Category: Photography

47 Reasons Why Being a Dad is So Awesome!

11/28/2022

If you are a man who lives life with passion, you will have many things for which to be thankful, and numerous experiences to reflect upon. But if you also become a father, your world will expand many times over. Being a dad is awesome, but only if you are up to the task. You must be selfless and give to your children, but they will pay you back many times over. Here are forty-seven reasons I have come up with why being a dad is so cool. I’m sure you can add to the list with your own experiences.

The list follows this slide show representing 15 of the reasons. (You may have to be on the website to see it.)

1. Each enjoyment is earned through hard work and tough times, and that’s the first thing that is cool about being a dad.
2. Your chest will swell with every one of your children’s achievements.
3. The sound of “Daddy” from your child’s voice is magical.
4. You don’t think so much about yourself.
5. Hugs around the neck are the best!
6. Giggles are precious!
7. Being available and present is appreciated forever.
8.   You will smile when they bring you a book to read to them.
9. Your emotions are elevated to dizzying heights!
10.   You are the most important man in their world!
11.   Keeping small secrets with them is fun, and it bonds.
12.   Saying, “That’s my son!” or “That’s my daughter!”
13.   When you hear them say, “That’s my dad!”
14.   Teaching them to stand tall is a great gift for both of you.
15.   Fixing stuff together is a blast.
16.   Seeing your children be unselfish.
17.   When they are respectful to their elders.
18.   Their successes are your successes.
19.   Seeing your kids showing love and affection to their mother.
20.   They love when you make French toast on Saturday mornings.
21.   Being an example makes you a better man.
22.   Riddles and puzzles are fun things to do together.
23.   Teaching them to the point of failure is priceless.
24.   Playing catch with your kids is more than playing catch.
25.   When they understand when it’s time for fun, or time to be serious.
26.   Finishing what you and they start will make you careful about what is important.
27.   Your daughter playing in the dirt while your son plays ball will make you smile.
28.   Seeing your kids’ help, comfort, and play with each other.
29.   Tractors or princesses will be the center of their young lives
30. Tea parties can be fun for them, and the memories of them are wonderful for all.
31.   When your child reaches up to you from a crawl that says, “I want you to hold me”.
32.   Remembering when you let you son/daughter splash in mud puddles then taking the heat from mom
33.   Stick drawings of you smiling makes you smile again.
34.   Letting them steer your car (or tractor) when it’s safe. They love that!
35.   When they learn to eat with their mouth closed.
36.   When they speak to you, eye to eye, you will be proud.
37.   They’ll do goofy things that make you laugh.
38.   Being wore out from piggy back rides is a good tired.
39.   When your heart melts, you are helpless, and it feels good.
40.   When your kids are kind to the less fortunate.
41.   When your son follows you around because he wants to be like you.
42.   Realizing a toddler can crawl on your lap before you know they’re doing it.
43.   Knowing they don’t care about your imperfections.
44.   Being your kids’ favorite teacher.
45.   Knowing they are happy to see you come home from work.
46.   Graduations, dance recitals, ball games, plays, etc.—you and mom being the most important attendees!
47.   Being a dad means you may be a grandfather someday. If you think being a dad is cool, try being a grandfather!

This list is not complete because the joy has no limits. The point is--fatherhood can be wonderful, and the most fulfilling responsibility you will ever take on. How wonderful depends mostly on you and the limits you establish. What you put into it, comes back again and again.

Click on the title to order my book: The Power of Dadhood: How to Become the Father Your Child Needs

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Being a Parent is Like Being a Photographer

9/14/2020

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A couple of weekends ago, I masqueraded as a wedding photographer. Although I had no experience in photographing weddings, a niece of my sister-in-law asked if I would shoot hers. She based her decision on photos on my personal Facebook page. I do love photography as a hobby, but I don’t consider myself technically confident or competent. You can view my photos page – which I haven’t updated in some time – to see only photos I allow to be there. After explaining to Kelsey, the Bride to be, that it was risky for me to photograph such an important event in her life was something she should give more consideration, I was still her wedding photographer.

I realized then how much I didn’t know about photography. Flash photography was definitely not a strength. I hadn’t used any flash outside of my pop-up flash in many years. Most of my photos were of landscapes and family, where second chances can become third and fourth chances. I use auto mode more than I like to admit, and I had become even lazier, taking almost all my photos on an iPhone 11 (which does a fantastic job). After secretly considering using my iPhone to photograph the wedding, I imagined how silly that would look. Not the photos, but me running around with an iPhone trying to be a ‘professional’ photographer.

Of course, I jumped to the Internet and googled ‘Wedding Photography.’ That research helped, but I found conflicting advice. Some said use shutter priority outdoors while others believed in aperture priority. All advised photographing in ‘raw’ and not in ‘jpeg.’ I had always stayed away from raw photos in fear, and the amount of memory it ate up.

Mentioning to a friend that I was going to shoot a wedding, and him knowing my angst, he asked a photographer buddy to talk to me. His name was Fran, and he saved me with tons of good advice! I bought a new flash for this assignment, but it wasn’t TTL (through the lens). Fran loaned me his TTL flash (this took out a complication) and suggested an ISO setting. His advice likely saved half my photos, especially those indoor photos.

