Nine Simple Yet Difficult Rules for Parenting

1. Be your child’s biggest advocate.
2. Find balance in your parenting.
3. Be involved with your children’s lives, but not too involved. (see #2)
4. Be a fun parent when appropriate. Be stern, when necessary. (see #2)
5. Be loving and show it—but have strict boundaries for behavior. (see #2)
6. Be consistent with rules and consequences, but don’t be totally inflexible. (see #2)
7. Never argue with your spouse in front of your children, nor use them as tools.
8. Treat all your children fairly, but you can’t treat them all the same. They’re individuals.
9. Remember that your child trusts what they see in you more than what you say.

An important consideration

Every child benefits by having two parents/guardians. Every measure and statistic support this statement. Often single parents, mostly mothers, are offended by this comment when they need not be. Most single parents are heroic in doing the job of two. Often, being a single parent is not a choice, yet children need the love and perspective of both a male and a female. Seek the help of a friend or relative to fill that void if it exists. (see #2)

My mother was married but raised six children alone. And while no family can follow these rules perfectly, it was impossible for my mother. She did her best without the help of my father. We all had to deal with the consequences of that situation; and there were many.
 
Michael Byron Smith
Author of “The Power of Dadhood” and the “Helping Fathers to be Dad’s” Blog (MichaelByronSmith.com)

Every kid is different. You can’t treat them all the same because of that fact. But there are things every kid deserves to learn, no matter their sex, temperament, IQ, or personality. The reason they deserve it is because it will help them to be mentally healthier and more successful. But without your support, they will be lost or dispirited. Remember, they are more likely to do as you do, than to do as you say. It is a team effort.

1. Let them know you are there for them, always!
2. Being there for them does not mean supporting their mistakes.
3. Have them know two important words, gratitude and humility.
4. Let them know you mean what you say - and say what you mean.
5. They will need to stand on their own two feet before they can rest on their laurels.
6. Patience will take them further than excitement.
7. Try like hell, then wait - without a care - for results. They already did their part.
8. Listen to others, but think for themselves.
9. Effort is the quickest way to make a parent smile.
10. Even good excuses will make you weaker.
11. Fear is natural, it keeps you alert and safe.
12. Don’t have babies until you are out of your teens and have a good job.
13. Success without effort is as shallow as a kiddie pool.
14. Let go of things they can’t control. Control the things they can.
15. No one is good at everything; and everyone has failures.
16. Money will never solve their real problems, and may even cause some.
17. Being respected is what your parents want most for you.
18. They won’t always get what they want, even if they deserve it.
19. It’s not all about them.
20. There is no shame in not knowing something. Be up front.
21. Show interest in others and they’ll show interest in you.
22. The good news is, no one really pays that much attention to you. So go for it! Or get over it!
23. Life is not fair.

Which of these caught your attention? Likely, it will be a thought you may not have considered. Think these over in relation to your children. See where you can help them. They need you!
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Michael B. Smith
Author of “The Power of Dadhood”

When my three children were young teens and tweens, I wrote something for them and put it in a cheap plastic photo frame next to their beds as a reminder of their responsibilities in life. Whether they read it often, or understood it completely, was not something I could control… but it was there for them to contemplate or to ask questions about if they chose to do so.

Some twenty or more years later, I was moved to write The Power of Dadhood, about the importance of fathers being involved in their children’s lives. I decided what I had written for my children so long ago would be perfect for my book on fatherhood. That something was simply called...If You Want ‘X’, Then You Must Do ‘Y' 
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 X = That
 Y = This
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If You Want ‘X’, Then You Must Do ‘Y’
Copyright: Michael Byron Smith

• If you want to Learn, you must listen.

Do I get an Amen for this one?

• If you want Growth, you must take risks.

To have growth requires trying new things, facing your fears, and calculating the risks given the potential growth and rewards. If you rarely fail, then you rarely put forth much effort.

• If you want Responsibility, you must be responsible.

Everyone deserves a chance at responsibility. But when you get it, you better not mess it up because it will take a long time to get trust back!

• If you want Commitment, you must be involved.

You must show you care for your mission or goal if you expect anyone to be committed to helping or serving you.

• If you want Achievement, you must have goals.

If you had a plan called a ‘ladder’ and achievement was reaching the ‘top’ of a ladder, then each ‘rung ‘of the ladder is a succession of goals. You cannot have achievement without goals, and very rarely without a plan!

• If you want Success, you must have persistence.

Easily reaching a goal is not much of a success. Success usually involves failures, missteps and hard work. Surviving through all of that requires persistence!

• If you want Control, you must plan.

Back to the plan, symbolized by a ladder above. You cannot control your ascent or descent without a plan. The plan may not always work, but you can adjust from a known issue (e. g. get a better ladder) instead of experiencing chaos.

• If you want Rewards, you must provide effort.

You may win the lottery, and that’s great, but you provided no effort and that is not a reward. The most enjoyable things that come to you in this world are those for which you have struggled to obtain.

• If you want to Be Liked, you must like yourself.

