Category: Discussion

Being an Example (re: “Titus CH 2”)

8/5/2022

Parents much be good examples and teach proper conduct to their children. Fathers and mothers must follow through on their obligations and be sensible in their decisions or the wrong examples will be followed.

Urge young people to be self-controlled, because being quick to anger or quick to love can devastate their futures. Do good things for others with integrity, dignity, and careful language to avoid conflict and to show the way to a good and fruitful life.

As parents and children respect each other in their duties and obligations, as must employers and employees. An honest day’s labor must follow an honest day’s pay with respectful consideration for one another’s complaints.

We have been given the gift of life and the means to do good things. Whether you do this for God, yourself, or your offspring, it will benefit all around us and those who follow in our footsteps.

* * *

What I wrote above was inspired by the Bible’s Titus Chapter 2. As a newcomer to the Bible for reasons I won’t get into here, these are my main takeaways from those verses. I respect the Bible’s teachings too much to be secular, yet I still have much to learn.

In my modest version of Titus CH 2, I have taken out references to slavery and the subjugation of wives to their husbands (areas of controversy) to concentrate on the importance of being an example of good deeds and teachings.

It is clear in my mind, as is obvious in my previous posts in my “Helping Fathers to be Dads” blog, that strong families with a strong ethical base are the cure for a crumbling society. Young people follow whoever shows the most interest in them. Hopefully, those would be parents. But sometimes the parents themselves are leading young men and women down the wrong path. That fact can lead to multiple generations of broken or struggling families.

It takes someone who is in the predicament of being uninspired by those they love to become inspired by seeking help through their own volition. That help could be from reading, listening, the support of trusted mentors, or the church. When that happens, the ‘cycle of despair’ for that family branch is broken. Sometimes, a parent of their child will find a passage like Titus Ch 2 and get the inspiration they need. For some, it takes the secularization an important Bible lesson to reach those who do not follow it. For this reason, I wrote “Being an Example”.

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How to Encourage Self-Care For Kids

4/18/2022

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How to Encourage Self-Care For Kids

Kids today live in a complex world where they have easy access to a wealth of information, which they don't always know how to process. From an early age, it's important that children learn coping mechanisms and how to de-stress from the frenetic world around them. When children learn self-care, it makes it easier for them to identify their own physical and emotional needs, which paves the way for handling stress well in the future. As a parent or caregiver, you might be wondering where to start with teaching kids about self-care.

Be a Role Model

Parents or caregivers should practice self-care. Kids pick up on their caregivers' emotions and mirror what's happening in the home. Your anxiety and stress could rub off on them, so focus on maintaining balanced routines, eating healthily, and reducing work stress.

Let Kids Be Bored

You don't need to provide constant entertainment for children. Let them be bored. Bored moments inspire creativity and provide a blank canvas for their young imaginations to run wild. When you leave kids to their own devices in a safe environment, you'll soon find them recreating scenarios from school, making up dance routines, and putting on shows. Boredom allows for expression and new ideas.

Get Kids Involved in Arts and Crafts

Art can be therapeutic for children. It's an outlet for them to express their innermost emotions without having to verbally share them. Crafting can also improve hand-eye coordination and fine-motor skills, which builds confidence.

Drawing is a great outlet for young people who suffer from anxiety, as it gives them a space to draw how they feel. Some kids are encouraged to match colors to emotions, which can help adults understand how they're feeling.

Encourage Time Outdoors

Encourage some time in nature, away from the screen. If you see your child is stressed, tell them about the calming effects of nature and instill a passion for the outdoors. As they get older, they'll learn that being outside is good for the mind and soul.

Find outdoor spaces and activities for kids. Try paddle boating on the river, have a picnic, or cycle on trails in your area.

Teach Kids to Breathe Mindfully

Teach your child that being upset and anxious is normal, but they can make themselves feel better. A simple technique is to get them to take five or ten slow deep breaths. Count with them until they learn how to do it themselves. It's a worthwhile technique for calming the nerves.