With this introductory story, why is it relevant to fatherhood or parenting in general? It is a metaphor on so many levels!

I thought I was a pretty good amateur photographer, and maybe I was in a very narrow area. However, I had so much more to learn! The same is true in fathering!
I already knew how to focus on what was important. But what’s going on in the background was made much more apparent--so true in good parenting.
Parenting, like photography, has many variables. You must sort them out and choose what aspects are most important at any moment—lighting, depth, action, focus, moments, etc. See if you can see the analogies of photography to parenting
With lighting, so many variables exist.
- How much light do you allow? Too dark and you miss what’s important. Too much light, and you blow out detail. Analogy: be involved but not too involved with your children’s lives. See them for who they are and can truly be.
- Is natural light sufficient, or will you need something to help you see the subject better? Analogy: You may need more than your eyes, more information, research, or the input of others when your parenting is not working as well as you would like it to be.
- What ISO setting? This setting determines the sensitivity to light. Analogy: every kid is different. Their personalities and sensitivities must be taken into consideration when mentoring them.
What aperture do you use?
- A small aperture will add detail to the background but restricts light requiring a slower shutter speed. Analogy: a parent can miss the forest for trees, seeing particular behavior but not knowing why it is occurring. A longer attention span towards your child is letting the light shine on your child, perhaps allowing the picture to be more exact.
- A large aperture will blur the background and give you subject more attention, but you must decrease your shutter speed, or the subject will be overexposed. Analogy: Too much attention on your child without considering the background can be a mistake, overexposing him or her unfairly.
Using the auto setting is lazy! Sure, you can get some good results, but almost anyone can do it, and you have given up control. A good photo could have been a great photo with a little more thought. When in doubt, you should default to the auto setting (standards) in parenting. But don’t forget your child needs specialized attention sometimes using tools you can use to focus, add depth, shine the best light on or increase/decrease ISO (sensitivity) for specific moments.

Editing

Here is where photography and parenting depart. If a photographer is fluent in photographic editing, he or she can correct many of the mistakes made the moment the shutter opens and closes. Lighting can be adjusted, cropping can get rid of unnecessary detail, colors can be brightened, and bad moments can be deleted. Corrections in parenting are not quickly or easily done! But….

You can learn from your mistakes! It takes focus on your part. Remember what worked and didn’t work. Did you put too much light on your child, like a floodlight on an interrogation? Was there not enough light, not enough to learn anything? I could go on, but I think I made my point.

Summary

The lessons of these photo/parenting analogies will only stick with you by reviewing them just as you would a photo album. After all, what good are photos if you don’t look at them, enjoy them, or learn from them? Photography is not difficult, but we rarely get the shots others do because we don’t dig deep enough into the topic, or we are too easily satisfied. It’s also true for parenting!

Happy picture taking and parenting--and may all your photos and children bring joy!

It was a fun and memorable wedding!

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Remembering the Joy of Family!

7/13/2020

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Family life is a potpourri of ups and downs, good and bad, joy and disappointments. Amazingly, however, we can filter out the bad, wrap it up and toss it out like yesterday’s leftovers – at least most of the time! What we must hang onto are the good times, the memories that make us smile, and the love that revolves around us. I find it amazing how much I have forgotten when I look back on photos and videos that define beautiful moments than often cannot be duplicated, for our children continue to grow, and we age.

With that said, get out your smart phone and use it to record your life with family. Unlike the past, we don’t have to carry a heavy phone around – or forget the little pocket camera that has film in it from 1986. That one extra step of developing your Kodachrome kept many memories from being shared. No longer!

Take as many photos and videos as you like. Pick the best of the best and delete the rest. Make collages or movies. It’s fun and simple! I use iMovie for simple things (it’s free). I use Movavi Video Editor for more complex projects. It’s very flexible allowing your personality to show through. You can add music, dramatic effects, voice-overs. and comments, etc.

Below is a video of numerous photos and movie clips I’ve taken over the years of my family using Movavi. I added an awesome song by ‘Drew Holcomb and the Neighbors’ entitled “FAMILY” and matched our family photos to the words. It is now a treasured keepsake and will be watched for years, including the children of my grandchildren!

ENJOY! And remember the #powerofdadhood

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My Password to Memories

4/27/2020

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The church steeples I meditated on as an 8-yr-old from street level. The building has been torn down.

Distant memory is like an out-of-focus photograph. “Is that Grandma in the background, or is it Aunt Jane?”
“I’m not sure, but that house is definitely on fire!”

People will argue whether that is Grandma or Aunt Jane even though some details don’t matter in the bigger picture. Unless, of course, one of them is suspected of arson.

I have a memory of sitting on a desk in a police station when I was a toddler. I had been found wandering around unattended, and while the police looked for my parents, I was sucking on a red lollipop. But was it red? It doesn’t matter really. But my mother says it was my brother who was lost at the police station. More important than whether it was me or my brother is the ‘fact’ that I had that memory, and it had some significance. Now that memory is more than 60 years old. Why have I clung to it, while I can’t remember what I did yesterday? It is interesting to me, but I will likely never know why.

