Being Debt Free Starts in Your Teens 

This is advice for young people to avoid the worries that debt can create in their future. The concepts are simple, and the only complication is being disciplined. And if you are a parent, pass these recommendations along to those you love.

​When I was a 12-year-old kid way back in 1962, my favorite treat was a Hostess Cup Cake, that chocolatey, icing-covered, cream-filled cake with the white twirls on top. I would slowly eat the icing on the cake’s circumference, then save the biggest creme-filled bite for last! I didn’t enjoy it very often because money was tight. Back then, a Hostess Cup Cake only cost 12 cents, but that equates to $1.26 in today’s inflated dollars. My mother’s waitress’s income was not sufficient to raise six children, let alone spend it on frivolous items like cupcakes times six children!

Today, I find Hostess Cup Cakes cost as much as $2.50! That’s double what inflation would explain. However, this tasty treat has been replaced by others; and although I can now afford them, the price seems high (with my knowledge of seemingly cheaper times) helping me avoid the temptation. But financially, buying a $5 chocolate chip cookie or cinnamon roll is a non-issue for me. I can buy them without financial guilt, only caloric shame.

Understanding the Value of Money
 
Where am I going with this? The cost of items you may desire should not be measured in dollars alone, but in the alternative uses of that dollar, AND the percentage of dollars you have available to spend on any purchase.
Think of dollars as water. The deeper the water, the more money you have. If your money is a small puddle, then removing a cupful will be noticed. If, on the other hand, you have a swimming pool of money, you could remove 100 bucketfuls and not notice the loss. Those are the extremes to illustrate the example of water as money.

My mother barely had a puddle of water in terms of money. Even removing spoonful would be noticed, and if not used to relieve debt or feed her children – it would be misspent. I, in turn, escaped the turmoil of my youth, and performed simple but important acts to build wealth, i.e. a deeper pool of money. Here’s how.
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Lifestyle Choices and Financial Discipline
 
According to a study by the Brookings Institute, in order to not be poor takes three simple acts:

1. Finish High School.
2. Get a full-time job.
3. Wait until age 21 to marry and have children.

My mother did none of these steps, and worse, she married at 16 years of age to a man nine years her senior, who decided not to take care of his family. On the other hand, I unknowingly followed the advice of the Brookings study and went even further.

1. I not only finished High School, but received a scholarship, due in part to my financial need, receiving a college degree.
2. I joined the US Air Force right after college. A full-time job.
3. I didn’t marry or have children, until I was 25 years of age.

I was now able to build wealth or deepen my pool of water (assets) towards a large bucket of water from a puddle. But I didn’t have wealth immediately. I could have spent every dime on a decent home, a few essentials, and fun; but my bucket of money would have remained only a bucket.
Creating Wealth
 
To save money and create wealth requires taking and being faithful to these actions.

1. Know where your money is going. Have a budget and stick to it.
2. Make saving any amount a priority. The more, the better!
3. Save using automatic transfers to an interest bearing account or investment. You won’t miss it if you never see it.
4. Find ways to increase your income through working smartly and education.
5. Be disciplined. Have fun for sure! But be wise.

Too many young people don’t bother to fill their financial vessel, whether it’s a bucket, a bathtub, or a small swimming pool. With the steps above and persistence, their buckets can fill their bathtub, and their bathtub can feed into their modest but growing swimming pool of wealth. Sure, it takes time, but the rewards are well worth it.
 
Parental Guidance and Support

Parents play a crucial role in shaping their children's financial habits. Here are a few ways parents can support their teens in becoming debt-free:

• Lead by Example: Demonstrate responsible financial behavior and share your experiences and lessons learned.
• Encourage Open Discussions: about money matters, budgeting, and financial goals.
• Provide Resources: Offer books, articles, and online resources that teach financial literacy.
• Set Up Savings Accounts: Help your teens set up savings accounts and guide them in managing their finances.

 
Conclusion

Being debt-free starts with making informed and disciplined financial decisions from a young age. By understanding the value of money, building a strong financial foundation, and adopting practical steps to save and invest, teenagers and young adults can pave the way for a financially secure future. Parents can play a vital role in guiding and supporting their children on this journey. Remember, financial freedom is not about having a large income but managing the income you have wisely. Start early, stay disciplined, and enjoy the peace of mind that comes with being debt-free.
I’m not ‘yacht’ wealthy, but I am ‘new car’ wealthy, meaning I can’t but a yacht. That would empty my modest but sufficient pool of water (wealth). But I could buy a new car and not be in financial trouble. And most of us can reach a ‘new car’ level of wealth without being super-smart or a talented entrepreneur. Assuming you are healthy and loved, there is no better feeling than being debt-free!
 