Schedule Family Time

Whether it's daily or weekly, schedule family time. Decide on an activity that everyone enjoys, such as walking the dog or playing a board game, and encourage everyone to participate. One simple daily practice is to each share one thing about the day that you really enjoyed. This encourages connection, gratitude, and positivity.

Practice Self-Care for Happiness Kids need to learn that happiness is essential. When practicing self-care from an early age, children will learn vital skills to handle stressors later on in life.

This helpful article was submitted to 'Helping Fathers to be Dads' by Lacie Martin of Raise Them Well.org <[email protected]rg>

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It Takes a Village? As a Last Resort!

4/26/2021

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There are large, well-funded organizations that disparage the nuclear family. I cannot, for the life of me, understand that. Anyone at any time can type ‘Fatherless Families’ into a search engine and see the devastation the children of single-parent families go through. Please do it! Or read my book, “The Power of Dadhood.” If you truly can’t afford one, I’ll send one free until I run out.

Understanding that single-parent families will always exist, it is then that the concept of a village comes in to help the family and the children. This concept may work well in certain circumstances, but certainly not most. It works when the extended family is nearby and healthy themselves. It may work in a crime-free small town where single-parent families are rare. But these circumstances are not the issue.
When sizeable swaths of neighborhoods are a large percentage of single-parent families, most led by mothers, you will find crime, drugs, poverty, and gangs. This situation is a village that cannot help families. You can pour welfare funds into these areas, but history finds nothing changes.

In my previous post, I wrote the following:

“It’s time to focus on families! Incentivize fathers to be in the home instead of incentivizing them not to be there. Fix schools and neighborhoods, making them aids and not a hindrance to learning and health. Add police to high crime areas, don’t blame them as they risk their lives. Look to statistics and not rhetoric for true understanding! More youth programs with high-paying jobs to the best men and women who would mentor them. Encourage nuclear families! A village will help to raise children, but not near as well as a responsible two-parent household! Focus on the root cause, not a consequence.”

This post is short and sweet, but not if you do the research. My approach to help children and society will take a generation or two. But we must start now. Citizens and corporations, please know what you are doing when you give to a cause or organization; some intend to de-emphasize the nuclear family for reasons I cannot fathom. Others will help!

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The Young Man and the Old Man (discuss fatherhood)

4/5/2021

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A young man, whose father was scarcely involved in his life, was about to be a father himself. Wary of his future, he wondered if he had it in him to be a better father than his own. Unaware he was already showing positive signs by simply wanting answers, he wanted assurances. Not knowing where else to turn, he looked to an older man he had admired from afar. The young man had said hello to him often, when the older man was in parks with his grandchildren, looking like he was genuinely happy being with them.

One day he approached the old man in the park while his grandkids were playing, formally introducing himself. The young man mentioned having seen him often with his adult children and with their kids, then revealing he was about to become a father himself.

“That’s wonderful,” said the old man. “Congratulations!”

“Thank you!” he responded.

With some hesitation in his voice, he said, “Obviously, you’ve been a father and grandfather…and you seem to enjoy it so much.”

He continued nervously, “I know this is coming out of left field, but I grew up without my father around and my two uncles live far away.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that,” said the old man. “How can I help?”

“Oh, thank you, sir,” said the young man. “I would really appreciate if I could ask you a question?”

‘Sure,” responded the old man.

He asked, “Can you tell me about being a dad? Just what is fatherhood like? What does it mean?”

“Well,” the old man was taken aback by the seriousness of his question. He pondered a bit and said, “I guess I never put it in words before.”

He then continued after more thought. “Fatherhood to me is three things. First of all, it’s a miracle when it happens to any of us. Secondly, fatherhood is an opportunity, the greatest opportunity of your life. And third of all, it’s knowing what you do with that miracle will affect others profoundly!”

“Yes,” said the young man, “I get that. But how do you be a father? What are you supposed to do?”

The old man rocked a bit, his eyes glancing to his grandchildren, then repeated himself to further the point he was trying to make.