My brothers and sisters are always recounting stories of things I did to them as their older brother. I often was in charge of them while my mother worked and my father was places unknown. Was I really that mean? I suppose I was because my only tool back then was fear, like a bear standing tall and fiercely growling. The real story may not be my lousy babysitting techniques, but the fact we were in that situation.

Some things are burned in your memory so deeply, you can recall every detail. At least that’s how it feels. I remember waking up very early as a nine-year-old looking out of the window at the pyramid shaped twin towers of a Polish church across I-70. The background was a pinkish-orange sky almost free of clouds. It was quiet, even with the highway next door. It must have been a Sunday. I remember that moment because it was so different than the chaos of living with five younger siblings. I didn’t know about meditation then, but I think that is what I was doing.

Memory is enhanced when it involves something out of the ordinary. My first train ride, my first kiss, my first jet solo, my wedding, the births of my children. I’ll never forget walking home from my job as a carhop at 17 years of age at 2 AM in the morning. There was a gravesite next to the road, high enough on a hill to see the silhouettes of gravestones against the moonlit fog. Already in a state of nervous anticipation, a pack of 3-4 dogs came charging upon me, snarling and barking at my heels! I had nowhere to go. I couldn’t outrun them so I stood steady as they circled, seeming to dare me. Fear! Eventually, I started taking small steps with them still at my heels. Finally, they became bored with me and left. What relief!

These are extraordinary events, easy to recall. But I also remember taking a photo of my first niece, maybe one-year-old, playing in clover over 47 years ago. It’s somewhere, but it is also in my head. Then there was the time I sat in Forest Park in St. Louis watching construction workers build a tall condo building across from its western border. I just sat there as a fourth-grader, mesmerized. I must have done things like that dozens of times, but that moment is stamped in my head. It was summer, the trees were full and waving in the breeze, and I sat on a hill alone, and watched. But I don’t remember my first day in high school or where I lived half my life. We moved often.

My memories as an adult are much more pleasant than my childhood, but I still struggle with my memory. I always have, so it’s not just my age. Because of that, I take a lot of photos, especially of family! Looking at older pictures, I am reminded, not just of the photo, but the day the photo was taken. That tells me that our brain is like a computer’s memory. I never want to forget the growing stages of my grandchildren. If I waited too long, I may forget. So I take photos.The info is there, you just need to know how to find it.

Photos are my password to memories.

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All Dads are Fathers, Not All Fathers are Dads

1/6/2020

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Fathers miss out on being 'dads' for several reasons, but the most common are:

1) No fatherly example to follow or,
2) Being too busy

'Having no example to follow' can occur when growing up without a father or father figure, at least one worthy of following. That situation can be an excuse for a while, but any man can find help if they want it. I suggest looking for parenting books, blogs, or experienced friends. Or just be loving and available, and you will quickly learn.

'Being too busy' can be from a need to support one's family, but it can also be from being too selfish with one's time. The most important thing you can give your family is time! You must find a way.

Here's help

About three years ago, I wrote 16 differences between a father and a dad in a video slide presentation. In reviewing the video, these differences remain true and are critical for any father to understand. I encourage you to watch for the first time or the 16th time.

Knowing the differences between a father and a dad has the potential of being the most valuable 3 minutes and 32 seconds you will ever spend as a father (or mother). It’s quick! Even TV commercial breaks last longer than this video - so watch it while the toothpaste, beer, and ‘My Pillow’ ads play for the 10,000th time as you watch “Big Bang Theory” or "Friends" reruns (we all need down time).

Take Note!

Something not mentioned in the video is an important fact. A parent’s influence diminishes quickly over time! You cannot wait in your need to establish rules and values as habits your children will carry throughout their lives. If you haven’t been engaged, yet, and your child is 3, 8, 16, or 21 years old, you are way late, but engage anyway. It's never too late.

Thank you for following “Helping Fathers to be Dads” and reading “The Power of Dadhood.” I have seen how being loving, engaged, and involved in your children's lives means everything to your family. I have also seen what occurs when that doesn't happen. Choose to be a Dad!

Mike Smith

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A Six-Year-Old Christmas on Steroids!

12/16/2019

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What kid doesn’t like Christmas? My four grandchildren certainly do, but I have a 6-year-old grandson, Ryan, who is crazy for the Christmas SEASON! Yes, I said season! He started his celebration on or before November 14th when he serenaded me on his toy guitar, singing Christmas tunes (see video below). The Thanksgiving turkey was still warm when his excitement accelerated faster than my Tesla. He was ready for the decorations, Christmas Specials, snow, music, and especially the spirit of it all. His grandmother, charged up with his enthusiasm, decided to invite Ryan and his 4-year-old sister Juliette to help us put up our tree – way too soon for my liking. They came over, dressed in Christmas jammies with Ryan donning a Santa hat.

As Christmas music played in the background, Ryan and Juliette decorated the bottom third of the tree. Then, Ryan noticed the imbalance and brought a stepladder over, whistling and swinging his head back and forth, shoulder to shoulder to “One Horse Open Sleigh.” Kathy (grandma) laid a Christmas cover at the bottom of the tree, and Ryan exclaimed, “That’s a new one, Yady! (Kathy’s grandma name – long story). I remember last year it was a green one with gold trim.” Indeed, he was correct. I would never have noticed. They slept over and spent the night watching Christmas shows on Netflix and slept with red and green lights on dim.

