MichaelByronSmith: The Power of Dadhood
  • Home
  • Blog: Helping Fathers to be Dads
  • Dadhood Book
  • Photos
  • About Me
  • A Vagabond Life - A Memoir of Father Hunger

… because Memories Got in the Way

1/21/2023

1 Comment

 
PictureWhen we were younger. almost done raising our kids.
I have not been writing many blogs in this space lately. I lost my wife this past year and I’ve been writing a memoir. Going through things in my house, sadly transitioning to living alone and finding things I had forgotten. A photo put away that didn’t mean as much as it does now. Another photo that floods the memory. A note written that reminded me how simple it was to write then and how impossible it is to write now. My memoir is about a boy who hungered for his father. That hunger was never satisfied. But I met a young woman who learned to love me despite my lack of knowing how to be a man or how to treat a woman. Kathy is her name, and she became my wife. With her help, I learned to be the father my father never was while remaining a work in progress as a husband.

My first book, The Power of Dadhood, was a huge effort for me, and very successful for an unknown, first-time author. As a technical guy—a pilot, then an engineer, I didn’t know how to write at all. But I wanted to put on paper what I learned as a kid with a mostly absent father, and as a father myself. Because Kathy worked with parents and their children as a parent educator, she taught me so much, especially how important the connection is between parent and child in their first three years.

It’s been over twenty years since I began The Power of Dadhood, and seven years since it was published. My memoir, with a working title of The Vagabonds: A Memoir of Father Hunger, is the story of why I wrote my first book. Currently, my final manuscript is being edited.
​
When I sat down to write, what you see here was not what was intended. It’s too early to push my memoir, likely months away from publishing. What I was going to write was a small moment I had documented quickly in those small memoranda pads I kept with me before smartphones existed. I will probably follow through with that intended task in my next blog. The reason I wanted to publish those words, written maybe two decades ago, is because I think I was practicing for my first book. Or maybe it was just to capture a moment I had since forgotten. However, I was happy with what I had written so long ago, found because my life has changed so much recently. So that story will be written next time… because memories got in my way.

1 Comment

The Nuclear Family – For Children, It’s ‘Best for Most’

2/1/2021

0 Comments

 
PicturePhoto by author
There are many anti-family forces in our society. Even the heavily supported (by many progressives and even many high tech companies) BLM organization does not support the nuclear family.

I’ll narrow in on an article in The Atlantic written by David Brooks. “The Nuclear Family Was a Mistake,” he wrote, “The family structure we’ve held up as the cultural ideal for the past half-century has been a catastrophe for many. It’s time to figure out better ways to live together.”

This article is long and well researched, but with conclusions that confuse me. I’ll mention a few.

First of all:

Per Brooks. “The shift from bigger and interconnected extended families to smaller and detached nuclear families ultimately led to a familial system that liberates the rich and ravages the working-class and the poor.”
The assumption is that you don’t have to lean on the extended family as much if you are successful, and you won’t connect. While this may be true, he suggests it ties people through need, not love. Furthermore, the extended families of poor people are usually poor themselves, without the means to help. I find my extended family wants my involvement. All I have to do is show love and interest.

Brooks states, “Among the highly educated, family patterns are almost as stable as they were in the 1950s; among the less fortunate, family life is often utter chaos. There’s a reason for that divide: Affluent people have the resources to effectively buy extended family, in order to shore themselves up.”

DUH! The problem lies in the fact that coming from a chaotic family creates more chaotic families that continue to struggle. It requires a child of “less fortunate” families to take matters into their own hands to break free from the struggle. They often have to do it independently because their extended family will not be capable of helping or cheering them on - because they are chaotic. Is it difficult for a child from a poor, chaotic family to break free? No! It’s not difficult to do; it’s just difficult to realize when in that environment!

The Brookings Institute found that these three simple rules will help one avoid poverty:
  1. Graduating from high school.
  2. Waiting to get married until after 21 and do not have children till after being married.
  3. Having a full-time job.

If you do all those three things, your chance of falling into poverty is just 2 percent. Meanwhile, you’ll have a 74 percent chance of being in the middle class, becoming one of the more affluent families. You will create a ‘breakaway from poverty family,’ and your children will have the advantages other affluent families enjoy, therefore helping to grow a more self-sufficient society. Brooks, to me, is a ‘chicken or the egg’ argument. What comes first, affluence, then success, or success, then affluence? Wealth can bring success with its advantages. But success from good ideas like the three steps above can bring wealth. Being highly educated is undoubtedly advantageous for success, but not being stupid (or remaining ignorant) is an even more significant advantage.

