Category: Principles

A Younger Man’s Creed

8/9/2023

A Younger Man’s Creed

I was looking in a metal container of important documents for personal property tax receipts to renew the license for my car. I came across a handwritten note to myself written over forty years ago. It was a time when I was a father of three children under eight years old, unsure of myself, and looking for a new goal in my life having recently left the US Air Force. Looking at it again, not having reinforced it in my mind by repetition over the years, I believe I held onto to those guiding principles. They helped set me on a clear path that has rewarded me greatly!

My personal creed from the early 1980s:

“I promise to do my best at those things I believe are most important to me, my family, and mankind. I will accept the results of those efforts when they are no longer in my control. I will trust and pray the answers that come to me will not be my own, but provided by God’s infinite intelligence which will guide me to integrous goals. I will understand human frailties and not let them upset me, not even my own. I will be driven by my destination, and not chased by the past. I will treat failures as steppingstones and successes as a sign that previous failures were a prerequisite to more success.”

Sometimes we are lost and don’t know it, or don’t know why. I recommend you create a creed for yourself and refer to it often. It should fill your needs, desires, and understand your weaknesses and personality.

Michael Byron Smith
"Helping Fathers to be Dads"

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Thoughts on Ethics, Children, and Student Loans

11/20/2022

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“The times, they are a-changing,” sang Bob Dylan. As the times change, so do ethical challenges. And you may have noticed that changes are accelerating at an alarming rate! In some ways, are children are not as affected as their parents, until they become parents themselves. After all, they are raised in what is their parents’ new normal, but their only normal.

World renowned futurist and author of “The Singularity is Near” Ray Kurzweil sees an exponential increase in the rate of change. He suggests we will see 20,000 years of change in the next century alone, based on a continuing pace of acceleration. Scary stuff!

As a kid, I fantasized about who cool it would be if everyone had a phone with them at all times, likely influenced by the capabilities of Dick Tracy’s watch. Three weeks ago, I bought my first Apple Watch. Now, not only do I have a phone on me that can speak to anyone in the world for free, it also monitors my heart rate, blood oxygen and blood sugar! I haven’t even mentioned how smartphones can help us with directions, photography, exercise, and so much more. What will our phones, apps, watches, fridges and cars do for use 20 years from now?

With all this change comes ethical challenges. How will privacy be protected? Will mental health be challenged? Will truth be more difficult to find given all the sources, many of which cannot be trusted? How fast to we allow our children to be introduced to technology, especially smartphones?

However, there are base ethical principles that should never change...
and your children should know and understand them. Here are seven ethical ideas that are explained simply enough for your kids to understand:

Honesty - reliably sharing good and bad news, and performing alone as you would being supervised, even if it’s painful.
Fairness - Life is not fair, but people should be. Treat others as you would want to be treated.
Integrity - keeping promises and simply doing what you say you are going to do, honestly and fairly (see above).
Compassion - understanding with kindness the needs, sensitivities, and values of others.
Respect - interacting with others with compassion and fairness (see above),
Responsibility - performing to completion, any task for which you are expected to do.
Leadership - being an example of ethical and responsible behavior to and for those you influence.

A current example

Now I’d like to apply these basic ethical principles to a current controversial topic, the bailout of student loans. When students get a loan for school, they sign a contract stating the guidelines for that loan to be repaid. If not repaid, many ethical principles are broken. I am against this bailout for the ethical reasons stated above.

The first ethical guideline is ‘integrity’ which includes the ethics of ‘honesty’ and ‘fairness’. Students are ‘responsible’ for those loans, like it or not. Those loans must be paid some way, if not by the borrower, then by the citizens who pay taxes. This is not respectful to many others. First, to those who repaid their loans in the past. Second, to the taxpayers who have to pick up students’ burden. Last, to those hard-working people who paid off loans to build a business, buy tools, or attendedtrade schools through borrowing.

It was reported on a Sunday morning show that 50% of the citizenry of the US is for this student loan bailout. No doubt many of these people have outstanding student loans. That doesn’t make their favoritism for this policy ethical. In fact, they are selling ethics for financial gain, a quandary no doubt.

I paid off my student loans, some of which were not for school, but to help my family. Likewise, many students take out loans for reasons other than school, often for reasons of entertainment. Borrow money for whatever reason you want. Just be responsible enough to have the integrity to pay back your lenders. That’s what a leader would do. It’s honest, fair, and respectful!

Have you discussed ethics with your children?
#powerofdadhood

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You’re Perfect Just the Way You Are…Really?

5/30/2022

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Few things are perfect in this world. The nearest to perfection I can think of is the movement of celestial objects which are predictable to a microsecond. Perfection like that does not apply to the human race. While the sentiment is noteworthy, the message, “You’re Perfect Just the Way You Are.” is not a good one in most situations. Although with kind intent, it’s never true for anyone. Telling someone you love them just the way they are - that is much more honest - if not always completely honest itself. Of course, we love our children, scars and all!

