Category: COVID 19

Top Tips for Keeping Your Kids Safer in the Pool

6/30/2020

Beyond love and nurturing, the main duty of a parent is to keep their children safe! Due to COVID-19 stay-at-home orders and warmer temperatures, families are starting to get out and enjoy their outdoor spaces. This includes opening up pools for swimming. That’s why now is the perfect time to reiterate the rules of pool safety, especially for parents.

Thanks to safetytoday.org for this life saving information!

As a parent, you know that swimming pools are equal parts fun and dangerous. While your kids are focused on the fun part, you’re usually left worrying about safety. And rightfully so. Pools can be a dangerous place, even for experienced swimmers. However, there are lots of ways that you can make the backyard swimming pool a much safer place for your family.

Teaching Your Kids the Basics

No matter how safe the pool itself is, you have to make sure your kids know how to be safe in the water. These are a few things to teach your kids.

Slowly introduce your kids to different techniques so they can learn at their own pace.
Cover basics like getting in the pool safely, treading water, and floating on your back.
Help your kids get comfortable being underwater so they know what to do.
Facing fear is important for becoming a confident swimmer, but don’t push too hard.
If you’re not comfortable teaching your kids yourself, swim lessons are always an option.

Securing the Pool

Pools pose a variety of dangers, but there are many things you can do to reduce the risk. Consider these precautions when getting your pool ready for the season.

Assess the normal wear and tear of your pool and do repairs or maintenance if needed.
Get a pool safety fence, cover, or net to keep kids from entering the water unattended.
Set up a comfortable spot by the pool where you can supervise your kids as they swim.
Make sure your pool chemicals are stored safely.

Staying Safe in the Water

Securing your pool and teaching your kids the basics is just part of the equation. These tips can make each swimming session safer.

Make sure everyone knows and follows the pool rules.
Check pool toys before each use to make sure they’re clean and in good shape.
Keep in mind that while float toys are fun, they’re not designed to be lifesaving devices.
Review the signs of drowning and make sure you know what to do.

Pools can be a source of stress when you’re a parent, despite the fact that they provide endless fun for kids while also getting them off the couch. Taking precautions such as teaching your kids to swim safely, putting up a fence, and making sure your kids have safe water toys will help minimize the risk.

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For Dads Only!

4/20/2020

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How are you holding up? It’s been a tough few weeks during the COVID-19 crisis. Hopefully, we are at the end of the beginning, and the beginning of the end is something we are looking forward to with great anticipation. Paychecks, escapes, and relationships are all being affected. One relationship that will be tested is our marriage and the strain of unintended circumstances.

If you’re stuck with your wife for days on end, it’s pleasant - at first. But we aren’t meant to be glued to each other. It’s like ice cream. I love ice cream, but it’s not good to eat a whole gallon. I will definitely want more ice cream, but not until the memory of that gallon has left my stomach. Don’t feel guilty! She feels the same way about you. Occasionally, absence does make the heart grow fonder, and time to one’s self is necessary, even for extroverts.

What happens is we become more familiar with our wives in ways we aren’t accustomed - being together a greater amount of time and at unfamiliar parts of the day. We see and hear things that are new to us.

I know I have had enough of watching doctors while in this Covid-19 disaster. I don’t mean Drs. Fauci and Birx, I mean Dr. Phil, Dr. Pimple Popper, and Dr. Oz. My wife, Kathy, loves these shows and they never end! “My 600 Pound Life”, “90 Day Fiancée”, “Say Yes to the Dress”. What a plethora of weirdos, puss, and ego. I don’t even have a baseball game to escape to.
I stopped watching ‘The View’ when Barbara Walters left. I never really tuned in anyway, but Kathy use to watch as I wandered the house. She still tunes in when I’m not around, but if she does while I’m home (and I’m always home these days), I’ll go into a sound proof room or go for a walk. I can handle Whoopi, but Joy Behar? If you want to know everything I knew when I had a Top Secret clearance, just put toothpicks on my eyelids and make me watch clips of Joy Behar with the sound up. Yikes!
Then there is the Kardashians! Sure, I’ll take peak at the poolside scenes, but what a load crap!
Besides TV, I see things I never saw before, like my wife’s real hair color, and people jumping off the sidewalk into traffic just because I’m walking towards them.
You’ll discover that when your wife wears makeup, it’s not for you! And she has no one to impress, so…
We males do like sex. That fact and ‘stay at home’ orders has driven our wives to be more honest. The “too busy”, or “I have a headache”, excuse is being replaced with a forceful, “not interested”! Fair enough.
I thought by being home it would at least save us money on shopping! But there is the dreaded Amazon at the touch of a few keys! And you don’t even get the house to yourself for a while!
Netflix, what to watch:

Man: What would you like to watch tonight?
Woman: I don’t mind, you decide.
Man: Ok.
Woman: No I don’t like that.
Man: Ok.
Woman: No, I don’t like that either.
Man (fake-smile): Sure, you choose...