Secondly:

Nuclear families are successful, “so long as women are relegated to the household.”
I live next to a large neighborhood where both of my daughters also reside. This neighborhood is full of nuclear families where both parents work while others choose to have one parent stay home with their younger children. I know many of these families through my daughters, and they seem to thrive. Yes, they are relatively but not significantly affluent, but these mothers are not relegated to the household. Of course, there are challenges. Women should not be ‘relegated’ to motherhood if that’s what you call it (I don’t). Neither should motherhood be belittled. Maybe the father stays home as many more do these days. Maybe neighbors and relatives help with the children, or one or both parents work part-time. Allowing your younger children to learn socialization skills in pre-school is also helpful, allowing parents time for other activities. Neither mom nor dad nor child can have everything they want at once.

Having a well-balanced family requires sacrifices, just like any other endeavor. Maybe your dreams of travel, writing a novel, or big promotions may have to wait. To do so means you have found that raising human beings as successful people is just as important and impressive as becoming CFO or ‘employee of the month,’ assuming you have that talent in the first place - because not everyone does. Are you crying about not being able to chase your dreams? Then don’t have children. If you already have them, be patient; they will only take up 20-30% of your life - and they deserve being a priority. Parents can work it out by balancing, not pouting.

Lastly:

“For many people, the era of the nuclear family has been a catastrophe. All forms of inequality are cruel, but family inequality may be the cruelest. It damages the heart.”

This statement may be true, but do we want to throw the baby out with the bathwater? Do we want to eliminate the nuclear family, so dysfunctional families don’t have to feel bad for themselves? We would love equal and fair outcomes for all, but life is not fair, not all people work as hard as others, and bad luck can come to any of us.

It was difficult and maybe cruel for my siblings and me to be raised in a dysfunctional family as we were. However, most of us now have functional families of our own—those who don’t are not blaming anyone outside of the family. Certainly, none of us blamed successful families for the deeds we performed, causing distress within our own family.

Summary:
​
There are many more conclusions in the Brooks article with which I beg to differ. When it comes down to it, it depends on what lens you choose to view these issues that ultimately drive your conclusions. But beyond my thoughts and biases is common sense. While not possible for all, is not a nuclear family the best way for most children to thrive? The ‘best’ for ‘most’? Not the best for all, or the worst for some, but the ‘best for most’? I don’t consider that opinion. I consider it self-evident

​#powerofdadhood


0 Comments

​The Underappreciated Dad

8/10/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
Nobody appreciates daddy…Nobody ever says, “Hey, Daddy, Thanks for knocking out this rent!” Hey, Daddy, I sure love this hot water!” Hey, Daddy, it’s easy to read with all this light!”

Chris Rock, comedian

Before I begin, I considered the title, “The Underappreciated Breadwinner” to include moms. When parental roles are reversed, the circumstances mentioned by Chris Rock could certainly apply to mommies. But the memes have been established over decades, maybe centuries, and it still mostly true today - that dads are the primary breadwinner.

Kids don’t usually see their dads digging ditches, serving the public, pounding the streets, sitting in mind-numbing cubicles, or putting up with bosses and co-workers they can barely be around without exploding! Moms that work have many of the same issues, but males do have more occupations endangering their lives. A December 19, 2018 article in Forbes states, “Men (are) 10 Times More Likely Than Women to be Killed At Work”!

Kids, in most families, see their moms toil with their own eyes, while dads work in virtual anonymity. They see the efforts of their moms to feed, clothe, transport, support, fix “owies,” and clean up messes, while dads get to ‘escape.’ Whoever makes dinner receives the credit, not the one that earned money to pay for the dinner. Granted, in many families, both parents work, and both cook the meals. In those families, only the cooking is appreciated by the children, not what got the meal on the table.

When dads are the sole income producing parent, they don’t do as much at home. But when they do  dads are often out of their element and
 can be categorized as dummies. Advertisers take advantage of this situation. A 2013 Clorox commercial stated, “Like dogs or other house pets, new Dads are filled with good intentions but lacking the judgment and fine motor skills to execute well.”