Of course, their Christmas tree had not yet been decorated, so Ryan and Juliette begged their parents to put it up. The next time we went to his house Ryan, with a big reveal, showing it all with pride, bouncing up and down on his toes as he gave us the grand tour, grinning from ear to ear. It was beautiful, decked out with their favorite ornaments hung with care with only one or two ornaments having fallen. Their tree even rotates, and below is a train that circles with smoke and a whistle, operated by – guess who? One day after school, Ryan wrote a six page book entitled, “How to Decorate a Christmas Tree” – self illustrated!

On our annual Cookie Day, their cousins, Malia and Rosemary, joined Ryan and Juliette - all wearing holiday pajamas. More Christmas music, Ryan dancing to “Jingle Bell Rock,” and all decorating cookies. My two daughters and their husbands had holiday parties to go to that evening, and all four kids stayed overnight. It was a long day! The kids were all into the Christmas spirit and I wondered, “Do they know there are three more weeks to go?”

That night we watched the movie, “Elf” and the kids laughed with glee at the huge elf trying to take a shower in the elf-size shower. Kathy had gifts for them to open, ornaments from Europe where we had just traveled, slippers and more PJs, holiday-themed, of course. Already, presents! Ryan bragged about how many places there would be for him to open presents. He counted five locations, which included our farmhouse, where the entire family celebrates Christmas Eve. I told him I was lucky if I ever had five presents to open, forget five locations! Every year Ryan makes sure we play Christmas Bingo at the farmhouse (B-elf, G-Christmas Wreath, O-ornament, etc.), and the winner gets a “Dollar Store” present. All the kids love it!

Kathy and I watch Ryan and Juliette before school on Tuesdays and Thursdays. One morning they were so excited to show us what they had in their rooms! Their parents had bought each of them a four-foot Christmas tree. They had decorated them to their particular tastes and couldn’t wait to show them off. Two days later, when we went back, Ryan had set up an Alexa Echo under his tree and would listen to Christmas music each morning as he got dressed – and more Christmas music when he got home. Yady helped the kids to make a Christmas chain out of red and green construction paper, starting with 22 links. I was a bit surprised they had waited this long. Every day Ryan wears a red shirt to school to celebrate the season. Yady spoiled him with two more new red shirts to augment his wardrobe.

Ryan and Juliette couldn’t wait for Cha-Cha to show up. That’s their name for their ‘Elf on a Shelf.’ Now, when we come in the mornings, Ryan and Juliette race to show us where they found him that morning. Ryan pretends he’s an Elf with the name ‘Elmo’ and Juliette’s (4 yrs) is ‘Chuck E. Cheese’. Ryan even has a sign on his bedroom door announcing whether the Elf is ‘in’ or ‘out’.

They got to see Santa a couple of days ago - major highlight! Christmas morning will be ‘Crazyville’! Now mind you; there are nine more days before Christmas Day. Remember how long nine days were when you were a kid? Ryan seems to not care for the wait; after all, the SEASON will be over, and what fun is that?

His birthday is New Years’ Day. His parents are so happy it’s only a week of anticipation!

Merry Christmas!
Oh, and don’t forget to check out Ryan’s singing, below!

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The Danube River: Beauty, History, and Family Inspiration

11/13/2019

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The Danube in Austria

My wife, Kathy, and I are now completing a river cruise on the Danube. Amazing sights and new memories to enrich our lives. Each region was beautiful, with natural and architectural beauty, rich history, arts, various cultures, etc. I wondered how I could take advantage of this experience and relate it to my retirement mission of Helping Fathers to be Dads. Let’s see what I learned from our visits.

Prague, Czech Republic

Prague, Czech Republic is where my wife and I flew into Europe before our tour down the Danube. Prague is a large medieval city of ancient buildings, multiple spires, rolling hills, and breathtaking views. Walking the streets reminded me of how families in Europe walk their towns and villages with their children. Toddlers in bright clothes, bundled up in the crisp fall weather. Babies in strollers with blankets tucked around them, the eyes of the little ones scanning their world and people walking by. Parents and children exploring or merely spending time together are ordinary, especially on weekends - a European tradition.

Thought: Of course, strollers can be seen in America also, but mostly when visiting zoos or amusement parks. Not often will you see an entire family strolling in their neighborhoods or town centers together. Family time in America is spent on various scheduled activities, too often separate from each other.

Passau, Germany

Passau, Germany, is small, a picturesque town in Bavaria that draws millions of visitors each year. It is known as "City of Three Rivers" because the Danube is joined there by the Inn from the south and the Ilz from the north. This unique situation is why its first inhabitants settled there over 5000 years ago. The emerald green waters of the Inn River meet the Danube, while not quite blue, can look a bit turquoise at certain times when the sun is out. The Ilz River is the smallest of the three. All three rivers merge making them a blend of the characteristics of each but stronger together.