“Well, to be a good father, you must realize, as I said, that it’s a miracle placed in your hands!”

Looking up, thinking on the spot, he expanded a bit. “Changing diapers, coaching your child in sports, going to their events, you know, those things are important, but,” the old man looked the young man in the eye, “really, just be there for your children in good times and bad, giving up part of yourself to do so.”

The young man nodded in agreement, whispering, “Yes!”

“And finally,” the old man raised his finger for emphasis, “and this may be most important, you must always be aware that how you interact with your children will impact their lives profoundly! So always think about that!”

The young man was not expecting this kind of answer, so he summarized having listened carefully, “So, being a father is just being there for your kids and letting them know you care?”

“Yes! It’s that simple and that hard,” said the old man. “There are no set answers, but if you remember those three things, the answers will be there for any circumstance that may challenge you.”

The young man leaned back feeling a bit relieved and a bit sad, thinking to himself, “So, this is what I have been missing.”

“I have an idea you will do just fine,” said the old man as he reminded his grandchildren to be careful on the monkey bars.

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If You Want That, Then You Must Do This

11/30/2020

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When my three children were young teens and tweens, I wrote something for them and put it in a cheap plastic photo frame next to their beds as a reminder of their responsibilities in life. Whether they read it often, or understood it completely, was not something I could control… but it was there for them to contemplate or to ask questions about if they chose to do so.

Some twenty or more years later, I was moved to write The Power of Dadhood, about the importance of fathers being involved in their children’s lives. I decided what I had written for my children so long ago would be perfect for my book on fatherhood. That something was simply called...If You Want ‘X’, Then You Must Do ‘Y'

X = That
Y = This
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

If You Want ‘X’, Then You Must Do ‘Y’
Copyright: Michael Byron Smith

If you want to Learn, you must listen.

Do I get an Amen for this one?

If you want Growth, you must take risks.

To have growth requires trying new things, facing your fears, and calculating the risks given the potential growth and rewards. If you rarely fail, then you rarely put forth much effort.

If you want Responsibility, you must be responsible.

Everyone deserves a chance at responsibility. But when you get it, you better not mess it up because it will take a long time to get trust back!

If you want Commitment, you must be involved.

You must show you care for your mission or goal if you expect anyone to be committed to helping or serving you.

If you want Achievement, you must have goals.

If you had a plan called a ‘ladder’ and achievement was reaching the ‘top’ of a ladder, then each ‘rung ‘of the ladder is a succession of goals. You cannot have achievement without goals, and very rarely without a plan!

If you want Success, you must have persistence.

Easily reaching a goal is not much of a success. Success usually involves failures, missteps and hard work. Surviving through all of that requires persistence!

If you want Control, you must plan.

Back to the plan, symbolized by a ladder above. You cannot control your ascent or descent without a plan. The plan may not always work, but you can adjust from a known issue (e. g. get a better ladder) instead of experiencing chaos.

If you want Rewards, you must provide effort.

You may win the lottery, and that’s great, but you provided no effort and that is not a reward. The most enjoyable things that come to you in this world are those for which you have struggled to obtain.

If you want to Be Liked, you must like yourself.

If you don’t like yourself, you likely need help. But first help yourself by being kind to others, allowing that act to be reflected back to you. When that happens, you will like yourself. Be first! Like and be liked.

If you want Love, you must be patient.

Don’t confuse 'like' or 'infatuation' with love. Be cautious, wary, and don’t settle for less than you deserve. Live a life of independence before looking for true love.

If you want a Challenge, you must dare to improve.

You can challenge someone in darts or arm-wrestling. That’s fun! But real challenges involve improving yourself or helping someone who needs help. Again, don’t settle for less than you deserve. But if you don’t challenge yourself, you don’t deserve much.

Summary

Kids must know that their success is mostly up to them, but they have to be aware of that fact. Children of wise parents are statistically much more successful! The reason they are is having been taught these basic facts of life.

Be a provider to your children, be a source of love, but also a be a mentor.