We see dads characterized as being confused as to how to use appliances or change a diaper. A Doritos Super Bowl commercial shows a father more interested in his snack than the ultrasound the wife and female doctor are examining. A United HealthCare commercial shows men acting sophomoric while their wives choose the best health care options for their families. Try making moms look stupid while the dads are behaving responsibly, and there would be rioting in the streets (a common practice these days) by some moms and feminists.

I think these commercials are entertaining and funny, but not balanced at all. As an adult, I can see the humor and not make judgments. Children, however, are being brainwashed unknowingly, forming opinions about which parent is smarter, or more caring.

TV is no better. Homer Simpson is funny as a self-absorbed buffoon, while Marge is the “grounding voice” of her crazy family. Raymond is a clueless and mildly caring father whose family is held together by wife Debra in “Everybody Loves Raymond.”  These categorizations are not uncommon. Thankfully, ‘Modern Family” reveals parents on both sides being occasionally irrational, but rarely would one see moms the sole targets of humor with wise dads correcting them. There are movies that celebrate fathers (“Parenting,” “It’s a Wonderful Life,” and “Mrs. Doubtfire” - although Robin Williams appears to be irresponsible). But there are hundreds of movies where dads are violent or abandon their families.

The most severe aspect of the uneven portrayal of men and women as parents is in the courts. When in doubt, the mother gets custody of their children. This decision makes sense when the standard is ‘what is best for the children?’ because kids are more accustomed to be with their mothers. But what about “Stay-at-Home” dads?

From FamilyLawRights.net

“In cases where a father has been an available, present, and competent parent, the “gender-neutral” rewriting of custody laws would suggest that the father should be awarded primary custody if joint custody is not an option. However, there is a question as to whether a lingering sense that mothers make better caregivers is causing more family court judges to award mothers primary custody.”

It’s true, parents, in general, are sometimes not appreciated by their children. Stay-at-home moms are underappreciated because their efforts are routine, resulting in kids becoming numb to just how much work she is doing for her family. However, breadwinner dads are underappreciated because their efforts are usually invisible and unknown to their children, and they are not in the home as often. These factors combined can give moms an advantage in appreciation and custody fights.

​Both parents should be treated fairly, if not by their children, then at least by society. Especially in the eyes of the law, entertainment, and consumer advertising! 

0 Comments

An Ideal American Family?

5/18/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
photo by the author
We all can admit that a perfect family doesn’t exist. Being human makes that an impossible ideal. Beyond that, what may be perfect in one family is not so in another. But is there an ideal family that most can agree to, not perfect but desirable? Not likely, but it is something to discuss.

I’d like to explore one vision of the American family in which the success of the children is most likely to occur. Many, but not all, believe it is a situation for which all families should strive to thrive. Before I go on, some caveats. Any child raised in a loving, nurturing atmosphere is a fortunate child. I respect and champion the efforts of single parents whose burdens are doubled. And caring, compassionate, adoptive parents, including same-sex parents, who are particular heroes when they pull a child out of an institution and into a loving home. Single and adoptive parenting is a result of situations out of the child’s control. But if all else were equal and a child did have a voice, would they not want their natural mother and father to raise them?

Of course, we must assume the natural parents to be loving, kind, and capable. I could stop right there! What else could we ask for our children? But not all parents have each of these characteristics. Even capable parents must also be loving, or there will be an emotional void.

Birth parents or not, what is best for children is living and working together to raise them. These parents would have some knowledge of parenting techniques through reading, observation, and mentoring from others. They would treat all their children fairly, but not the same, for all children have differing needs. They would know when to help their children and when to leave them to their own solutions, allowing them to get stronger, not weaker. They would listen to their children, but not be controlled or fooled by them. They would let their children be free to explore, but with a very watchful eye. Parental rules would be fair and explained but consistently adhered to until circumstances required the rules to change.

These parents would be fun but not pushovers, involved in all aspects of their kids’ lives, but not obtrusive. They would have moral standards demonstrated by how they acted and reacted to daily life -know their children are watching. Their love for their children would be clearly demonstrated, and expectations for their behavior clearly defined. Both mother and father would be nurturing - preparing them to be responsible adults.

The father would be a kind man, one his daughters look up to as a standard for other men to treat them. He is also the male role model his sons need. The mother is the glue that keeps the family together, both a female role model and the feminine touch all children need. Although not always practical, or even desirable for some couples, it would be beneficial if one parent could stay home with the children until all were in elementary school. Both of these parents would be educated, at least through high school. Ideally, both the father and mother were raised in healthy atmospheres themselves, both having their parents as male and female role models.

