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I Guess I’m a Blockhead Writer

1/26/2025

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“No man but a blockhead ever wrote a book except for money.”
~ Samuel Johnson
​
I’m the author of two books, never having formal training as a writer, but having a message I wanted to share. To take on such a task as authoring a book is mostly underappreciated. Despite the challenges of writing and publishing, a dedication to emphasizing the significance of family, motherhood, and fatherhood is a driving force. The results have been mixed.

Here are a few hard facts:
  • Few people aim to write a book, and only 3 out of 100 will complete it.
  • Only 1% to 5% of completed manuscripts are accepted by publishers.
  • Ninety-five percent of all published books sell less than 200 copies.
  • Each author competes with the 3,000,000 books that are published each year.
  • Less than 1% of published books make it to bookstores.
  • Authors are responsible for marketing their own books, as publishers typically provide minimal or no marketing support.
  • Only 1 in 10,000 authors earn their income from writing, and most do not rely solely on book sales.
Despite this bleak picture, I found an excellent traditional publisher, Familius LLC, who took a chance on a nobody with a tiny platform. As a result, The Power of Dadhood: How to be the Father Your Child Needs sold over 5000 copies at this point, and an unknown amount in China, where it was translated into traditional Chinese. Modest sales but I beat the odds.
Here's the ‘blockhead’ part of my story. Although my first book achieved moderate success, I incurred substantial financial losses covering editing, marketing, and other expenses. Additionally, I invested countless hours in research and writing. I received less than $1.00 for each sale. But I don’t care! (Of course, I wish I made money!)
My second book, A Vagabond Life: A Memoir of Father Hunger, is the story of my growing up wanting more from my father, but something he was unable to do. This book explains why I wrote my first book, and why I continue to write hundreds of blogs on <MichaelByronSmith.com> to bring light to the importance of family and the need for loving fathers in the home. This book is self-published and is still below the average of 200 in sales. While not successful, at least yet, l will continue to market A Vagabond Life and The Power of Dadhood hoping it will help families.
I take my own advice; advice I’ve given my children. That advice was, “try like hell, but don’t give a damn.” I later saw a quote from T.S. Elliot that said the same thing, but more eloquently, “Teach us to care and not to care.” It means simply to do your best and do not fret over the results.

Summary

I wrote this post for three reasons.
  1. I think it could be of interest to readers of books and those inspired to write them.
  2. It’s cathartic to me to express my desires and frustrations.
  3. I hope my books can help others - dads, moms, and especially their children.
Thank you for your time and interest!
​
#powerofdadhood

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The Godfather, The Captain, Atticus, and Gil

1/7/2025

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“A man who doesn’t spend time with his family can never be a real man.”
Don Corleone in “The Godfather”


( originally published Jan 26 2015)

What kind of father are you? Are you kind, funny, aloof, authoritarian, nurturing, absent, a provider, stay-at-home, or confused? Most of us are combinations of these descriptors with maybe one or two dominant characteristics. Let’s see if we can group fathering characteristics and instead, look into fathering styles or types.

Four Father-Types

I’ve devised four father types, based on characters whom we are familiar with if we’ve seen their movies. These are The Godfather, The Captain, Atticus, and Gil. After you’ve read my descriptions/interpretations of each one, think about which type you identify with the most. Certainly most of us dads have some characteristics of all of these fathers, but usually one type will stand out?

The Godfather

Don Corleone, in “The Godfather” is a kind and generous family man who lives by a strict moral code of loyalty to family first, friends second. He will protect all from their enemies. He is also a man of power who demands respect commensurate with his status. He is the leader of the family and his word is law. He teaches family loyalty and commitment above all else. He brings order to all and through his strength and balanced skills. He leaves a legacy of change that will last. A larger than life personality who teaches loyalty and dedication.

The Captain

The Captain in “The Sound of Music” is a self-disciplined, decisive man, who is in control of himself and expects the same from others. A man of action, shy of real emotion, tied to rituals and routine, he is competitive and highly principled. He is a loving man but he isn’t demonstrative in showing it. He teaches respect and responsibility.

Atticus

Atticus Finch, the father in “To Kill a Mockingbird”, played by Gregory Peck, is an insightful man with high morals and keen intelligence. He has genuine humility and a natural dignity. His ego does not drive him. Atticus is serious but loving to his children, passing on sage advice but not likely to play and act goofy with his kids. He is also consistent and reliable. His power comes from thoughtful reflection and meditation. He teaches integrity and does it with his brain.

Gil

Steve Martin plays Gil Buckman in the movie “Parenthood”. Gil is a man who wants to be a good father, not having had a good one himself. Gil is passionate about his parenting. He’s fun, unassuming, and caring. Gil has a soft and emotional heart. He would be likely to write heartfelt notes to his children and act silly with them. He is idealistic about life and looks to bring goodness to all. He teaches love and understanding with his heart.

