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Being Debt Free Starts in Your Teens

5/3/2025

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Being Debt Free Starts in Your Teens 

This is advice for young people to avoid the worries that debt can create in their future. The concepts are simple, and the only complication is being disciplined. And if you are a parent, pass these recommendations along to those you love.

​When I was a 12-year-old kid way back in 1962, my favorite treat was a Hostess Cup Cake, that chocolatey, icing-covered, cream-filled cake with the white twirls on top. I would slowly eat the icing on the cake’s circumference, then save the biggest creme-filled bite for last! I didn’t enjoy it very often because money was tight. Back then, a Hostess Cup Cake only cost 12 cents, but that equates to $1.26 in today’s inflated dollars. My mother’s waitress’s income was not sufficient to raise six children, let alone spend it on frivolous items like cupcakes times six children!

Today, I find Hostess Cup Cakes cost as much as $2.50! That’s double what inflation would explain. However, this tasty treat has been replaced by others; and although I can now afford them, the price seems high (with my knowledge of seemingly cheaper times) helping me avoid the temptation. But financially, buying a $5 chocolate chip cookie or cinnamon roll is a non-issue for me. I can buy them without financial guilt, only caloric shame.

Understanding the Value of Money
 
Where am I going with this? The cost of items you may desire should not be measured in dollars alone, but in the alternative uses of that dollar, AND the percentage of dollars you have available to spend on any purchase.
Think of dollars as water. The deeper the water, the more money you have. If your money is a small puddle, then removing a cupful will be noticed. If, on the other hand, you have a swimming pool of money, you could remove 100 bucketfuls and not notice the loss. Those are the extremes to illustrate the example of water as money.

My mother barely had a puddle of water in terms of money. Even removing spoonful would be noticed, and if not used to relieve debt or feed her children – it would be misspent. I, in turn, escaped the turmoil of my youth, and performed simple but important acts to build wealth, i.e. a deeper pool of money. Here’s how.
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Lifestyle Choices and Financial Discipline
 
According to a study by the Brookings Institute, in order to not be poor takes three simple acts:
  1. Finish High School.
  2. Get a full-time job.
  3. Wait until age 21 to marry and have children.

My mother did none of these steps, and worse, she married at 16 years of age to a man nine years her senior, who decided not to take care of his family. On the other hand, I unknowingly followed the advice of the Brookings study and went even further.
  1. I not only finished High School, but received a scholarship, due in part to my financial need, receiving a college degree.
  2. I joined the US Air Force right after college. A full-time job.
  3. I didn’t marry or have children, until I was 25 years of age.

I was now able to build wealth or deepen my pool of water (assets) towards a large bucket of water from a puddle. But I didn’t have wealth immediately. I could have spent every dime on a decent home, a few essentials, and fun; but my bucket of money would have remained only a bucket.
Creating Wealth
 
To save money and create wealth requires taking and being faithful to these actions.
  1. Know where your money is going. Have a budget and stick to it.
  2. Make saving any amount a priority. The more, the better!
  3. Save using automatic transfers to an interest bearing account or investment. You won’t miss it if you never see it.
  4. Find ways to increase your income through working smartly and education.
  5. Be disciplined. Have fun for sure! But be wise.
Too many young people don’t bother to fill their financial vessel, whether it’s a bucket, a bathtub, or a small swimming pool. With the steps above and persistence, their buckets can fill their bathtub, and their bathtub can feed into their modest but growing swimming pool of wealth. Sure, it takes time, but the rewards are well worth it.
 
Parental Guidance and Support

Parents play a crucial role in shaping their children's financial habits. Here are a few ways parents can support their teens in becoming debt-free:
  • Lead by Example: Demonstrate responsible financial behavior and share your experiences and lessons learned.
  • Encourage Open Discussions: about money matters, budgeting, and financial goals.
  • Provide Resources: Offer books, articles, and online resources that teach financial literacy.
  • Set Up Savings Accounts: Help your teens set up savings accounts and guide them in managing their finances.
 