Unfortunately, this is a fairy tale for too many families. When I propose this kind of family, I occasionally get pushback, maybe because it is a fairy tale for some. Perhaps it is too idealistic for others, but why reach for anything less? Other parents think I’m taking unwelcomed shots at them. Single mothers often chase the fathers away even when the father wants to be involved - and maybe there is a good reason for her, but often not for the child. There are fathers, like mine, who ignore their parental responsibilities out of fear, obstruction, lack of confidence, or selfishness. Same-sex parents think I’m against them, which isn’t true. They may be the best parents for which that child could ever hope. But when parents are of the same sex/gender, they should consider having their child exposed to a trusted and willing friend opposite their sex, necessary for their child’s identity. (Note: As a boy raised mostly around women. I believe it contributed to a lack confidence around other males for many years.)

Summary

Most parents do their best to raise their children with the resources they have. There are times when parents make bad decisions that adversely impact their children. Sometimes there are no good choices from which to choose. But there are always opportunities to be the best parent(s) possible starting at the moment you realize something must change.
​
First, and most importantly, it takes awareness of the situation. Then it takes reflection, research, and looking for help. Lastly, it takes total commitment, working towards but not expecting the ideal. The ideal being an environment of love, splashes of fun, principles of expected behavior, a hallmark of consistency, genuine, sincere involvement, balance in all things, and a deep passion towards parenting. Nothing said here is dependent on the description of the parents, just parental characteristics. When parents pass that environment down to their children, it makes it so much easier for them to do the same. Good luck!

​#powerofdadhood
0 Comments

​For Dads Only!

4/20/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
How are you holding up? It’s been a tough few weeks during the COVID-19 crisis. Hopefully, we are at the end of the beginning, and the beginning of the end is something we are looking forward to with great anticipation. Paychecks, escapes, and relationships are all being affected. One relationship that will be tested is our marriage and the strain of unintended circumstances.

If you’re stuck with your wife for days on end, it’s pleasant - at first. But we aren’t meant to be glued to each other. It’s like ice cream. I love ice cream, but it’s not good to eat a whole gallon. I will definitely want more ice cream, but not until the memory of that gallon has left my stomach. Don’t feel guilty! She feels the same way about you. Occasionally, absence does make the heart grow fonder, and time to one’s self is necessary, even for extroverts.
​
What happens is we become more familiar with our wives in ways we aren’t accustomed - being together a greater amount of time and at unfamiliar parts of the day. We see and hear things that are new to us.
  • I know I have had enough of watching doctors while in this Covid-19 disaster. I don’t mean Drs. Fauci and Birx, I mean Dr. Phil, Dr. Pimple Popper, and Dr. Oz. My wife, Kathy, loves these shows and they never end! “My 600 Pound Life”, “90 Day Fiancée”, “Say Yes to the Dress”. What a plethora of weirdos, puss, and ego. I don’t even have a baseball game to escape to.
  • I stopped watching ‘The View’ when Barbara Walters left. I never really tuned in anyway, but Kathy use to watch as I wandered the house. She still tunes in when I’m not around, but if she does while I’m home (and I’m always home these days), I’ll go into a sound proof room or go for a walk.  I can handle Whoopi, but Joy Behar? If you want to know everything I knew when I had a Top Secret clearance, just put toothpicks on my eyelids and make me watch clips of Joy Behar with the sound up. Yikes!
  • Then there is the Kardashians! Sure, I’ll take peak at the poolside scenes, but what a load crap!
  • Besides TV, I see things I never saw before, like my wife’s real hair color, and people jumping off the sidewalk into traffic just because I’m walking towards them.
  • You’ll discover that when your wife wears makeup, it’s not for you! And she has no one to impress, so…
  • We males do like sex. That fact and ‘stay at home’ orders has driven our wives to be more honest. The “too busy”, or “I have a headache”, excuse is being replaced with a forceful, “not interested”! Fair enough.
  • I thought by being home it would at least save us money on shopping! But there is the dreaded Amazon at the touch of a few keys! And you don’t even get the house to yourself for a while!
  • Netflix, what to watch:
           Man: What would you like to watch tonight?
           Woman: I don’t mind, you decide.
           Man: Ok.
           Woman: No I don’t like that.
           Man: Ok.
           Woman: No, I don’t like that either.
          Man (fake-smile): Sure, you choose...
  • Without buddies to talk to, I meditate on the world’s unanswered questions with my wife. But she still gets confused when I ask a rhetorical question.
    • “How do the police handcuff a one-armed man?
    • “How should I know?” she says. Open hand smashed against my forehead!
  • Kathy is reverting to being a mom to me. She used to ‘send me to my room’ by saying, “why don’t you go to see your mom or go play golf or something?” Now, it’s literally “go to any room I’m not in!”
  • "The endless ‘Honey-can-you-do-this?' list. I don't mind a few simple to-dos, but sometimes I’m in the middle of my own project or thoughts. But if I don’t move right now, I’m considered uncooperative and obstinate. “Love to help, but just a second, it’s my turn on ‘Words with Friends’!”
  • Where’d that come from? Guys, I think you know what I mean. It’s like a lightning strike on a clear day. Your wife, “You know what you did!” (NO! I don’t!) - You can see it in their face and hear it in their voice when something is bothering them. Should I ask and get it over with, because it will NOT go away. Or hide in my man cave and pray it’s not something I did? If you do ask and, miracle of miracles, it’s not you, don’t make the mistake of trying to fix it. Just bow your head, look sad, and tell her, “I’m here for you.”
There’s a lot of ‘tongue in cheek’ in what I am claiming. I’m not really criticizing my wife (in case she finds out), although I’m not above doing that. I’m describing real life among real people. If you are totally confused by any of this, welcome to earth, my alien friends!
​
We’ll come out of this ‘change in our lifestyle’ and, hopefully, no relationships will be damaged. Stress causes us to do things we wouldn’t otherwise do. Patience, understanding, and realizing you are no prize to be around either, will help the situation. For me, it could be much worse. I could be in isolation with Joy Behar! (I’m sure she’s a nice person, but “Take away my sharp objects!”)

