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​The Grand Hall of Celebration

3/26/2018

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PictureA team of oxen
Not too many decades ago, great structures were built without the aid of machinery or advanced tools. Manpower and animal power were relied upon to do essentially all the work now assisted by the advances in technology. But some things haven’t changed when it comes to relationships and common sense.

Once upon a time, long ago, a great hall was built on the top of a mountain. The hall was to be a monument to success, a challenge of spirit, and an undertaking that required supreme coordination. The funding and design were in place and construction was to soon begin. The first task was to get all the material to the top of the mountain. The stones, wood, tools, manpower and supplies to build this great hall had to be ferried up by wagons pulled by oxen.

First to be delivered was the stone which would be the main structure for the outer walls. It was quite heavy and the teams of oxen struggled mightily to reach the top. Most teams made it because of tremendous teamwork, but not all. Next was the wood which would be used for the interior structure. Much lighter, more teams of oxen successfully delivered it without near the struggle. Next were the men, supplies, and their tools. These were usually the lightest and some loads were carried up the mountain in wagons hitched to only one ox.

One day, a team of oxen named Jacob and Josephine was a quarter of the way up the hill when Jacob broke a leg when caught up in a chasm. The driver of the wagon unhitched Jacob and was destined to wait for another ox to take Jacob’s place. But unexpectedly, Josephine, lurched and bolted as to say, “Let’s go!” The driver took off his brake to see what would happen. He was amazed as Josephine tugged but without much more than the rocking of the wagon. Suddenly, however, the wooden wheels began to move ever so slowly. Josephine seemed determined to move forward on her own and as she gained momentum, it appeared as though she had the strength to move on against the odds. The top of the mountain was reached and Josephine was exhausted, but she was successful on her own. The workers talked incessantly about her strength and determination.

A week later, it happened again. One of the oxen came up lame and had to be unhitched from the wagon. This time, the healthy oxen did not have the strength of Josephine. The load started to slip and the wagon rolled down the steep trail. The driver dove off and the wagon came to pieces. Much of the stone was lost down the mountainside. So it was, more successes than failures, but some failures nonetheless.

As the project neared completion, the workers noticed a few things which were not all that surprising. They saw that the strongest oxen teams could handle all the loads, even the heavy loads of stone. Other oxen teams, not as strong and/or of poor coordination were less successful in reaching the top of the mountain with stone, but did do better with the lighter loads of wood. However, whether the load was of stone or wood, when one of the oxen were not available or came up lame, the top of the mountain was reached far less often. But not to be forgotten were the heroic acts of many oxen like Josephine - who took the load alone, delivering the stone and contributing to the completion of the grand hall.

And what of the grand hall? Finally the day came when it was completed and named. It would be called “The Hall of Celebration”, to commemorate the tireless and heroic acts of the visionaries who saw the potential, the oxen who were pushed to the limit, and the workers who worked tirelessly in the heat and cold. It was a symbol of the success that comes about when challenges are met; when the spirit of cooperation prevails; and when supreme coordination and teamwork are paramount. Every stone that was delivered, every log that was used became evidence of individual stories of success. The grand hall, like great works anywhere, inspires and encourages. Unfortunately, not all stories of the grand hall’s construction were successful. Some stones were too heavy. Some oxen were too weak. Some logs were mishandled. They would not be a part of the grand hall, not a part of the celebration. But the visionaries took a gamble that this grand symbol of achievement would succeed overall to represent both what can happen with teamwork and determination, and what may happen with without it.

The Moral of the Story

As it is with oxen, so it is with teams of any kind. Using parents as an example, sometimes raising children is very difficult, like hauling stone. Other times, it is less stressful as in hauling wood or supplies. We also see that strong teams have a greater chance of success than weak teams. We also know teams have advantages over most individuals, but there are those that are without a team member that can also succeed - and be heroes for doing so. However, whenever possible, make any task that faces you more achievable by lessening the odds against you. Planning and having a team with you or behind you will help tremendously.
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Find a good teammate - take on challenges with determination - have a spirit of cooperation – and watch your team beat the odds!

