Photo by the author. When you are a parent, everyone has advice for you. I’m guilty as one of those who think they have some ideas on the matter of parenting, especially for fathers. You see them in my book of fatherhood and within this blog every week. I do know this; my heart is in the right place as are most of those who want the best for all children and families. My best advice on advice is to consider it, but don’t think you are wrong if you ignore it. We all have different circumstances, unique children, and personalities.
Along this line, I ran across a REDBOOK article entitled,”60 Things You Should Never, Ever Say to Your Kids” I found some of these things you aren’t supposed to say interesting, at a minimum. Of course, many things you shouldn’t say to your children are no doubt correct. “Why can’t you be more like your brother/sister?” “You’re just like your mother/father!” or “You’re fat!” are just a few examples. Other things you aren’t supposed to say I find curious, like “My house, my rules.” I believe saying that can certainly be appropriate for an older child.
Some things you are not supposed to say can become a difficult proposition in certain situations - unless you are a godly parent - and few of us are. I think it a good idea to review these ‘60 Things’ and make your own decision as to how they may apply to you as a parent. Indeed, if you sometimes violate a few of these rules of communication with your children, this does not mean you are a failure by any means. I have said quite a few of these “unsayables”, but my children have not turned their back on me and thrive as adults.
We are in a period of snowflake mentality, that is, some suggest we should not test the mental vulnerability of children. In general, I agree. But should we not direct, correct, and guide our children the way we think best? If you can do that successfully by coddling, then more power to you. If you believe being tougher is more effective, do so without anger and impatience. There is a delicate balance, I think, between adhering closely to these ‘60 things you should never-ever say’ and being a parent in charge in a caring but unmistakable way. Only you can choose.
Take in and evaluate all the parenting knowledge you can handle and do the best you can! None of us are perfect!
Along this line, I ran across a REDBOOK article entitled,”60 Things You Should Never, Ever Say to Your Kids” I found some of these things you aren’t supposed to say interesting, at a minimum. Of course, many things you shouldn’t say to your children are no doubt correct. “Why can’t you be more like your brother/sister?” “You’re just like your mother/father!” or “You’re fat!” are just a few examples. Other things you aren’t supposed to say I find curious, like “My house, my rules.” I believe saying that can certainly be appropriate for an older child.
Some things you are not supposed to say can become a difficult proposition in certain situations - unless you are a godly parent - and few of us are. I think it a good idea to review these ‘60 Things’ and make your own decision as to how they may apply to you as a parent. Indeed, if you sometimes violate a few of these rules of communication with your children, this does not mean you are a failure by any means. I have said quite a few of these “unsayables”, but my children have not turned their back on me and thrive as adults.
We are in a period of snowflake mentality, that is, some suggest we should not test the mental vulnerability of children. In general, I agree. But should we not direct, correct, and guide our children the way we think best? If you can do that successfully by coddling, then more power to you. If you believe being tougher is more effective, do so without anger and impatience. There is a delicate balance, I think, between adhering closely to these ‘60 things you should never-ever say’ and being a parent in charge in a caring but unmistakable way. Only you can choose.
Take in and evaluate all the parenting knowledge you can handle and do the best you can! None of us are perfect!