So who are you most like and who would you most want to emulate?

The Potential Dark Side

Before I go on, there are versions of the characters that can go to an opposite extreme.


  • The Godfather type can become a tyrant, misusing his power for his own selfish gains which Don Corleone does, but not within his family—unless it serves the family.
  • The Captain can become a sadist or self-destructive when he sets aside emotional needs too long. This could be why soldiers develop PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome). Some Captain types become workaholics, trying to get to the top for the sake only of being on top. Some demand too much from their family like Robert Duvall’s character in “The Great Santini”.
  • An Atticus type can become a con man, using his skills of charm and intellect to fool people for his own gain. He can also be narcissistic. Bigamists can often be an example this dark side of Atticus.
  • Gil can become a dreamer or a weakling, sometimes uncertain of his ability to provide, or to be a good father, something Gil went through in the movie.

Self-Analysis

I would like to have the power and respect of Don Corleone, the discipline and decisiveness of The Captain, the intellect and dignity of Atticus, and the dedication and passion of Gil. If I am honest about my own identity as a father, I think I come closest to Gil. When I saw that movie, I very much identified with him, maybe because I was unsatisfied with my own father, maybe because my children’s well-being are so important to me, maybe because I am occasionally emotional about my family. But I do have some characteristics of all of these four types. Like most men, I would like to leave a legacy
. I was a military man for 29 years and preach responsibility. I also try to pass on “sage advice” to my children, now grandchildren. Lastly, if I were to become another father type, I would like to have more traits like those of Atticus.

Summary

It is useful to know about different fathering styles and to examine your own. You may understand better how you father your children or why you do it your way. This knowledge is useful when dealing with family issues, how they come about, and how you can resolve them. There is no need in becoming the style of father you’re not comfortable being. It wouldn’t work anyway. You have to be you, but you can always be a better you, staying completely away from the dark side of these father types.

The father types I mention here are my own vision and in no way are they complete or scientific. They were, however, very loosely based on the idea of male archetypes from the book “King, Warrior, Magician, Lover” by Robert L. Moore and Douglas Gillette. If you are interested in a more scientific analysis of the male archetype and where you may fit in, you can take a KWML test I discovered at http://www.kwml.com/contemplate/assembler.php?page=welcome. These archetypes and their test results are a description of particular male types-- not styles of fathering, per se.

Go be a good father in your own style—be a Dad!



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The World’s Greatest Dad

1/6/2025

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Pictureurbanloftart.com

Just how many men have the distinction of being the World’s Greatest Dad?  It’s a mantle shared by many. Some men deserve it, and some don’t, but what is really important is what the children of those men think. Of course, there is no single ‘world’s greatest dad’ because the ‘world’ to any child is their own father. To your child, no one on earth has your potential as a guardian, mentor, and confidant. I use the word ‘potential' because some men, for any number of reasons, fall short in their parenting. Here are a few actual reasons fathers fail to be “Dads”.
​
  • Alcohol problems
  • Drug addiction
  • Busy Career
  • Wasn’t what I wanted
  • It a mother’s job
  • Don’t know how
  • Health issues
  • Kids are difficult
  • Objections of the mother

I’ve yet to hear a good reason to fail as a father. Some of the reasons listed above are absurd while others are unfortunate, but not a real hindrance. The closest excuse to a true hindrance is the objections of the mother who severely restricts involvement by a father with the backing of the courts. This is an actual and often tragic situation for a man who wants dearly to be a part of his child’s life. This precludes those men who are a real danger to their children, but those type of men are rare. Beyond motherly or court-ordered obstacles, all men have a relatively easy path to the greatest reward they can ever achieve – “The World’s Greatest Dad.”

Let me explain what I mean by ‘easy.’ No, being a loving and nurturing parent is not easy. Raising children takes much patience, time, and money, not to mention the coordination of parenting methods with their mother. But the easy part is getting the adoration of your kids for the mere fact you are their dad. Every ‘World’s Greatest Dad’ is the one who kisses his child goodnight, who brags on their artwork, who loves the people they love, who gives them rides on their backs and listens to their problems. If you do those and other little things that all children need, you will undoubtedly deserve your t-shirt, mug, or crayon poster with your name on it -- “Dad.”

Never take something like this child-appointed award for granted just because you see other dads with the same prize! It’s not a competition -- it’s a great honor bestowed upon you by the most important people in your world. If you have really earned it, you will wear it, drink from it, or post it with true pride because “The Power of Dadhood” is real!  

Consider reading my book, A Vagabond Life: A Memoir of Father Hunger - What it does to families and how I conquered it.
​
Michael Byron Smith

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