Michael Byron Smith

Note: To read more about my childhood and escape, read my book; A Vagabond Life: A Memoir of Father Hunger (#avagabondlife).
To learn about the power of being a father, read my book; The Power of Dadhood: How to Become the Father Your Child Needs (#powerofdadhood).
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[i] Only 2% of poor teens who do these things remain poor. https://www.brookings.edu/opinions/three-simple-rules-poor-teens-should-follow-to-join-the-middle-class/
 
[ii] This is what delivered me from poverty and a cycle of dysfunction
 
[iii] Not a panacea. Realistically, not everyone has the intellectual or cognitive ability to thrive in school. (15% of the U.S. population has an IQ of 85 or below. Dr. Richard Haier)
 
[iv] from The Power of Dadhood, published by Familius, LLC

There are many anti-family forces in our society. Even the heavily supported (by many progressives and even many high tech companies) BLM organization does not support the nuclear family.

I’ll narrow in on an article in The Atlantic written by David Brooks. “The Nuclear Family Was a Mistake,” he wrote, “The family structure we’ve held up as the cultural ideal for the past half-century has been a catastrophe for many. It’s time to figure out better ways to live together.”

This article is long and well researched, but with conclusions that confuse me. I’ll mention a few.

First of all:

Per Brooks. “The shift from bigger and interconnected extended families to smaller and detached nuclear families ultimately led to a familial system that liberates the rich and ravages the working-class and the poor.”
The assumption is that you don’t have to lean on the extended family as much if you are successful, and you won’t connect. While this may be true, he suggests it ties people through need, not love. Furthermore, the extended families of poor people are usually poor themselves, without the means to help. I find my extended family wants my involvement. All I have to do is show love and interest.

Brooks states, “Among the highly educated, family patterns are almost as stable as they were in the 1950s; among the less fortunate, family life is often utter chaos. There’s a reason for that divide: Affluent people have the resources to effectively buy extended family, in order to shore themselves up.”

DUH! The problem lies in the fact that coming from a chaotic family creates more chaotic families that continue to struggle. It requires a child of “less fortunate” families to take matters into their own hands to break free from the struggle. They often have to do it independently because their extended family will not be capable of helping or cheering them on - because they are chaotic. Is it difficult for a child from a poor, chaotic family to break free? No! It’s not difficult to do; it’s just difficult to realize when in that environment!

The Brookings Institute found that these three simple rules will help one avoid poverty:

1. Graduating from high school.
2. Waiting to get married until after 21 and do not have children till after being married.
3. Having a full-time job.

If you do all those three things, your chance of falling into poverty is just 2 percent. Meanwhile, you’ll have a 74 percent chance of being in the middle class, becoming one of the more affluent families. You will create a ‘breakaway from poverty family,’ and your children will have the advantages other affluent families enjoy, therefore helping to grow a more self-sufficient society. Brooks, to me, is a ‘chicken or the egg’ argument. What comes first, affluence, then success, or success, then affluence? Wealth can bring success with its advantages. But success from good ideas like the three steps above can bring wealth. Being highly educated is undoubtedly advantageous for success, but not being stupid (or remaining ignorant) is an even more significant advantage.

Secondly:

Nuclear families are successful, “so long as women are relegated to the household.”
I live next to a large neighborhood where both of my daughters also reside. This neighborhood is full of nuclear families where both parents work while others choose to have one parent stay home with their younger children. I know many of these families through my daughters, and they seem to thrive. Yes, they are relatively but not significantly affluent, but these mothers are not relegated to the household. Of course, there are challenges. Women should not be ‘relegated’ to motherhood if that’s what you call it (I don’t). Neither should motherhood be belittled. Maybe the father stays home as many more do these days. Maybe neighbors and relatives help with the children, or one or both parents work part-time. Allowing your younger children to learn socialization skills in pre-school is also helpful, allowing parents time for other activities. Neither mom nor dad nor child can have everything they want at once.

Having a well-balanced family requires sacrifices, just like any other endeavor. Maybe your dreams of travel, writing a novel, or big promotions may have to wait. To do so means you have found that raising human beings as successful people is just as important and impressive as becoming CFO or ‘employee of the month,’ assuming you have that talent in the first place - because not everyone does. Are you crying about not being able to chase your dreams? Then don’t have children. If you already have them, be patient; they will only take up 20-30% of your life - and they deserve being a priority. Parents can work it out by balancing, not pouting.

