To understand and to be understood makes our happiness on earth.
German Proverb
German Proverb
Author at six years of age. We were far from a nuclear family!
People are not much different from each other. Because of this, we notice the differences and often argue about them. More than that, we are protective of our situations. While some of us easily succumb to influence, others are highly independent. There are introverts and extroverts, athletes, bookworms, intellectuals, flashy folks, and shy people, and on and on. It is this variety which gives us strength as a society. Like forks, spoons, and knives, we can do some jobs better than others, and the diversity of strengths is good for us all, especially at dinner. But sometimes our differences get in the way. So it is with the social issues of today, including parenting styles.
For instance, I’m an advocate for the nuclear family as the base building block for society. I believe that if every family had both a nurturing mother and father, our society would flourish. I also know that this is impossible for numerous reasons, some controllable and some not. There are single-parent families, same-sex parents, parents who adopt, Foster parents, grandparents who act as parents, etc. Most are doing their best to give their children the best environment for their health and teaching their children to be good citizens. I applaud all types of nurturing parents! There is no doubt in my mind that is true. That doesn’t negate the value and advantages, for most children, of living in a nuclear family as a goal. Why? Because as it turns out, every statistic shows this to be true!
Let’s look at the situation of not having a father in the home. Children from fatherless homes are:
Beyond these statistics (which can be found with any search engine using the term “fatherless children statistics”), there are substantial increases in abuse, injury, neglect or endangerment. I emphasize fatherless home stats because that is the most common missing link of a nuclear family. Thankfully, mothers are much less likely to be abandon their children. (Note: To be fair, some fathers are kept away by mothers)
Most single parents are heroes, as my mother was to my family (see my memoir, ‘A Vagabond Life: A Memoir of Father Hunger’). Single parents do the work of two parents, but they can’t provide the diverse kind of love that a mother and a father can provide. This is not to denigrate same-sex couples who, while not always providing both masculine and feminine examples, rescue children who may have neither example, giving those children love and stability. Adopting parents of all kinds are saviors to many a child!
To want the best for all children is a wonderful thing. For any particular child, the ‘best’ situation depends on that child’s circumstances, and it’s not always the nuclear family structure. As it turns out, however, it is the best situation for most children.
Summary:
I hope we can resist debate or denigrate the value of a healthy nuclear family, It may not work for some, but it is an ideal situation for most. But let’s give credit to non-nuclear families that work endlessly to teach values and provide love. Same-sex couples...to love a child when that love never existed is priceless. Single mothers…don’t be offended when we say your child could use a male mentor, As it turns out, both sons and daughters do. But that’s no reflection on your love and abilities. Most one-parent families are led by heroic, dedicated, and caring people doing the best they can. My mother did that for me and my five siblings, but we sure could have used a nurturing father. My memoir goes into detail as to why that is absolutely true.
For instance, I’m an advocate for the nuclear family as the base building block for society. I believe that if every family had both a nurturing mother and father, our society would flourish. I also know that this is impossible for numerous reasons, some controllable and some not. There are single-parent families, same-sex parents, parents who adopt, Foster parents, grandparents who act as parents, etc. Most are doing their best to give their children the best environment for their health and teaching their children to be good citizens. I applaud all types of nurturing parents! There is no doubt in my mind that is true. That doesn’t negate the value and advantages, for most children, of living in a nuclear family as a goal. Why? Because as it turns out, every statistic shows this to be true!
Let’s look at the situation of not having a father in the home. Children from fatherless homes are:
- 15.3 times more likely to have behavioral disorders
- 24.3 times more likely to run away
- 6.6 times more likely to drop out of high school
- 4.6 times more likely to commit suicide
- 6.3 times more likely to be in a state-operated institution
- 10.8 times more likely to commit rape
- 6.6 times more likely to become teenage mothers
- 15.3 times more likely to end up in prison while a teenager
Beyond these statistics (which can be found with any search engine using the term “fatherless children statistics”), there are substantial increases in abuse, injury, neglect or endangerment. I emphasize fatherless home stats because that is the most common missing link of a nuclear family. Thankfully, mothers are much less likely to be abandon their children. (Note: To be fair, some fathers are kept away by mothers)
Most single parents are heroes, as my mother was to my family (see my memoir, ‘A Vagabond Life: A Memoir of Father Hunger’). Single parents do the work of two parents, but they can’t provide the diverse kind of love that a mother and a father can provide. This is not to denigrate same-sex couples who, while not always providing both masculine and feminine examples, rescue children who may have neither example, giving those children love and stability. Adopting parents of all kinds are saviors to many a child!
To want the best for all children is a wonderful thing. For any particular child, the ‘best’ situation depends on that child’s circumstances, and it’s not always the nuclear family structure. As it turns out, however, it is the best situation for most children.
Summary:
I hope we can resist debate or denigrate the value of a healthy nuclear family, It may not work for some, but it is an ideal situation for most. But let’s give credit to non-nuclear families that work endlessly to teach values and provide love. Same-sex couples...to love a child when that love never existed is priceless. Single mothers…don’t be offended when we say your child could use a male mentor, As it turns out, both sons and daughters do. But that’s no reflection on your love and abilities. Most one-parent families are led by heroic, dedicated, and caring people doing the best they can. My mother did that for me and my five siblings, but we sure could have used a nurturing father. My memoir goes into detail as to why that is absolutely true.