I give some leeway to the innocence of infants because they are as perfect as they can be, no matter their looks, intelligence, or disposition. But as they age, they have decisions to make that will determine how they approach or move away from perfection, never to get there. We will make mistakes that will ensure we never reach that unreachable goal. Telling someone that they are perfect ‘as they are’ is taking away goals they have yet to achieve. It’s like saying, “you’re done” … nothing left for you to do. Wouldn’t that be depressing?

I doubt anyone with self-respect wants to hear that they are perfect the way they are. Many interpret that as having no skills or potential to get better. I would even hesitate to say to my wife or kids, that ‘I love them just the way they are’. More appropriate would be to say that I love you!.”

Strangely, I found a blog from ‘Be Positive Now’ entitled “We are Perfect”, that claims we and everything are perfect. Yes, when you fall off a cliff, nature will work perfectly to take you down. When you eat fatty foods continuously, you will become perfectly fat. If you smoke your odds of dying earlier than normal go up, it’s absolutely predictable. The world reacts perfectly to our imperfections. Nature is closer to perfection but our reactions to it are not. Why did some people feel compelled not to leave on the East Coast when warned of Hurricane Florence? Florence was a perfect, if not a welcomed, storm. Reactions to Florence’s threat were not always perfect.

There is one paragraph in the “We are Perfect” article that I agree with. The problem is that this paragraph argues against the theme.

“Flaws, wrong, bad and ugly are thoughts that exist in our parent’s heads and thru negative training are passed along to us. We believe them and act as if the lies are true and pass them onto our children. Humans have been doing this since the first human wanted something other than what nature provided.”

The paragraph above says we can contribute to others being less perfect, proving “We are Perfect” is not true. Interestingly, all the comments praised this article immensely! I think they missed the irony. Maybe there is hope! Maybe we will all be perfect in a few years! I’m not counting on it.

Summary:

The way we are is perfectly us! Yes, a child can have a flaw given to them by God, but that’s not the issue. If an imperfection at all, the flaw is not an imperfection of the child. The best of us understand that and this situation is when this phrase is often used, understandably. Instead of telling a child that they are perfect just the way they are, tell them they are destined for great things with the right attitude. At no time are we in a place where we, or our loved ones, can stop improving ourselves, or our lot in life…until we give up on it. And that may be the furthest from perfection we can ever get.

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Dadhood is Fatherhood...PLUS!

3/1/2021

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The Power of Dadhood - How to Become the Father Your Child Needs

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23 Things Your Kids Deserve to be Told

2/8/2021

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Photo by author: Solar Eclipse of August 21st, 2017 in Augusta, Missouri

Every kid is different. You can’t treat them all the same because of that fact. But there are things every kid deserves to learn, no matter their sex, temperament, IQ, or personality. The reason they deserve it is because it will help them to be mentally healthier and more successful. But without your support, they will be lost or dispirited. Remember, they are more likely to do as you do, than to do as you say. It is a team effort.

Let them know you are there for them, always!
Being there for them does not mean supporting their mistakes.
Have them know two important words, gratitude and humility.
Let them know you mean what you say - and say what you mean.
They will need to stand on their own two feet before they can rest on their laurels.
Patience will take them further than excitement.
Try like hell, then wait - without a care - for results. They already did their part.
Listen to others, but think for themselves.
Effort is the quickest way to make a parent smile.
Even good excuses will make you weaker.
Fear is natural, it keeps you alert and safe.
Don’t have babies until you are out of your teens and have a good job.
Success without effort is as shallow as a kiddie pool.
Let go of things they can’t control. Control the things they can.
No one is good at everything; and everyone has failures.
Money will never solve their real problems, and may even cause some.
Being respected is what your parents want most for you.
They won’t always get what they want, even if they deserve it.
It’s not all about them.
There is no shame in not knowing something. Be up front.
Show interest in others and they’ll show interest in you.
The good news is, no one really pays that much attention to you. So go for it! Or get over it!
Life is not fair.

Which of these caught your attention? Likely, it will be a thought you may not have considered. Think these over in relation to your children. See where you can help them. They need you!

Michael B. Smith
Author of “The Power of Dadhood”

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Lessons from 'The Cat's in the Cradle'

1/18/2021

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Harry Chapin, stock photo

The following was a Facebook post submitted by a friend of mine just last week. He was born in Taipei, Taiwan in 1948, came to the USA in 1971 after finishing college and serving one year military duty. He and his wife moved to Shanghai permanently in year 2000 after 30 years in the US, retiring to Taiwan in 2016. A very successful engineering entrepreneur, his highest honor is raising his two sons and daughter, all very successful. He now has 5 grandchildren and even with an ocean between them, they remain very close!