Lastly:

“For many people, the era of the nuclear family has been a catastrophe. All forms of inequality are cruel, but family inequality may be the cruelest. It damages the heart.”

This statement may be true, but do we want to throw the baby out with the bathwater? Do we want to eliminate the nuclear family, so dysfunctional families don’t have to feel bad for themselves? We would love equal and fair outcomes for all, but life is not fair, not all people work as hard as others, and bad luck can come to any of us.

It was difficult and maybe cruel for my siblings and me to be raised in a dysfunctional family as we were. However, most of us now have functional families of our own—those who don’t are not blaming anyone outside of the family. Certainly, none of us blamed successful families for the deeds we performed, causing distress within our own family.

Summary:
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There are many more conclusions in the Brooks article with which I beg to differ. When it comes down to it, it depends on what lens you choose to view these issues that ultimately drive your conclusions. But beyond my thoughts and biases is common sense. While not possible for all, is not a nuclear family the best way for most children to thrive? The ‘best’ for ‘most’? Not the best for all, or the worst for some, but the ‘best for most’? I don’t consider that opinion. I consider it self-evident

​#powerofdadhood

When my three children were young teens and tweens, I wrote something for them and put it in a cheap plastic photo frame next to their beds as a reminder of their responsibilities in life. Whether they read it often, or understood it completely, was not something I could control… but it was there for them to contemplate or to ask questions about if they chose to do so.

Some twenty or more years later, I was moved to write The Power of Dadhood, about the importance of fathers being involved in their children’s lives. I decided what I had written for my children so long ago would be perfect for my book on fatherhood. That something was simply called...If You Want ‘X’, Then You Must Do ‘Y' 
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 X = That
 Y = This
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If You Want ‘X’, Then You Must Do ‘Y’
Copyright: Michael Byron Smith

• If you want to Learn, you must listen.

Do I get an Amen for this one?

• If you want Growth, you must take risks.

To have growth requires trying new things, facing your fears, and calculating the risks given the potential growth and rewards. If you rarely fail, then you rarely put forth much effort.

• If you want Responsibility, you must be responsible.

Everyone deserves a chance at responsibility. But when you get it, you better not mess it up because it will take a long time to get trust back!

• If you want Commitment, you must be involved.

You must show you care for your mission or goal if you expect anyone to be committed to helping or serving you.

• If you want Achievement, you must have goals.

If you had a plan called a ‘ladder’ and achievement was reaching the ‘top’ of a ladder, then each ‘rung ‘of the ladder is a succession of goals. You cannot have achievement without goals, and very rarely without a plan!

• If you want Success, you must have persistence.

Easily reaching a goal is not much of a success. Success usually involves failures, missteps and hard work. Surviving through all of that requires persistence!

• If you want Control, you must plan.

Back to the plan, symbolized by a ladder above. You cannot control your ascent or descent without a plan. The plan may not always work, but you can adjust from a known issue (e. g. get a better ladder) instead of experiencing chaos.

• If you want Rewards, you must provide effort.

You may win the lottery, and that’s great, but you provided no effort and that is not a reward. The most enjoyable things that come to you in this world are those for which you have struggled to obtain.

• If you want to Be Liked, you must like yourself.

If you don’t like yourself, you likely need help. But first help yourself by being kind to others, allowing that act to be reflected back to you. When that happens, you will like yourself. Be first! Like and be liked.

• If you want Love, you must be patient.

Don’t confuse 'like' or 'infatuation' with love. Be cautious, wary, and don’t settle for less than you deserve. Live a life of independence before looking for true love. 

• If you want a Challenge, you must dare to improve.

You can challenge someone in darts or arm-wrestling. That’s fun! But real challenges involve improving yourself or helping someone who needs help. Again, don’t settle for less than you deserve. But if you don’t challenge yourself, you don’t deserve much.
 
Summary

Kids must know that their success is mostly up to them, but they have to be aware of that fact. Children of wise parents are statistically much more successful!  The reason they are is having been taught these basic facts of life.

Be a provider to your children, be a source of love, but also a be a mentor.
 

Counting those who run a home-based business and those who are telecommuting because of the pandemic, there are millions of Americans working from home right now. And many of these are parents whose kids are at home throughout the day. So if you find yourself in this situation, you’re not alone. You also probably know how stressful it can be as you’re trying to balance a full-time career with a full-time family.
 
