MichaelByronSmith: The Power of Dadhood
  • Home
  • Blog: Helping Fathers to be Dads
  • Dadhood Book
  • Photos
  • About Me
  • A Vagabond Life - A Memoir of Father Hunger

Same Zoo, Different Animals

10/30/2016

0 Comments

 
PicturePhotos from St. Louis Zoo by M. Smith
Being a parent is like running a zoo without cages. The animals have to be fed, they don’t always get along, and each animal has its own needs. There will be problems that will need to be resolved and your knowledge of zoology is limited.

No one is perfect. No mom has all the answers. No dad has ever been mistake free. No grandparent knows it all. No two kids can be handled the same way. All we can hope to do is to minimize our mistakes as parents. My experience has taught me that mothers are much more likely to take steps to minimize their parenting mistakes than fathers. This doesn’t mean that fathers are generally bad or lazy parents. It simply means, to me, that men and women are different.
​
Most assuredly, I made many mistakes as a father of young children.
​
  • I spent too much time at home on work-related issues or thinking about work.
  • I often listened to sports talk radio instead of talking to and listening to my children.
  • I should have taken my children to the park more often to get exercise and play.
  • I failed to expose my kids to some experiences like camping, or hiking.
  • I didn’t help my wife enough with taking care of our children’s physical needs.
  • I didn’t always reason with my children (“Because I said so!”)
  • I should have asked more questions about being a dad.

However, I did things that my dad never did. The most important of which was to be there for my children and to show unconditional love. It seemed to work because my wife and I were very fortunate to have raised loving and contributing citizens. This allowed me to make some comparisons with my childhood, looking at fatherhood from the view of a child, and as a father trying to understand what generally works in parenting--and what fails.

The best mentors in life are those with experience, both good and bad, who pass on their knowledge and experience to others. This doesn’t prevent mistakes by those being mentored, but it can help those mistakes to be minimized.  It was my purpose to be a ‘Dadhood’ mentor, not pretending to be a parenting expert, because that is not what I am. Of course, I read many parenting  expert books, but I tried to understand them as a real dad and compare them to my experiences.

My book, “The Power of Dadhood” is a mentoring book. A dad-to-dad talk about raising kids and how important dads are to their children and their children’s futures. Many thoughts in the book came about because of things that worked for me, or things my dad or I did wrong or mishandled. Any father that reads it will find themselves in future situations, hopefully discussed in the book, that just may help them feed the animals, get the animals to get along better, and help you raise both, a lamb and a lion, or a flamingo and a gorilla.

Minimize your mistakes in fatherhood by maximizing your preparation and understanding!

0 Comments

The Acceptance of Mediocrity

10/23/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
Occasionally, my wife and I meet friends for breakfast. We found a place close to all that has a good location and great pastries. However, the last three times we went there, the coffee urn was empty. Three times in a row!

The employees there are nice and they excel as bakers, but why haven’t they figured out this coffee thing? The first time it happened I informed them and instead of having another pot ready to go, I had to wait for it to be brewed. Anomaly, I thought. No, each of the three times they had no coffee ready when their urn became empty.

I thought to myself, “should I tell them that they need a plan to keep coffee available for their customers”? I haven’t yet. I didn’t want to seem like an old grouch even though I would have been as pleasant as possible. It would actually be excellent feedback for them to act upon. But no, I have accepted mediocrity.

Can we be trained for mediocrity?

Sometimes, I think we are being trained for mediocrity. It can happen when kids are given trophies for participation. They may be lazy, terrible, or not really interested, but they have a trophy for showing up. Showing up is a good thing, but isn’t that expected? I also saw the recognition of mediocrity in the military when ribbons/recognition were given out to participants in a successful military exercise. They were minor ribbons, but having been deeply involved in the exercise, I knew those who deserved the recognition, and others who did not.

Because I did not understand his reasoning, I fearfully voiced my confusion to my commander. I explained to him that, in my mind, those that knew they didn’t deserve recognition would not appreciate it; and secondly, those that did deserve recognition would see that others also received it who had done nothing to deserve it. He immediately threw me out of his office in anger! I thought my career might be over. He thought I was brash, but I hit had hit a nerve. I survived the incident and he later promoted me. I guess he realized I was being honest and straightforward, something that commanders don't always get.

I have previously talked about these incidents in my book, The Power of Dadhood.

Those that stand out in effort and achievement should be acknowledged

We should celebrate and appreciate achievement and not neutralize it by association with mediocrity. It can be done without putting anyone else down. Boasting is never a good quality, but we should certainly embrace our accomplishments.

