant difference in a child's life by providing opportunities that go beyond academics and sports. Participating in extracurricular activities can help a child shape their identity and broaden their interests. Today, Michael Byron Smith explores some alternative after-school activities meant to foster your child’s creativity, independence, and social skills.

Enroll Them in Martial Arts
Martial arts is a popular activity that doesn’t require prior experience. Apart from its health benefits, martial arts provide a disciplined approach to physical fitness and help children develop emotional intelligence and learn self-defense. The advanced skills required for martial arts teach children to set realistic goals and work towards achieving them. Moreover, this activity teaches children the importance of respect, courtesy, and empathy, which improves their relationships with others.

Start a Book Club After School
Encouraging your child to read is one of the most effective ways to spark their imagination and shape their personality. By joining an after-school book club, your child can enhance their reading skills and comprehension and discover new authors, genres, and cultures. In addition, book clubs provide a platform for kids to improve their social skills by discussing and debating different perspectives with their peers. Give your child the gift of a book club membership and unlock their full potential.

Check Out Coding
Encouraging children to learn how to code not only provides a foundation for future careers in technology, but also supports the development of critical thinking, problem-solving, and creativity. Learning to code also teaches children how to approach complex tasks with patience and persistence, helping them to build resilience and confidence. Plus, coding skills can be applied to a variety of fields, from science and engineering, to gaming and media, making it a versatile and valuable tool for future success. You can enroll your child into a coding class or club, or use free online resources to get started!

After-School Theater Is Great
The theater is an exceptional after-school activity for children who love performing arts or longing to enhance their public speaking skills. It is a platform that fosters creativity, collaboration, and self-expression. By providing a secure environment, theater instills a sense of comfort with vulnerability, enabling kids to develop emotional intelligence and social awareness. Besides, theater instills the values of teamwork and respect for others, as children work together to achieve a common goal.

Introduction to Entrepreneurship
Encouraging children to unleash their entrepreneurial potential can be an exhilarating and fulfilling after-school pursuit. For instance, you should show them how to create a text logo online, which is a great way to encourage their creativity while also encouraging the development of other business skills like critical thinking, problem-solving, and leadership. At first, they can start small with products or services that cater to their peers and capture their interests. As their venture flourishes, they will gradually master various aspects of entrepreneurship, such as financial management, marketing strategies, and customer service.

Encourage Volunteering
Encouraging your child to spearhead a volunteer project can be a transformative and gratifying after-school activity. By fostering a sense of social responsibility and empathy, they can hone essential life skills and create lasting community impact. From organizing a food or clothing drive to leveraging social media to rally volunteers and donations, their leadership skills will shine through every aspect of their initiative. Through volunteerism, they can not only develop emotional intelligence and social skills but also deepen their connection to society.

Learn a Musical Instrument
Learning a musical instrument is not just a beneficial after-school activity; it is a life-altering experience that ingrains invaluable qualities like patience, discipline, and perseverance. It immeasurably enhances cognitive capacity, fine motor skills, and memory, besides providing endless personal satisfaction. From the guitar to the piano to drums and more, children can choose any instrument that resonates with them. With regular practice, they can sharpen their skills and unlock a lifelong passion for music that will stay with them forever.

Help Your Child Find Their Passions
Extracurricular activities can have a profound impact on your child's life trajectory. By motivating them to engage in after-school activities, you expand their horizons, improve their social skills, and empower them to pursue their passions and interests. Offering your child these opportunities to explore, grow, and learn vital life skills can unlock a world of possibilities and create a strong foundation for their future success.

Being a parent is hard, but Michael Byron Smith wants to help men learn how to be great dads to their kids. Visit me online to learn more parenting tips.

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Calming the Paranoia

5/24/2022

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photo by author

It used to be that kids could play outside on their own for hours on end. “Come home when the streetlights come on,” moms would say. No longer! The typical neighborhood in the US is no more dangerous now, and likely less dangerous than it was then. But, of course, we hear of every discretion in the world now through the multitude of media outlets and the lightning-fast way that news travels. Then we imagine the transgression and make it personal, thinking how horrible it would be if that incident or tragedy happened to our loved ones!

For instance, many parents now fear that any day their 9 year old will be abducted on his three-block walk home. So mom or dad meet him at school or, at my grandchildren’s school, the school won’t let a ‘walker’ off the property until in the hands of a known adult. My purpose here is not to criticize steps taken to protect our children, but to ease some of the mind-numbing fear because another factor exists which is rarely considered, that is the exceedingly remote likelihood of a kidnapping happening to you or anyone you know–the ‘IF’ factor.

According to the Polly Klaas Foundation, 99.8% of the children who go missing do come home! And only about 100 children (a fraction of 1%) are kidnapped each year in the entire United States in the stereotypical stranger abductions you hear about in the news.

