My grandson at 11 months. If only more parents would realize how much easier it is to parent when you prevent issues rather than trying to heal or fix them later. It’s really tough to raise children correctly and no one denies that. But tough doesn’t even begin to describe the frustration of having a lazy or aimless child, the worry of having a child you cannot trust, or the horror of alcohol or drug abuse.
You only have one chance to shape your children with your values. But first you must have values to teach. Therefore, you can’t teach them ‘honesty’ if they see you taking small liberties. You can’t teach ‘punctuality’ if you’re always late. You can’t teach ‘kindness’ if you are occasionally unkind to others. Whatever values you teach your kids will come primarily in how well you perform them in their presence. Words are weakened when not reinforced by proper execution.
Where many parents fail is waiting too long to exhibit proper behavior, which is not a problem if you practice what you preach. But we parents are human and not perfect. If we lose our temper in full display of our infant/toddler, you may think they are not comprehending what is happening. The trouble with that thinking is the first three years of life are a period of incredible growth in all areas of a child’s development.
The Urban Child Institute writes on their website. “Children’s experiences in their earliest years affect how their brains work, the way they respond to stress, and their ability to form trusting relationships. During these years the brain undergoes its most dramatic growth, setting the stage for social and emotional development. Language blossoms, basic motor abilities form, thinking becomes more complex, and children begin to understand their own feelings and those of others.” *
I use the analogy of an artisan to explain the importance of early conscious involvement with your children’s development in my book, “The Power of Dadhood: How to Become the Father Your Child Needs”
“Potters start with soft clay, shaping it into bowls, pots, vases, and other beautiful works of art using their hands or intricate molds. When the clay is soft, any impression an artisan desires is possible. But after the clay has hardened, it will be almost impossible to change. Later attempts to change the shape can only be artificial and may destroy the piece. Pottery can be filled with oil, water, and even earth, but they all can be easily poured out because the contents are not part of the pottery. Similarly, children can try new things and be influenced by others, but the values you have molded will remain. Soft clay left untouched by the artisan will harden to the shape it was left in, rarely as beautiful as something the potter shaped, not as admired nor as useful, and likely ignored.
Your infant children are also soft clay, hardening gradually month by month, and you are the artisan, making them beautiful and useful. Their beauty is exhibited by the way they carry themselves and the joy they bring to others. Their usefulness is manifested when they become confident and self-reliant contributors to society. You must not wait to mold your children. The longer you wait, the less impact you will have on them and their future. Remember, your influence decreases each year as they cure into their own shape.
Certainly, each child is born with his or her own characteristics just as each type of clay has different, unchangeable traits. But every child and every type of clay can be molded significantly. Once you have grasped the significance of your early involvement as a father, the next question you must ask yourself is this: “What skills do I have as the artisan helping to shape my children’s lives?” After all, some potters are better than others. Well, there is good news for you. The most basic skills necessary to be a good influence as a father are a love and attention. You will find that you have the talent already if you just place your hands upon the clay.”
I also mention in my book that if you are a bad example to your child, they will either be embarrassed by you, or you will be leading them astray. Neither reaction is something we would ever want to happen. Never underestimate the ‘power to learn’ of a young child!
#powerofdadhood
http://www.urbanchildinstitute.org/resources/publications/good-start/social-and-emotional-development
You only have one chance to shape your children with your values. But first you must have values to teach. Therefore, you can’t teach them ‘honesty’ if they see you taking small liberties. You can’t teach ‘punctuality’ if you’re always late. You can’t teach ‘kindness’ if you are occasionally unkind to others. Whatever values you teach your kids will come primarily in how well you perform them in their presence. Words are weakened when not reinforced by proper execution.
Where many parents fail is waiting too long to exhibit proper behavior, which is not a problem if you practice what you preach. But we parents are human and not perfect. If we lose our temper in full display of our infant/toddler, you may think they are not comprehending what is happening. The trouble with that thinking is the first three years of life are a period of incredible growth in all areas of a child’s development.
The Urban Child Institute writes on their website. “Children’s experiences in their earliest years affect how their brains work, the way they respond to stress, and their ability to form trusting relationships. During these years the brain undergoes its most dramatic growth, setting the stage for social and emotional development. Language blossoms, basic motor abilities form, thinking becomes more complex, and children begin to understand their own feelings and those of others.” *
I use the analogy of an artisan to explain the importance of early conscious involvement with your children’s development in my book, “The Power of Dadhood: How to Become the Father Your Child Needs”
“Potters start with soft clay, shaping it into bowls, pots, vases, and other beautiful works of art using their hands or intricate molds. When the clay is soft, any impression an artisan desires is possible. But after the clay has hardened, it will be almost impossible to change. Later attempts to change the shape can only be artificial and may destroy the piece. Pottery can be filled with oil, water, and even earth, but they all can be easily poured out because the contents are not part of the pottery. Similarly, children can try new things and be influenced by others, but the values you have molded will remain. Soft clay left untouched by the artisan will harden to the shape it was left in, rarely as beautiful as something the potter shaped, not as admired nor as useful, and likely ignored.
Your infant children are also soft clay, hardening gradually month by month, and you are the artisan, making them beautiful and useful. Their beauty is exhibited by the way they carry themselves and the joy they bring to others. Their usefulness is manifested when they become confident and self-reliant contributors to society. You must not wait to mold your children. The longer you wait, the less impact you will have on them and their future. Remember, your influence decreases each year as they cure into their own shape.
Certainly, each child is born with his or her own characteristics just as each type of clay has different, unchangeable traits. But every child and every type of clay can be molded significantly. Once you have grasped the significance of your early involvement as a father, the next question you must ask yourself is this: “What skills do I have as the artisan helping to shape my children’s lives?” After all, some potters are better than others. Well, there is good news for you. The most basic skills necessary to be a good influence as a father are a love and attention. You will find that you have the talent already if you just place your hands upon the clay.”
I also mention in my book that if you are a bad example to your child, they will either be embarrassed by you, or you will be leading them astray. Neither reaction is something we would ever want to happen. Never underestimate the ‘power to learn’ of a young child!
#powerofdadhood
http://www.urbanchildinstitute.org/resources/publications/good-start/social-and-emotional-development