Everyone has potential and when that potential is realized, it should be celebrated. Sometimes the greatest accomplishments are the most common of things, but achieved in a most uncommon way. In fact, a seemingly lesser performance by one individual can be much more impressive than a winning performance by another because their potentials are much different. For instance, running a mile in six minutes is mediocre for a trained runner, but a miracle for someone who has lost a leg and been through years of rehab. We are confused by the saying, “all men are created equal”, meaning all should have equal rights and opportunity. They should! But all men (and, of course, women) are clearly not equal in ability, talent, drive, passion, personalities, and more.

Sharing what you have earned should be taught, not a forced

Two siblings go out for Halloween. One is unenthusiastic and lazy while the other is an excited go-getter. The go-getter comes home with a sack full of goodies. The lazy sibling comes home with far fewer. Their parents suggests the go-getter share their bounty with their lazy sibling. The parents need to consider what lessons they may be teaching.

Are they teaching that sharing is good and unless you do, you are bad? Are they teaching the go-getter that working hard doesn’t pay off in the end? Are they teaching the lazy one that they will be taken care of, that there is no need be assertive? But if the go-getter decides he or she wants to share, that is a different situation. He or she is learning the joy of sharing and being an example to their sibling. If they don’t share, it’s something to note and to work on in the vein learning to be charitable.

Good enough is, sometimes, ‘good enough’, especially when more important tasks or people need attention. Other times it is a lazy way out and/or a cop-out. When a parent is tired and allows a child to get away with a half-hearted job on a chore or homework, we are accepting mediocrity. When a coach has a team member who doesn’t want to be coached but is allowed to play because he is a good athlete, that coach is ‘giving in’ to mediocrity--not in the talent on the field, but in the life-lessons being taught to his entire team.

We often teach mediocrity unknowingly

Parents allow mediocrity in their parenting to create mediocrity in their children through subliminal messages. "That's okay" or "never mind." Teachers, coaches, mentors, leaders, all, are often guilty of doing the same thing. It happens through exhaustion, unawareness, etc. What is nonsense to me is when mediocrity is rewarded purposely in the name of fairness (think participation trophies, ‘sharing’ what you but not others worked for, that rewards are expected--or come easily, etc.). Mediocrity is ingrained when one always expects their ‘fair’ share.

Summary
​

Teach humility, not mediocrity. Teach reward for real accomplishment, not half-hearted attempts or abject failure. Teach the love of accepting people as they are while helping them to better. Realize that children see through false praise, or are fooled by it. Be as consistently honest as your energy will allow you, for we are not perfect and should not expect ourselves, or our children, to be so. Raise children who act fairly, but don’t always expect fairness in return. Never praise mediocrity.

0 Comments

Your 'Loves' Define You!

10/10/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
We deal with people every day but we don't really know most of them. That's not usually a problem because interfacing with people for business or small talk is part of everyday life. I know there are many people I have met and haven't met that would or could be great friends. However, I have found that, for me, I can be close to only a relatively few people while giving them the real me, i.e. proper time and attention. Of course, family comes first but you don't choose, for the most part, your family. ​It's your friends and loves that can be chosen.

One of the serious issues of families is the divorce rate and the anger among some unhappy couples who choose to stay together. Neither of these situations is good for families, particularly their children. Reasons for divorce are many, but I think a major reason is not really knowing the person you are marrying. People do change, some say, but how often and how much? I know I've changed over the years, I've become more confident, more aware of the world around me, and on the bad side, more critical. I think the last change is a rite of becoming older.

But really, I'm the same guy I always have been. A little more of this and a little less of that, but essentially the same. Our talents of pretending to be something or someone else, or having the ability to see through people, vary greatly. The first talent is of use to some, but usually not for the best. The second talent is very useful, if accurate, saving a lot of angst!

What we really need to do before getting into any serious relationship is to get to know the person the best way we can. This is especially true for marriage! It’s tough to be patient because infatuation and sexual desire often get in the way of really knowing someone you may someday marry.
​
I have a suggestion. Ask someone you really consider being involved with this important question. “Can you tell me the things you really love?”  Ask for 20 or 30 things, characteristics, emotions, etc. that are tangible and intangible. If they are honest and provide a large spectrum of their ‘loves’, I think you will have an idea about what kind of person they are.
​
This technique is not foolproof. It won’t always work. But it will provide you with so much information that you may not have known about that person until it’s too late. As an example, I’m putting myself ‘out there’ by telling you, my readers, about 30 or so of the things that I love in the form of a short poem. Only I could have written this poem because it is me. Your poem or 'loves' would be you.  If the 'loves' of two people are compatible, then we have something special!


