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The Greatest Gift Ever?

12/26/2016

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It's been a busy holiday season so I'm writing a quick blog to say I hope it was a blessed, magical, and memorable Christmas for all. It certainly was for me and my family! With four grandchildren eight years old and under, it was exciting and hectic. Especially nice was the fact our son was home for Christmas for the first time in many years. As an Army Warrant Officer, he has too often been overseas serving our country during the holidays. I think he was a little blown away by it all!

I’m sure exhaustion has set in for many, especially for those with children and grandchildren. I know my wife, Kathleen, who did almost all the shopping, cooking, and decorating, is on life support this day after. With time, the exhaustion fades away and the sweet memories take over.

Hopefully, we remember the true reason for Christmas and celebrate the birth of Jesus. But even for those that have different beliefs, or are more secular, Christmas allows a reason for families to come together and, hopefully, spend time for reacquainting, sharing stories, and solidifying relationships.

Families are natural support systems. When families succeed, individuals succeed. Individual success is measured not in paychecks, but in emotional health and the ability to contribute in positive ways. Successful individuals are not a burden on anyone and they contribute to the greater good. It comes down to the basic fact that families are the key reason for success or failure in any aspect of society.

One blessing I wish for all is strong family values. I am not a Mormon but I respect many of the family values they exhibit. If you were to look at all the states, Utah has one of the lowest crime rates and lowest rate of out-of-wedlock births in the country. Not coincidentally, Utah is also very family oriented due to the large Mormon population. Anywhere family values prevail, society thrives as also evidenced by Utah's very low unemployment rate.

On the other hand crime, out-of-wedlock births, and other societal issues will usually involve those individuals from weak or unsupportive family backgrounds. Statistics and common experience bear this out. These examples are, of course, generalizations and not an indictment or praise of any person or group. But to say it is cloudier in Seattle than Yuma, Arizona is also a generalization (but it usually is). 

Religion is a great asset to a disciplined society. But religion does not ensure discipline nor does discipline ensure kindness or acceptance. But religion does set standards and you will find where society fails, positive standards are few. Religious standards routinely include caring and community.

You will notice that all religions have celebrations which bring thier believers together. Christmas brings Christians together and is an opportunity to remember and practice standards of love, giving, sharing, and fellowship.  Those standards act as rudders of guidance in an ocean of choices. Without guidance, we are without the combined knowledge of those before us, therefore susceptible to avoidable mistakes and temptations. As an advocate for responsible fatherhood (Dadhood), I hope no man ignores his value as a mentor to his children.

As you may have noticed as a ramble on, this is a stream of consciousness article, in other words, I had no idea what I was going to say before I sat down. But I do want one thing to come to you as it came to me as I pressed on my laptop keys. ‘Family’ is a key to every result in life, whether positive or negative!  A family doesn’t ensure success, and lack of a strong family doesn’t spell doom. But a strong family does make success easier and failure less likely. A supportive family may be the greatest gift ever!

Happy New Year!

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Grandkids loving Christmastime!
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​The Greatest Blessing

12/11/2016

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The holidays are hectic, joyful, and sometimes sad. A mixture of emotions can flood our hearts and brains while we are shopping, listening to Christmas music, or wrapping presents. Among the best of things the holidays bring to us is a reminder of the blessings we have in our lives - our health, our memories, our loved ones to name a few. One of the dearest blessings in my life are the joys of my children and grandchildren. I’m certain that is true for the vast majority of parents and grandparents.

We are so thankful for our blessings, some of which are granted by hard work, and others by the grace of God. There is, however, a blessing you can bestow on others, those closest to you.  That is the blessing of being loved, cared for, and guided! If we are young, it is our parents who are in the best situation to bestow this blessing. If we are elderly, it is our children who can repay that blessing.

As a father and grandfather, I can speak for men. For those of us who want to be fathers (when the time is right), fatherhood is a blessing. Biologically it satisfies our basic need to continue our species. Emotionally it satisfies our need to love and be loved unconditionally. Intellectually it allows us to pass on our knowledge and philosophy to others who trust us.