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It’s the Family, Stupid!

3/19/2018

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Terrible things happen all the time. Many we can’t control like earthquakes, tornadoes, or typhoons. Yes, we can prepare for them but nature usually has the upper hand. Some terrible things are perpetrated by mankind and cannot often be predicted - but we might prepare for their eventuality. Both disaster and/or tragedy can claim us at any time. However, there is one significant difference between natural disasters and human-caused tragedy, and that is our ability to minimize the frequency of, if not prevent, the occurrence.

By my title, you may see clearly where I am going. But ‘human tragedy’ isn’t always the fault of a chaotic/ineffective family. The fault could lie in psychotic issues, political or religious beliefs, revenge, or the simple fact that we are not perfect and we make mistakes, sometimes terrible mistakes. A perfect society is an impossible dream for we have too many opposing ideas to what would make a perfect society. And even if we agreed on the utopia, there will always be miscreants and/or rebels to the idea. But we don’t give up on a solution, a family solution, just because it is not a panacea.

With that said, broken families are an issue on their own, but that problem feeds so many others. What if we were able to look closer for solutions to broken homes? Solutions that bring families much closer making it easier and more rewarding for families to stay together? A close-knit, balanced family allows for mentoring and shaping values? Not all families would take part and it might not always work, but many families would become healthier with the positive impact of effectively and significantly reducing most of the social issues we face every day.

There are short-term and long-term solutions to problems. The best reason for a short-term solution is to ‘stop the bleeding’. We need to minimize the ‘hurt’ while we try to keep the hurt from coming back - which is the long-term solution. It’s like changing an ill-worn tire on a car that is out of alignment. The new tire will get the car back on the road, but until the alignment is fixed, the problem will be repeated, over and over!

Some thoughts on short and long-term solutions:
  • More police on the street is an effective force against crime, but that doesn’t fix the reason crimes are committed. If the police left, the crime would return. Fortunately, I live in a very safe community with a high percentage of intact families. As a result, we experience low crime and a small police presence. However as a child, I lived in many poor neighborhoods with at-risk families. Those neighborhoods were high crime areas, even with a much higher police presence.
  • One may be pro-choice, but that doesn’t mean that the person likes abortion. Wouldn’t it be better to have programs where teen pregnancies (a significant contributor to abortion) become fewer with the support that young women and men need at home? No unwanted pregnancies would be a solution to avoiding abortion and reducing single-parent families - along with crime by juveniles, and rampant poverty.
  • One may be for gun rights, but that doesn’t mean they like the violence in the streets of major cities. Wouldn’t it be better if the children of families didn’t find themselves on the street under the likely peer pressures of other, misguided and angry, young men? Guns and troubled youth are a recipe for disaster!
  • You may not like the statistics that show young, black men are arrested at a higher rate than other races. I certainly do not! But the reason this happens can be blamed on at least two of many possible factors.
    • Some individual police are racist, whether they think so or not, possibly because of an unhealthy family upbringing.
    • 57.6% of black children, 31.2% of Hispanic children, and 20.7% of white children are living absent their biological fathers*, leading to a higher likelihood for black children to have not been properly mentored or monitored. As a result, they look for fellowship elsewhere and more often than we like, it’s with a bad crowd, which can put them at a higher risk by a factor of nearly three times that of white children.
  • You may not think caring fathers in the home is a factor in preventing crime or poverty; that good moms are usually enough. But if you research areas where there are high percentages of single parents (usually moms), you will find those same areas are much higher in crime and poverty (see maps above). Please understand that many, maybe most children of single moms do okay! That is not the point. The at-large societal result, the statistics stated below, is the real issue.

Every social issue has an element of family life and values, or lack of such, that contribute, at a root-cause level. We seem to react with short-term solutions, necessary of course, but we do not put enough emphasis on root causes and long-term solutions.

