Category: Competition

Maybe the Most Important Habit to Teach Your Kids

1/31/2022

You’ve likely heard the joke, “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” Personally, I’d rather eat a cow, but that’s not the point. The point is to never take on more than you can handle at any specific time. Instead of putting your head in a spin, rotating, but not going anywhere, just take a step forward. In time, your personal elephant will be digested. You can use the tusks to pick your teeth, metaphorically speaking.

We all know that what you learn when you are young comes more quickly and stays with you longer. This applies to goal setting. This is when a parent can be a huge, positive influence on the life of their child. Goal oriented people are naturally more successful than most. But goals set and not met can devastate one’s confidence. The answer is mini goals towards a target goal.

Like climbing steps to reach a friend’s apartment on the third floor, you must first reach the first floor. To reach the first floor, you must take the first step. Even the first step to the first floor is a victory if you’re recovering from a broken hip or had heart surgery. But it is a necessary step for all of us.

The key to convincing your child to always have goals is the rewards they bring. While it’s up to your child to pick a goal desirable to them, they may not be in the best position to plan an assault to get there. The way to get those big rewards (achievement alone is a reward) is to make the mini-goals challenging, but achievable tasks. A mini goal too easily obtained is not satisfying. A mini goal too difficult to obtain will result in failure, disappointment and discouragement. Only a parent is wise enough and knows their child enough to choose mini goals wisely.

Success in any endeavor is an endorphin and can surely become habit forming. Of course, goals are age related and can be anything relatable to them. Fun challenges can be a good start, before they really know what they want. For example:

How far can they run? Improving each week.
How many books (or pages) can they read in a week?
How much weight can they lift? Improving each month.
How to get better grades by dedication increasing time studying without distractions.
What treat/honor can they score by keeping their room clean all week?
How many people did they smile at today?
Can they do flash cards faster, or move up to higher level flash cards?
How many free throws can they make in a row? 3 today, 10 next week, improving over time to maybe 25.

Always keep a carrot or a Twinkie on a stick for your children to work towards. Of course, the goals get more serious and likely tougher as they age. But having a goal-setting routine or mindset, and patience to achieve goals in a step by step manner will make all the difference in your lives.

Michael Byron Smith
Author of 'The Power of Dadhood'

0 Comments

Success is a Series of Failures Interrupted by Persistence

11/29/2021

0 Comments

Premise:

With a goal that burns deep within you, with the perseverance of a honey badger, and knowing the path required to get to that goal, you will get make it! This I know because I lived it. The formula is simple, ((Goal + Path) x Perseverance) = Success. The very difficult part is obtaining the terms within that formula.

Why is success so difficult?

Not everyone has a goal. Those that do have a goal may not know the path (or have a plan) to get there. Having those key parts of the equation is a wonderful start, but it will all fall apart without perseverance.

I feel strongly that parents can be key factors in a child obtaining this formula and seeing it through!

For those of you who are not fans of math, I have a story to share:

This recent West Point graduate (2019) is Alex Idrache. He grew up in a slum in Haiti, and he tells the story of how U.S. soldiers were deployed to his neighborhood following the earthquake there several years ago. He says their presence was the first experience of "hope" he recalls in his childhood.

He remembers looking at his dad and asking him who the people were that were helping. His dad looked at him and said, "They are American soldiers." He looked back at his father and said, "One day, I will be an American soldier." His father knew the situation in Haiti was unworkable and tried for several years to obtain a visa to come to the United States. After being denied for several years, he was finally granted a spot in Baltimore. He purchased a ticket on a boat for his family and left Haiti. They arrived and Alex, remembering his dream in the slum several years prior, looked for a way to join the U.S. Army. He found a national guard program that allowed him to join the Army in exchange for citizenship. He didn't hesitate.

After a series of fortunate occurrences, he was given one of the few spots at West Point for prior enlisted soldiers. Despite his severe lack of formal education, he graduated as an honor graduate (top 5% physically and academically) and the top student in the Physics Department. This picture was taken just prior to tossing his hat in the air, the realization of a dream that began 10 years ago in a slum in Port-au-Prince.

If he can do this, what can you do for yourself, or for your child?
Helping Fathers to be Dads Blog

My book, The Power of Dadhood a easy read for dads

0 Comments

The Decay of American Grit – Fear of the Unlikely

8/23/2021

0 Comments

My 6 yr old granddaughter jumping off a cliff.

Fear can be a lifesaver. Fear can also be a burden that reduces our life experiences and our chances for a full life. I had a fear of worms as a child and shied away from fishing. Consequently, I felt some shame. When I became older, I had a fear of leaving the United States, until I did, then finding it one of the most rewarding activities I have ever known. My fear of water was a huge, keeping me safe until I learned to swim at eight years old. After this, rivers, lakes, pools became fun adventures and pastimes.