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The Underappreciated Dad

8/10/2020

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Nobody appreciates daddy…Nobody ever says, “Hey, Daddy, Thanks for knocking out this rent!” Hey, Daddy, I sure love this hot water!” Hey, Daddy, it’s easy to read with all this light!”

Chris Rock, comedian

Before I begin, I considered the title, “The Underappreciated Breadwinner” to include moms. When parental roles are reversed, the circumstances mentioned by Chris Rock could certainly apply to mommies. But the memes have been established over decades, maybe centuries, and it still mostly true today - that dads are the primary breadwinner.

Kids don’t usually see their dads digging ditches, serving the public, pounding the streets, sitting in mind-numbing cubicles, or putting up with bosses and co-workers they can barely be around without exploding! Moms that work have many of the same issues, but males do have more occupations endangering their lives. A December 19, 2018 article in Forbes states, “Men (are) 10 Times More Likely Than Women to be Killed At Work”!

Kids, in most families, see their moms toil with their own eyes, while dads work in virtual anonymity. They see the efforts of their moms to feed, clothe, transport, support, fix “owies,” and clean up messes, while dads get to ‘escape.’ Whoever makes dinner receives the credit, not the one that earned money to pay for the dinner. Granted, in many families, both parents work, and both cook the meals. In those families, only the cooking is appreciated by the children, not what got the meal on the table.

When dads are the sole income producing parent, they don’t do as much at home. But when they do dads are often out of their element and can be categorized as dummies. Advertisers take advantage of this situation. A 2013 Clorox commercial stated, “Like dogs or other house pets, new Dads are filled with good intentions but lacking the judgment and fine motor skills to execute well.”

We see dads characterized as being confused as to how to use appliances or change a diaper. A Doritos Super Bowl commercial shows a father more interested in his snack than the ultrasound the wife and female doctor are examining. A United HealthCare commercial shows men acting sophomoric while their wives choose the best health care options for their families. Try making moms look stupid while the dads are behaving responsibly, and there would be rioting in the streets (a common practice these days) by some moms and feminists.

I think these commercials are entertaining and funny, but not balanced at all. As an adult, I can see the humor and not make judgments. Children, however, are being brainwashed unknowingly, forming opinions about which parent is smarter, or more caring.

TV is no better. Homer Simpson is funny as a self-absorbed buffoon, while Marge is the “grounding voice” of her crazy family. Raymond is a clueless and mildly caring father whose family is held together by wife Debra in “Everybody Loves Raymond.” These categorizations are not uncommon. Thankfully, ‘Modern Family” reveals parents on both sides being occasionally irrational, but rarely would one see moms the sole targets of humor with wise dads correcting them. There are movies that celebrate fathers (“Parenting,” “It’s a Wonderful Life,” and “Mrs. Doubtfire” - although Robin Williams appears to be irresponsible). But there are hundreds of movies where dads are violent or abandon their families.

The most severe aspect of the uneven portrayal of men and women as parents is in the courts. When in doubt, the mother gets custody of their children. This decision makes sense when the standard is ‘what is best for the children?’ because kids are more accustomed to be with their mothers. But what about “Stay-at-Home” dads?

From FamilyLawRights.net

“In cases where a father has been an available, present, and competent parent, the “gender-neutral” rewriting of custody laws would suggest that the father should be awarded primary custody if joint custody is not an option. However, there is a question as to whether a lingering sense that mothers make better caregivers is causing more family court judges to award mothers primary custody.”

It’s true, parents, in general, are sometimes not appreciated by their children. Stay-at-home moms are underappreciated because their efforts are routine, resulting in kids becoming numb to just how much work she is doing for her family. However, breadwinner dads are underappreciated because their efforts are usually invisible and unknown to their children, and they are not in the home as often. These factors combined can give moms an advantage in appreciation and custody fights.

Both parents should be treated fairly, if not by their children, then at least by society. Especially in the eyes of the law, entertainment, and consumer advertising!

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Do You Know Your Kids?

7/6/2020

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Of course, you know your children. You likely know most of what they think, feel, or believe when they are preteens, but that knowledge declines as they age. Can I prove that? Do I need to prove it?