Conclusion

Being debt-free starts with making informed and disciplined financial decisions from a young age. By understanding the value of money, building a strong financial foundation, and adopting practical steps to save and invest, teenagers and young adults can pave the way for a financially secure future. Parents can play a vital role in guiding and supporting their children on this journey. Remember, financial freedom is not about having a large income but managing the income you have wisely. Start early, stay disciplined, and enjoy the peace of mind that comes with being debt-free.
I’m not ‘yacht’ wealthy, but I am ‘new car’ wealthy, meaning I can’t but a yacht. That would empty my modest but sufficient pool of water (wealth). But I could buy a new car and not be in financial trouble. And most of us can reach a ‘new car’ level of wealth without being super-smart or a talented entrepreneur. Assuming you are healthy and loved, there is no better feeling than being debt-free!
 
Michael Byron Smith

Note: To read more about my childhood and escape, read my book; A Vagabond Life: A Memoir of Father Hunger (#avagabondlife).
To learn about the power of being a father, read my book; The Power of Dadhood: How to Become the Father Your Child Needs (#powerofdadhood).
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A Younger Man’s Creed

8/9/2023

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A Younger Man’s Creed
 
I was looking in a metal container of important documents for personal property tax receipts to renew the license for my car. I came across a handwritten note to myself written over forty years ago. It was a time when I was a father of three children under eight years old, unsure of myself, and looking for a new goal in my life having recently left the US Air Force. Looking at it again, not having reinforced it in my mind by repetition over the years, I believe I held onto to those guiding principles. They helped set me on a clear path that has rewarded me greatly!

My personal creed from the early 1980s:

“I promise to do my best at those things I believe are most important to me, my family, and mankind. I will accept the results of those efforts when they are no longer in my control. I will trust and pray the answers that come to me will not be my own, but provided by God’s infinite intelligence which will guide me to integrous goals. I will understand human frailties and not let them upset me, not even my own. I will be driven by my destination, and not chased by the past. I will treat failures as steppingstones and successes as a sign that previous failures were a prerequisite to more success.”
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Sometimes we are lost and don’t know it, or don’t know why. I recommend you create a creed for yourself and refer to it often. It should fill your needs, desires, and understand your weaknesses and personality.
 
 
Michael Byron Smith
"Helping Fathers to be Dads"

 
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​Expanding Your Child’s Horizons: Unconventional After-School Pursuits

7/31/2023

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Photo Credit: August de Richelieu via Pexels
Foreword 

As a child, I was raised in an environment that was a stimulation wasteland, where many days went by without mental growth. It slowed my emotional intelligence and limited my ability to compete and grow. My book on this topic will be published later this year. It's entitled "A Vagabond Life - A Memoir of Father Hunger".

This article by Lacie Martin of <raisethemwell.org> has activity suggestions that will prepare your child for a future that will challenge them, making them competitive with peers, or even ahead of them. I heartily endorse these suggestions!

Michael Byron Smith



​​Expanding Your Child’s Horizons: Unconventional After-School Pursuits
 
After-school activities can make a significant difference in a child's life by providing opportunities that go beyond academics and sports. Participating in extracurricular activities can help a child shape their identity and broaden their interests. Today, Michael Byron Smith explores some alternative after-school activities meant to foster your child’s creativity, independence, and social skills.
 
Enroll Them in Martial Arts 
Martial arts is a popular activity that doesn’t require prior experience. Apart from its health benefits, martial arts provide a disciplined approach to physical fitness and help children develop emotional intelligence and learn self-defense. The advanced skills required for martial arts teach children to set realistic goals and work towards achieving them. Moreover, this activity teaches children the importance of respect, courtesy, and empathy, which improves their relationships with others.
 
Start a Book Club After School 
Encouraging your child to read is one of the most effective ways to spark their imagination and shape their personality. By joining an after-school book club, your child can enhance their reading skills and comprehension and discover new authors, genres, and cultures. In addition, book clubs provide a platform for kids to improve their social skills by discussing and debating different perspectives with their peers. Give your child the gift of a book club membership and unlock their full potential.
 
Check Out Coding 
Encouraging children to learn how to code not only provides a foundation for future careers in technology, but also supports the development of critical thinking, problem-solving, and creativity. Learning to code also teaches children how to approach complex tasks with patience and persistence, helping them to build resilience and confidence. Plus, coding skills can be applied to a variety of fields, from science and engineering, to gaming and media, making it a versatile and valuable tool for future success. You can enroll your child into a coding class or club, or use free online resources to get started!
 