His post struck me, so I asked permission to share it on my blog, 'Helping Fathers to be Dads'... because his post was perfectly about that topic!

Thank you James Yeh! An awesome Dad!

January 13th, 2021
James Yeh

Never heard of this song (released in 1974) until much later introduced by a good friend. Never understood the connection between the song title and its lyrics. And Chapin even said “Frankly, this song scared me to death.”

We started going to our children’s home games when they played soccer, basketball, then baseball and football, plus concerts and recitals. Soon we went to all their away games too, and I volunteered to be their team videographer.

When our children graduated from college, got married and moved away, we stayed in touch thanks to all the social media. When we were in China and Taiwan, they always found time to visit us, and came back to join us in celebrating grandparents’ big birthdays and attending funeral services.

Spend time with your children when they were young, and they will spend time with you when you get old! (Emphasis added). There’s so much truth to this song, and it’s not scary at all.

The Cat's in the Cradle
Harry Chapin

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away

And he was talking 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say, "I'm gonna be like you, dad, you know I'm gonna be like you"
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon

When you coming home dad, I don't know when
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said "Thanks for the ball dad, come on let's play, can you teach me to throw?"
I said "Not today, I got a lot to do", he said "That's okay"

And he, he walked away but his smile never dimmed and said
"I'm gonna be like him, yeah, you know I'm gonna be like him"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you coming home, dad, I don't know when
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

Well he came from college just the other day
So much like a man, I just had to say
"Son I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head, and he said with a smile

"What I'd really like dad, is to borrow the car keys"
"See you later, can I have them please?"
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon

When you coming home, son, I don't know when
But we'll get together then, dad
You know we'll have a good time then

I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"
He said, "I'd love to, dad, if I could find the time"

"You see, my new job's a hassle and the kid's got the flu"
"But it's sure nice talking to you, dad
It's been sure nice talking to you"

And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you coming home, son, I don't know when
But we'll get together then, dad
We're gonna have a good time then

Songwriters: S. Chapin, H. Chapin

Please check out my book, "The Power of Dadhood"

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The Little Things That Mean Everything!

11/9/2020

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We all need heroes. We need the philosophers, the inventors, the statesmen, and our protectors! Where would we be without our explorers, engineers, and health professionals? It takes the unique talents these men and women have and share that make our world better. But you don’t have to be exceptional to make the world a better place. The greatest accomplishment in your life does not have to be unique or unusual. It’s the positive and mostly little things we all do together that has just as much, and maybe more, positive influence on society than the contributions of a Lincoln, a Madam Curie, or an Edison. This notion could not be more genuinely true than raising and mentoring the generations that follow us!

The little things that mean everything!

Listening – a trait that involves hearing, processing, and reacting
Learning – always improving, always adjusting
Loving – being polite, helpful, and understanding
Teaching – sharing your knowledge to help others
Principles – doing what is right, even when difficult.
Working – supporting society with your abilities in both your occupations volunteerism
Empathy – trying to understand other viewpoints even when you disagree
Generosity – giving of your time, your knowledge, and sharing
Humor – the salve for all communication
Responsibility – having discipline, doing what you say you will, being accountable
Questioning - a trait that is often misunderstood. It doesn’t mean you should mistrust what you hear, but you should ask enough questions to ensure you can understand their meaning and consequences.

Those aren’t actually little things; they are huge! And when performed by the bulk of society, astonishing. But how do we get to a place in time when most people have these qualities? It has to start where people care enough about others to pass on these traits. The good news is that people with these traits are most apt to pass them on. The bad news is that not everyone has been taught these traits and will be unable to pass them on.

Young people come into contact with coaches, teachers, older relatives, neighbors, social media, etc. However, the front line of influence is the parents. When parents take their role as mentors seriously, as the shapers of the next generation, mostly good results will come, and society will be safer, happier, and healthier!

#powerofdadhood

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A Younger Man’s Creed

Thoughts on Ethics, Children, and Student Loans

You’re Perfect Just the Way You Are…Really?

Dadhood is Fatherhood...PLUS!

23 Things Your Kids Deserve to be Told

Lessons from 'The Cat's in the Cradle'

The Little Things That Mean Everything!

Archives

Categories

A Younger Man’s Creed

​Thoughts on Ethics, Children, and Student Loans

​You’re Perfect Just the Way You Are…Really?

Dadhood is Fatherhood...PLUS!

​23 Things Your Kids Deserve to be Told

Lessons from 'The Cat's in the Cradle'

The Little Things That Mean Everything!

Archives

Categories

Thoughts on Ethics, Children, and Student Loans

You’re Perfect Just the Way You Are…Really?

23 Things Your Kids Deserve to be Told