0 Comments

​What You Heard was Not What I Said

4/6/2020

0 Comments

 
PicturePhoto: Michael Byron Smith



Or was it?

“The biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
~ George Bernard Shaw

Communication may become a more significant issue when we are cooped up for days on end
with those we love during the COVID-19 crisis . Not because it happens more often, but because we may have less tolerance for it. Be patient with your family. Especially your children!

Miscommunication happens with your kids, your spouse, in the media/press, among co-workers, and elsewhere. Sometimes it’s the other person, and sometimes it’s you, or both. Maybe you misspoke, saying something you did not mean. Mostly, these misunderstandings are harmless, but they can cause many problems some of which are very serious. In critical or dangerous situations, parties are required to repeat an instruction. Pilots in the US Air Force, when switching control of their aircraft from one to the other, must confirm the transition. The first pilot, “You have the aircraft.” The second pilot, “I have the aircraft.” Only then can the first pilot release control.

How about a less critical but essential communication situation? How about within your family? Even the most loving of spouses can get annoyed with each other when they aren’t connecting at the same level. Then there are the kids! Being misunderstood is painful, especially for kids, because they often think they are doing something wrong or you are unfair. It can leave them feeling helpless, upset, impatient, and angry, especially at the person that’s not understanding them. Children can’t think like an adult, so adults have to think like a kid. The knowledge and ability to do that within your family will decrease misunderstandings.

Heidi Grant Halvorson, a social psychologist, says in her book, No One Understands You and What to Do About It, you are probably a terrible judge of how other people view you. Humans, she explains, are consistently poor judges of how other human beings view them. “We know when someone else is making a good impression, but we don’t know when we’re not doing it.” Stated otherwise, if others can make a bad impression or be unclear, so can you - without realizing it. In fact, one of the easiest ways to suffer the consequences of being misunderstood is to make the assumption that who you’re talking to knows what you know, feels what you feel, or is on the same page as you.