We need to reduce the causes of crime to reduce the need for more police. We need to reduce (we can’t eliminate) the need for mental health solutions by providing a more supportive family culture. We need to reduce unwanted pregnancies by giving young women more strength and giving young men less need to prove themselves. We need to reduce poverty by being good examples and providing mentoring to young people in what it takes to succeed, largely a family responsibility. We will minimize the drug culture when we minimize the demand, some of which comes about from those looking for an escape from troubles at home, or caused by family instability.

Statistics
  • 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (US Dept. Of Health/Census) – 5 times the average.
  • 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes – 32 times the average.
  • 85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average.  (Center for Disease Control)
  • 80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes –14 times the average.  (Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26)
  • 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes – 9 times the average.  (National Principals Association Report)

I don’t have all the answers, but I believe our primary (or call it long-term) emphasis seems to be at a level far removed from the root causes. I wrote a book encouraging strong fatherhood principles and I write this blog as a grassroots attempt to fix one of the root causes (dysfunctional families) of our social issues. I donate much of my time and money every day trying to get the word out – make that four words – “It’s the Family, Stupid!” It's strong families and family values that can be a tremendous influence in moving forward as a society.

This is not rocket science. I am certainly not a genius. This is not unknown. And while any type of family that is loving will be good for all society, the nuclear family must be the model to work towards whenever possible. Children thrive with two parents having a male and female view of life and the world. Men and women, fathers and mothers, simply have different strengths and weaknesses as parents. Parental teams work best with balance. Girls need the love and lessons of a mother and the love, lessons, acceptance, and protection of a father. Boys need the love and lessons of manhood from a father and the lessons, nourishment and love of a mother. It may not be enough, but it’s a huge start!

Here’s what I suggest:
  • More funding to the ‘Administration for Children and Families’, part of the US Department of Health and Human Services, with emphasis on ways to keep families together.
  • Programs (governmental and/or otherwise) that incentivize families to remain together and not to separate.
  • More PSA’s (Public Service Announcements) pounding the public with pro-family messages of encouragement and advice.
  • Corporations supporting family issues through funding of family charities and family programming with less support of anti-family, anti-values rhetoric as is found in some forms of music and video games.
  • Individual men learning how important they are to society through the families they beget and raise.
  • Schools and colleges that teach, even encourage courses in how to raise a family financially, emotionally, and with values.
  • Mentoring programs in every US County to provide guidance for parents and/or children who are at a loss and need guidance.
  • More grassroots efforts, like the many mom and dad blogs that are available for all to make us think.

 Summary 

One solution is obvious, fixing families. The methodology (to reduce family dysfunction) is difficult. Today we have a desire for instant gratification. However, this solution, to ‘fix’ families, will take three to four generations – if and when it ever gets strong momentum. This doesn’t help those of power who want to be re-elected, rewarded, or praised. The good they do may never be appreciated because of the time required to show results. It will take people who truly want better lives for our great, maybe great-great-grandchildren. Most of us don’t look that far ahead. We bury our heads in blame, shame, arguments, and short-term solutions. If there is one (not the only one) sure key target for solving our numerous social issues, it lies in our families.

PS. If you’re reading this, I really don’t think you are stupid!

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* Source: Family Structure and Children’s Living Arrangements 2012. Current Population Report. U.S.  Census Bureau July 1, 2012.

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​Seven Life-Skills a Dad Should Teach His Kids

3/12/2018

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Sometimes the best advice comes from people who, in the past, failed to recognize the significance of the advice they now give. I definitely fall into the category of someone who only understood how helpful some life-skills are until many opportunities had passed him by.

One of the reasons I was a little slow to pick up some of these habits/life skills is because I had no male mentor to point them out to me. My father was not around much nor was he interested in parenting. I only visited my maternal grandfather twice that I can recall. My paternal grandfather died when I was two years old. My uncles were miles away and had their own families. We also moved quite often so I never got to know a neighbor or the father of a friend. My mom always had to work to support us and had little time to mentor six children. These circumstances were once a crutch until I picked up a few life-skills by reading and asking questions.

