Terrible things happen all the time. Many we can’t control like earthquakes, tornadoes, or typhoons. Yes, we can prepare for them but nature usually has the upper hand. Some terrible things are perpetrated by mankind and cannot often be predicted - but we might prepare for their eventuality. Both disaster and/or tragedy can claim us at any time. However, there is one significant difference between natural disasters and human-caused tragedy, and that is our ability to minimize the frequency of, if not prevent, the occurrence.
By my title, you may see clearly where I am going. But ‘human tragedy’ isn’t always the fault of a chaotic/ineffective family. The fault could lie in psychotic issues, political or religious beliefs, revenge, or the simple fact that we are not perfect and we make mistakes, sometimes terrible mistakes. A perfect society is an impossible dream for we have too many opposing ideas to what would make a perfect society. And even if we agreed on the utopia, there will always be miscreants and/or rebels to the idea. But we don’t give up on a solution, a family solution, just because it is not a panacea.
With that said, broken families are an issue on their own, but that problem feeds so many others. What if we were able to look closer for solutions to broken homes? Solutions that bring families much closer making it easier and more rewarding for families to stay together? A close-knit, balanced family allows for mentoring and shaping values? Not all families would take part and it might not always work, but many families would become healthier with the positive impact of effectively and significantly reducing most of the social issues we face every day.
There are short-term and long-term solutions to problems. The best reason for a short-term solution is to ‘stop the bleeding’. We need to minimize the ‘hurt’ while we try to keep the hurt from coming back - which is the long-term solution. It’s like changing an ill-worn tire on a car that is out of alignment. The new tire will get the car back on the road, but until the alignment is fixed, the problem will be repeated, over and over!
Some thoughts on short and long-term solutions:
- More police on the street is an effective force against crime, but that doesn’t fix the reason crimes are committed. If the police left, the crime would return. Fortunately, I live in a very safe community with a high percentage of intact families. As a result, we experience low crime and a small police presence. However as a child, I lived in many poor neighborhoods with at-risk families. Those neighborhoods were high crime areas, even with a much higher police presence.
- One may be pro-choice, but that doesn’t mean that the person likes abortion. Wouldn’t it be better to have programs where teen pregnancies (a significant contributor to abortion) become fewer with the support that young women and men need at home? No unwanted pregnancies would be a solution to avoiding abortion and reducing single-parent families - along with crime by juveniles, and rampant poverty.
- One may be for gun rights, but that doesn’t mean they like the violence in the streets of major cities. Wouldn’t it be better if the children of families didn’t find themselves on the street under the likely peer pressures of other, misguided and angry, young men? Guns and troubled youth are a recipe for disaster!
- You may not like the statistics that show young, black men are arrested at a higher rate than other races. I certainly do not! But the reason this happens can be blamed on at least two of many possible factors.
- Some individual police are racist, whether they think so or not, possibly because of an unhealthy family upbringing.
- 57.6% of black children, 31.2% of Hispanic children, and 20.7% of white children are living absent their biological fathers*, leading to a higher likelihood for black children to have not been properly mentored or monitored. As a result, they look for fellowship elsewhere and more often than we like, it’s with a bad crowd, which can put them at a higher risk by a factor of nearly three times that of white children.
- You may not think caring fathers in the home is a factor in preventing crime or poverty; that good moms are usually enough. But if you research areas where there are high percentages of single parents (usually moms), you will find those same areas are much higher in crime and poverty (see maps above). Please understand that many, maybe most children of single moms do okay! That is not the point. The at-large societal result, the statistics stated below, is the real issue.
Every social issue has an element of family life and values, or lack of such, that contribute, at a root-cause level. We seem to react with short-term solutions, necessary of course, but we do not put enough emphasis on root causes and long-term solutions.
We need to reduce the causes of crime to reduce the need for more police. We need to reduce (we can’t eliminate) the need for mental health solutions by providing a more supportive family culture. We need to reduce unwanted pregnancies by giving young women more strength and giving young men less need to prove themselves. We need to reduce poverty by being good examples and providing mentoring to young people in what it takes to succeed, largely a family responsibility. We will minimize the drug culture when we minimize the demand, some of which comes about from those looking for an escape from troubles at home, or caused by family instability.
Statistics
- 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (US Dept. Of Health/Census) – 5 times the average.
- 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes – 32 times the average.
- 85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average. (Center for Disease Control)
- 80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes –14 times the average. (Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26)
- 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes – 9 times the average. (National Principals Association Report)
I don’t have all the answers, but I believe our primary (or call it long-term) emphasis seems to be at a level far removed from the root causes. I wrote a book encouraging strong fatherhood principles and I write this blog as a grassroots attempt to fix one of the root causes (dysfunctional families) of our social issues. I donate much of my time and money every day trying to get the word out – make that four words – “It’s the Family, Stupid!” It's strong families and family values that can be a tremendous influence in moving forward as a society.
This is not rocket science. I am certainly not a genius. This is not unknown. And while any type of family that is loving will be good for all society, the nuclear family must be the model to work towards whenever possible. Children thrive with two parents having a male and female view of life and the world. Men and women, fathers and mothers, simply have different strengths and weaknesses as parents. Parental teams work best with balance. Girls need the love and lessons of a mother and the love, lessons, acceptance, and protection of a father. Boys need the love and lessons of manhood from a father and the lessons, nourishment and love of a mother. It may not be enough, but it’s a huge start!
Here’s what I suggest:
- More funding to the ‘Administration for Children and Families’, part of the US Department of Health and Human Services, with emphasis on ways to keep families together.
- Programs (governmental and/or otherwise) that incentivize families to remain together and not to separate.
- More PSA’s (Public Service Announcements) pounding the public with pro-family messages of encouragement and advice.
- Corporations supporting family issues through funding of family charities and family programming with less support of anti-family, anti-values rhetoric as is found in some forms of music and video games.
- Individual men learning how important they are to society through the families they beget and raise.
- Schools and colleges that teach, even encourage courses in how to raise a family financially, emotionally, and with values.
- Mentoring programs in every US County to provide guidance for parents and/or children who are at a loss and need guidance.
- More grassroots efforts, like the many mom and dad blogs that are available for all to make us think.
Summary
One solution is obvious, fixing families. The methodology (to reduce family dysfunction) is difficult. Today we have a desire for instant gratification. However, this solution, to ‘fix’ families, will take three to four generations – if and when it ever gets strong momentum. This doesn’t help those of power who want to be re-elected, rewarded, or praised. The good they do may never be appreciated because of the time required to show results. It will take people who truly want better lives for our great, maybe great-great-grandchildren. Most of us don’t look that far ahead. We bury our heads in blame, shame, arguments, and short-term solutions. If there is one (not the only one) sure key target for solving our numerous social issues, it lies in our families.
PS. If you’re reading this, I really don’t think you are stupid!
* Source: Family Structure and Children’s Living Arrangements 2012. Current Population Report. U.S. Census Bureau July 1, 2012.