Here are some reasons why people misunderstand each other * It’s no wonder it happens so often!
​
  • Mood. Wow! A bad mood will always get in the way of good communication. Be honest about your mood and take responsibility by admitting your inability to communicate properly. I’m as guilty as anyone. If it can wait, let it wait!
  • Anger. This ties in with mood but can be much more disruptive and consequential.
  • Exhaustion. If you are tired, you’re not alert and may not be listening.
  • Hearing issues. This is a common problem. Unless tested, we may not notice when we lose hearing. To avoid embarrassment, we often answer as if we heard correctly.
  • Bias. Hearing only what you want to hear because you want to control and validate your belief.
  • Not listening. We are all guilty of this at times. It easy to do with children when they constantly need your attention.
  • Vocabulary. Know your audience and use language they understand. Unless they know you well, they may not admit they didn’t understand. Again, try to imagine what a five-year-old really wants.
  • Personality differences. Different personalities hear things differently because of sensitivities, attitude, openness, etc. Some people think deeply. Others sail on the surface.
  • Preoccupied. Sometimes you are in the middle of a correspondence, or an activity where you are concentrating on a task, or simply in deep thought. This is not listening less offensively.
  • Purposeful. We can be dishonest about what we hear or pretending we didn’t hear correctly or responding with double talk, purposely trying to confuse the other person.
  • Assuming. Asking, “Why did you do that?” when the other person doesn’t know what ‘that’ is.
  • Sarcasm. Men, especially, close friends, are sarcastic with each other. It’s kind of a brotherhood thing when done right. But you have to know the person to be sarcastic. Also, I believe men are more open to sarcasm more than women.
  • Tone. How you say something is as important as what you say. The wrong tone will almost always cause miscommunication.
  • Appearance. How you look when you talk (facial clues, body language, eyes) all speak as loudly as your voice
  • Where’s your head? What is the other person thinking? Similar to assuming, but more like being the same frame of mind as you. I say, “I love your jeans!” You hear, “I love your genes.”

Because there are so many ways to miscommunicate potentially causing undesired results, it’s wise to reassure those you respect and love on a higher level by taking pro-active steps.
​
Pre-emptive statements to minimize communication issues.
  • I will never say anything on purpose that sounds like I don’t love you.
  • Please feel free to ask questions.
  • I can’t hear well in noisy areas.
  • I’m not familiar with that topic.
  • Can I have your attention for a moment?
  • I’m tired. Can we talk in the morning?
  • Do you understand what I mean?
  • Can you repeat that?

Summary
​

There are enough problems in the world and within our families without creating unnecessary obstacles. Think about what you are saying and how you are listening. Remember never to overreact. Remember that saying sorry is always an appropriate thing to do when you have made a mistake. Remember that kids are kids. They are rambunctious, energetic, and immature. Give them some attention and be gentle.
Remember to give time to yourself and to give yourself time to think. Give hugs after mistakes have been made.

#powerofdadhood
​
* My thoughts as a layman

0 Comments

​Twelve Days of Christmas with My Good Wife : )

12/9/2019

0 Comments

 
Picture
Our 2019 Christmas

PictureThe Smith Christmas Tree
I love Christmas! Let me be specific; I love Christmas Day! The days leading up to Christmas can be a bit tense and exhausting for both my wife, Kathy, and me, but for different reasons. At Christmastime, she is the lead reindeer. I, as the reindeer behind the lead, find myself in an unfortunate position!

Kathy does most of the work for Christmas. It’s true! She does ALL the shopping, and that’s fine with me. I can’t be trusted to find what’s on sale, and coupons are so much work. I can’t even shop for her. My record of buying what she really likes is around 1 for 132. She also doesn't like my fallback gift, gift certificates.

Kathy truly does almost all the wrapping too. I’ve been told I waste too much wrapping paper. I try to explain that an extra 1” by 30” strip of wrapping paper bought at the Dollar Store isn’t going to wipe out our savings. Trying to follow Kathy’s wrapping rules, I always seem to come up 1/8” short when I pull the paper to the top of the box. Then I have to re-purpose that wrapping paper on a smaller present. And I’m kind of sloppy with my wrapping. Oh, and I learned long ago never to put tape on the box – just the paper.

We have every Sears, Kohl’s, Target, and Marshall's box we ever brought home. They fall from the top shelf of our utility room closet every time I open it. You never want to run out of boxes for presents; any day they could stop giving them out for free. BTW, the tape can tear those boxes making them almost throwaway-able.

We let our grand kids decorate one on our four trees. At 11, 6, 6, and 4 years of age, most ornaments end up on the bottom half of our eight-foot tree. The younger three kids don’t have the spacing thing down - four ornaments on one branch, and none on others. After they go home, I ‘get to’ re-arrange them.

