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​It Takes a Village? As a Last Resort!

4/26/2021

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There are large, well-funded organizations that disparage the nuclear family. I cannot, for the life of me, understand that. Anyone at any time can type ‘Fatherless Families’ into a search engine and see the devastation the children of single-parent families go through. Please do it! Or read my book, “The Power of Dadhood.” If you truly can’t afford one, I’ll send one free until I run out.

Understanding that single-parent families will always exist, it is then that the concept of a village comes in to help the family and the children.  This concept may work well in certain circumstances, but certainly not most. It works when the extended family is nearby and healthy themselves. It may work in a crime-free small town where single-parent families are rare. But these circumstances are not the issue.
When sizeable swaths of neighborhoods are a large percentage of single-parent families, most led by mothers, you will find crime, drugs, poverty, and gangs. This situation is a village that cannot help families. You can pour welfare funds into these areas, but history finds nothing changes.

In my previous post, I wrote the following:

“It’s time to focus on families! Incentivize fathers to be in the home instead of incentivizing them not to be there. Fix schools and neighborhoods, making them aids and not a hindrance to learning and health. Add police to high crime areas, don’t blame them as they risk their lives. Look to statistics and not rhetoric for true understanding! More youth programs with high-paying jobs to the best men and women who would mentor them. Encourage nuclear families! A village will help to raise children, but not near as well as a responsible two-parent household! Focus on the root cause, not a consequence.”

This post is short and sweet, but not if you do the research. My approach to help children and society will take a generation or two. But we must start now. Citizens and corporations, please know what you are doing when you give to a cause or organization; some intend to de-emphasize the nuclear family for reasons I cannot fathom. Others will help!

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Getting Your Kids Outside to Beat Nature-Deficit Disorder

1/25/2021

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PicturePhoto by Pixabay









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Does your family spend more time indoors than out? You’re not alone, but that doesn’t mean you are destined to suffer from nature-deficit disorder. In fact, there are many ways to encourage your kids—and your spouse—to get outside and start enjoying nature.

Find Ways for the Whole Family to Get Outdoors Together

30 Unorganized Sports You Should Teach Your Kid This Summer
10 Fun Ways to Turn Your Backyard into a Water Park
38 Outdoor Games to Make with the Family This Summer
Family Nature Walk Tips and Activities

Make Spending Time Outside Fun and Engaging

14 Ideas for a Kid-Friendly Backyard Play Area
50 Outdoor Easy Science Experiments for Kids
7 Fun Driveway and Sidewalk Games for Kids
How to Safely Observe Wildlife from Your Home
Learn More About the Nature That’s Around You

Teaching My Child How to Garden – Getting Started
6 Ways to Make Astronomy Fun for Kids
Helpful Hints for Successful Bird Watching with Kids

Encouraging the entire family to spend more time in nature doesn’t have to feel like a chore. By trying some of these engaging and immersive outdoors ideas, your family can beat nature-deficit disorder. And you might be surprised how quickly they acclimate when spending outside becomes fun family time.

This article is compliments of Lacie Martin <[email protected]> 

​#powerofdadhood

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Our Life is our Painting

8/16/2020

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We all have different beginnings and different endings. While your beginning has little to do with you, your end has everything to do with you. But you are held back or boosted by your beginning. Suppose you were born to a poor, dysfunctional family. When your life is over, will you still be poor? Will you have lived in dysfunction? Or will you find some strength in yourself and make choices to pull yourself out? No doubt it will take more strength than someone born into a strong, stable family to get to a certain level of success. And maybe you will not achieve as much because of all you had to overcome. But the satisfaction comes in the overcoming.

Suppose, on the other hand, you were born into a family of means, where education was emphasized and opportunity abounded. Will you take full advantage and grow? Or will you become lazy and feed on your advantages, never doing much with them and passing on to your children less than you once had?

We come into this world with three things. First of all, we are born into a life situation. Where we are born, who we are born to, and the history of those to whom we are born to are circumstances beyond our control - yet very significant factors for our future. Secondly, we are given a unique personality. Whether that is as an introvert or extrovert, an optimist or a pessimist, some degree of intelligence, or many other factors, our personality is as unique as our face. Lastly, we are given choices. Every day of our lives, we are making choices. Sometimes, it seems as if our options are limited, but there will always be choices. However, those choices can be tough, painful, and often limited.

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Canvas - Brush - Colors 
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A metaphor for the life situation into which we are born is a canvas. That canvas can be almost blank for some, dark for others, and beautiful for the fortunate among us. Once we are born, and our personality begins to reveal itself, we become a paintbrush with the ability to make our own mark onto the canvas. How we change that canvas, which is now our own, depends on our choices. Choices are the colors we choose for our brush, altering our canvas every day. Even non-action is a color, likely grey.  Someday, we may become a parent, leaving a canvas for our children to begin their life.
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As artists, we are not equally talented. Our canvas, at various stages of our lives, will become what we do with it. We have no control of the canvas we were given, little control of our paintbrush’s size or texture, but we can choose any colors we want of those before us. It’s up to us to do our best with what we have. We all can’t be Rembrandt, but we can, at a minimum, improve upon the canvas we were given. Our painting is our life and will become the canvas we leave for those that follow us.