After-School Theater Is Great 
The theater is an exceptional after-school activity for children who love performing arts or longing to enhance their public speaking skills. It is a platform that fosters creativity, collaboration, and self-expression. By providing a secure environment, theater instills a sense of comfort with vulnerability, enabling kids to develop emotional intelligence and social awareness. Besides, theater instills the values of teamwork and respect for others, as children work together to achieve a common goal.
 
Introduction to Entrepreneurship 
Encouraging children to unleash their entrepreneurial potential can be an exhilarating and fulfilling after-school pursuit. For instance, you should show them how to create a text logo online, which is a great way to encourage their creativity while also encouraging the development of other business skills like critical thinking, problem-solving, and leadership. At first, they can start small with products or services that cater to their peers and capture their interests. As their venture flourishes, they will gradually master various aspects of entrepreneurship, such as financial management, marketing strategies, and customer service.
 
Encourage Volunteering 
Encouraging your child to spearhead a volunteer project can be a transformative and gratifying after-school activity. By fostering a sense of social responsibility and empathy, they can hone essential life skills and create lasting community impact. From organizing a food or clothing drive to leveraging social media to rally volunteers and donations, their leadership skills will shine through every aspect of their initiative. Through volunteerism, they can not only develop emotional intelligence and social skills but also deepen their connection to society.
 
Learn a Musical Instrument 
Learning a musical instrument is not just a beneficial after-school activity; it is a life-altering experience that ingrains invaluable qualities like patience, discipline, and perseverance. It immeasurably enhances cognitive capacity, fine motor skills, and memory, besides providing endless personal satisfaction. From the guitar to the piano to drums and more, children can choose any instrument that resonates with them. With regular practice, they can sharpen their skills and unlock a lifelong passion for music that will stay with them forever.
 
Help Your Child Find Their Passions 
Extracurricular activities can have a profound impact on your child's life trajectory. By motivating them to engage in after-school activities, you expand their horizons, improve their social skills, and empower them to pursue their passions and interests. Offering your child these opportunities to explore, grow, and learn vital life skills can unlock a world of possibilities and create a strong foundation for their future success.
 
Being a parent is hard, but Michael Byron Smith wants to help men learn how to be great dads to their kids. Visit me online to learn more parenting tips.
 

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​The Highway to Success

6/6/2023

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Success is defined in many ways.

Let’s say success is helping society in a way that also provides happiness and fulfillment to the individual.  You may have your own view of success, but let’s go with this one.

But let’s talk not of your success, but how you may help your children reach success. What better way is there to help society through your children! But what makes a kid a successful adult? Some words that come to mind are focus, goals, passion, persistence, desire, and guidance. Some kids are lucky to be born with some or most of these qualities, but all kids need, or could be helped with, mentoring.

Parents can and should provide experiences to their kids in all the activities they have time and money for. This did not happen for me, therefore, I was on my own. Most little boys love airplanes and that’s where I turned for inspiration. That pulled me through to my success, but it was more difficult without other skills, skills that require repetition, encouragement, and simply introduction.

When you watch your kid’s involvement in any activity, you can generally tell if their interest and talent is there. But don’t give up too soon. Well-rounded experiences are good for a well-rounded person. To reach greater heights of success in any endeavor, however, one must attempt to be the hardest working person in that endeavor. When the effort isn’t there, recognize it in time and consider finding another interest/activity to invest in.

Anyone not attempting to be the hardest working person in an activity is either not interested in it or not motivated to be the best. That is a difficult issue to deal with and requires honest evaluation. What if your child has no interest in anything? It could be any number of reasons. Certainly, the mental or physical health of your child could be a factor and should be investigated. Or perhaps, they have yet to find a passion. If a child is so focused on one activity that they ignore everything else, then allow it only if there is a future in it. Usually, there is not. If this is a negative activity, one that is more destructive than helpful, you may have to step in. Addiction to video games, only hanging out with friends, or constant screen time could be negative, while drug use would certainly be obstacles to success. Laziness could also be an issue. It may take medication, counselling, or parental dynamite to solve, if possible. But something needs to be done or real success may never come, or come very late.