Lights! I hate them! I refused to put them up outside a few years ago. Bah humbug! It’s just that they don’t cooperate with me. In past years, I actually cried when they would only work inside when I checked them, but not when I put them back outside. Even the tree’s dark spots have to be filled in with new lights each year on our pre-lit tree. Kathy places a few lights outside while she curses me under her breath. But I always end up out there fixing them, yet again, anyway!

With that introduction, here is my ode to Christmas with my good wife, borrowing the 12-Days theme.
 
12 Days of Christmas with My Good Wife!

On the first day of Christmas, my good wife said to me,
 “Please bring all four* Christmas trees upstairs”  Here we go!

On the second day of Christmas, my good wife said to me,
“Put (rearrange) the ornaments on the tree, would you.” Notice the lack of a question mark.

On the third day of Christmas, my good wife said to me,
“Find an extension cord.”  Never where we think they are!

On the fourth day of Christmas, my good wife said to me,
“‘Help me’ put up the Christmas lights.”  HA!

On the fifth day of Christmas, my good wife said to me,
“Please…fix - the - lights!”  (again)

On the sixth day of Christmas, my good wife said to me,
“Put up Christmas Village.” all 12 houses, tiny people, props, and fake snow.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my good wife said to me,
“Check the cookies before they burn.” I eat 5 of them.

On the eighth day of Christmas, my good wife said to me,
“Go get the wrapping paper.” Last years' , behind 5 suitcases, four boxes, and 2 large trash bags of something.

On the ninth day of Christmas, my good wife said to me,
“Help me wrap the presents.” Later she says…”Nevermind!”

On the tenth day of Christmas, my good wife said to me,
“Find the ‘To-From” stickers. You moved them." (I didn't)

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my good wife said to me,
“Go buy some egg nog and a wreath.” Or something - each day.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my good wife said to me,
“
Do I have to do everything?!”  
​

Merry Christmas!!  

 
Note: Kathy rarely reads my blogs, so please don’t tell her about this one, even though I’m exaggerating - a little!  : )
​

* 3 are smaller trees

0 Comments
    Click on cover to order! 
    Picture
    A review of "The Power of Dadhood" by About.com
    100 Top Daddy Blogs - Healthy Moms Magazine
    Picture
    Picture
    ​daddy blogs

    Subscribe to MichaelByronSmith: Helping Fathers to be Dads - Blog: Helping Fathers to be Dads

    Subscribe in a reader
    'Helping Fathers to be Dads' Facebook page

    Archives

    May 2025
    January 2025
    August 2024
    July 2024
    May 2024
    April 2024
    March 2024
    February 2024
    January 2024
    December 2023
    November 2023
    October 2023
    September 2023
    August 2023
    July 2023
    June 2023
    May 2023
    April 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2011

    Follow my blog with Bloglovin
    Visit Michael's profile on Pinterest.

    Categories

    All
    Accomplishment
    Activities
    Adolescence
    Adulthood
    Advice
    Anxiety
    Attention
    Babies
    Balance
    Baseball
    Basketball
    BLM
    Books
    Boys
    Charity
    Checklist
    Child Custody
    Children
    Choices
    Christmas
    Clouds
    Communication
    Competition
    Confidence
    COVID 19
    COVID-19
    Creed
    Crime
    Dads
    Decision Making
    Discussion
    Diversity
    Divorce
    Eclipse
    Education
    Environment
    Equity
    Ethics
    Fairness
    Families
    Family
    Fatherhood
    Father Issues
    Fathers Day
    Finance
    Fire-safety
    Flying
    Free Speech
    Games
    Gangs
    Girls
    Goals
    Gold-star-families
    Guest Article
    Guns
    Happiness
    Harry Chapin
    Holidays
    Honesty
    Humor
    Ideology
    Integrity
    Interview
    Lesson
    Lies
    Life
    List
    Loss
    Lottery
    Love
    Marriage
    Memories
    Memory
    Men
    Mentoring
    Mistakes
    Motherhood
    Mothersday
    Nature
    News
    New Year
    Normies
    Nuclear Family
    Outdoors
    Pain
    Parenting
    Perfection
    Personality
    Pesonality
    Photography
    Poem
    Poverty
    Principles
    Racism
    Risk
    Ryan
    Sacrifice
    Safety
    Self Help
    Social Influencers
    Social Media
    Society
    Spain
    Sports
    Statistics
    Story
    Success
    Summer
    Teen Pregnancy
    Tools
    Travel
    Video
    Violence
    Woke
    Working At Home
    Worry

Web Hosting by iPage