Category: Poverty

A Better Society, One Child at a Time.

2/15/2022

“A Better Society, One Child at a Time.”

That was the subtitle I chose for my book, “The Power of Dadhood”. My publisher, Familius LLC, changed the subtitle to “How to Become the Father Your Child Needs”. This subtitle is not misleading because this is what my book intends to help fathers to do. My only objection being the suggestion that any father receiving it as a gift may get the wrong impression from the giver. Of course, no judgement is being made. I’m not complaining, but I want to explain the reason for my original subtitle.

As great as our American society is, we have pockets where crime, poverty and drug use are serious problems. These issues and others come intertwined. Find one of these issues and you’ll find the others. Grand ideas to fix these issues come and go. None will work without getting to the root causes and the finding the solutions for those root causes. It may not surprise you that in my mind, the root cause is the breakdown of the nuclear family; and the primary cause of that breakdown is a lack of nurturing fathers in the home!

I believe prevention is much more effective than developing cures. Children brought up in a loving, nurturing atmosphere are not as likely, by far, to become criminals, drug users, or to find themselves in poverty. I can almost read your minds as you say to yourself, “Well, obviously!” So, if being so obvious, as a preventative measure, then where is the grand idea, the grand plan to cause more families to be whole?

How do we fight crime? Crime is fought by the increased presence of police, or cameras (less freedom for all), or through punishment. Wouldn’t crime be better decreased by having better citizens? Fathers working with mothers are key in this effort!

Food pantries help feed the hungry. How does that happen in America? Would not a young girl, raised in a two-parent family, who has been shown love and how to be properly treated, have a much better chance of finding the right man to marry. And would she not be likely to become a teen pregnant and alone, finding it difficult to feed her family?

The rising cost of healthcare is a problem for all. The health habits of people are highly affected by how they were raised. Were fruits and vegetables a big part of your family’s diet? Or were fast foods much more common? Did parents smoke and pass on the habit? No doubt smoking and being overweight are huge problems for individuals and the healthcare system that takes care of them. An even more tragic healthcare issue is drug use!

While even the best of families have issues with drug use, it is far more prevalent in broken and dysfunctional homes. Drugs lead to more crime, more deaths, greater healthcare issues, less schooling, and mental issues. It’s not difficult to understand why drug dealers work in impoverished areas, where crime is rampant to pay for habits.

Our greatest natural resource is our youth! How our youth become contributing, even outstanding citizens, depends on how we raise them. So, if each mom and dad showed love and understanding, while consistently valuing and enforcing principles, our youth will feel love, have skills, and see the future as hopeful for them. A few of our youth will stray anyway, despite our best efforts. And some children raised in chaos break through somehow and experience success. These, however, are very rare anomalies. Don’t leave the fate of your children to chance.

Moms are more often in the picture regarding their children. Dads are the parent usually missing or unfamiliar with their role. It’s not always the fault of fathers. Sometimes dads are not allowed, or discouraged by moms, to be involved in raising their kids. Some fathers are too young or selfish to be involved, having come from dysfunctional homes themselves, still lost in the cycle. The new dads, those without examples, need our help. They can stop the cycles in their families with our help.

Imagine if every home had nurturing parents! Imagine is every child had both a male and female mentor. In a generation or two, crime, drugs, teen births, etc. would be decreased tremendously!! One child at a time!

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Where Does Violent Behavior Really Begin?

8/11/2019

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It’s not a mystery! That is, it shouldn’t be a mystery but rarely is it discussed in public forums. To a very serious degree, violence and misbehavior begin in the homes where there is no father! Please read the information and data below. Forget for a moment the crime data, drug data, and unwed mother data you see on the news. Why? Because they are secondary data *.

Why is father absence the real problem?

We cannot ignore these statistics! Without a father to have as an example to follow, to love you, to teach you, to share moments with, to have as someone who gives you a nod of approval or a glare of warning, is an irreplaceable loss. Every child wants both parents to be proud of them. When children don’t have these fundamental rights of childhood, they either rebel, shrivel within themselves, or find other ways to get recognition and acceptance.

What does science tell us about the causes of violent behavior?

Most behaviors – including violent behavior – are actually acquired or learned.
Most of this learning is not intentional or classroom-based; rather, learned behaviors come from modeling, observing, imitating, or copying. (This is sometimes called social learning.)
Most of this social learning is unconscious – meaning behaviors are picked up without our awareness of it.

Without a male role model, kids learn behavior from others. They observe and model whoever pays them attention. What they absorb is often not good for them. The need for belonging is why gangs exist. Gangs prey upon those individuals who are looking for recognition and approval. They don’t have the best interests for those individuals - not like a mother and father would!

Even after controlling for community context, there is significantly more drug use among children who do not live with their mother and father. Individuals from father-absent homes are 279% more likely to carry guns and deal drugs than peers living with their fathers.

“The causal relationship is profound between fatherlessness, single-parent families and the resultant murders, shootings, violence, poverty, lack of upper-mobility, school miseries for teachers and students, flourishing of vicious and brazen gangs (replacing fathers), lost job opportunities, illicit drug use and sales, and general quality of life.” (See the Washington Times)

One summary statement from a major study (Marriage and Family Review, 2003) titled “The Presence of Fathers in Attenuating Young Male Violence”, says “Data analyzed across the U.S. indicate that father absence, rather than poverty, was a strong predictor of young men’s violent behavior.” Even with that, poverty is four times greater in single-parent homes than homes with two parents.

