Thinking ahead! I’ve made it my mission since retirement to ‘help fathers to be dads’. I did this knowing what a difference it makes when a father is totally engaged with his family and children. When I say ‘totally engaged’, I mean through a dad’s ‘best effort’ because each father has his own circumstances with which to deal. Personalities, occupations, emotions, health, marital harmony, divorce, the children, are all factors in your ability to engage and influence as a parent. For example, a soldier or over-the-road truck driver may not be able to participate in family matters in the same way as a father with a 9-5 job. Nor could a divorced dad be as engaged as a happily married father. No surprises thus far.
Now comes another dilemma to consider. Given your ability to ‘be there’, to be engaged, how much ‘me’ time, or ‘guy’ time do you allow for yourself? Let’s face it – fathers and mothers are people too. Neither a dad nor a mom can be a great parent if they are tired, overburdened, or miserable. All parents should carve out time for themselves to relax and do the things that make them happy and relaxed.
You're only human, and that's not bad!
Go bowling once a week if you enjoy it, do woodworking in the garage, meet your buddies for coffee or a beer occasionally. When you take care of yourself, you will be better able to take care of your family. But this comes with a caution! You must have the proper priorities and not be selfish! Your family comes first in any situation in which there is any doubt. Bowling should strike out on the night of a recital. You can carve out time from woodworking if your child is upset about something. Time with buddies is never appropriate when your wife needs help.
What kid wants his dad around all the time, especially if he is grumpy? Children want a dad that is happy to be with them, showing interest in their activities and doing things together. The amount of time you spend with your kids is not always in your control. However, the quality of your dedicated time together is always something you can control and much more important. Quality time is being focused on your kids, having positive reactions, and showing that you care. That’s not too difficult to do when you are aware and relaxed.
Let’s say you haven’t had time for yourself to gather your thoughts and emotions. You may have a big project at work, and you haven’t been exercising or eating right. You’re coaching your son’s team and helping your daughter with homework every night because she has trouble with math. Tensions will build without relief. You're a good dad, doing the right things, but you might be on the edge of losing your temper - and it will likely be over nothing serious. Call an audible and get a time out for yourself. You need to help yourself before you can continue helping your kids.
Summary
Balance is such an essential aspect of being a parent! Time and respect for yourself are as important as it is for your family - if you understand your priorities! Putting your oxygen mask on first is critical because you can’t help your child if incapacitated from a lack of oxygen. This fact also applies to daily life! You can’t help anyone if you are helpless yourself, whether it is due to exhaustion, confusion, or a lost sense of self. Balance baby, balance!
Now comes another dilemma to consider. Given your ability to ‘be there’, to be engaged, how much ‘me’ time, or ‘guy’ time do you allow for yourself? Let’s face it – fathers and mothers are people too. Neither a dad nor a mom can be a great parent if they are tired, overburdened, or miserable. All parents should carve out time for themselves to relax and do the things that make them happy and relaxed.
You're only human, and that's not bad!
Go bowling once a week if you enjoy it, do woodworking in the garage, meet your buddies for coffee or a beer occasionally. When you take care of yourself, you will be better able to take care of your family. But this comes with a caution! You must have the proper priorities and not be selfish! Your family comes first in any situation in which there is any doubt. Bowling should strike out on the night of a recital. You can carve out time from woodworking if your child is upset about something. Time with buddies is never appropriate when your wife needs help.
What kid wants his dad around all the time, especially if he is grumpy? Children want a dad that is happy to be with them, showing interest in their activities and doing things together. The amount of time you spend with your kids is not always in your control. However, the quality of your dedicated time together is always something you can control and much more important. Quality time is being focused on your kids, having positive reactions, and showing that you care. That’s not too difficult to do when you are aware and relaxed.
Let’s say you haven’t had time for yourself to gather your thoughts and emotions. You may have a big project at work, and you haven’t been exercising or eating right. You’re coaching your son’s team and helping your daughter with homework every night because she has trouble with math. Tensions will build without relief. You're a good dad, doing the right things, but you might be on the edge of losing your temper - and it will likely be over nothing serious. Call an audible and get a time out for yourself. You need to help yourself before you can continue helping your kids.
Summary
Balance is such an essential aspect of being a parent! Time and respect for yourself are as important as it is for your family - if you understand your priorities! Putting your oxygen mask on first is critical because you can’t help your child if incapacitated from a lack of oxygen. This fact also applies to daily life! You can’t help anyone if you are helpless yourself, whether it is due to exhaustion, confusion, or a lost sense of self. Balance baby, balance!
Any resemblance to real people is purely coincidental : )