Let me take the example of flying in a commercial aircraft. This causes much fear in some people because, let’s face it, a crash is dramatic and might kill you. But if you care to look, here is a link showing the flights currently in the air. It reveals just how busy the airways are, yet you rarely hear of an incident even though every accident, even minor, is reported. So while Americans have a 1 in 114 chance of dying in a car crash, according to the National Safety Council, the odds of dying in an air incident are 1 in 9,821. That’s 86 times safer than driving and three times safer than eating because of the choking hazard, yet we take the risk of riding in a car and eating.

Two Factors to Consider

Likelihood: Realize that you can cheat yourself or your children of significant life opportunities if you don’t consider how unlikely some consequences are. Being kidnapped or dying in a plane crash are just two examples of risks that parents and others avoid, only considering the consequences and not the likelihood.

When we keep our kids too safe, there are still risks. You may end up with a child who is afraid of things they’ve never tried in life or who is awkward in certain social situations. They may miss out on experiences to grow or to build confidence. These consequences are not as severe as being abducted or dying in a plane crash, but the likelihood of those things happening is much higher.

Consequence: Some bad things do happen and happen frequently! And they are good for personal growth. Consider the consequences (impact) of the failure. Often the result is learning. Striking out with in baseball is not desirable, but the consequence is small; and the experience is a good lesson in corrective action and sportsmanship. Other consequences are so devastating that one would not take the chance of even with small likelihood. Those decisions are often personality related.

Summary

I know that few parents are likely to stop escorting their children in safe neighborhoods if that makes them feel more comfortable (certainly a valid thing to do in unsafe neighborhoods), and those afraid of flying will remain so. But I hope that, maybe, if we consider more than just the visions of what we hear and see on the news, and consider their likelihoods also, then the paranoia can be reduced, thereby helping our sanity, our contentment and our joy of living.

The Power of Dadhood, a book of parenting by this author.

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When Should the Few Disrupt the Many?

1/14/2022

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Have you heard of families that have to go to two or three different fast-food restaurants because not everyone in the family wants the same food? Let’s say you’re traveling by car and want to get some lunch. You all decide on Taco Bell, but little Freddie wants a Happy Meal at McDonalds. Do you go to both restaurants in the name of being an accommodating parent? Maybe, if McDonalds is next door. But there isn’t one at this exit (surprise!) so you travel two exits down to get the Happy Meal. Sometimes, this is okay. But if you always do this to satisfy their whims, you might create a monster.

In my last blog post, I discussed life not being fair. I’d like to continue along that theme. The question here is why should a large majority give up their needs to satisfy a small minority, and when? The short answer, I believe, has to do with reasonable rights. As a country, I believe the Founding Fathers did a good job in this area, balancing the needs of all. That’s why we have a House of Representatives (representing the many) and a Senate (protecting the few) which check and balance each other.

Getting back to the family, if one member requests something different from everyone else, they have that right - IF specific reasons or needs exist. It could be they have allergies, diet needs, or a true revulsion (a rarity). If, however, they are only in a mood for something different, it’s not right to bear upon everyone else. There is something for Little Freddie at Taco Bell. He’s eaten there before.

Now let us go from a family level to a societal level. When should small groups impact much larger groups of citizenry in a negative or troublesome way? Again, it depends on rights and who defines those rights. The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) is a perfect example of a much smaller group of citizens causing a large group of citizens to be affected for the needs of that smaller group. The impacts are small in some ways, large in others, such as building requirements, heavy costs. But it is the right thing to do, and few would argue that point.

In the last few years, however, small, organized and unorganized groups are causing serious disruptions to the many that may not be necessary. I say ‘may not be necessary’ allowing for reasons yet unknown to me. I will mention a few.

There has been a large cry by a few to defund the police. The few get satisfaction for real and perceived police misconduct. The many lose important community needs for safety, and increased crime.
There have been sexually explicit books allowed in many elementary schools. For the few, this liberates certain lifestyle choices. For the many, children have been exposed to pornographic language and depictions before they or their parents are ready to touch upon a sensitive topic in the way they choose.
The Black Lives Matter organization wants to tear down the idea of the nuclear family. The few get something from this for what I’m truly unsure. Of course, we know all families cannot be nuclear. The many are impacted by the real statistics that show more poverty, drugs, crime, and teen mothers occurring in non-nuclear families. Certainly, some non-nuclear families are very successful.
Many District Attorneys in major cities are not prosecuting crimes. The few are claiming this is necessary for equity, protecting criminals’ rights. The many are impacted by higher crime, more expensive insurance, and a greater exposure of highly unethical acts to foul a neighborhood, culture, and society.
A culture exists of canceling the free speech and activities with whom a few disagree. For these few, they are gaining leverage in their ideals. For the many, free speech is being restricted in US and some are losing rights and an their chosen way of living.
Biological males who identify as female are being allowed in women’s restrooms and also competing physically with biological females. For the few, they are living a lifestyle more comfortable for them. For the many, this is uncomfortable, embarrassing, and intrusive. Or, in sports, this philosophy takes away recognition for truly outstanding physical performances by biological women.
There has even recently been some defense of pedophiles! One Harvard professor says the term, 'pedophile' should be replaced with ‘minor-attracted person’. A recent reference in USA Today, since retracted, defended pedophiles as not always being active, and that non-podophiles defile children too, etc. For the few who have some sympathy for the sickness of pedophilia, they assume some necessary awareness, and seek societal help. For the majority, nothing is more important than protecting their children from predators!