As your children grow, they become their own person. That’s what we all want. However, if you care for them, you should keep in touch with what they are learning outside the home. As your influence as a parent decreases, influence from others increases. On its own, that is neither good nor bad. Everything they learn will not come from you. That’s natural. On the other hand, some things they learn could be harmful to them or your relationship with them.

Let’s look at three tough situations:

Example One:

A boy is raised in a racist home. He hears things that tend to make him believe his parents’ prejudiced views. This boy escapes home and learns from others the evils of racism and changes his thoughts on the topic. He is now uncomfortable in the presence of his parents. They notice a change in him but don’t know why. Can they have a civil discussion?

Example Two:

A girl is raised to believe America, with all its faults, is a wonderful place to be a citizen. Since evil exists in the world, nowhere is perfect, but your best chances in life are within the borders of the US. This girl goes to college and hears from professors that America is an unfair country backed up with countless facts and incidents that prove it. She wonders why her parents ‘lied’ to her. Why are they so far behind the ‘truth’? Do her parents know what is going on with her?

Example Three:

An eighteen-year-old daughter of a pro-life couple becomes pregnant. She doesn’t want them to know of her unplanned pregnancy. Her friends tell an abortion is a way out. Do the parents have any idea of her possible actions or the influence of her friends? Would the parents help her to make her own decision? Do they trust each other?

The answers to those three examples depend on those involved and their relationships to all concerned. But being open, trusting, and communicative at all times may prevent any of these situations from getting out of hand.

When I ask, "do you know your children?", that’s not asking, “do you control them?” We should not control our children, but we should guide them and be engaged with them as they grow into adults. They will be inundated with information from friends, schools, social media, and the entertainment industry, etc. and, therefore, less and less by you. Understand what they are hearing and believing, not to change them or yourselves necessarily, but to give everyone a chance to be understood.

There are almost always partial truths to every argument, and they can clash. Explore every facet of those arguments. Communication is the key, and it works best when the conversation begins early - before the distance between your separate beliefs become non-negotiable. It could very well be that through communication, you can bring each other closer to an area of compromise where all can better understand each position. Rarely is there 100% right or wrong on either side.

It’s tough to be accused by your children of having taught them improperly or to have a position on a topic they consider wrong. It’s tough for children to accused of having been influenced or brainwashed by people with an opposing agenda. Neither accusation will happen to the degree of a strained relationship if both parties don’t drift too far apart.

Talk, listen, and ask questions. If you do not, your future relationships will be compromised.

#powerofdadhood

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Families Matter!

6/30/2020

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{This is a version of an earlier FB post}

As an advocate for fatherhood through my blog “Helping Fathers to be Dads” and my book, ‘The Power of Dadhood,’ I fear a movement that threatens the core family. My goal of helping men to be the best dads they can be is, at its heart, the goal of achieving as many nuclear families as possible. It is the nuclear family that is the building block for a civil society. There is no doubt in my mind that it is at this level where problems begin or are prevented.

The families that have suffered the most are Black families. In my six-plus years of writing about fatherhood, I have very rarely singled out Black families. But when 72% of Black children are born out of wedlock, and 65% live without a father in the home, it is not surprising that young boys from broken homes try to prove themselves in dangerous ways, and young girls look for love in all the wrong places. While I simply and obviously agree that Black lives undoubtedly matter, I’d like to point out that the organization ‘Black Lives Matter’ (BLM) does NOT support the nuclear family. This group admits this on their website on their ‘About’ page.

“We disrupt the Western-prescribed nuclear family structure requirement by supporting each other as extended families and “villages” that collectively care for one another, especially our children, to the degree that mothers, parents, and children are comfortable.”

I contend BLM has full rights to air their grievances. However, while people I fully respect and love support the BLM movement, I hope they can separate themselves from the idea that the nuclear family is not essential. My book has clear statistics of the harm caused when a family does not have both a father and a mother in the home.