If you don’t like yourself, you likely need help. But first help yourself by being kind to others, allowing that act to be reflected back to you. When that happens, you will like yourself. Be first! Like and be liked.

• If you want Love, you must be patient.

Don’t confuse 'like' or 'infatuation' with love. Be cautious, wary, and don’t settle for less than you deserve. Live a life of independence before looking for true love. 

• If you want a Challenge, you must dare to improve.

You can challenge someone in darts or arm-wrestling. That’s fun! But real challenges involve improving yourself or helping someone who needs help. Again, don’t settle for less than you deserve. But if you don’t challenge yourself, you don’t deserve much.
 
Summary

Kids must know that their success is mostly up to them, but they have to be aware of that fact. Children of wise parents are statistically much more successful!  The reason they are is having been taught these basic facts of life.

Be a provider to your children, be a source of love, but also a be a mentor.
 

Counting those who run a home-based business and those who are telecommuting because of the pandemic, there are millions of Americans working from home right now. And many of these are parents whose kids are at home throughout the day. So if you find yourself in this situation, you’re not alone. You also probably know how stressful it can be as you’re trying to balance a full-time career with a full-time family.
 
The truth is that there are really no ways to completely eliminate the stress that comes with the responsibilities of remote work and parenting. But you can learn how to minimize the stress, navigate challenges, and establish harmony between your work and home life. From creating a daily schedule to planning family outings to reading The Power of Dadhood, here are nine ways to thrive when working from home with kids.
 
1. Adopt a morning routine.
 
How you begin your day is crucial. If you get off to a solid start, it can help you to be more confident and mentally engaged throughout the rest of the day. Find a morning routine that works for you and sets you up to be productive. As a parent, this will likely involve you getting your kids ready for the day. But make sure to carve in time for yourself, whether that means working out, writing in your journal, having coffee, or eating a healthy breakfast.
 
2. Establish a solid schedule and structure.
 
Aside from the morning, you’ll also want to find a good schedule for your workday. This is particularly key since you're working from home—where you're naturally inclined to be more relaxed. Figure out your kids’ schedules, what times of day you are most productive, and how to break up your tasks. Then, try to establish a structure that helps you eliminate distractions and stay focused on your work.
 
3. Keep the kids happy
 
Some of your kids’ time may be taken up by schoolwork (which you might need to take part in as well). But what will they do in all the other hours of the day while you’re trying to hone in on your daily tasks?
 
Find fun and educational activities to keep your kids busy so that you can concentrate. For instance, there are tons of enriching online games these days. Make sure your child has a laptop, such as a Google Chromebook, and introduce them to some of these games. Just be sure to invest in good antivirus software to protect all of your home’s networks and devices.
 
4. Don’t work after hours.
 
Once you create a good work schedule, make sure you abide by it. One thing about working from home is that you are only seconds away from your office at any given time. Don’t give in to the temptation to finish up that project or send that email after you’ve clocked out for the day. Otherwise, you can sabotage your efforts to find balance and miss out on quality self-care/family time.
 
5. Do fun stuff with the family.
 
While it’s true that your family must come first, the reality is that you need to work so that your family can thrive. However, if you want a good balance in your work and home life, you must actually make time to do things with your family. Whether it’s planning a weekend getaway at the beach or the mountains, going for a day hike, or taking the occasional workday off for an impromptu activity, nothing can replace good experiences with loved ones.
 
6. Make space for your work.
 
That said, you have to prioritize your work to some degree, and creating a home office is a significant step towards that. Choose a location in your home that will help you to minimize distractions, such as a spare bedroom or garage. And make sure the space will provide plenty of room for your equipment, storage, and other necessities.
 
7. Equip your home office.
 
Once you’ve chosen space for your home office, start outfitting it with equipment. This includes the basics like a desk, office chair, and laptop or desktop computer. You also want to ensure that you have a fast and reliable Internet connection, as well as any other equipment necessary for your day-to-day tasks.
 
8. Stay organized
 
Organization is key when it comes to productivity. After all, it can be hard to produce good work consistently when your workspace is messy and dirty. Spend at least one day a week deep cleaning your office, and keep clutter at bay every day. Look for decorative storage solutions to organize your items, and be sure to keep any cords and wires out of sight so that you can enjoy a clean and seamless office space.
 
9. Remember self-care.
 
Lastly, you must take care of yourself. This is especially important when you’re trying to balance a full-time career with a full-time family. While it may seem like there’s not enough time in the day, you must leave room in your schedule for relaxing activities, whether that means doing meditation and yoga, taking a hot bath, picking up a hobby, or doing some other activity that reduces stress and makes you happy. If you want a relaxing activity that teaches you about parenting techniques, start reading Helping Fathers to be Dads.
 
And of course, it’s essential to keep up with your overall health and well-being. The most basic ways to accomplish this is to eat a healthy diet, exercise regularly, and get plenty of sleep.
 
