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A Grandfather's Story

7/25/2016

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PictureA nice usher took our photo!
If you are very lucky, one of the greatest perks of being a father is eventually becoming a grandfather. Unless you become the primary caretaker, and hopefully that never has to happen, there are rules for your relationship with your grandchild that don’t apply to dad.

As a dad, you have to be little stricter on the rules. Giving in too often is bad for the child’s outlook on how life works, and it is bad for your authoritarian relationship. As a grandfather, you are an occasional deviation from restrictions that parents have to enforce to be good, thoughtful parents.

Yesterday I took my three and one-half-year-old grandson, Ryan, to the Cardinals-Dodgers baseball game. It was “Build-a-Bear” night and he got a stuffed bear in Cardinal gear. Getting the bear was not a grandfather thing as most children there were brought by their parents. Kids certainly do get treats from their parents.

PictureA selfie in our seats.
​​The national anthem started. Just at the time, his mom and dad called on 'Facetime'. I pointed the phone at him with his hand over his heart as I had instructed. They loved seeing him in his Cardinal shirt and hat respecting our national anthem. Later on his mom told me he forgot to take off his hat. I forgot to teach him that.

A rookie pitcher made an emergency start for the Cardinals and he gave up nine runs before he got five outs. That may have soured my night a bit as a Cardinal fan, but my grandson isn’t yet old enough to care. He sat patiently while the Dodgers poured it on. Losing 9-0 after two innings, we decided to go to the kids play area. He played for a while then decided there were too many other kids there. Besides, an $8.00 ice cream cone had been promised.

PictureThe National Anthem
​Back to our seats to devour a quickly melting cone and a couple more innings. I knew we wouldn’t be able to stay the entire game because it was way past his bedtime. We left after the 5th inning. The Cards were losing 9-3 then anyway.

We walked to the car with a stop along the way through Ballpark Village where Ryan saw an enormous TV and then through City Garden where kids were cooling off in the many miniature fountains of water. Of course, Ryan had to stick his hand in one and got his shoes wet.

PictureCity Garden
​Before we left Busch Stadium, Ryan had asked for a lemonade. He told me his mom let him have lemonade at McDonald’s.  Knowing the price of lemonade at the ballpark, I told him “how about we get lemonade at McDonald’s on the way home?” He was all for it!

We made our way to the car from City Garden and headed home, watching a distant lightning storm to the west. Ryan wasn’t too happy with the lightning. I told him he was safe in the car and suggested it looked like fireworks. He agreed but said there were no colors like real fireworks. I agreed. 

PictureRyan and his Bear
​
I tried to listen to the game in the car, but he was chattering so much I turned it off. We stopped at McDonald’s and got a large lemonade and fries to share. He was in little-kid heaven. He loved the lemonade but had to wait for the fries to cool a bit. We got home with me wearing a 'Fredbird' balloon hat that a balloon artist had given to Ryan at Ballpark Village. He bounced into the house as happy as I had ever seen him, telling his parents about the night and eating french fries. He asked that I put some of the lemonade into his Batman cup.
​

I don’t know if Ryan will remember this night being so young, but I will cherish my night with him forever! I love being a grandfather!!







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How Will July 2016 Impact Families?

7/18/2016

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Will July 2016 be one of the most tragic months in modern history?  From Dallas to France to Turkey, and on to Baton Rouge, senseless killings have taken place. There have been no tsunamis, earthquakes, or floods. Every tragedy has been related to choice and hate.

What causes all this hate? Sometimes it is mental illness. Sometimes it is religious and/or political beliefs. And sometimes it is inexpiable evil! While it may seem like we are in the worst of times, none of these causes of human destruction are new. What is new--very new--is social media. With social media we have a magnifier of events, not that each event itself is always magnified in its terror, but the breadth and fear are magnified, making it seem closer to us and more likely to happen to us personally.

Social media also encourages like-minded opportunists of fear and hate. There is not much we as fathers and mother can do about that, but we can do something protect our children from potential harm. How each family decides to approach this issue is up to their best judgement, but I think it is something you must think about based on your children’s ages, their temperament, where you live, etc.

Most would agree that younger children should be shielded from all visions and/or sounds of tragedy. They will not understand the risks neither of how likely they will be personally affected, nor do they need to be unnecessarily upset or afraid. As they get older, you will not be able to shield them and, therefore, you must understand how they are being impacted.

While some young kids ignore adult issues, others are more sensitive and are unable to put what they hear into perspective. That’s when parents must be in tune with their children, putting them at ease about topics that won’t directly affect them while cautioning them about other issues in which they may be at risk.

It is a real challenge to prepare a child for a risk without scaring them in the process. There is no one way to prepare them because the risk levels and consequences can be so different for each family based where they live, the temperament of the children, and how the parents see the world. But in these times of social media and the constant presence of dreadful news, we must also protect them from irrational fears, nightmares, and the knowledge of the world’s tragedies when that knowledge will do them more harm than good.
​
In summary, parents must consider the world we live in, the situation in which they find themselves, and how they will protect their children. We can protect them from real dangers and also protect them from needless worry and fear. To just stand by and hope for the best will not be the best choice for your family.