Watch closely! How hard are your children working? How much do they care? Your interests may not be their interests, not that you can’t introduce them. Just because they can’t do one thing well, doesn’t mean they don’t have other talents. A butter knife doesn’t work well as a screwdriver or pencil sharpener, but it spreads peanut butter nicely. Kids are like that too. Place them in an environment and situation in which they can not only build confidence but succeed!
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Our kids can’t be expected to travel to places we choose for them. No, our job is to teach them the rules of the road, helping them to get there safely, quickly, smoothly and with integrity.

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47 Reasons Why Being a Dad is So Awesome!

11/28/2022

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If you are a man who lives life with passion, you will have many things for which to be thankful, and numerous experiences to reflect upon. But if you also become a father, your world will expand many times over. Being a dad is awesome, but only if you are up to the task. You must be selfless and give to your children, but they will pay you back many times over. Here are forty-seven reasons I have come up with why being a dad is so cool. I’m sure you can add to the list with your own experiences. 

The list follows this slide show representing 15 of the reasons. (You may have to be on the website to see it.)


1.     Each enjoyment is earned through hard work and tough times, and that’s the first thing that is cool about being a dad.
2.     Your chest will swell with every one of your children’s achievements.
3.     The sound of “Daddy” from your child’s voice is magical.
4.     You don’t think so much about yourself.
5.     Hugs around the neck are the best!
6.     Giggles are precious!
7.     Being available and present is appreciated forever. 
8.     You will smile when they bring you a book to read to them.
9.     Your emotions are elevated to dizzying heights!
10.   You are the most important man in their world!
11.   Keeping small secrets with them is fun, and it bonds.
12.   Saying, “That’s my son!” or “That’s my daughter!”
13.   When you hear them say, “That’s my dad!”
14.   Teaching them to stand tall is a great gift for both of you.
15.   Fixing stuff together is a blast.
16.   Seeing your children be unselfish.
17.   When they are respectful to their elders.
18.   Their successes are your successes.
19.   Seeing your kids showing love and affection to their mother.
20.   They love when you make French toast on Saturday mornings.
21.   Being an example makes you a better man.
22.   Riddles and puzzles are fun things to do together.
23.   Teaching them to the point of failure is priceless.
24.   Playing catch with your kids is more than playing catch.
25.   When they understand when it’s time for fun, or time to be serious.
26.   Finishing what you and they start will make you careful about what is important.
27.   Your daughter playing in the dirt while your son plays ball will make you smile.
28.   Seeing your kids’ help, comfort, and play with each other.
29.   Tractors or princesses will be the center of their young lives
30.   Tea parties can be fun for them, and the memories of them are wonderful for all.
31.   When your child reaches up to you from a crawl that says, “I want you to hold me”.
32.   Remembering when you let you son/daughter splash in mud puddles then taking the heat from mom
33.   Stick drawings of you smiling makes you smile again.
34.   Letting them steer your car (or tractor) when it’s safe. They love that!
35.   When they learn to eat with their mouth closed.
36.   When they speak to you, eye to eye, you will be proud.
37.   They’ll do goofy things that make you laugh.
38.   Being wore out from piggy back rides is a good tired.
39.   When your heart melts, you are helpless, and it feels good.
40.   When your kids are kind to the less fortunate.
41.   When your son follows you around because he wants to be like you.
42.   Realizing a toddler can crawl on your lap before you know they’re doing it.
43.   Knowing they don’t care about your imperfections.
44.   Being your kids’ favorite teacher.
45.   Knowing they are happy to see you come home from work.
46.   Graduations, dance recitals, ball games, plays, etc.—you and mom being the most important attendees!
47.   Being a dad means you may be a grandfather someday. If you think being a dad is cool, try being a grandfather!

This list is not complete because the joy has no limits. The point is--fatherhood can be wonderful, and the most fulfilling responsibility you will ever take on.  How wonderful depends mostly on you and the limits you establish. What you put into it, comes back again and again.