Without buddies to talk to, I meditate on the world’s unanswered questions with my wife. But she still gets confused when I ask a rhetorical question.
- “How do the police handcuff a one-armed man?
- “How should I know?” she says. Open hand smashed against my forehead!
Kathy is reverting to being a mom to me. She used to ‘send me to my room’ by saying, “why don’t you go to see your mom or go play golf or something?” Now, it’s literally “go to any room I’m not in!”
"The endless ‘Honey-can-you-do-this?' list. I don't mind a few simple to-dos, but sometimes I’m in the middle of my own project or thoughts. But if I don’t move right now, I’m considered uncooperative and obstinate. “Love to help, but just a second, it’s my turn on ‘Words with Friends’!”
Where’d that come from? Guys, I think you know what I mean. It’s like a lightning strike on a clear day. Your wife, “You know what you did!” (NO! I don’t!) - You can see it in their face and hear it in their voice when something is bothering them. Should I ask and get it over with, because it will NOT go away. Or hide in my man cave and pray it’s not something I did? If you do ask and, miracle of miracles, it’s not you, don’t make the mistake of trying to fix it. Just bow your head, look sad, and tell her, “I’m here for you.”

There’s a lot of ‘tongue in cheek’ in what I am claiming. I’m not really criticizing my wife (in case she finds out), although I’m not above doing that. I’m describing real life among real people. If you are totally confused by any of this, welcome to earth, my alien friends!

We’ll come out of this ‘change in our lifestyle’ and, hopefully, no relationships will be damaged. Stress causes us to do things we wouldn’t otherwise do. Patience, understanding, and realizing you are no prize to be around either, will help the situation. For me, it could be much worse. I could be in isolation with Joy Behar! (I’m sure she’s a nice person, but “Take away my sharp objects!”)

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Mitsakes: We All Make Them!

4/13/2020

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Photo by the author

I went to the hospital a few weeks ago as an outpatient for a relatively minor issue. An attendant placed one of those plastic medical ID bracelets on my right wrist, the kind that couldn’t be pulled off by a John Deere tractor (but are easily removed with scissors). Every move I made, from the nurse escorting me in, then a technician taking x-rays, to the guy walking by with a white jacket, to the nice old lady checking me out of the hospital, asked for my name, date of birth and SSN as they looked at my plastic medical bracelet. Why be so careful?

According to a recent study by Johns Hopkins, more than 250,000 people in the United States die every year because of medical mistakes, making it the third leading cause of death after heart disease and cancer. It almost makes you want to stay home when sick, and not because of COVIS-19!

A few examples below:

Two men were mistakenly circumcised, while a woman had a lump removed from the wrong breast.
The wrong toe was amputated from one patient, and two women had biopsies taken from their cervix, rather than their colon.
Six women had their ovaries removed during botched hysterectomies, putting them into early menopause.
Figures also show that some patients had procedures intended for someone else, including laser eye surgery, lumbar punctures, and colonoscopies.
A two-year-old girl died during an operation when her anesthesiologist mistakenly gave her 20 times the anesthesia dose required. Tragic!

This information helps me to understand why the plastic medical wristband and constant questions have become routine.

Another area of caution is aviation. As a former military pilot it hurts me to say this, but 85% of aircraft accidents are caused by pilot error. I was lucky enough to not add to that statistic, but as a young civilian student pilot, I landed on the wrong runway in Vandalia, IL during a solo cross-country training flight. But hey, it was a smooth landing!

Don’t even get me started on politicians! They made the word ‘gaffe’ famous: wasted money, bridges to nowhere, scandals, etc.

What’s My Point?

Everyone makes mistakes! Even well-trained professionals make mistakes. No one is immune. I’m speaking mainly to parents and especially to dads (only because you are my target audience). Parental mistakes are something all moms and dads will experience over and over! Maybe you underestimated a problem your son has mentioned, or you have or overly punished your daughter for something because you were in a bad mood. Apologize! But be assured that your children will make more mistakes without you! The imperfect you is better than the missing you with very few exceptions.

What would we do if doctors, nurses, or airline pilots were not willing to take chances with life and death decisions!? There are risks in life, but we can’t move forward without taking them. Of course, we take actions to minimize those risks. The hospital wrist band symbolizes risk mitigation, as does pilot checklists and political advisors.

Our kids do not focus on the mistakes we make. They may notice, but they soon forget. What they know is how much we care! If you don’t care, or don’t show you care, that’s not a mistake - that is a devastating personality defect. But it is reversible with a little help and insight!

Parents can minimize mistakes by not assuming parenting comes easily or naturally, especially for men. Read, ask questions, talk with your spouse, listen, count to 10, give yourself timeouts, think first, and be a student of your kids. Parenting may seem like a side job to a busy parent, but it’s not! You will continue to make mistakes, but when you do, don’t beat yourself up! I’ve seen the statistics when dads are missing, (data on crime, drugs, teenaged births, poverty, mental health, etc.) Click on that link and be shocked! When dads are missing, it’s tragic! So be not afraid of making mistakes, and certainly never give up! Your children need you!

#powerofdadhood

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What You Heard was Not What I Said

4/6/2020

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Photo: Michael Byron Smith

Or was it?