Thought: Similar to the three rivers of Passau, the rivers of a family (father, mother, and children) are different on their own, but create a fourth identity together, and hopefully flow together as one, strongly-united, family.

Gottwieg Abby

Lenz, Austria, was home to Gottwieg Abbey. The views from the mountaintop, where the Abbey, built centuries ago, are bucolic and breathtaking. Views of the wine fertile Wachau Valley, the Danube, nearby forests, the patchwork of vineyards, and the town of Krems are laid out for miles below. The Abbey itself is ornate and a testament to the dedication of the monks who vow never marry and to live a simple, prayerful life in this beautiful location their entire lives.

Thought: The dedication of the monks to their purposeful life, and to their beautiful Abbey, remind me of the commitment required to have a nurturing and comfortable family life. With a devotion to family and comfort in their homes, any family will have serenity in their future, if not their daily lives.

Vienna, Austria, a city of culture and coffee houses, is very busy and classy! Art, food, history, and music fill the air! Church bells ring, visitors shop and take photos, and everyone stops in the numerous coffee shops to warm up from the crisp, fall weather with a pastry, and maybe an expresso. We interrupted our scenic walking tour and ordered Café Americano and the best apple strudel I ever tasted as we met and conversed with new friends!

Thought: Every family should find time for joy and conversation, creating memories and experiences common to all. It will draw everyone in the family into a common bond that will last, providing cherished traditions to the following generations.

Modern and old, Bratislava, Slovakia

Bratislava, Slovakia, was once behind the Iron Curtain as part of Czechoslovakia. This city of a few hundred thousand suffered in decay during four decades under Communist rule, but now much is new with skyscrapers and low unemployment. While under communism, there was no growth, little freedom, and no ability to travel outside the Iron Curtain. For forty years the citizenry was robbed of their ability to express themselves or to work to improve their situation. With the fall of the Iron Curtain in 1989-90, those under 50 years of age had never know freedom and a plurality of choice. The stories of our guides who lived under the Communist regime brought the reality of our good fortune to have escaped that hopeless and bleak experience.

Thought: Parents must let their children understand history to put into perspective the hope and dreams that are available to them. These gifts are often taken for granted; and seem self-evident rights we all should have, but have come at considerable costs.

The Parliament Building, Budapest Hungary

Budapest Hungary is a city perfect for romance. At night, this city shines with golden lights on bridges and buildings with architecture that proves beauty is worth time and expense. The Danube glimmers as it reflects the thousands of lights of the city, separating the formerly separate burgs of Buda and Pest. Budapest is one of the crown jewels of Europe, but also with tragedy in its past. Having been invaded by the Nazis of Germany and Communists of Russia, death, and torture were common. Today’s Budapest recovered and now thrives once more as Hungary’s capital and as a tourist mecca, but has not forgotten these disastrous times.

Thought: We can only hope tragic events never touch us, but no family can escape tough times. Sometimes only time can ease the pain. As tough as it may be, families coming together will help. Mostly, the tough times will be behind us with communication, cooperation, and understanding. Don’t allow small issues to grow into lasting conflicts.

Summary
Maybe my travel/family analogies were stretched a bit, but Kathy and I had a memorable and educational trip sailing down the Danube. It is incomprehensible to imagine all that has occurred throughout the centuries on every square meter we touched. One thing is common to all those past societies, centuries, and locations; everyone came from or belonged to a family. There are those individuals who failed despite having a supportive family and other individuals who flourished without a supportive family. But most people succeed, as best they can within their time and place, with the support of friends, and especially family.

Breakfast on the Danube

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My Favorite Game this Weekend Was NOT the Super Bowl

2/4/2019

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It’s about two hours before the Super Bowl as I start writing. It will likely have started when I’m still writing. Now how do I know it isn’t my favorite game this weekend before it even begins? For one thing, I will watch little, if any, of it. Although my favorite sport is baseball, I do love the game of football. But as a guy who is from a town that has lost two NFL teams, I’m taking a time-out. The true reason it won’t be my favorite is that I already saw a game that means so much more to me on Saturday morning at the YMCA. It has to do with diversity and having a chance…but not in the ways you may be thinking.

My six-year-old grandson is on a basketball team with a bunch of his buddies. I’ve practically watched these kids grow up from the sidelines in this and other sports. I must say, they are a great bunch of boys. If there were one bad kid on the team, he would stand out -- and none do. It’s a friendly family affair! Moms, Dads, many grandparents, siblings, all come to cheer, talk, and play on the sidelines during the game. It’s indeed a remarkable scene in a real Americana setting.

This Super Bowl weekend they played a team that captured my heart. At first sight, they looked spirited but supremely beatable. Before it started, I was hoping this would be a fair game, not that our team could be confused with the Celtics, but I’ll explain. While our kids are all about the same size, and while we have two or three excellent players, they are close in talent for their age. The other team, however, was “Team Diversity”. Not the diversity regarding the various backgrounds of the players, but on the team’s purposeful goal of letting everyone have a chance, regardless of size, experience, or ability. Our team has the exact same goal, they’re just not as diverse! While we have a few mediocre players (at least now in their development), everyone plays an equal amount.