Click on the title to order my book: The Power of Dadhood: How to Become the Father Your Child Needs
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​Maybe the Most Important Habit to Teach Your Kids

1/31/2022

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You’ve likely heard the joke, “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” Personally, I’d rather eat a cow, but that’s not the point. The point is to never take on more than you can handle at any specific time. Instead of putting your head in a spin, rotating, but not going anywhere, just take a step forward. In time, your personal elephant will be digested. You can use the tusks to pick your teeth, metaphorically speaking.

We all know that what you learn when you are young comes more quickly and stays with you longer. This applies to goal setting. This is when a parent can be a huge, positive influence on the life of their child. Goal oriented people are naturally more successful than most. But goals set and not met can devastate one’s confidence. The answer is mini goals towards a target goal.

Like climbing steps to reach a friend’s apartment on the third floor, you must first reach the first floor. To reach the first floor, you must take the first step. Even the first step to the first floor is a victory if you’re recovering from a broken hip or had heart surgery. But it is a necessary step for all of us.

The key to convincing your child to always have goals is the rewards they bring. While it’s up to your child to pick a goal desirable to them, they may not be in the best position to plan an assault to get there. The way to get those big rewards (achievement alone is a reward) is to make the mini-goals  challenging, but achievable tasks. A mini goal too easily obtained is not satisfying. A mini goal too difficult to obtain will result in failure, disappointment and discouragement. Only a parent is wise enough and knows their child enough to choose mini goals wisely.

Success in any endeavor is an endorphin and can surely become habit forming. Of course, goals are age related and can be anything relatable to them.  Fun challenges can be a good start, before they really know what they want. For example:
  • How far can they run? Improving each week.
  • How many books (or pages) can they read in a week?
  • How much weight can they lift? Improving each month.
  • How to get better grades by dedication increasing time studying without distractions.
  • What treat/honor can they score by keeping their room clean all week?
  • How many people did they smile at today?
  • Can they do flash cards faster, or move up to higher level flash cards?
  • How many free throws can they make in a row? 3 today, 10 next week, improving over time to maybe 25.
Always keep a carrot or a Twinkie on a stick for your children to work towards. Of course, the goals get more serious and likely tougher as they age. But having a goal-setting routine or mindset, and patience to achieve goals in a step by step manner will make all the difference in your lives.

Michael Byron Smith
Author of  'The Power of Dadhood'

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A New Year's Gift to Your Children (no matter their age)

1/1/2022

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​Kids go through stages. Stages of growing, learning, maturity, understanding, etc. There is a great lesson to be taught in every stage, whether it be how to share, how to be responsible, how to be kind, and so on. All parents know it takes a lot of patience and perseverance to teach these important characteristics. Some of us are better at it than others. There is, however, one lesson every kid should learn before they are tossed out into the cold, cruel world. It's a two-part lesson. From that time forward, it may be the last greatest lesson you can give them.

What is the first part of the lesson? It is one that will free them from many ills such as, dependence, regret, self-pity, misunderstanding, anger, and resentment. It is something kids are taught to be when they are young because it is an admirable trait. But, unfortunately, the lesson doesn’t always hold true in the real world. It’s not that it doesn’t happen frequently, but it can never be assumed or to be counted on. So what is the lesson?

I. Life is not fair and one should accept that reality.

It is true. Life is not fair as we all have experienced. There are many examples of it. Some people have fancy homes and cars while others live on the edge of hunger. That doesn’t seem fair at all. Some people are born into money, some are born with lots of intelligence, and others just seem to have more energy and better instincts. None of those things are fair, but you know what?  That’s just too bad and we must get over it! 

II. The second part the lesson: "Success is about leverage”!

Kids need to know that in the adult world, decisions are not always made according to fairness. They are more frequently made based on leverage. For instance, educated or skilled people have the leverage of better performance than those who don’t. They are the ones who are awarded scholarships, better jobs, and more money if they use that leverage!

Yes, you say, but there are some not-so-educated and not-so-hard working people that have more money. True, and that may not be fair. But surely they have leverage in some way that allows them to have more money. Any person born into a western culture like the United States has much more leverage than a very hard-working person born in the slums of Calcutta. The leverage in this example is birthplace. Again we see that it isn’t fair that some people are born less fortunate or in the wrong location. But life is not fair and likely never will be.

Note: Be as fair and ethical as possible, but don’t depend on it coming back to you!