The truth is that there are really no ways to completely eliminate the stress that comes with the responsibilities of remote work and parenting. But you can learn how to minimize the stress, navigate challenges, and establish harmony between your work and home life. From creating a daily schedule to planning family outings to reading The Power of Dadhood, here are nine ways to thrive when working from home with kids.
 
1. Adopt a morning routine.
 
How you begin your day is crucial. If you get off to a solid start, it can help you to be more confident and mentally engaged throughout the rest of the day. Find a morning routine that works for you and sets you up to be productive. As a parent, this will likely involve you getting your kids ready for the day. But make sure to carve in time for yourself, whether that means working out, writing in your journal, having coffee, or eating a healthy breakfast.
 
2. Establish a solid schedule and structure.
 
Aside from the morning, you’ll also want to find a good schedule for your workday. This is particularly key since you're working from home—where you're naturally inclined to be more relaxed. Figure out your kids’ schedules, what times of day you are most productive, and how to break up your tasks. Then, try to establish a structure that helps you eliminate distractions and stay focused on your work.
 
3. Keep the kids happy
 
Some of your kids’ time may be taken up by schoolwork (which you might need to take part in as well). But what will they do in all the other hours of the day while you’re trying to hone in on your daily tasks?
 
Find fun and educational activities to keep your kids busy so that you can concentrate. For instance, there are tons of enriching online games these days. Make sure your child has a laptop, such as a Google Chromebook, and introduce them to some of these games. Just be sure to invest in good antivirus software to protect all of your home’s networks and devices.
 
4. Don’t work after hours.
 
Once you create a good work schedule, make sure you abide by it. One thing about working from home is that you are only seconds away from your office at any given time. Don’t give in to the temptation to finish up that project or send that email after you’ve clocked out for the day. Otherwise, you can sabotage your efforts to find balance and miss out on quality self-care/family time.
 
5. Do fun stuff with the family.
 
While it’s true that your family must come first, the reality is that you need to work so that your family can thrive. However, if you want a good balance in your work and home life, you must actually make time to do things with your family. Whether it’s planning a weekend getaway at the beach or the mountains, going for a day hike, or taking the occasional workday off for an impromptu activity, nothing can replace good experiences with loved ones.
 
6. Make space for your work.
 
That said, you have to prioritize your work to some degree, and creating a home office is a significant step towards that. Choose a location in your home that will help you to minimize distractions, such as a spare bedroom or garage. And make sure the space will provide plenty of room for your equipment, storage, and other necessities.
 
7. Equip your home office.
 
Once you’ve chosen space for your home office, start outfitting it with equipment. This includes the basics like a desk, office chair, and laptop or desktop computer. You also want to ensure that you have a fast and reliable Internet connection, as well as any other equipment necessary for your day-to-day tasks.
 
8. Stay organized
 
Organization is key when it comes to productivity. After all, it can be hard to produce good work consistently when your workspace is messy and dirty. Spend at least one day a week deep cleaning your office, and keep clutter at bay every day. Look for decorative storage solutions to organize your items, and be sure to keep any cords and wires out of sight so that you can enjoy a clean and seamless office space.
 
9. Remember self-care.
 
Lastly, you must take care of yourself. This is especially important when you’re trying to balance a full-time career with a full-time family. While it may seem like there’s not enough time in the day, you must leave room in your schedule for relaxing activities, whether that means doing meditation and yoga, taking a hot bath, picking up a hobby, or doing some other activity that reduces stress and makes you happy. If you want a relaxing activity that teaches you about parenting techniques, start reading Helping Fathers to be Dads.
 
And of course, it’s essential to keep up with your overall health and well-being. The most basic ways to accomplish this is to eat a healthy diet, exercise regularly, and get plenty of sleep.
 
If your kids are at home and you're working remotely full-time, you must figure out how to strike a healthy balance so that you can succeed at both and enjoy life. Along with considering the tips listed here, be sure to remain open-minded to other ways that you can reduce stress, boost productivity, and foster relationships with loved ones. Then you’ll put yourself in a position to take full advantage of the privilege of remote work!
 
If you would like to find more practical, insightful guidance on parenting, visit michaelbyronsmith.com today!

My father was not a good father. I learned much about fathering by watching him and, when I became a dad myself, I tried to do every fatherly act he didn't do.

​I still loved him and longed for his attention as a boy. Knowing the magnitude and impact of the loss of fatherly advice, guidance, and simple attention, I wrote notes and observations on fatherhood for my extended family. These observations became a book, "The Power of Dadhood: How to Become the Father Your Child Needs."