Let me point out that diversity can be applied in many ways. The diversity of these two teams was the range in talent. Here’s what I mean. If the best player on my grandson’s team was an 8 on a scale of ‘10’, then the worst player may be a ‘4’ (a spread of 8 to 4 and a small range). But on Team Diversity, they had two players who were ‘10’s, one who was a ‘6’, three who were ‘3‘s, and two who were ‘1’s (a spread of 10 to 1 and a big range).

It appeared to be the first year of basketball for most on Team Diversity, except the best three. One boy was about 2 ft. 6.in. And another had Down’s syndrome. At first, the only coach I saw was a middle-aged lady of possibly Indian heritage. I admired her so much! She may have never played basketball, but she coached those kids well until an older man later took over the duties.

I shouldn’t have worried. While everyone on Team Diversity played a fair amount, they played a great game! Standard ‘traveling’ calls being nonexistent, fouls (what fouls?), and out-of-bounds being outside of the YMCA itself, it was a wild game. But it was more than competitive. If they had kept score, we would have lost! Their two superstar ‘10’s did all the damage, occasionally letting their teammates have the ball to run around in a joyous circle or two, proud to have handled (held) the ball. And the 2 ft. 6 in. Guard just may be a star someday!

What was also great, our boys could not care less whether they were guarding one of the other team’s stars, the short guy, or the boy with Down’s syndrome. They did their assignments with vigor and spirit, giving each player on the other team their due regard!

Down the line as they grow older, the boys on both teams will separate on to other teams based on ability and desire, some not playing at all. That’s how it is and will be. But not at this time and at this age! Everyone gets a chance! Some kids start slow, some fast, some get better and better, and others do not. But every kid should find this out on their own, using the talents they have, the interests they gravitate to, and with the help of those who give them their chances in sports, school, or any creative endeavor!

It was a SUPER game!

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Thoughts on a Photograph

2/19/2018

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Grandchildren playing

I’m a father, a grandfather and a passionate amateur photographer. That combo creates mostly joy for me but also problems. For one thing, I keep eating up memory on my computers, smartphone, and external memory devices. Even though only one in five-to-ten photos is a keeper, I find it so difficult to delete any photo featuring my grandchildren. The other issue is categorizing and finding these photos in the future. And lastly, which ones do I frame or make into a canvas?

Fortunately, technology has come along to help. How they do it for free I don’t know, but sites like Google Photos, Amazon Prime, and Flickr will allow you to store photos (smaller versions) in their cloud for free! Not only that, they have amazing algorithms that will find faces, scenes, etc. for you. Now if they could only help me decide which to hang on the wall.

While most of my photos are of family, I also love photographing just about anything of interest or beauty. It could be a valley of olive trees in Tuscany, a moon rising over a lake in Missouri, a sunset in Arizona, or a patch of tar in the shape of a heart on a footpath in Florence. It’s a challenge to see how close one can come to capturing the beauty of an object or scene that can change with the light in just seconds.

While some say beauty is over-hyped, especially regarding people, I think beauty is underappreciated and under-noticed. Not all beauty is obvious. You have to be aware of its existence by looking for it in all places at all times. It could be the beauty of color, of symmetry, or of a moment frozen in time. Unfortunately, we are all too often wrapped up in a tight, narrow place bounded by self-interests and anxiety, further bounded by a screen, earphones, and/or minor gossip.

Self-interest isn’t bad, per se, it’s just restrictive. Self-interest is taking a selfie in the bathroom mirror. It lacks context or meaning. However, a selfie of you holding your newborn grandchild in a rocking chair? That has depth! That has meaning! There is an awareness of how quickly this moment will pass and how irreplaceable it will someday be. The beauty may not be in your wrinkled face of age or the wrinkled face of a newborn. The beauty is in the moment! And moments do have a beauty of their own.

Most people look at a photo and see a person, scene, or story. So do I, but I also think of myself as being in someone else’s head, behind their eyes, seeing what they saw at the instant the button was pushed. Whenever I look at any photo of a scene I have ever taken, I can almost always remember how I was feeling at the time and why the scene caught my attention. I can even remember the sounds of the moment. It could be the crunch frozen grass as I search for the perfect angle, or birds singing or squawking overhead in the mornings. This is because I am totally in the moment with no conscious regrets of the past nor fears of the future.

The photo that accompanies this article was taken just yesterday as I write this. It was my birthday and because it was a Thursday, I was babysitting three of my preschool grandchildren as I do every Tuesday and Thursday. It was an oddly warm day for the middle of a Missouri February and I decided we would have lunch and play in the neighborhood park. Next to the playground is a hill which was too irresistible to my five-year-old grandson, Ryan. He had to conquer it! Of course, his four-year-old cousin Rosie and two-year-old sister Juliette had to follow. I didn’t have my Nikon SLR with me at the playground. Lunch and three rambunctious kids were all I could handle. But I did have my trusty smartphone which takes incredible photos considering it’s a phone!