Parents

Parents are directly responsible for the canvas and indirectly responsible for the paintbrush and colors provided. Leave a canvas that stimulates and encourages your children, which gives them an edge over those that have to whitewash and start all over. Leave them a canvas (environment) to build on, to deepen, and to make their own. Please give them the  education, support, and confidence - the brushes (right tools), that can make broad, strong strokes - or  fine brushes that can bring out details that make all the difference in telling the story of their painting. Provide a broad spectrum of colors (choices) for them to choose from, but let them make those color choices. 

Every child's success will be helped or hindered by their parents. Sometimes parents help without reward. Other times our children succeed without our help. Mostly parents are the leverage all kids need for a good start in life. We will never know how much, but be assured the impacts of parental actions or non-actions are significant.  #powerofdadhood




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How to Improve the ‘Formula for Success’

3/16/2020

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PicturePhoto by author
​We all know our children have different personalities. We also know some children have advantages others do not have. I’ll generalize their advantages/disadvantages as their environment. Lastly, both of these factors, ‘personality’ and ‘environment’, drive a child’s expectations. Those factors even drive an adult’s expectations. As parents, we have the responsibility to make their child’s environment as helpful to them as possible and to be aware of the factors of their personality.  Here’s why. (Read the summary as a minimum!)

These are my thoughts on Success (S) and Personal Success (PS). I’m speaking from my background as an engineer, a former struggling child, and as a father of three awesome adults. So note, there is no Ph.D. to be found in my resume, just my observations as an interested party on the topic.
Success is an elusive thing to evaluate because it means different things with different criteria for everyone.
  • Environment (E) includes such things as family, friends, mentors, neighborhoods, schools, and accepted social standing. By ‘accepted social standing,’ I mean what an individual thinks there standing is despite what others may think it is.
  • Personality (P) includes, but not limited to, energy, desire, passion, intellect, goal seeking, attitude, ability to plan, introversion or extroversion, and perseverance.
  • Expectations (Ex) compare where you are aiming to where you end up
The relative influence of Environment vs. Personality differs for everyone, it is clear that when one factor is low, the other factor must be strong to achieve Success.

Note: Those who don’t like math can skip all the equations and read the words.

Success = Environment X Personality

Personal Success = (Environment X Personality)/Expectations, OR
PS = S/Ex
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  • High expectations for your personal Success makes that Success more difficult to achieve. (e.g, a General, CEO, or a movie star)
  • Lower expectations for your personal Success makes that Success easier to achieve. (e.g., a Sergeant, middle manager, or supporting actor)

Three Examples of the Success Formula

Example 1: Low E, High P = High S, Average PS

A distracted single mother raises a young man with no fatherly influence. This young man’s environment rating would be low because of the family environment and a lack of mentoring. It could also be low value friends surround him.
On the other hand, this young man has a passion. He has the intellect and attitude to achieve his passion. His Personality rating would be high, and despite his low environment rating, his chance for Success is good!
His chances for personal Success (PS), in his judgment will depend on his meeting his top goal. He could be a success (S) as a Colonel but feel a lower personal success (PS) because his goal was General.

Example 2: High E, Low P = Low S, High PS

A young woman is brought up by loving and reasonable parents. She goes to good schools and has no social disadvantages. Her environment is high.

However, this young woman is self-centered and lazy. She doesn’t do her homework if she’s not interested in it and lives day-to-day.

Her chances for Success are not very high, but she could feel like she has personal Success as her expectations were low, never having a goal or desire to grow. She may be a sales associate when she could have been a manager or higher.

Example 3: High E, High P = High S, Average PS

I’ve only provided two examples of the multiple combinations of factors that result in a likelihood of Success (S) and personal Success (PS), but here is one more interesting example!

There is a wealthy and successful man whose name I don’t recall. He teaches entrepreneurial skills through his schools all across the world, helping thousands to become successful themselves. While his Success (S) is very high, he has a lower opinion of his Personal Success (PS), the reason being his extremely high expectations for himself. And why are his expectations so high? What is his standard? His roommate in college was Elon Musk. He compares himself to his roommate and not to someone like me.

Some successful people feel like failures because someone they respect has had more Success, or a loved one has demanded more Success from them. Neither instance should steal personal Success from them.

Summary

Success is really in the eye of the beholder. When that eye looks in the mirror, maybe Personal Success is more important, regardless of potential. We have choices and opportunities. Successful individuals make smart choices and are aware of the opportunities afforded them. If you are making a positive difference in the world, you are successful. If you enjoy that Success, then you are personally successful.

How to help:
  • Environment: parents have the responsibility to make their child’s environment as helpful to them as possible. Education, health, safety, encouragement, etc.
  • Personality: be aware of your child’s strengths and weaknesses. Encourage strength, give help with any weaknesses, and get them professional advice when necessary.
  • Expectations: This is a tricky one. A parent wants to encourage them to do their best. But don’t put pressure on them to overachieve because it will backfire. Everyone can be the best meeting their capabilities, but not everyone can be a rocket scientist, brain surgeon, or best-selling author.

​Note: PS = S/Ex (no, I did not intend to have Sex in this article, but if it drives you to read it, okay!)

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