Unnecessary fear grips many of us as we watch events on the news, not realizing that what we are watching may be real, but magnified and laser-focused almost without exception. This focus gives a false impression of the danger to us and our loved ones. A bridge collapses and you now fear crossing bridges, not considering that death by a bridge collapsing is astronomically uncommon. This magnification makes an unlikely incident seem likely. If you magnified a drop of common drinking water, you may never drink water again because, like a bridge collapse, you are seeing ugly things you normally don’t see.

Alternatively, we may not be aware of some unworthy risks because they do not have the scrutiny we get from our outside sources. Some may take certain drugs, not knowing the danger. Even prescribed drugs have danger. We have a 1 in 92 chance of dying of opioid abuse in our lifetime. Knowing this, you can reduce your odd to zero if you choose. We often ignore or choose to be ignorant of the risks for things we want to do.

In recent years, with expanding technology and social media, we have taken the woes that used to be suffered by a few and shared the pain amongst all of us through shared knowledge. When the shared pain reduces the severity of the few, by taking certain actions, it is a good thing. But when that pain becomes a burden without proper reasoning or positive results, it hurts the innocent far more than it helps the burdened.

As old people often say, “In my day, we did this and that.” It sounds trite, but it is true! In my day, some aspects of daily life were worse, but some were better. While the good things in life often come from technology, making our world safer and more comfortable, many of the bad things come from social influencing and lack of understanding of risks or statistics.

Risk consists of two components, likelihood and consequence. When we focus on the consequence more than the likelihood, we may miss opportunities like a life saving operation where death from the operation is one in a thousand. On the other hand, if we focus on high likelihood of a consequence, but the consequence is very low, like striking out in a baseball game, we miss out on competition and experiences.

If you can’t handle a one in a thousand risk here and there, you’re going to have a boring life. Yet many shy away from potential joy or gain when a risk is one in a million, or less. But that is certainly your choice! It may help, however, to spend some time analyzing common risks we take every day. Would you do something where the odds of dying from this thing in your lifetime are 1 in 100? Maybe not, but if you don’t, you will never ride in a car. Actual odds of injury or death for certain activities can be seen on the National Safety Council website.

https://injuryfacts.nsc.org/all-injuries/preventable-death-overview/odds-of-dying/

As stated by NSC, “Fear is natural and healthy. It can help us respond to danger more quickly or avoid a dangerous situation altogether. It can also cause us to worry about the wrong things, especially when it comes to estimating our level of risk.
If we overestimate our risk in one area, it can lead to anxiety and interfere with carrying out our normal daily routine. Ironically, it also leads us to underestimate real risks that can injure or kill us.
It can be difficult to accurately assess the biggest risks we face. Plane crashes, being struck by lightning, or being attacked by a dog are common fears, but what about falls, the danger inside a bottle of pills, or your drive to work?”

I think it important for parents to have a handle on risks, rewards, natural fears, and unhealthy fears when raising their children. Knowing the risks of certain activities, regarding both likelihood and consequence, is helpful and imperative for you and your children’s happiness and safety! Some parents are risk averse and may cheat their children of fun and learning, while others are overly risk tolerant, sacrificing too much safety. There is a middle ground which may vary for each family and person. And vary it does!

Michael Byron Smith
Author of “The Power of Dadhood”

0 Comments

The Second Man (or Woman) In

3/22/2021

0 Comments

Photographer unknown

A leader can't lead without the first follower.

We have heroes in this world, men and women, who have led causes and people. Lincoln, Gandhi. Martin Luther King and Susan B. Anthony, to name a few. There are, however, heroes we never see or hear about. They are those that fight city hall or the school board, confront bullies, lead men into battle, charge into the unknown, risk death or injury to save a life, or speak a dissenting opinion. These are true heroes that rarely get their due for the chances they take or the ridicule they may bring on to themselves. Sometimes, they may even be on the wrong side of what is right in the view of most. That doesn't take away from their courage. As the title suggests, I'd like to speak, not for these heroes, but for the second man (or woman) in a fight.

Popularly held opinions are difficult to oppose. It takes a strong will and resilience to take on the forces against a dissenter. However, no matter how strong the leader may be, they will get nowhere until a second man joins the fight. This second man may not be as daring or have the characteristics necessary to lead, but they are brave enough to be supportive. Without that second man, there will never be a third or fourth to join in. When a tipping point of support is reached, these opposing issues have to be acknowledged. For instance, one woman at the turn of the 20th century, wanting the right to vote would be ignored or shunned until a second joins in. They both may be disregarded, but a third woman (or man) may join upon seeing the bravery and verification of the first supporter.

