photo by the author
We all can admit that a perfect family doesn’t exist. Being human makes that an impossible ideal. Beyond that, what may be perfect in one family is not so in another. But is there an ideal family that most can agree to, not perfect but desirable? Not likely, but it is something to discuss.
I’d like to explore one vision of the American family in which the success of the children is most likely to occur. Many, but not all, believe it is a situation for which all families should strive to thrive. Before I go on, some caveats. Any child raised in a loving, nurturing atmosphere is a fortunate child. I respect and champion the efforts of single parents whose burdens are doubled. And caring, compassionate, adoptive parents, including same-sex parents, who are particular heroes when they pull a child out of an institution and into a loving home. Single and adoptive parenting is a result of situations out of the child’s control. But if all else were equal and a child did have a voice, would they not want their natural mother and father to raise them?
Of course, we must assume the natural parents to be loving, kind, and capable. I could stop right there! What else could we ask for our children? But not all parents have each of these characteristics. Even capable parents must also be loving, or there will be an emotional void.
Birth parents or not, what is best for children is living and working together to raise them. These parents would have some knowledge of parenting techniques through reading, observation, and mentoring from others. They would treat all their children fairly, but not the same, for all children have differing needs. They would know when to help their children and when to leave them to their own solutions, allowing them to get stronger, not weaker. They would listen to their children, but not be controlled or fooled by them. They would let their children be free to explore, but with a very watchful eye. Parental rules would be fair and explained but consistently adhered to until circumstances required the rules to change.
These parents would be fun but not pushovers, involved in all aspects of their kids’ lives, but not obtrusive. They would have moral standards demonstrated by how they acted and reacted to daily life -know their children are watching. Their love for their children would be clearly demonstrated, and expectations for their behavior clearly defined. Both mother and father would be nurturing - preparing them to be responsible adults.
The father would be a kind man, one his daughters look up to as a standard for other men to treat them. He is also the male role model his sons need. The mother is the glue that keeps the family together, both a female role model and the feminine touch all children need. Although not always practical, or even desirable for some couples, it would be beneficial if one parent could stay home with the children until all were in elementary school. Both of these parents would be educated, at least through high school. Ideally, both the father and mother were raised in healthy atmospheres themselves, both having their parents as male and female role models.
Unfortunately, this is a fairy tale for too many families. When I propose this kind of family, I occasionally get pushback, maybe because it is a fairy tale for some. Perhaps it is too idealistic for others, but why reach for anything less? Other parents think I’m taking unwelcomed shots at them. Single mothers often chase the fathers away even when the father wants to be involved - and maybe there is a good reason for her, but often not for the child. There are fathers, like mine, who ignore their parental responsibilities out of fear, obstruction, lack of confidence, or selfishness. Same-sex parents think I’m against them, which isn’t true. They may be the best parents for which that child could ever hope. But when parents are of the same sex/gender, they should consider having their child exposed to a trusted and willing friend opposite their sex, necessary for their child’s identity. (Note: As a boy raised mostly around women. I believe it contributed to a lack confidence around other males for many years.)
Summary
Most parents do their best to raise their children with the resources they have. There are times when parents make bad decisions that adversely impact their children. Sometimes there are no good choices from which to choose. But there are always opportunities to be the best parent(s) possible starting at the moment you realize something must change.
First, and most importantly, it takes awareness of the situation. Then it takes reflection, research, and looking for help. Lastly, it takes total commitment, working towards but not expecting the ideal. The ideal being an environment of love, splashes of fun, principles of expected behavior, a hallmark of consistency, genuine, sincere involvement, balance in all things, and a deep passion towards parenting. Nothing said here is dependent on the description of the parents, just parental characteristics. When parents pass that environment down to their children, it makes it so much easier for them to do the same. Good luck!
#powerofdadhood
I’d like to explore one vision of the American family in which the success of the children is most likely to occur. Many, but not all, believe it is a situation for which all families should strive to thrive. Before I go on, some caveats. Any child raised in a loving, nurturing atmosphere is a fortunate child. I respect and champion the efforts of single parents whose burdens are doubled. And caring, compassionate, adoptive parents, including same-sex parents, who are particular heroes when they pull a child out of an institution and into a loving home. Single and adoptive parenting is a result of situations out of the child’s control. But if all else were equal and a child did have a voice, would they not want their natural mother and father to raise them?
Of course, we must assume the natural parents to be loving, kind, and capable. I could stop right there! What else could we ask for our children? But not all parents have each of these characteristics. Even capable parents must also be loving, or there will be an emotional void.
Birth parents or not, what is best for children is living and working together to raise them. These parents would have some knowledge of parenting techniques through reading, observation, and mentoring from others. They would treat all their children fairly, but not the same, for all children have differing needs. They would know when to help their children and when to leave them to their own solutions, allowing them to get stronger, not weaker. They would listen to their children, but not be controlled or fooled by them. They would let their children be free to explore, but with a very watchful eye. Parental rules would be fair and explained but consistently adhered to until circumstances required the rules to change.
These parents would be fun but not pushovers, involved in all aspects of their kids’ lives, but not obtrusive. They would have moral standards demonstrated by how they acted and reacted to daily life -know their children are watching. Their love for their children would be clearly demonstrated, and expectations for their behavior clearly defined. Both mother and father would be nurturing - preparing them to be responsible adults.
The father would be a kind man, one his daughters look up to as a standard for other men to treat them. He is also the male role model his sons need. The mother is the glue that keeps the family together, both a female role model and the feminine touch all children need. Although not always practical, or even desirable for some couples, it would be beneficial if one parent could stay home with the children until all were in elementary school. Both of these parents would be educated, at least through high school. Ideally, both the father and mother were raised in healthy atmospheres themselves, both having their parents as male and female role models.
Unfortunately, this is a fairy tale for too many families. When I propose this kind of family, I occasionally get pushback, maybe because it is a fairy tale for some. Perhaps it is too idealistic for others, but why reach for anything less? Other parents think I’m taking unwelcomed shots at them. Single mothers often chase the fathers away even when the father wants to be involved - and maybe there is a good reason for her, but often not for the child. There are fathers, like mine, who ignore their parental responsibilities out of fear, obstruction, lack of confidence, or selfishness. Same-sex parents think I’m against them, which isn’t true. They may be the best parents for which that child could ever hope. But when parents are of the same sex/gender, they should consider having their child exposed to a trusted and willing friend opposite their sex, necessary for their child’s identity. (Note: As a boy raised mostly around women. I believe it contributed to a lack confidence around other males for many years.)
Summary
Most parents do their best to raise their children with the resources they have. There are times when parents make bad decisions that adversely impact their children. Sometimes there are no good choices from which to choose. But there are always opportunities to be the best parent(s) possible starting at the moment you realize something must change.
First, and most importantly, it takes awareness of the situation. Then it takes reflection, research, and looking for help. Lastly, it takes total commitment, working towards but not expecting the ideal. The ideal being an environment of love, splashes of fun, principles of expected behavior, a hallmark of consistency, genuine, sincere involvement, balance in all things, and a deep passion towards parenting. Nothing said here is dependent on the description of the parents, just parental characteristics. When parents pass that environment down to their children, it makes it so much easier for them to do the same. Good luck!
#powerofdadhood
