(A Tool for Dadhood)

When I see a father holding his child's hand, or pushing a stroller, I get a mini-shot of endorphins in my brain. I admit being sensitized to the relationships of men to their families. It's in my DNA, background, and life mission since retirement. Holding your child's hand is simple yet effective, and most fathers do this automatically. But not every facet of fatherhood happens automatically. To be the best father you can be depends on your willingness to listen, learn, and contribute using every tool available. Occupations, sports, hobbies, etc. all have tools and would suffer without them. That brings me to a tool for  ‘Dadhood’, which is 'fatherhood with caring.'

A Tool that will make you an even better Dad!

In my book, “The Power of Dadhood,” Appendix B is a tool all fathers can use to evaluate their actions and skills as a parent. Its title is “A Dad’s Self Inspection (DSI) Checklist.”

Every year around Father’s Day I make the DSI Checklist available as a reminder to dads to think about their children in a focused way. It will take just a few moments to go over in your head and can be a tipping point positively contributing to being a more effective, loving, and caring father. Please read and think about every question that applies to your situation. It could change you or your children’s lives, or the checklist may validate that you already are an outstanding dad!

The DSI Checklist is an eye-opening and straightforward list of questions you can ask yourself as a father. If you would keep it handy, glancing at it occasionally, it can pull you back to your children in areas where you may have been lax. I developed it after I had written the book. Therefore, every question is a topic addressed in the book, helping with details.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!

​MEN AS FATHERS

“I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection.”
—Sigmund Freud

There are too many men who procreate but never earn the title of “Dad.” The word father to them is a label, not a commitment. They don’t want the responsibility of a child, and they blame others for their predicament.

There are other men who meet their parental responsibilities by providing food, clothing, shelter, and discipline. They do this robotically without much emotion or interplay.

There are others still who provide the basics while also creating a warm, loving atmosphere. Likely, most fathers fall into this category. However, at the top of the pyramid are those men who not only provide for their children within a loving atmosphere, but also nurture, praise, and teach their children—throughout their lives. These men are heroes to their children and are among the most stalwart pillars of our society. Their contributions are often hidden. We do not conceive of what may have happened without them, and they are rarely celebrated. But statistically, we can and will see what loving, nurturing fathers have done and will continue to do for both children and our society.

WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A REAL DAD

A Dad does not need to be handsome, strong, athletic, macho, rich, eloquent, college educated, or even married to the child’s mother, as is often the situation. Although many men want to be these things, such characteristics don’t make a man a Man or a father a Dad.

A Dad does need to be loving, available, caring, interested, and involved, as well as a nurturing teacher, disciplinarian, coach, cheerleader, and so much more.

Many men would like to be handsome, rich, eloquent, and more, as would I, but these traits should never come as a substitute for qualities that make them real Dads. We’ve all known men who were shams, showing a jovial and interested face to the world but a sullen, unengaged, and even surly face to his family. The sham father is just a house of cards, big on appearances but otherwise sorely lacking. The real Dad has a solid foundation as a leader and mentor—with a greater likelihood of entering that zone of being a wonderful Dad.

I say this to my fellow men: you don’t create children to fulfill your own vision, but you do create opportunities for them to discover themselves so they can become happy and at ease with themselves.
Being a father is not a competition. It constitutes selfless, loving acts toward other human beings—human beings that you and their mother have brought into this world.

THE POSITIVE IMPACTS OF GOOD FATHERING

I contend, without any hesitation, that if every father in this country, working cooperatively with a positive, responsible mother, were to consider and successfully apply responsible parenting principles and values:

• incidents of crime and hate would plummet remarkably.
• personal success and general happiness would increase.
• mental health issues would be greatly reduced.

But the seventeen-year-old father who can barely take care of himself, or the new thirty-two-year-old father who has lived a mostly selfish single life, or the businessman who has been too busy to really pay attention to his kids—these men and other fathers don’t necessarily need to concern themselves with the greater societal good so much as they need to make honest efforts at being the best fathers they can be. Society will then take care of itself.
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So whether these claims of a better society are bold or obvious, we know that improving the participation and skills of all fathers will certainly be good for our children. This is our goal. This is the potential of the power of fatherhood.