No doubt, fatherhood is a blessing! But fatherhood is largely in our control. We decide and determine our contributions and commitments. The greater, and possibly the greatest blessing, is Dadhood! Dadhood is not a blessing for men, it is a blessing for our children. And what is Dadhood? I would describe Dadhood as 'fatherhood in action'. What fatherhood allows us to do, Dadhood does in fact.

Dadhood is an environment where obstacles to raising children are challenges to beat, where love is demonstrated - not hidden, and where a principled life is not only taught, but demonstrated. Dadhood is involvement! Dadhood is what children want from their fathers.

Fatherhood is a blessing for men.
Dadhood is a blessing for children.

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Many circumstances and factors determine the success of a life. One key factor is how we were raised, something we, as children, have little control. When children have parents that look out for them in every way and mentor them through the various stages of life, their chances for happiness and success increase dramatically. Of course, there are exceptions where children succeed having had poor parenting and others where children fail with proper and loving parenting. Nevertheless, the exceptions are few and the blessing of Dadhood ( and ‘Momhood’) may be the greatest blessing they will ever receive. Success and happiness is then up to them, hopefully taking advantage of what was given them and, hopefully passing it on, generation to generation.

"The Differences Between a Father and a Dad"

I wrote an article about the difference between a father and a dad. Please click on the title above to read!



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​Mt Everest Drive – A Dad Story

12/4/2016

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It’s Saturday afternoon and your toddler is cranky. It’s a cool and partly cloudy fall day so you take her outside as a distraction. You get out the wagon, set the little angel in it and start pulling. You look back and she is smiling, singing, and picking up the old leaves and sticks still in the wagon from the previous journey.  “Well”, you surmise, “I guess she just needed some fresh air and a change of scenery”.

You start thinking about the bills you need to pay and the leak under the sink that is currently dripping in a bucket. Speaking of leaves, the gutter is choking with them and that big yard you wanted when you bought the house is now ankle deep in that symbol of the Toronto Hockey Club. And then there is that presentation at work coming up that needs your attention. Your wife is out shopping with your daughter’s slightly older brother who, before they left, was driving you crazy with his bouncing around the house and tackling of your wagon-passenger, much to her animal-like screeching chagrin.

As you notice your breathing getting a little heavier as you get half way up the neighborhood hill on Mt. Everest Drive, it strikes you that you aren’t getting anything done! Your wife expects to see nothing of you but your legs sticking out from underneath the sink when she gets home. That leak is her number one priority while your priority is that presentation. Your neighbors don’t say anything, but they are tired of looking at your brown carpet of damp leaves. And here you are, approaching the summit of Mt. Everest, huffing and puffing with your eighteen-month-old smiling up at you when you look back to see if she is still aboard. Oh yeah, better buckle her in.

PictureMt. Everest Drive
“Nothing is getting done!” a voice keeps yelling in your brain as you reach the crest of Mt. Everest Dr. where it meets Priority Court. The house on this corner is the jewel of the neighborhood. The yard is immaculately clear of leaves with trimmed bushes and not a hint of peeling paint. Also, not a toy in sight. As you get back your breath you say to yourself, “I bet… (pant pant) … they don’t have…kids”.

You start the trip back downhill to your house and the wagon is easier to pull. In fact, you have to keep it from being a thrill ride by holding it back from the gravitational force. Your toddler is banging a stick on the side of the wagon, but still happy. You start thinking about how she blows you kisses when you leave for work and how she giggles when you blow raspberries on her belly. And yesterday, she had a grip on your leg like she never wanted to let go.

You get home just as your wife and son return. After you lift your daughter out of the wagon your son, who is approaching four years of age, hugs his sister and comes running to tell you mommy bought a treat for after dinner, and would you play cars with him. You begrudgingly say, “yes, but you have to help me take groceries in the house first”. Your son grabs a container of yogurt which he personally picked out because of the strawberry on the label. He drops it twice on the way into the house but he feels proud of his effort to help.

On the way in the house, you notice the garage has no room for your car. Then you think it could all be perfect…clean gutters, immaculate yard, free time for watching baseball, and extra money for a plumber. But you would have to give up these two young ones to have all that...and then you realize just how lucky you really are! That is, until you walk in the house with your last bag of groceries and your wife complains, “You’ll do anything to avoid fixing that leak!”
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Hey, this is real life…not a fairy tale! But you really did get a lot done today…as a Dad!

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