A lieutenant in battle raises to lead a charge. His heroism is for naught if none under his command rises behind him. It takes but one soldier being unhesitant to make the charge go forward. A woman jumps into a frozen lake to save a drowning child, but she may also die without the help of others who can throw a lifeline to them. The fastest way to stop a bully is to have someone intercede on behalf of the one being bullied. But the bullying will continue unless someone else, hopefully, many, supports the hero's efforts.

My point is this. I see many crazy ideas coming forth these days, especially culturally. Not all new ideas are crazy, most being helpful. Without them, we will never move forward as a society. But some trends or thoughts (choose your own trend or idea you think insane, or at least not helpful) are antithetical to our beliefs. If you see no hero speaking up, then you may reevaluate yourself and remain in your silent corner considering you are alone. Then again, maybe you will be the hero! If, however, someone else does speak for you, they deserve your backing in whatever way you can; otherwise, their voice will be drowned.

There are many ways to protect yourself, your family, and your society. If you fail to take action, you cannot complain when the circumstances overtake you. A silent, inactive majority cannot win against a vocal and aggressive minority. History has shown this is true.

0 Comments

Is Attention Becoming More Important Than Competition?

12/14/2020

0 Comments

photo by the author

If you are afraid of competition, you’re afraid of life! Competition is life. Every day we assert ourselves for what we deserve. If we do not, who will? Competition is natural. It makes you better by making you work harder and smarter. Yes, some lose and some win. In fact, anyone would lose more than they win if they are aggressive enough. The most successful people have failed the most! Here are just a few examples:

Jack Canfield and his co-author (“Chicken Soup for the Soul”) suffered through 144 rejections before being published.
The best hitters in baseball fail seven times in ten at-bats.
Lincoln had a tough life and lost several elections before his presidency.
Churchill, Disney, Edison, J.K. Rowling all had significant failures before success.

Now I see numerous corners of society looking at competition as unfair, something we shouldn’t force on our children for fear they may suffer. How insane is this philosophy? Competition is the load we put upon ourselves to build mental muscle, toughness, and resiliency. Without those qualities, you go nowhere in life on your own.

Failure is learning. As your mountain of failure grows, your abilities, knowledge, senses, and determination also grow. When your success comes, you ride high on that symbolic mountain. Success gained without struggle sits on a molehill, and no one can see you down there.

Competition is in every aspect of life, but nowhere is it more evident than in sports. The net sum of all sports events is 50% winners and 50% losers, but that doesn’t scare competitors. When working together, competitors are successful. People who succeed in working with others have struggled alone; they have learned the talent and perseverance to thrive. For example, ‘Coaches Against Cancer’ will have equal wins and losses in Toto, but they win as a group, fighting cancer.

Recently, ‘Sports Illustrated’ named five “activists” athletes sportspersons of the year. Competition has taken a back seat to attention. “Attention, not competition, is becoming the point of sports.” Says Jason Whitlock, a sports writer on Outkick.com. When attention is given to activists instead of competitors, the purpose of sport is lost.

I’m afraid this trend will consume our young people. More attention on Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat is overcoming grades, physical fitness, and community service as our children’s goals. Some young people become obsessed with social media and their social standing, and when they don’t see the results they want; they become deeply depressed.

When your child is involved in honest competition, depression is not as likely to happen. Instead, they will be challenged to improve and have less time to poke at their devices. Of course, disappointments will come in competition, but they will be growing emotionally – not true in the world of attention!

As a parent, a goal is to find an endeavor that presents a challenge to your children in an area where they have interest and talent. Competition in that activity will help them to improve. The only time competition would harm a child’s growth is to force them into an activity in which they have no interest. While some competition is unavoidable, it would be foolish to make your child play soccer or play the violin if they hate it. While best to finish a commitment, don’t signup for the next season. Alternatively, they may love dance, art, or baseball.

Note: Give them time before giving up on a challenge, for sometimes they grow to love a new activity.

Summary

Don’t let your children follow the trend of less competition, more attention. Get their minds and bodies working! Don’t let this new social media phenomenon, with the world as a whole available through a small screen in their pocket, change their values. Keep your childrem busy, monitor their activities, and have rules with consequences. Compete!

#powerofdadhood

0 Comments

Maybe the Most Important Habit to Teach Your Kids

Success is a Series of Failures Interrupted by Persistence

The Decay of American Grit – Fear of the Unlikely

The Second Man (or Woman) In

Is Attention Becoming More Important Than Competition?

Archives

Categories

​Maybe the Most Important Habit to Teach Your Kids

​Success is a Series of Failures Interrupted by Persistence

The Decay of American Grit – Fear of the Unlikely

​The Second Man (or Woman) In

Is Attention Becoming More Important Than Competition?

Archives

Categories

Maybe the Most Important Habit to Teach Your Kids

Success is a Series of Failures Interrupted by Persistence

The Second Man (or Woman) In