No one seems to care or find excuses to avoid talking about father absence

When father absence in connection of violence, crime, poverty, or mental instability comes up, “usually either no response (most frequent), an ad hominem response, or a false, irrelevant response (One such response: This is a “horrible statement and a condemnation of the black single-parent household.”) There is nothing racially inherent in the locating of this social disaster of fatherlessness. Both white families and black families have about tripled the number of homes with kids without fathers since the 1960s.” says an article in the Washington Times entitled, “The social costs of fatherlessness”.

Certainly, many families do well with one parent, and there are intact families that are dysfunctional. However, the few that go against the norm are not the real problem. Yet few media outlets or politicians talk about the father absence problem. Worse, when reported, few people react in any coordinated or positive way.

More media analysis (but not enough!)

“The root cause of the murder, assaults, bullying, and intimidation that now defines Baltimore and most of Maryland is fatherlessness.” Baltimore Examiner
Kay Hymowitz wrote the following in the LA Times: “As far back as the 1970s, family researchers began noticing that… [b]oys from broken homes were more likely than their peers to get suspended and arrested… And justice experts have long known that juvenile facilities and adult jails overflow with sons from broken families. Liberals often assume that these kinds of social problems result from our stingy support system for single mothers and their children. But the link between criminality and fatherlessness holds even in countries with lavish social welfare systems.”
The Washington Examiner reported, “Many problems facing today’s children can be traced back to a broken home. While some kids do not let the stigma of a broken nuclear family impact them, it’s hard to argue against the positive benefits of a nuclear home. A household that is comprised of both a mother and father is crucial for the development of children. A young boy often needs and desires a father figure.”

Beyond violence, failure to thrive!

I wrote an article for the National Fatherhood Initiative in which I state another unrecognized problem of father-absent families. I titled it The Hidden Costs of Dysfunctional Families. Here is an excerpt from that article, “The lesson is that not every casualty of a dysfunctional family is obvious. Some “success” stories mask what could have been even bigger successes. Families should be slingshots, throwing children into the world prepared for what lies ahead. Unfortunately, the problems of dysfunctional families are like anchors, dragging down their potential, and too many people succumb to their disadvantages rather than fighting to conquer them.”

Father absence affects all families because father absence affects the society in which they live

In 2015, 43 percent of single-mother homes were at or below the poverty level. Children who live in poverty are more likely to remain poor as adults, putting them at risk for having children while unmarried, a significant cause of poverty and father absence.

Father absence also leads to higher rates of juvenile delinquency, including behaviors such as violent crime and drug trafficking. According to a 2011 research paper by Deborah A. Cobb-Clark Erdal Tekin, “Understanding the link between fathers’ involvement with their children… and delinquent behavior is critical… the decision to engage in risky or criminal behavior often has substantial social, economic, and health costs for adolescents… their families and society more generally.”

HOPE: Father absence can be countered and its effects mitigated

The first step to mitigate the effects of fatherlessness is to maintain and strengthen the parenting skills of men currently present in their children’s lives. The positive influence of involved fathers on their children can be leveraged to reduce the risk that their children will become part of the fatherlessness cycle. (This is the goal of The Power of Dadhood: How to Become the Father Your Child Needs)

The second step to address the consequences of fatherlessness is to increase the number of fathers who will mentor a fatherless child. Highly-involved fathers can mitigate the effects of fatherlessness in their community by taking this step.

The third step to mitigate the effects of fatherless is to increase the number of men who will foster or adopt a fatherless child.

Summary

Almost every ill of society is principally caused by dysfunctional families. Not all, but in no small degree. In most instances, it is the father who is missing. What society does is ignore the root cause and talk about intermediate causes that will never address the problem properly. Grassroots efforts by each community are the best way to correct the ills of society. Our Government can help by not passing legislation that encourages the separation of families. They can reward families that stay together, but no, they reward families that don’t stay together. I understand why it happens this way – they require the most help. It’s a real dilemma. Somehow we must look at family cohesion. If we do, we could be greatly rewarded in a generation or two - because violence will be held to a minimum. Let’s find ways to keep as many fathers in the home as possible!

Note: Everything in blue is a referenced link
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* As a retired engineer, I am familiar with driving deep into the cause of failures. The company where I worked, and many others, use something called a ‘5-Why Analysis” . I’ve written in this space about it in the past. But before I lose you, I’ll keep it very simple. A ‘5-Why Analysis’ is simply asking a series of questions, diving deeper into each answer as to why something occurred. The first answer is rarely, if ever, the real cause or reason. The same is true for violence – the first why a violent act occurs is not the root cause.

5-Why Analysis Example

Simply put, you ask yourself why something happened, but you don’t stop at the first answer. You ask why that answer happened. Now your two ‘whys’ in. You continue this until you get at least 5 answers.
Example: I broke my wrist.

Why 1 - How: I fell off my bike
Why 2 – Why: I hit a pothole.
Why 3 – How: I was not paying attention
Why 4 – Why: I was listening to a podcast that took my mind off what I was doing.
Why 5 - Why: Because it helps me pass the time while I get exercise.

The ultimate reason I broke my wrist is that I need to concentrate on one thing at a time. The pothole was a contributor, but not the cause. The podcast was a contributor, but not the cause. The cause was my inability to do two things reasonably well at once. I should either ride me bike, listen to a podcast, or learn to do both properly at once.

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A Better Society, One Child at a Time.

Where Does Violent Behavior Really Begin?

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​A Better Society, One Child at a Time.

​Where Does Violent Behavior Really Begin?

Archives

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A Better Society, One Child at a Time.

Where Does Violent Behavior Really Begin?