“The biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
~ George Bernard Shaw

Communication may become a more significant issue when we are cooped up for days on end with those we love during the COVID-19 crisis . Not because it happens more often, but because we may have less tolerance for it. Be patient with your family. Especially your children!

Miscommunication happens with your kids, your spouse, in the media/press, among co-workers, and elsewhere. Sometimes it’s the other person, and sometimes it’s you, or both. Maybe you misspoke, saying something you did not mean. Mostly, these misunderstandings are harmless, but they can cause many problems some of which are very serious. In critical or dangerous situations, parties are required to repeat an instruction. Pilots in the US Air Force, when switching control of their aircraft from one to the other, must confirm the transition. The first pilot, “You have the aircraft.” The second pilot, “I have the aircraft.” Only then can the first pilot release control.

How about a less critical but essential communication situation? How about within your family? Even the most loving of spouses can get annoyed with each other when they aren’t connecting at the same level. Then there are the kids! Being misunderstood is painful, especially for kids, because they often think they are doing something wrong or you are unfair. It can leave them feeling helpless, upset, impatient, and angry, especially at the person that’s not understanding them. Children can’t think like an adult, so adults have to think like a kid. The knowledge and ability to do that within your family will decrease misunderstandings.

Heidi Grant Halvorson, a social psychologist, says in her book, No One Understands You and What to Do About It, you are probably a terrible judge of how other people view you. Humans, she explains, are consistently poor judges of how other human beings view them. “We know when someone else is making a good impression, but we don’t know when we’re not doing it.” Stated otherwise, if others can make a bad impression or be unclear, so can you - without realizing it. In fact, one of the easiest ways to suffer the consequences of being misunderstood is to make the assumption that who you’re talking to knows what you know, feels what you feel, or is on the same page as you.

Here are some reasons why people misunderstand each other * It’s no wonder it happens so often!

Mood. Wow! A bad mood will always get in the way of good communication. Be honest about your mood and take responsibility by admitting your inability to communicate properly. I’m as guilty as anyone. If it can wait, let it wait!
Anger. This ties in with mood but can be much more disruptive and consequential.
Exhaustion. If you are tired, you’re not alert and may not be listening.
Hearing issues. This is a common problem. Unless tested, we may not notice when we lose hearing. To avoid embarrassment, we often answer as if we heard correctly.
Bias. Hearing only what you want to hear because you want to control and validate your belief.
Not listening. We are all guilty of this at times. It easy to do with children when they constantly need your attention.
Vocabulary. Know your audience and use language they understand. Unless they know you well, they may not admit they didn’t understand. Again, try to imagine what a five-year-old really wants.
Personality differences. Different personalities hear things differently because of sensitivities, attitude, openness, etc. Some people think deeply. Others sail on the surface.
Preoccupied. Sometimes you are in the middle of a correspondence, or an activity where you are concentrating on a task, or simply in deep thought. This is not listening less offensively.
Purposeful. We can be dishonest about what we hear or pretending we didn’t hear correctly or responding with double talk, purposely trying to confuse the other person.
Assuming. Asking, “Why did you do that?” when the other person doesn’t know what ‘that’ is.
Sarcasm. Men, especially, close friends, are sarcastic with each other. It’s kind of a brotherhood thing when done right. But you have to know the person to be sarcastic. Also, I believe men are more open to sarcasm more than women.
Tone. How you say something is as important as what you say. The wrong tone will almost always cause miscommunication.
Appearance. How you look when you talk (facial clues, body language, eyes) all speak as loudly as your voice
Where’s your head? What is the other person thinking? Similar to assuming, but more like being the same frame of mind as you. I say, “I love your jeans!” You hear, “I love your genes.”

Because there are so many ways to miscommunicate potentially causing undesired results, it’s wise to reassure those you respect and love on a higher level by taking pro-active steps.

Pre-emptive statements to minimize communication issues.

I will never say anything on purpose that sounds like I don’t love you.
Please feel free to ask questions.
I can’t hear well in noisy areas.
I’m not familiar with that topic.
Can I have your attention for a moment?
I’m tired. Can we talk in the morning?
Do you understand what I mean?
Can you repeat that?

Summary

There are enough problems in the world and within our families without creating unnecessary obstacles. Think about what you are saying and how you are listening. Remember never to overreact. Remember that saying sorry is always an appropriate thing to do when you have made a mistake. Remember that kids are kids. They are rambunctious, energetic, and immature. Give them some attention and be gentle. Remember to give time to yourself and to give yourself time to think. Give hugs after mistakes have been made.

#powerofdadhood

* My thoughts as a layman

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Top Tips for Keeping Your Kids Safer in the Pool

For Dads Only!

Mitsakes: We All Make Them!

What You Heard was Not What I Said

Archives

Categories

Top Tips for Keeping Your Kids Safer in the Pool

​For Dads Only!

Mitsakes: We All Make Them!

​What You Heard was Not What I Said

Archives

Categories

For Dads Only!

What You Heard was Not What I Said