​Love or Money?

In my book on fatherhood, I discuss how easy it is to be a good father - even with the continuous challenges that come with the role. But challenges don't come between you and success as a parent, lack of caring will. If  you care, you will try, and that is everything! Some men lose their families simply because they don't care. They don't care enough to learn, they don't care enough to put forth the necessary effort, or they don't have the strength to fight through adversity. 

There are other men who have lost their families and fight very hard to get them back. It could have been a mistake on their part that caused this to happen. Or maybe the mother of his children who, for reasons that are varied, or unfair, or unknown, choose to keep him away. And the laws of the land help the mothers to do just that. Often unfairly. No matter the circumstance, when children lose the care of their father through divorce, it's not the lost love, caring, or mentoring that is demanded for the children, it's money! 

The following is an excerpt from, "The Power of Dadhood - How to Become the Father Your Child Needs". In this passage, I discuss love versus money. If we agree we have too many families led by the mother alone, then not only is getting financial help important, but so too is getting emotional support for the children from the father that still cares deeply for them.


Love or Money?

It is a social rarity in America to excuse an absent father from meeting his financial responsibilities. What is sadly accepted is excusing him from his fatherly responsibilities. As stated by Blankenhorn in Fatherless America: “In our cultural model of the Deadbeat Dad, the core issue is money absence, not father absence.” Discussion of the absence of a father always seems to center on the need for income—child support. While income is important, the lack of a male role model and the lack of a real, involved Dad—truly supporting the child—is the real problem. Those of us who are worried about a fatherless America (and I wish there were more of us) realize that the best way to get men to support their children is to help these men become better fathers. It is easier to become a deadbeat dad when:

• you think of sex but not the consequences
• you haven’t had the mentoring many young men need to be a nurturing father
• you are confused and afraid
• the mother doesn’t want you around
• you have little or no money
• you feel you have no control over the child or the money you send
• you are looked down upon—described as a terrible partner or parent—when the facts of the matter may prove differently

While the hurdles can be daunting, you can overcome them if you want to. But before that happens, you have total control over becoming a father, or becoming a father again. If you have any doubts or questions about ever being a father or even having more children, read the next chapter, “To Be or Not to Be.” Otherwise, you can skip it and move on to understanding the negative social impacts that can arise with fatherless children, which you can help minimize by being a good Dad.

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