If your kids are at home and you're working remotely full-time, you must figure out how to strike a healthy balance so that you can succeed at both and enjoy life. Along with considering the tips listed here, be sure to remain open-minded to other ways that you can reduce stress, boost productivity, and foster relationships with loved ones. Then you’ll put yourself in a position to take full advantage of the privilege of remote work!
 
If you would like to find more practical, insightful guidance on parenting, visit michaelbyronsmith.com today!

My father was not a good father. I learned much about fathering by watching him and, when I became a dad myself, I tried to do every fatherly act he didn't do.

​I still loved him and longed for his attention as a boy. Knowing the magnitude and impact of the loss of fatherly advice, guidance, and simple attention, I wrote notes and observations on fatherhood for my extended family. These observations became a book, "The Power of Dadhood: How to Become the Father Your Child Needs."

I want to pull some lines from my book, giving you an idea of my passion for the importance of involved fathering. I'd then like to share some quotes on fathering from other authors, famous people, and great minds as further encouragement, hoping they will give depth and meaning you the most important role a man can have.


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From: "The Power of Dadhood"

On a father's mission and attention:

"No man is a failure who has helped a child, especially his own. The greatest single gift a man can give his children is his attention. It seems so simple, but somehow it is lost in its simplicity. There is no excuse for not trying your best to be a good father. There are reasons, obstacles, and hardships, but no excuses."

On Helping Fathers to be Dads:

"While some men thrive naturally as fathers, there are too many who don't, and the results can be disastrous. We must not judge these men because we don't know what they've been through, how they were raised, or how they see things as a unique personality. But they could use a mentor, especially if their father was not there for them."

Learning from other dads:

"I learned so much from my father. I learned from him that I needed to get an education. I learned that people would judge me by my actions and react to me according to my attitude. I learned the importance of reliability and trust. These things I learned from him because he demonstrated how difficult life can be without them."

Impact on Society:

"Almost all of society's ills can be traced to people whose family lives were in turmoil. Often the turmoil started with an absent or uncaring father."

The Truth:

"You are the only true father your children will ever have, but you are not alone. Your children are waiting for you. Their mother is longing for your help. Society is cheering for your success. Fathers who are true Dads are always ready to talk to you."
 
Fatherhood quotes from authors, leaders, and great minds:
 
"But there's no substitute for a full-time dad. Dads who are fully engaged with their kids overwhelmingly tend to produce children who believe in themselves and live full lives." Tony Dungy
 
"I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection." Sigmund Freud
 
"As an educator, I've seen the positive influence that fathers have on their children." Nicoline Ambe, Being Dad
 
"My dad encouraged us to fail. Growing up, he would ask us what we failed at that week. If we didn't have something, he would be disappointed. It changed my mindset at an early age that failure is not the outcome, failure is not trying. Don't be afraid to fail." Sara Blakely
 
"When I was a kid, I used to imagine animals running under my bed. I told my dad, and he solved the problem quickly. He cut the legs off the bed." Lou Brock
 
"Being a father is about adaptation and about making the most of the opportunities that are given to you." Colin Adams, Parenting for New Dads
 
"A daughter needs a dad to be the standard against which she will judge all men." Gregory E. Lang
 
"Being a father is the most rewarding thing a man whose career has plateaued can do." Aristotle
 
"Being a father has been, without a doubt, my greatest source of achievement, pride and inspiration. Fatherhood has taught me about unconditional love, reinforced the importance of giving back and taught me how to be a better person." Naveen Jain
 
"Listen, there is no way any true man is going to let children live around him in his home and not discipline and teach, fight and mold them until they know all he knows. His goal is to make them better than he is. Being their friend is a distant second to this." Victor Devlin
 
"It is a wise father that know his own child." William Shakespeare
 
 "The guys who fear becoming fathers don't understand that fathering is not something perfect men do, but something that perfects the man. The end product of child raising is not the child but the parent." Frank Pittman
 
"Being a father means you have to think fast on your feet. You must be judicious, wise, brave, tender, and willing to put on a frilly hat and sit down to a pretend tea party." Matthew Buckley, Fatherhood: The Manliest Profession
 
"...that the most precious things a father can provide are time, attention, and love." Tim Russert, Wisdom of Our Fathers: Lessons and Letters from Daughters and Sons
 
"Fatherly love is the act of giving your life for the sake of someone else's needs." Nate Dallas, Hacking Fatherhood: Preparing For Success in the Biggest Role of Your Life
 
"No amount of money can be paid for the relationship between a father and his sons and a father and his daughters." Willie Williams, 7 Steps to Parenting Power
 
"My father taught me that the only way you can make good at anything is to practice, and then practice some more." Pete Rose
 
"Studies show that when a baby, child, or teenager has a good father, that child will soar." Meg Meeker, MD
 
"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years." Mark Twain
 
"One of the greatest needs of this age is for responsible and committed fathers." Bishop Charles Edward Blake Sr.
 
Summary

Thank you for your interest in fatherhood, or 'Dadhood' as I like to call fatherhood with involvement, mentoring, nurturing, and demonstrating love.
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Dadhood = fatherhood + nurturing + demonstrated love
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