With this history I know, very well, the importance of an involved father or male mentor, especially a male mentor for a boy. Shockingly, up to a third of boys don’t have a father living at home. This is not to minimize the immeasurable value of a loving mother, but one’s balance will suffer without a concerned father.

Therefore, my message is twofold.
  1. To emphasize the needs of children - to learn the tools/skills necessary to be successful in life.
  2. To emphasize how important fathers are (or male mentors who can take their place) to their children to teach these tools/skills.

So the following are some life-skills I found over the years to be very useful for success and happiness that I wish had been emphasized to me as a boy.

1. Have Values That Guide You

What are values? These are principles by which to live and be guided. Like the rumble strips on the side of the highway that alert you, telling you are going astray, principles will pull you back on the path you have chosen. Usually, values involve ethics. When a boy has no responsible mentor, he learns from peers who are likely to be more interested in strength and showing off in order to establish rank. Ethics may even be considered a weakness. Alternately, he may withdraw into himself as I did, forsaking peers, having few social contacts, which may be worse.

Some values are born within naturally - others, must be taught. I was fortunate to have believed in hard work and commitment, but I was weak in courage and optimism. I could have used some advice and re-direction. When a boy doesn’t have a mature, responsible male to mentor him, he is left to the wolves – peers who don’t have his best interests in mind, or a misguided self-evaluation.
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A person who understands having positive values to live by gains something invaluable…respect! Some values to consider as your core beliefs are: Dependability, Reliability, Loyalty, Commitment, Consistency, Honesty, Courage, Positive Attitude, Perseverance, and Respect for Others.

2. Be Honest Above All

Honesty may be the king of values! When your word cannot be trusted, you are powerless. I believe I was honest for the most part as a kid. I never stole and rarely lied. I did tell white lies when I did something I that I considered an embarrassment. But I never lied to get someone into trouble. I never took things that belonged to others. These values were fortunately born into my psyche and it helped me enormously.  

A parent can tell if their child has tendencies to be dishonest. Any sign of this must be addressed immediately. But if no one corrects the child, small acts of dishonesty will likely grow deceptively into big acts of dishonesty - and a way of life. A lack of confidence by someone like this will almost require that person to cheat to succeed. One needs accomplishments to develop confidence. However, there will be no confidence when ‘accomplishments’ come through dishonest means.

My dishonesty was with myself. I didn’t give myself the benefit of the doubt when challenges were in my path. This made life more difficult than it had to be and I hoped others would bail me out. I was so wrong to think this way. It took away my own power.

3. Become and Be Social

Having friends and contacts are crucial to learning from others and developing a network that will open doors. Having friends also makes life more fun and interesting. With a father around, a boy can become more social with encouragement and advice. I’m much better at being social as an adult, but it continues to be something I make myself do, but not always comfortably. But being a social person really does help – if you choose the right people.

Social skills are where I failed miserably! I was a loner. I was scared of being rejected. My eventual friends always approached me. I never started a friendship on my own initiative. My lack of confidence and constant moves into new neighborhoods was a big factor. No one encouraged me to make friends and I needed the push.

4. Know the Difference between Good and Bad Peer Pressure

Closely related to being a socially adept person is how to deal with peer pressure. Peer pressure becomes very influential to young men who do not have a father. Not all peer pressure is bad. When surrounded with successful and talented people, peer pressure can be the spark to push one forward to compete! But peer pressure that comes from a group without values or proper leadership can be disastrous. This is very likely to happen to a young man who has not had proper mentoring. The odds of falling in with a group of streetwise ‘boy scouts’ is not likely.