Your ‘Loves’ Define You
 
I love nature’s beauty,
And a pine tree’s fresh smell.
I loved flying when I was younger.
And those memories as well.
 
I love billowy white clouds.
I love the full moon.
I love a hard rain with thunder,
And family vacations in June.
 
I love baseball in September.
I love the flowers of May.
I love driving a convertible at night.
And writing on a rainy day.
 
I love moments of quiet.
I love a cool breeze.
I love fall every year.
And the beauty of its trees.
 
I love grandchildren who feel joy.
I love when I’m a reason.
I love sunrises and sunsets,
And artichokes in season.
 
I love being creative.
I love the enthusiasm of youth.
I love the wisdom of elders,
And knowing the truth.
 
I love humility and kindness,
I love those who have passion.
I love manners and smiles.
I guess I’m old-fashioned.
 
I love having close friends.
I love the only wife I ever had.
I love my life so very much,
Especially being a dad!


​mbs
0 Comments

Why I Wrote "The Power of Dadhood"

10/3/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
This article refers you to an interview I humbly granted to psychologist and educator Dr. James Sutton, founder of the "Changing Behavior Network" which is dedicated to the proper development of young people. He was so kind to request a follow up to my initial interview from July 2015. 

In the interview, I discuss, among other things, why I wrote my book on fatherhood, why do people react differently to adversity, and what were some turning points in my life. I hope by listening you will get a feel for who I am and why fatherhood is so important to me, and for society!

My thanks to Dr. Sutton and the Changing Behavior Network!

The intro to the interview

The interview: "Helping Fathers to Be Dads (Michael Byron Smith)"

​Thank you for caring for the welfare of children and families! Please subscribe on the sidebar by entering your email address and check out past articles.

0 Comments
    Click on cover to order! 
    Picture
    A review of "The Power of Dadhood" by About.com
    100 Top Daddy Blogs - Healthy Moms Magazine
    Picture
    Picture
    ​daddy blogs

    Subscribe to MichaelByronSmith: Helping Fathers to be Dads - Blog: Helping Fathers to be Dads

    Subscribe in a reader
    'Helping Fathers to be Dads' Facebook page

    Archives

    May 2025
    January 2025
    August 2024
    July 2024
    May 2024
    April 2024
    March 2024
    February 2024
    January 2024
    December 2023
    November 2023
    October 2023
    September 2023
    August 2023
    July 2023
    June 2023
    May 2023
    April 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2011

    Follow my blog with Bloglovin
    Visit Michael's profile on Pinterest.

    Categories

    All
    Accomplishment
    Activities
    Adolescence
    Adulthood
    Advice
    Anxiety
    Attention
    Babies
    Balance
    Baseball
    Basketball
    BLM
    Books
    Boys
    Charity
    Checklist
    Child Custody
    Children
    Choices
    Christmas
    Clouds
    Communication
    Competition
    Confidence
    COVID 19
    COVID-19
    Creed
    Crime
    Dads
    Decision Making
    Discussion
    Diversity
    Divorce
    Eclipse
    Education
    Environment
    Equity
    Ethics
    Fairness
    Families
    Family
    Fatherhood
    Father Issues
    Fathers Day
    Finance
    Fire-safety
    Flying
    Free Speech
    Games
    Gangs
    Girls
    Goals
    Gold-star-families
    Guest Article
    Guns
    Happiness
    Harry Chapin
    Holidays
    Honesty
    Humor
    Ideology
    Integrity
    Interview
    Lesson
    Lies
    Life
    List
    Loss
    Lottery
    Love
    Marriage
    Memories
    Memory
    Men
    Mentoring
    Mistakes
    Motherhood
    Mothersday
    Nature
    News
    New Year
    Normies
    Nuclear Family
    Outdoors
    Pain
    Parenting
    Perfection
    Personality
    Pesonality
    Photography
    Poem
    Poverty
    Principles
    Racism
    Risk
    Ryan
    Sacrifice
    Safety
    Self Help
    Social Influencers
    Social Media
    Society
    Spain
    Sports
    Statistics
    Story
    Success
    Summer
    Teen Pregnancy
    Tools
    Travel
    Video
    Violence
    Woke
    Working At Home
    Worry

Web Hosting by iPage