Ryan and friend Ava

Watching them run around was such a joy. If you don’t get pleasure from watching kids have fun, you have to be dead inside. As Ryan and Juliette ran under the framing of a tree, with the hill in the foreground and the clouded sky in the background, I saw this as a moment to cherish and snapped about three photos. It wasn’t the only photos I took at the playground. The others were cute photos of the kids playing, especially the one of Ryan and Ava on the slide. Ava is in Ryan’s preschool class and just happened to be at the playground also. They seem to like each other quite a bit! Ava always says hello and goodbye to Ryan when I take him to his school.

But the picture under a tree on a hill is the one that will seal this day in my memory. It’s unfortunate that Rosie isn’t in it, but I’ll remember her running around barefoot in her Valentines-week red outfit and her curly brown hair framing her blushed cheeks. This photo, years from now will put me back there. Ryan in his “Future X-Wing Pilot” outfit. Rosie playing with her red-headed, bespeckled friend McKenzie, and Juliette wanting to be pushed on the swing set for what seemed like hours.

That picture was what I saw with my own eyes at that moment, never to be honestly duplicated. While that may seem a little melodramatic to some, it’s magical to me. I’m overwhelmingly thankful for the gifts I receive like that time with the kids, although exhausting. And I’m also thankful that I can enjoy the moment over and over again through a simple photo. And without the exhaustion!

It’s not an award-winning photo, it's not even clear, but it is a precious and beautiful memory for me, caught with attention, appreciation of its value, and the click of a button. How many have I missed?

A few of my past photos.

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Temple Fixer Upper and the Texas Eagle Travelogue

1/22/2018

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This is a different take on my dad blog but its still about fatherhood and the relationship between a dad and his adult son.

Mike watching me leave from Temple, TX

It was January 14th when I pulled out of the Temple, Texas AMTRAK station on the ‘Texas Eagle’. Twenty hours later I’d be back home in St. Louis, MO. It was a sunny, bright day in the mid-forties for which many natives of this part of Texas complained. Too cold! As we go north, I’m sure mid-forties will be welcomed in mid-winter.

Side note: It’s funny how people adapt to temperatures. 95 degrees is always hot and 20 degrees is always cold. In between, however, you will find people up North very comfortable in the forty degree area and people in the South loving the 90s. Alternatively, the North complains about the 90s and the South shivers in the 40s. Notwithstanding the wind, humidity, or lack of either, I hesitate to complain about temperatures between 40 degrees and 90 degrees. Maybe that’s because I live halfway between Texas and Minnesota, and because seasons seem right to me.

I was in Temple for about a week having helped my son, an Army Warrant Officer, to transfer from Ft. Campbell, KY to Ft. Hood, TX. There he bought a fixer-upper which is rather ironic since Temple is only 40 minutes from Waco, the home of Chip and Joanna Gaines and Magnolia Silos. For those that don’t know, the Gaines are enormously successful rehabbers and entrepreneurs found on HGTV. He bought the house unseen, relying on photos and realtor who, it turned out, was not so reliable.

The Texas Eagle Lounge Car

I’m in the lounge car of the Texas Eagle which is just over a third full. Two of the tables have young Amish playing cards and not paying much attention to the flat, brown Texas countryside. Two young ladies wearing bonnets are at one table playing two young men. The other table has four young men wearing patterned shirts with suspenders and black slacks. It sounds like they are speaking a strange language, maybe Germanic or just a dialect, with an occasional English word or phrase I can pick up. Trying to figure it out, I want to look at their lips, but I don’t want to stare. They all seem to be having a good time.

I have to admit I’m a little surprised about how nice the lounge car is. The seats are comfortable with tables and windows all around. The train sways as it ambles north, sometimes slowly, sometimes jostling. The passenger cars have lounge seats that recline with foot rests. You’ll find couples relaxing under blankets, lone travelers reading, looking at movies they have downloaded (no internet on board this train), or sleeping with arms folded and hats down for privacy.

I’m in the fifth of about seven cars. The train’s whistle seems a little distant, adding to the mood of this way of travel. About an hour and a half north of Temple, the landscape changes a bit with more plateaus, very small hills (more like large mounds) and a shrubby green trees. Even though there is not much change in the scenery, I’m rubber-necking from side to side. I have my Nikon with an 18-300mm lens at the ready just in case I see something interesting. I’ve always been an observer. Although I was an Air Force pilot for six years, I still like to sit by the window on an airliner, but those aisle seats are becoming more lucrative. They are great for those of us with small bladders.

Mike's Fixer Upper

We had arrived at my son’s house a week earlier around dusk, greeted by the realtor. We didn’t expect much from the house knowing it needed a lot of tender care, but we did expect the pier and beam floor to be level. It was not! The living room had a crown in the middle. The realtor had said it had been taken care of. He could feel our angst as we pulled up the carpet and examined the floor. He explained he did the best he could for what my son was looking for. That may have been true - except for misleading us about the floor.

The train just passed a farmer feeding a herd of aggressive goats. My first photo op, but I wasn’t quick enough.

That evening was tough for my son, Mike, and also for me. He felt he had made a big mistake buying this house unseen. We had no idea what it would take to fix the floor at this point. After finding a hotel, we thought we’d talk it over at dinner. We asked the girl at the desk for a good Chinese restaurant. She raved about a place called Dynasty. They should have left off the ‘Dy”!