These are examples of the few who impact, or affect, the many in ways that hurt the majority. Is there a ‘right’ to defund the police? Is there a ‘right’ to place books of explicit sexual activity in elementary schools? Is there a ‘right’ to eliminate or downplay nuclear families? Is there a ‘right’ of criminals not to be prosecuted? I know there is a right to free speech! Is there a ‘right’ for biological males to enter a women’s restroom? Maybe they have a right to their own restroom, but do the many have to pay for it? And no one has a right to hurt a child, but a pedophile has a ‘right’ to get help from a professional!

While I have my thoughts on this, and the right to say them, you may have different thoughts, and you are welcome to them. But we should consider with much discussion when a few can have leverage over the many when no specific rights are violated. The few may feel this is not fair, and they may be right. But life is not fair! When choices must be made that are not fair, the edge should go to the majority, especially when rights are not being violated.

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Do What’s Right!

3/15/2021

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From my book, "The Power of Dadhood"

It’s always good to learn things from those with experience. And very wise to listen to them. However, the life lessons best remembered are those learned firsthand.

Let’s say your kid comes to you with a problem. It could be his sister is bothering him to no end. Or your daughter’s best friend is not talking to her. Maybe homework and dance class are competing for attention. Whatever it is, we often tell them what we think or tell them straight out what to do. Sometimes, we do this through expediency or lack of patience. It happens all the time. But what are we doing? It could be we are allowing our children to be lazy, dependent, or unable to problem solve.

When an issue is not too serious, you can trust them to do what they, themselves, think is right.

In raising kids, there are levels of interplay between you and them.

‘Being there’ for them is a fundamental base level of care. You may not interact with them much at that level, but you are an adult example who protects and feeds them - although there are, unfortunately, parents that even fail at that level.
The next level is being loving and showing that you care for your child. Knowing they are loved does so much for their confidence and psyche, allowing them to be happier and content. While showing love and care is crucial, you can do so much more to prepare them for their life ahead.
The highest level I hope all parents aspire to is to be present, loving, and nurturing. Nurturing consists of encouraging, observing, correcting, and teaching - all while reminding them of your love. What kid wouldn’t thrive to the best of their abilities with this kind of upbringing?

When a nurturing parent tells a child to ‘do what’s right,’ that parent is not making it easier for either their child or themselves. Shifting responsibility to your child is high-level nurturing! Making your child think and decide while being observed by a loving parent is the best learning there can be. Indeed, there will be times when they choose incorrectly! That’s where your nurturing will help them to understand situations and decision-making.

The parent has to encourage them to be responsible, observe the child’s action, correct their action if necessary, and teach them with feedback. “You handled that very well,” or “Next time, try this.”

Example:

“Dad, my friends are going to a concert Sunday evening, and I want to go,” asked your 17-year-old daughter.

“But you have your college placement test on Monday morning,” Dad responds.

“I know, but I really want to go,” she pleads.

“Just do what’s right!” says Dad.

The ball is in her court, for now. She has to consider what she wants versus what is best overall. An okay from Dad would have taken the pressure off his daughter. A ‘no’ may have caused unnecessary friction. Now the daughter has to decide, and problem solve. Can she put aside everything for now and prepare for the test? Will she get home early enough to get a good night’s sleep? As a parent, you observe. Did you see her studying long hours during the weekend? Did she tell you when the concert ends, and will she be home early enough to get a goodnight’s sleep? If so, she is doing the right thing even if she goes to the concert. And she did it maturely on her own!

Now, what if she wastes time all weekend, or you find out the concert ends at midnight, but she decides to go anyway? Then you intercede and say no, and tell her why. One of the reasons you would intervene this time and not others is the importance of the decision. But the good news is this. If you are the kind of parent that operates this way, you already know how your child will react after seventeen years. They already know how to think and make decisions for themselves. You have been there for her. You have shown love and care. And on top of all that, you have been a nurturer!

When given the responsibility for their own actions, a child that continually makes unwise choices may be a disappointment, but at least you know you have work to do. This knowledge will allow a parent to take action to correct the behavior. A child that makes primarily good choices will learn how to handle life on their own. They will not be dependent on their parents to solve their problems. Either outcome is positive because you will know your child much better, and they will thrive after learning to solve their issues correctly.

Tell them, “do what’s right” – observe – correct if necessary – repeat!

#powerofdadhood

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Expanding Your Child’s Horizons: Unconventional After-School Pursuits

Calming the Paranoia

When Should the Few Disrupt the Many?

Do What’s Right!

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​Expanding Your Child’s Horizons: Unconventional After-School Pursuits

​Calming the Paranoia

When Should the Few Disrupt the Many?

Do What’s Right!

Archives

Categories

Expanding Your Child’s Horizons: Unconventional After-School Pursuits

Calming the Paranoia