I did not often succumb to negative peer pressure, maybe because of my shyness and self-imposed isolation, but many of my siblings did. I spent one evening with teens who delighted in smashing mailboxes and dumping over trashcans. I was very uncomfortable with this. I didn’t see the purpose nor did I feel rebellious against strangers. I never saw them again, even though I needed friends. Why I was adverse to hooliganism may have to do with things beyond honor or values, but my self-imposed values were part of it.

5. Know What Sunscreen is For!

Getting outside was not a problem when I was a kid. No video games, no smartphones, no cable TV, nothing much to keep a kid inside. Playing outside was a great pleasure. Benefits included fresh air, exercise, physical engagement, even physical confrontation in the form of wrestling and running. However, in today’s world, we often have to incentivize kids to get outside. If that doesn’t work parents need to force them outside, at least occasionally.

When a kid never focuses more than 20 inches from a screen, he misses so much that is real and natural. Get outside! Take photos! Travel! Participate in sports! Take walks! Look around! Notice nature! Exercise! Live like the previous hundreds of generations lived – in the sun, the rain, the cold, the heat, the breezes, and under the clouds. Know what sunscreen is for!

6. Never Blame Others for Your Plight

When I was young, and even into adulthood, I was pretty good at feeling sorry for myself. Why not? My dad was a raging alcoholic, we were poor, and we never lived anywhere more than a few months. My three brothers and two sisters wouldn’t listen to me (I was the oldest). Poor me! I knew how to be a victim. When you blame others for your situation you are giving in to it. “Oh, if people knew I was poor, they would feel sorry for me and make it all better”. Baloney! Only YOU can make it better.

Life is not fair and the sooner you realize that, the less anger you will feel when you end up not getting what you ‘think’ you deserve. You will be at a disadvantage sometimes, you will be cheated, and you will get into the line at the bank or grocery store that is the slowest. Don’t be caught up in anger but do what you can to change the circumstances, or just ‘bite the bullet’ and move on. If you don’t, you’ll find yourself disadvantaged again because you are not looking for the next opportunity.

Again, a dad will notice this tendency in his child and give a lecture similar to the one above. Hopefully, this child will then avoid all kinds of torment and missed opportunities while building true character!

7. Know What You Want and How to Get It

Without a goal, you are like a boat without a rudder. You may end up somewhere, but you likely won’t be happy about it. Without a plan, you will only get what you want by a tremendous amount of luck. The chances of that happening are nil and if it magically does come about, it is with no credit to yourself!

There is a method of getting what you want as I explained in my book, “The Power of Dadhood”. It consists of only four, but very important steps.
  1. Know yourself well. Know and accept your desires and capabilities.
  2. Decide clearly and honestly where you want to go (or be).
  3. Develop a plan to get there.
  4. Have the right attitude to keep your plan in action.

Without going into the details as I do in my book, understand that the steps are vitally important but not easy without a vision. This is another area where a father is so important. A dad can introduce his son (or daughter) to so many things from sports, to chess, to business. Visions are often introduced. My son became a pilot because of my experience as a pilot. A friend of mine became a park ranger because his dad took him camping and fishing where he found a love of the outdoors. A son of my sports-fanatic friend became a team trainer for a minor league baseball team. It’s obvious these young men were influenced by their fathers in a positive way, giving them a target. You can’t move forward until you know where you want to go.

Knowing what you want makes planning easier even if the steps are difficult. Secondly, getting past the tough parts of your plan is made much easier by having the right attitude. Never underestimate the power of ‘attitude’ and ‘perseverance’ – two of the values mentioned above.

Bonus Life-skill Advice

Read! Reading is something I didn’t do as a kid and I very much regret it!  No one in my family read anything outside of ‘past due’ notices.  I didn’t know the joy of reading because I only read things I had to read in school, which were not always interesting to me. Therefore, reading equaled boredom.

Learning to enjoy reading will come if you read about what you are interested in doing or being. In reading, you will also learn about values because values - or lack of them - make up every story. You will learn from tales of honesty and dishonesty and what becomes of those acts. You will learn to ignore peer-pressure by learning and doing what is right for you. You will learn the courage of self-responsibility. Finally, it will help you know yourself, allowing you to go after what you want. You will do well at what you like to do.

