Category: Families

A Dad is a Many-Splendored Thing

9/13/2021

Photo by author

What do you get with a father? That is a question not easily answered because all fathers are different, and becoming one requires no skill. I think I can better tell you what you get with a Dad! Dads are those fathers that do things for and with their family.

From my book, “The Power of Dadhood”

“What It Takes To be a real Dad

A Dad does not need to be handsome, strong, athletic, macho, rich, eloquent, college educated, or even married to the child’s mother, as is often the situation. Although many men want to be these things, such characteristics don’t make a man a Man or a father a Dad.
A Dad does need to be loving, available, caring, interested, and involved, as well as a nurturing teacher, disciplinarian, coach, cheerleader, and so much more.”

Look at the list below. If your father is, or does, just five of these things, then he qualifies as a Dad! But I bet most fathers are, or do, many more than five!

My Dad is my:

Security guard
Coach
Mentor
Caretaker
Taxi Driver
Someone to play catch with
Bad joke teller
Superhero
Keeper of my secrets
Fixer of things
Disciplinarian
Storyteller
Listener
Example
Helper
Adventure guide
Lover of children’s art
Photographer
Provider
Counselor
Challenger
Partner to my Mom

And your greatest fan!

Fathers, looking at the list above how would your children rate you as a Dad? How would you rate yourself? It’s a simple check to help you reflect on your parenting. We don't want to just get by, we want to excel. Engagement comes before skill.

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Mothers, The Enduring Parent

5/3/2021

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“It’s not easy being a mother. If it were, fathers would do it.”
The Golden Girls

Don't forget Mother’s Day! When Anna Jarvis started her endeavor to honor mothers in 1908, she had no idea what it would turn into. Actually, she was appalled at how commercial it became and tried all she could to stop that trend. The commercialization of Mother’s Day is not going to stop. But it is also the day that Anna Jarvis intended – a day to honor the cornerstone of families, our mothers!

We know that Moms and Dads often show caring in different ways. Very generally, Moms soothe while Dads prepare. Moms protect and Dads challenge. Moms are often overlooked and taken for granted by their children, while Dads who interact tend to be more appreciated, especially when compared to less-involved dads.

Moms give us the tenderness we all crave and require. When in need of sympathy or understanding, nine out of ten times we go to our moms. They seem to have this magic power to know what to do. And when in danger, a mom perks up like a bear protecting her cubs. There is no power known to man stronger than a mother defending her child.

Moms are the best! Houses may be built by fathers, but homes are made by mothers. Fathers may provide, but mothers make the most of it. And when fathers don’t provide, the mothers can and will do their very best without their help. My mom did this for her six children, raising us all virtually by herself!

I have, been raised by, lived with, helped conceive, known many, and are related to, wonderful mothers. My mother may admit she wasn’t perfect, but there was no way she could have been. Raising six kids alone and working full time at minimum wage only allows a parent to survive, provide, and give love to her children. She did that heroically!

My wife, Kathy, has been a mom above all other things. She had a career she put on hold for 15 years to stay home with our kids. Not all moms can do that, nor should they have to. But we are happy it worked out for us. Kathy took the kids everywhere and gave them so many experiences. Because of her, our children had happy, carefree days. She made my role as dad one I could enjoy so much more because Kathy took care of so many of the kids basic needs.

My two daughters each have two beautiful children. They are both modern working moms but both have a day or two off during the week because of school-aged children. They are married to great dads and they have both learned from their mom. At their homes, I have seen numerous books on parenting (even mine). It is so wonderful to not have to worry about your grandchildren—being able to spoil them because mom and dad are in full control.

It seems like moms are there for their kids 99% of the time. My sisters and some of their daughters raised their children with little or no help from the fathers. I don’t claim to know why that happens as often as it does, but I credit moms for toughing it out when parenting is more difficult than it should be, because it is never easy!

I hope all mothers out there are recognized for all their sacrifices! And please know, there are sacrifices that they have made that we will never know or understand.

Families are the backbone of our country and mothers are the backbone of our families.

PS. Happy Mothers Day to you wonderful moms out there!!

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It Takes a Village? As a Last Resort!

4/26/2021

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There are large, well-funded organizations that disparage the nuclear family. I cannot, for the life of me, understand that. Anyone at any time can type ‘Fatherless Families’ into a search engine and see the devastation the children of single-parent families go through. Please do it! Or read my book, “The Power of Dadhood.” If you truly can’t afford one, I’ll send one free until I run out.

Understanding that single-parent families will always exist, it is then that the concept of a village comes in to help the family and the children. This concept may work well in certain circumstances, but certainly not most. It works when the extended family is nearby and healthy themselves. It may work in a crime-free small town where single-parent families are rare. But these circumstances are not the issue.
When sizeable swaths of neighborhoods are a large percentage of single-parent families, most led by mothers, you will find crime, drugs, poverty, and gangs. This situation is a village that cannot help families. You can pour welfare funds into these areas, but history finds nothing changes.