I want to pull some lines from my book, giving you an idea of my passion for the importance of involved fathering. I'd then like to share some quotes on fathering from other authors, famous people, and great minds as further encouragement, hoping they will give depth and meaning you the most important role a man can have.


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                                                                               *   *   *
From: "The Power of Dadhood"

On a father's mission and attention:

"No man is a failure who has helped a child, especially his own. The greatest single gift a man can give his children is his attention. It seems so simple, but somehow it is lost in its simplicity. There is no excuse for not trying your best to be a good father. There are reasons, obstacles, and hardships, but no excuses."

On Helping Fathers to be Dads:

"While some men thrive naturally as fathers, there are too many who don't, and the results can be disastrous. We must not judge these men because we don't know what they've been through, how they were raised, or how they see things as a unique personality. But they could use a mentor, especially if their father was not there for them."

Learning from other dads:

"I learned so much from my father. I learned from him that I needed to get an education. I learned that people would judge me by my actions and react to me according to my attitude. I learned the importance of reliability and trust. These things I learned from him because he demonstrated how difficult life can be without them."

Impact on Society:

"Almost all of society's ills can be traced to people whose family lives were in turmoil. Often the turmoil started with an absent or uncaring father."

The Truth:

"You are the only true father your children will ever have, but you are not alone. Your children are waiting for you. Their mother is longing for your help. Society is cheering for your success. Fathers who are true Dads are always ready to talk to you."
 
Fatherhood quotes from authors, leaders, and great minds:
 
"But there's no substitute for a full-time dad. Dads who are fully engaged with their kids overwhelmingly tend to produce children who believe in themselves and live full lives." Tony Dungy
 
"I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection." Sigmund Freud
 
"As an educator, I've seen the positive influence that fathers have on their children." Nicoline Ambe, Being Dad
 
"My dad encouraged us to fail. Growing up, he would ask us what we failed at that week. If we didn't have something, he would be disappointed. It changed my mindset at an early age that failure is not the outcome, failure is not trying. Don't be afraid to fail." Sara Blakely
 
"When I was a kid, I used to imagine animals running under my bed. I told my dad, and he solved the problem quickly. He cut the legs off the bed." Lou Brock
 
"Being a father is about adaptation and about making the most of the opportunities that are given to you." Colin Adams, Parenting for New Dads
 
"A daughter needs a dad to be the standard against which she will judge all men." Gregory E. Lang
 
"Being a father is the most rewarding thing a man whose career has plateaued can do." Aristotle
 
"Being a father has been, without a doubt, my greatest source of achievement, pride and inspiration. Fatherhood has taught me about unconditional love, reinforced the importance of giving back and taught me how to be a better person." Naveen Jain
 
"Listen, there is no way any true man is going to let children live around him in his home and not discipline and teach, fight and mold them until they know all he knows. His goal is to make them better than he is. Being their friend is a distant second to this." Victor Devlin
 
"It is a wise father that know his own child." William Shakespeare
 
 "The guys who fear becoming fathers don't understand that fathering is not something perfect men do, but something that perfects the man. The end product of child raising is not the child but the parent." Frank Pittman
 
"Being a father means you have to think fast on your feet. You must be judicious, wise, brave, tender, and willing to put on a frilly hat and sit down to a pretend tea party." Matthew Buckley, Fatherhood: The Manliest Profession
 
"...that the most precious things a father can provide are time, attention, and love." Tim Russert, Wisdom of Our Fathers: Lessons and Letters from Daughters and Sons
 
"Fatherly love is the act of giving your life for the sake of someone else's needs." Nate Dallas, Hacking Fatherhood: Preparing For Success in the Biggest Role of Your Life
 
"No amount of money can be paid for the relationship between a father and his sons and a father and his daughters." Willie Williams, 7 Steps to Parenting Power
 
"My father taught me that the only way you can make good at anything is to practice, and then practice some more." Pete Rose
 
"Studies show that when a baby, child, or teenager has a good father, that child will soar." Meg Meeker, MD
 
"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years." Mark Twain
 
"One of the greatest needs of this age is for responsible and committed fathers." Bishop Charles Edward Blake Sr.
 
Summary

Thank you for your interest in fatherhood, or 'Dadhood' as I like to call fatherhood with involvement, mentoring, nurturing, and demonstrating love.
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Dadhood = fatherhood + nurturing + demonstrated love
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