And yes, you can read outside!

Summary

Mentoring is sometimes so subtle you don’t realize it is happening. Just a dad being around, doing the right thing, and being noticed by his children is mentoring. What is not so subtle is the struggle of a kid without a mentor. Naturally, the best mentor for a child is a parent, but too often a father is missing, either physically or emotionally. Dads have no idea how important it is just to be there, both physically and emotionally! While many a fatherless child has become successful, many are not. Those that are successful have no idea how much more they could have accomplished if only they had the guidance they needed much earlier. Those that fail in society usually have not been taught the importance of life-skills and couldn’t overcome barriers that resulted. Let’s work together by being a family to keep that from happening!

As a father, never look for pats on the back for your good deeds as a dad. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do? Also, your kids may not notice how great you are because it is, thankfully, normal for them. Your reward will be the success of your children! It will be when they are grown that they will appreciate what you have done for them. So fathers, be dads; and kids without dads, find a champion.
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Note: While I have emphasized a boy’s need for his father here. A daughter also needs to learn from her father in the same and sometimes subtly different ways. She needs to know how to be respected and treated by a man, how to set standards with others, as well as the life-skills discussed here.

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A Texas Rehab

3/5/2018

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PictureThe project in Temple
It’s 8 PM on Sunday night and I have nothing in mind to write for this blog, “Helping Fathers to be Dads”. I have a self-imposed requirement to write something every week to be published on Mondays (usually) - and that’s tomorrow! The Oscars are on but they are no longer fun to watch. Too many pretentious people, too much self-congratulation, and too many political comments from people whose opinions don’t matter to me. Wrong place, wrong time. With some time now, this will be a stream-of-consciousness article. Here goes!

My writing has been on the back-burner because I’ve been busy all week helping my son rehab a rundown pier-and-beam 900 square foot house in Temple, Texas. The Army stationed him in Ft. Hood and his workstation is in a satellite area near that central Texas town. My brother Bob graciously took a weeks’ vacation to help - he being the one with the expertise to take on such a job. After a 12-hour drive with many delays on a hellish I-35, we started the next morning working 9 to 11 hours a day for seven days. We had to replace the central-weight-bearing wall, install seven new windows (with 10 more to go), rewire the electrical system, take down drywall, repair structural damage, re-drywall, repair a major plumbing leak, level the floors, etc.

We knew of some of the issues with this house, but so many other things were in terrible shape! Obviously, the inspector, owner, and real estate agent were less than honest and possibly in collusion. That being behind us, I believe this house will be the nicest in the neighborhood when complete, which is now in the hands of my son, alone. Usually, being the nicest house in a neighborhood is not the best situation for getting your money back, but its necessary and Mike will be living there for almost four years. Mike is learning a lot, as was his goal in buying a fixer-upper.

He has a neighbor, an elderly gentleman named Peanut who is likely around eighty years old. He and Mike have become friends. His yard looks like a flea market but he does have tools to borrow when the need arises. One day he brought over some homemade wine produced from wild grapes. The three of us drank some and it was no longer safe to work with power tools! It was a bit high in alcohol content.

We know the house was built in the 1940s. The 2x4 frame is actually made from real 2x4s! There was nothing between the wood slat floors and the air beneath. No insulation, no basement, just an open crawl space. It was like a house built on a deck. The wood floors could not be reconditioned. Before the floors were leveled, there was a small hill/large bump in the middle of the living room. Peanut has lived next door so long he has a history of this house. He said it wasn’t built there. It was moved there from the country. We’re not sure how it held together. At one time a drug dealer lived there and after that it served as a beauty parlor. You can’t make this stuff up.