Of course, nuclear families have many reasons for not existing or for breaking down - true for all races and all mixed-race families. When necessary, it does take a village to raise a child. But first of all, many ‘villages’ don’t do it or do it well. Secondly, if they can do it well, it can never replace a loving mother and father.

I cannot help but pray and believe that if just 75-80 % of all American families had both a nurturing mother and father in the home or at least working with each other, the ills of this country would plummet!

Please watch the video below.

https://www.prageru.com/video/black-fathers-matter/

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An Ideal American Family?

5/18/2020

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photo by the author

We all can admit that a perfect family doesn’t exist. Being human makes that an impossible ideal. Beyond that, what may be perfect in one family is not so in another. But is there an ideal family that most can agree to, not perfect but desirable? Not likely, but it is something to discuss.

I’d like to explore one vision of the American family in which the success of the children is most likely to occur. Many, but not all, believe it is a situation for which all families should strive to thrive. Before I go on, some caveats. Any child raised in a loving, nurturing atmosphere is a fortunate child. I respect and champion the efforts of single parents whose burdens are doubled. And caring, compassionate, adoptive parents, including same-sex parents, who are particular heroes when they pull a child out of an institution and into a loving home. Single and adoptive parenting is a result of situations out of the child’s control. But if all else were equal and a child did have a voice, would they not want their natural mother and father to raise them?

Of course, we must assume the natural parents to be loving, kind, and capable. I could stop right there! What else could we ask for our children? But not all parents have each of these characteristics. Even capable parents must also be loving, or there will be an emotional void.

Birth parents or not, what is best for children is living and working together to raise them. These parents would have some knowledge of parenting techniques through reading, observation, and mentoring from others. They would treat all their children fairly, but not the same, for all children have differing needs. They would know when to help their children and when to leave them to their own solutions, allowing them to get stronger, not weaker. They would listen to their children, but not be controlled or fooled by them. They would let their children be free to explore, but with a very watchful eye. Parental rules would be fair and explained but consistently adhered to until circumstances required the rules to change.

These parents would be fun but not pushovers, involved in all aspects of their kids’ lives, but not obtrusive. They would have moral standards demonstrated by how they acted and reacted to daily life -know their children are watching. Their love for their children would be clearly demonstrated, and expectations for their behavior clearly defined. Both mother and father would be nurturing - preparing them to be responsible adults.

The father would be a kind man, one his daughters look up to as a standard for other men to treat them. He is also the male role model his sons need. The mother is the glue that keeps the family together, both a female role model and the feminine touch all children need. Although not always practical, or even desirable for some couples, it would be beneficial if one parent could stay home with the children until all were in elementary school. Both of these parents would be educated, at least through high school. Ideally, both the father and mother were raised in healthy atmospheres themselves, both having their parents as male and female role models.

Unfortunately, this is a fairy tale for too many families. When I propose this kind of family, I occasionally get pushback, maybe because it is a fairy tale for some. Perhaps it is too idealistic for others, but why reach for anything less? Other parents think I’m taking unwelcomed shots at them. Single mothers often chase the fathers away even when the father wants to be involved - and maybe there is a good reason for her, but often not for the child. There are fathers, like mine, who ignore their parental responsibilities out of fear, obstruction, lack of confidence, or selfishness. Same-sex parents think I’m against them, which isn’t true. They may be the best parents for which that child could ever hope. But when parents are of the same sex/gender, they should consider having their child exposed to a trusted and willing friend opposite their sex, necessary for their child’s identity. (Note: As a boy raised mostly around women. I believe it contributed to a lack confidence around other males for many years.)

Summary

Most parents do their best to raise their children with the resources they have. There are times when parents make bad decisions that adversely impact their children. Sometimes there are no good choices from which to choose. But there are always opportunities to be the best parent(s) possible starting at the moment you realize something must change.