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Everyday Life, Fatherhood, Tragedy, and Children

7/11/2016

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“The fluttering of a butterfly's wings can effect climate changes on the other side of the planet.”
  ~Paul Erlich

This post is a potpourri of topics, but they all tie into our lives. Nothing in this world occurs without an impact, sometimes good and too often, bad. We live our lives every day, never knowing what may happen to interrupt our hopes and plans.

This has been a very busy summer for me! I have been fixing the house my family has lived in for twenty-seven years to sell. And it sold in one day! We are moving into a “smaller” home near our daughters. It is astounding to me how our old house was able to hold within, all of the things we are now taking out. We have given away, thrown away, lost and rediscovered so many clothes, books, memorabilia, toys, mementos, blankets, Christmas decorations – I could go on and on. And we did it to ourselves! With all that, we still have a garage full of “stuff” at our new home that didn’t make the first cut. ‘Letting go’ is a new goal of mine and also, I hope, for my wife Kathy. In the meantime, we still watch grandchildren, maintain a country farmhouse, and there is this blog that I try to keep alive in the hopes that someone will get something out of it.

With Father’s Day being this month, I had to be diligent about promoting my book, “The Power of Dadhood”. This was the second Father’s Day since my book was released. As much as I try to get my book into the hands of fathers, buying publicity is not working very well, especially with Facebook ads. If more books were purchased, it wouldn’t matter that to me that I cannot sell enough books to cover my expenses. Writing and promoting a book is the last thing I would recommend doing to make money. I never hoped to make money, but to improve the lives of families and children. When things settle down in my life, I will have to look for speaking engagements – something with which I am not yet at ease. Of course, I do give books away to family-oriented charities and welcome recommendations from readers.

Speaking of fatherhood, books, and giving - good friends of mine have donated a very large sum of money to a charity I support for the purpose of buying copies of my book for military families. The name of the charity is “Little Patriots Embraced” and I ask that you look them up and consider supporting them on their mission of supporting military families during periods of hardship which include times of deployment and so much more. Words cannot express my appreciation for ‘Little Patriots Embraced’ and the generous support of my good friends, military people themselves!

This has also been a tough week for race relations and the police. It hurts to see singular incidents be representative of acts that rarely happen in the bigger picture, but those acts on their own are still very tragic. I live one mile away in a town, called one on the ten safest in America, where a black man shot a police officer in the back during a traffic stop. Not twelve hours earlier, twelve police officers were shot and five were killed by another black man in Dallas. In the week prior, two black men lost their lives in incidents with the police that, on the surface, appear unnecessarily tragic. When there is a black man that commits a crime, we should never assume that is the character of most black men.  But too many of us do. When and if a police officer is tragically derelict in his duty, we should not blame most police officers for that act. But too many of us do.

One last related thought. As a writer on fatherhood and its value in the community, it is true that a much larger percentage of black children are raised without the proper attention of their father than any other racial demographic. This does cause many issues including boys being violent and girls having babies out of wedlock. Like children everywhere, black children matter! But they are often the most ignored. This is something all of us must admit and find answers regarding. Fathers must be involved in their children’s lives in a positive way and mothers must allow it. We need more black fathers engaged in the lives of their children! There are too many negative influences out there that will fill the void.

Peace, patience, and understanding.



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The Five F's of the Fourth!

7/4/2016

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I always look forward to Independence Day - The 4th of July!  We celebrate our independence as a nation and the freedom it has allowed us all. We do it with flags, food, fireworks, and family. This Fourth of July, my family has done it all. Our son came home from Fort Campbell and while one daughter and her family were on vacation, our other daughter’s family was there as was my brother’s family and many friends.

  1. Freedom, of course, is the first ‘F’. Our forefather’s fight for independence was for that very purpose. With freedom comes choice and responsibility. Some of us make the bad choices and lack responsibility. When this happens, it’s a terrible waste of our freedoms.
  2. Our flags, showing their stars and stripes, are flowing without any apologies. It seems more and more Americans think something is wrong with being proud of their country. I see an American flag I think of the values it represents and all those who sacrificed for it. There is no perfect country but I feel very fortunate to be an American!
  3. Food has also been flowing. Now I should probably apologize to my health for that. But holidays can be a type of recess from the stricter regimens of our daily life. Yesterday, alone, I had a bratwurst, snow cone, hard cider, mac & cheese, cookies, cake, Coke, and more. Sounds bad when you write it down, maybe because it is.
  4. We saw the best fireworks you could ever see, especially for a private, neighborhood show. My brother and has brother-in-law are pyro-technicians. They, along with volunteers, fire off thousands of dollars of rockets lighting up the sky with colors dancing and sounds booming. The attendance grows every year as the word of the dazzling show grows. Guests donate whatever funds they can to defray some of the costs, but the host is overwhelmingly generous.
  5. The best part is watching all the families getting together and having fun. Scores of families slinging Frisbees, kids chasing parachutes shot into the air, tents, lawn chairs, blankets, and people mingling and laughing.
Holidays are great! We celebrate people or occasions while slowing down to enjoy each other.While we have Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, I think we should have a holiday called Family Day. It would be a day to spend with family and for all of us to observe the family as THE critical building block of a successful, safe, and free society.  Is there anything else more worthy of celebration?

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