It is largely a neighborhood of families with a Mexican heritage. When we were working one day, the family across the street had a party. It was complete with authentic Mexican music and a red piñata for the kids to break open for candy. My brother, Bob, loves the Mexican ambiance and when he heard the music he craved a Margarita, so we went to one of the many Mexican restaurants in Temple that night. Unfortunately, we picked the Mexican restaurant (4.2. rating out of 5) that had a pet roach about the size of a half-used carpenter’s pencil. It crawled under our table and Bob, who I found out was a little sensitive to bugs, tapped his feet making sure it wouldn’t climb up his leg. A few minutes later, the roach was crawling up the wall behind Bob. I told Bob the roach was there but he thought I was pulling his leg. When he looked at my son, Mike, and saw the look on Mike’s face, he knew I wasn’t kidding and jumped up like a Mexican jumping bean. I called a waitress over while Bob grabbed a napkin and bravely grabbed the roach off the wall. Needless to say, dinner was over at the point. Unbelievably, they would only take half-off the bill.

My iPhone stopped working on day three. My power cord would not stay in the port and would not charge. I suspected some dust or object got in the port, but couldn’t fix it myself. Since my phone was my camera, my link to home, and so many other things we all get spoiled with, I wanted to get it fixed. The only problem was no Apple stores in Temple or Waco. The nearest Apple store was in Austin, a little over an hour’s drive away. I got an appointment for two days later at 5:50 PM. We decided this would be our mid-week break, and after seven hours of work that day, we would see some of Austin and to go out to eat.

This Apple store was in an upscale area called “The Domain”, which consisted of restaurants, shops, big stores like Neiman Marcus and Nordstrom’s, and condos-condos-condos. Sure enough, something was lodged in my phone port and it worked again when removed. While I was at the Apple store, Bob and Mike went to an outdoor bar down the street. I went to join them after my phone was fixed and saw Bob and Mike talking to this well-dressed, manicured man of about forty. Right away I knew what was up, the way this guy was leaning with his elbow on the bar and turned towards Mike. Mike and Bob had got into a conversation with this gentleman, named David. When he found out Mike had never been married and Bob was his uncle, he became even friendlier.

I entered the bar and Mike introduced me to David who smiled and was very polite. I said, “Let’s go eat!”, and David suggested an Italian restaurant down the way. Mike and David kept talking so I left the bar to wait. Mike nor Bob had no idea what was going on until David asked for Mike’s phone number. It wasn’t much after that that Mike and Bob joined me outside the bar. As we walked to the restaurant, both Mike and Bob claimed they were unaware of David’s real interest.

We went back to Temple that night and went right back to work the next day. I never ate so much dirt, dust, and gypsum. I also stepped on two nails, one rusty, (yes, I’m getting a tetanus shot) and smashed my fingers/hand about four times - not bad for a guy as clumsy as I am.

All in all, we accomplished quite a bit! The total rehab is only about 40% complete. But that’s not bad for 21 man-days of work. (I can say man-days because no women were involved, except the nice neighbor lady who brought us banana bread). Mike knows enough now to finish the job. This project will make this tour of duty, his last prior to retirement, go faster. In the end, he will feel very good about it - I’m sure.

While this wasn’t a standard “Helping Fathers to be Dads” blog post. It is an example of how great it is to have ‘family’! My brother and I didn’t have the best of circumstances growing up, but both of us were determined to not be like our father who never supported us. We are so proud of the families we have raised! All five of our children have college degrees and good jobs, and two have beautiful families of their own. Bob helps my family often and I help his family whenever I can. My son will be there for us, too, if ever we should need him. If all families worked together as well, drugs, crime, mental health issues, teen births, etc. would be much less of a problem in our society.
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A country with solid supportive families would reduce our social issues significantly! When are we (dads, moms, businesses, government policies, etc.) going to do the things necessary to make families whole again? We need to start soon and, unfortunately, it will take two or three generations to correct after we begin a concerted effort. That is why I wrote a book and write this blog, because fathers are the key to keeping families together!

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The crew: Mike Sr. Bob, Mike Jr.
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    A review of "The Power of Dadhood" by About.com
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