First, and most importantly, it takes awareness of the situation. Then it takes reflection, research, and looking for help. Lastly, it takes total commitment, working towards but not expecting the ideal. The ideal being an environment of love, splashes of fun, principles of expected behavior, a hallmark of consistency, genuine, sincere involvement, balance in all things, and a deep passion towards parenting. Nothing said here is dependent on the description of the parents, just parental characteristics. When parents pass that environment down to their children, it makes it so much easier for them to do the same. Good luck!

#powerofdadhood

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Mitsakes: We All Make Them!

4/13/2020

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Photo by the author

I went to the hospital a few weeks ago as an outpatient for a relatively minor issue. An attendant placed one of those plastic medical ID bracelets on my right wrist, the kind that couldn’t be pulled off by a John Deere tractor (but are easily removed with scissors). Every move I made, from the nurse escorting me in, then a technician taking x-rays, to the guy walking by with a white jacket, to the nice old lady checking me out of the hospital, asked for my name, date of birth and SSN as they looked at my plastic medical bracelet. Why be so careful?

According to a recent study by Johns Hopkins, more than 250,000 people in the United States die every year because of medical mistakes, making it the third leading cause of death after heart disease and cancer. It almost makes you want to stay home when sick, and not because of COVIS-19!

A few examples below:

Two men were mistakenly circumcised, while a woman had a lump removed from the wrong breast.
The wrong toe was amputated from one patient, and two women had biopsies taken from their cervix, rather than their colon.
Six women had their ovaries removed during botched hysterectomies, putting them into early menopause.
Figures also show that some patients had procedures intended for someone else, including laser eye surgery, lumbar punctures, and colonoscopies.
A two-year-old girl died during an operation when her anesthesiologist mistakenly gave her 20 times the anesthesia dose required. Tragic!

This information helps me to understand why the plastic medical wristband and constant questions have become routine.

Another area of caution is aviation. As a former military pilot it hurts me to say this, but 85% of aircraft accidents are caused by pilot error. I was lucky enough to not add to that statistic, but as a young civilian student pilot, I landed on the wrong runway in Vandalia, IL during a solo cross-country training flight. But hey, it was a smooth landing!

Don’t even get me started on politicians! They made the word ‘gaffe’ famous: wasted money, bridges to nowhere, scandals, etc.

What’s My Point?

Everyone makes mistakes! Even well-trained professionals make mistakes. No one is immune. I’m speaking mainly to parents and especially to dads (only because you are my target audience). Parental mistakes are something all moms and dads will experience over and over! Maybe you underestimated a problem your son has mentioned, or you have or overly punished your daughter for something because you were in a bad mood. Apologize! But be assured that your children will make more mistakes without you! The imperfect you is better than the missing you with very few exceptions.

What would we do if doctors, nurses, or airline pilots were not willing to take chances with life and death decisions!? There are risks in life, but we can’t move forward without taking them. Of course, we take actions to minimize those risks. The hospital wrist band symbolizes risk mitigation, as does pilot checklists and political advisors.

Our kids do not focus on the mistakes we make. They may notice, but they soon forget. What they know is how much we care! If you don’t care, or don’t show you care, that’s not a mistake - that is a devastating personality defect. But it is reversible with a little help and insight!

Parents can minimize mistakes by not assuming parenting comes easily or naturally, especially for men. Read, ask questions, talk with your spouse, listen, count to 10, give yourself timeouts, think first, and be a student of your kids. Parenting may seem like a side job to a busy parent, but it’s not! You will continue to make mistakes, but when you do, don’t beat yourself up! I’ve seen the statistics when dads are missing, (data on crime, drugs, teenaged births, poverty, mental health, etc.) Click on that link and be shocked! When dads are missing, it’s tragic! So be not afraid of making mistakes, and certainly never give up! Your children need you!

#powerofdadhood

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<<Previous

Being an Example (re: “Titus CH 2”)

How to Encourage Self-Care For Kids

It Takes a Village? As a Last Resort!

The Young Man and the Old Man (discuss fatherhood)

If You Want That, Then You Must Do This

The Underappreciated Dad

Do You Know Your Kids?

Families Matter!

An Ideal American Family?

Mitsakes: We All Make Them!

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