The party at the table next to us was celebrating a birthday. We were regretting our restaurant choice, fearing what was ahead with this ‘Humpty Dumpty’ of a house, and tired from our 800 mile trip. Just as we were about to leave, all the waiters gathered around and started singing some version of happy birthday. Then, out of nowhere came the piercing clash of a Texas sized symbol. We both jumped out of our seats! It was the pinnacle of a disappointing day, the nadir of optimism.

A view from the train

Mike was in his seventeenth year in the Army. He has made many moves alone, not to mention combat tours in far-off countries. Like me, he’s not good with change yet has pushed forward all these years. So this change alone was uncomfortable, but add to it the disappointments of the house and lousy atmosphere at this moment, and it was the culmination of an awful day! But it would get better.

Not yet two hours north of Temple, the terrain is again very flat, similar to central Illinois but with less farmland and more brush and pastures. Coming into the Ft. Worth suburbs are residential areas and the train crawls. Some homes are ramshackle and others appear to be very nice homes seeming out of place surrounded by vacant fields of brush. I see teens playing basketball in a park. It reminds me how I miss pick-up games of baseball when I was a kid.

The next day Mike called a few foundation companies to get estimates on leveling the house. The first bid was steep, about 10% of the value of the house. But after a few more estimates, the bids were down to half the original. We were beginning to feel better about things. Mike had much work ahead of him but that is what he wanted. He had never owned a house before, living in dorms, apartments, and tents – sometimes worse! This would give him experience in carpentry, plumbing, electrical, etc.

Pulling out of Dallas now. An older Mexican lady, travelling alone, is talking up a storm to someone in Spanish on a speaker phone. It’s the only sound in the car outside the clicking of the tracks and train whistle. The sun has fallen to about five degrees above the horizon. We’ve passed the gleaming skyscrapers of downtown Dallas into an industrial area as we turn more northeasterly.

Dealey Plaza from the train

Coming into the Dallas Amtrak station, I was surprised to see Dealey Plaza where President John F. Kennedy was assassinated. The very spot on the street where he was shot was visible as was the Texas School Book Depository where Oswald took aim. I almost missed this historic spot as I was looking through my lens at the Old Red Museum building. I recognized Dealey Plaza too late, then found I had captured it in one of my photos of the Old Red Museum.

Young Amish girl writing

The next few days in Temple, we pulled carpet, investigated the plumbing under the house, changed locks, and removed glue on the hardwood floors that secured the carpet pad and generally cleaned up. One of the nice things about the house were the seventeen windows that surrounded the 880 square foot living space allowing for much sunshine. Unfortunately, they were all painted closed and had thin, single-pain glass. Mike wanted to repair them, but I talked him into new windows. It had to be done.

It’s been over an hour now and the Mexican lady is still talking loudly to the same person on her phone for all to hear. I was picking up the language by now. A blond-headed Amish girl is writing something feverishly two table down, rarely looking up. The terrain is still very flat allowing downtown Dallas to be seen for miles. We came to a highway paralleling our tracks. The cars were passing us up, although slowly as we headed for our next stop at Mineola, TX. The sun has just set on the flat purplish horizon slowly changing upwards to a pink, then light blue hue. My sightseeing will soon end and I hope to get into a book.

I’m considering eating in the Dining Car for the experience despite the gourmet restaurant prices. But they said we would have to share a table. I’m not anti-people but I’m not sure I want to get into a conversation. This is ‘me-time’ on the Eagle!

I felt badly as the train pulled out of the Santa Fe Station in Temple. There was Mike, waving goodbye not knowing a soul. As a single man, he had done this many times before. But he was grateful that he didn’t have to drag a family around the globe. Thankfully, this would be the last time he would have to move for the Army! His next move would be as a civilian to the Island of Oahu. He spent three years there living in a very modest duplex on the most beautiful beach you could ever see, although one year of his assignment was spent in Afghanistan. He had made good friends there, enjoyed the weather, and absolutely loved the water.

His family is not thrilled that he will be living so far away when he retires from the Army. We have been spoiled the last couple of years because he was able to visit home on long weekends and holidays, Ft. Campbell being only four hours by away by car. But we are all thrilled that he will finally be able to settle in one place and live the life he chooses. And what a nice place to visit!

Dinner in the Dining Car

Well, I took a chance on the dining car and it was surprisingly good. Baked salmon with green beans and baked potato. There were ten tables and only four were taken so I was able to eat alone entertained, however, as strangers in the next two tables told their life stories to each other. It was my first dining car experience. It was twenty steps away, good food, friendly waitress, no tax, and cool atmosphere. I just wish my wife Kathy could have been there with me.

I went back to the passenger car to do a little reading and found the worst seat on the train. A was able to get a little sleep, however, and woke up to light snow as we approached St. Louis. I enjoyed the time to think, the charm of train travel, and the opportunity to people-watch. I also enjoyed helping my son in his latest venture. The day I retired, I dedicated myself to helping others, but family first and foremost!

I'll be going back in a few weeks to see how I can help. I know Mike will do a great job. The house will look awesome!

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Temple Fixer Upper and the Texas Eagle Travelogue

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