In my previous post, I wrote the following:

“It’s time to focus on families! Incentivize fathers to be in the home instead of incentivizing them not to be there. Fix schools and neighborhoods, making them aids and not a hindrance to learning and health. Add police to high crime areas, don’t blame them as they risk their lives. Look to statistics and not rhetoric for true understanding! More youth programs with high-paying jobs to the best men and women who would mentor them. Encourage nuclear families! A village will help to raise children, but not near as well as a responsible two-parent household! Focus on the root cause, not a consequence.”

This post is short and sweet, but not if you do the research. My approach to help children and society will take a generation or two. But we must start now. Citizens and corporations, please know what you are doing when you give to a cause or organization; some intend to de-emphasize the nuclear family for reasons I cannot fathom. Others will help!

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Guns and Families

4/19/2021

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How are families connected to gun violence? Gun violence destroys some families; for that, there is no doubt. But families can also be a critical factor in reducing gun violence.

Guns

I can neither call myself a lover nor a hater of guns. In the Air Force, I was an expert marksman in the .38 handgun and the M16 rifle. I also enjoy target shooting with friends as a civilian. But I am neither a hunter nor an owner of a gun. I bring this up hoping to relay my relative indifference - pro or con - to ownership of firearms; although I strongly support the Second Amendment.

Most people are not aware that more citizens are killed by knives than rifles in criminal acts. But we don’t make it difficult to buy knives because it is impractical. Similarly, making gun ownership more difficult, when hundreds of millions guns already exist, bought and sold illegally, is not a real answer. Coverage of tragic events involving guns mostly blame the availability of guns while de-emphasizing the motives of the perpetrators. Guns in the hands of responsible people prove that availability does not equate to crime.

More gun laws will do little to help because the current gun laws are broken many times every day. But there are too many, very accessible, illegal guns, and their tragic impact must be minimized. I propose there is a way to do this by concentrating more fiercely on the perpetrators and their motivations.

Controlling guns will do little to stop violent acts when the real problems causing their misuse are: 1) uncontrollable anger, 2) too many lost souls, 3) the loss of respect for others, and 4) the loss of responsible behavior by those raised without caring parents in strong households. Correct these issues and gun violence will be minimized significantly. And how do we do this?

Families

We’re attacking a serious secondary problem (gun violence) with an approach (more gun laws and more legal restrictions) that ignores the real problem (the breakdown of too many families).

In the two maps above, I show a map of my hometown of St. Louis. One map shows where poor fatherless families live while the other map shows where crimes are committed. Then notice the green areas that have a very large percentage of two-parent homes. Here, there is less anger and very little crime. They correlate almost totally! Every large city will have similar situations.

Guns in these crime ridden areas surely make it easier to kill. But you cannot take criminals' guns away to solve the tragic results because the guns will be illegally replaced almost immediately. The void will suck in guns like a drain swallows water.

But what if the anger was gone? What if young people there had better guidance? What if the youth had dreams to chase, knowing there are loving people behind them, helping and encouraging them? Would guns even be sought? If guns were there, how less would they be used? Without a nail to drive, a hammer sits unused. It's obvious that guns do not have a motive – people have motives.

I would choose to be around a friendly person with a gun than an angry person with a fist because it’s the anger that would hurt me. Either a fist or gun could be used in anger, so you ask, “wouldn’t you rather have the angry person have only a fist and not a gun?”

“No doubt!” I would answer. But that is why controlling the anger is primary since illegal and stolen guns are preferable to fists to an angry person with violent tendencies.

Summary

Mentoring our youth and stopping their anger and fear will stop gun crime faster than any law. It’s time to focus on families! Incentivize fathers to be in the home instead of incentivizing them to not be there. Fix schools and neighborhoods, making them aids and not a hindrance to learning and health. Add police to high crime areas, don’t blame them as they risk their lives. Look to statistics and not rhetoric for true understanding! More youth programs with high-paying jobs to the best men and women who would mentor them. Encourage nuclear families! A village will help to raise children, but not near as well as a responsible two-parent household! Focus on the root cause, not a consequence.

Again, guns don’t have motives; people do. Let’s prevent the reasons (motives) that cause harm to others!

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A Dad is a Many-Splendored Thing

Mothers, The Enduring Parent

It Takes a Village? As a Last Resort!

Guns and Families

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Categories

​A Dad is a Many-Splendored Thing

Mothers, The Enduring Parent

​It Takes a Village? As a Last Resort!

​Guns and Families

Archives

Categories

A Dad is a Many-Splendored Thing

It Takes a Village? As a Last Resort!

Guns and Families