Anyone can come up with examples they think are unfair. But in every one of those examples, there will be a situation where leverage has come into play. I thought that it was unfair when I went to college, that I was a commuter student without dorm friends who, I discovered later, helped each other study and had access to all kinds of old tests, etc. They had the leverage of instant help from smarter people who lived across the hall. It wasn’t fair to me, who studied alone. But I didn’t have the leverage of living in the dorms or knowing how things really worked in college. Yes, being naive is on me!

Note: There is NO leverage in being naive!

Here is another example. Should there be a minimum wage and is it fair to have one? Most people who have minimum wage jobs do not have the leverage of an education or special skills. People who hire them have the leverage of a large pool of non-skilled workers from which to choose so they can pay as little as it takes to get the employees they need. You can say it is unfair to these workers who may work very hard for their wages, but the employer has the leverage.

The only leverage unskilled workers may have is when the public, via their government representatives, has sympathy towards them. If deemed by law, these unskilled workers must be paid more than the market alone allows. This becomes fairer for the workers but unfair to the employers who now have to pay an artificially higher amount than the market. It may also be unfair for those that will not be hired because of the higher cost of labor. A majority in a democracy will almost always have leverage.

My wife was a teacher, my son is a soldier, one of my daughters is a college counselor and my other daughter is an occupational therapist. None of them make even one percent of the salary of an average major league baseball player. I think we now know that this is about the leverage of their talent, not the fairness of what occupations are most important in society. We accept that. And I do enjoy baseball even though they are overpaid in the minds of many. It’s not fair that some people have unique leverage that you could never attain, but you can’t wallow in that.

Note: There is no leverage in wallowing!

If your children can understand leverage and the ethical use of leverage, they have a tremendous head start over their peers! Being young, in itself, is a great leverage tool! Young people have time to earn, learn, and implement the things that will become leverage for them later in life, without ever depending on fairness or luck! Those people with this attitude are the ones who seem to succeed and be the most “lucky”.

Note: Understanding leverage IS leverage!

Leverage that doesn’t exist by chance can be built. Working hard in school to have good grades creates leverage over others to get into college or even a scholarship. The education attained via scholarship provides leverage over those without an education to get the best jobs. The money you earn is generally higher because fewer people have your education or skill. We all know that having money is classic leverage.

Note: There is tremendous leverage in a good attitude, a good education, a good work ethic, and a good understanding of how the world operates.

Like intelligence, a special talent, or being born into a well-to-do family, sometimes leverage is given to you. That is a gift. But leverage can be wasted if not valued. Also, leverage given to you can be taken away. It is the worst kind of leverage because you are counting on others and not yourself.

If your older children can grasp the notion that building leverage is to their advantage, that complaining about life not being fair is a waste of time, then you have given them a tremendous advantage in life. The leverage of understanding life, of having a work ethic, and knowing their success is basically up to them, could be the greatest lesson of their life!

Note: Having leverage is not always fair, and being fair does not always create leverage. But try to be fair anyway. It's best for you!


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​Success is a Series of Failures Interrupted by Persistence

11/29/2021

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Premise:

With a goal that burns deep within you, with the perseverance of a honey badger, and knowing the path required to get to that goal, you will get make it! This I know because I lived it. The formula is simple, ((Goal + Path) x Perseverance) = Success. The very difficult part is obtaining the terms within that formula.


Why is success so difficult?

Not everyone has a goal. Those that do have a goal may not know the path (or have a plan) to get there. Having those key parts of the equation is a wonderful start, but it will all fall apart without perseverance.
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I feel strongly that parents can be key factors in a child obtaining this formula and seeing it through!


For those of you who are not fans of math, I have a story to share:
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This recent West Point graduate (2019) is Alex Idrache. He grew up in a slum in Haiti, and he tells the story of how U.S. soldiers were deployed to his neighborhood following the earthquake there several years ago. He says their presence was the first experience of "hope" he recalls in his childhood.

He remembers looking at his dad and asking him who the people were that were helping. His dad looked at him and said, "They are American soldiers." He looked back at his father and said, "One day, I will be an American soldier." His father knew the situation in Haiti was unworkable and tried for several years to obtain a visa to come to the United States. After being denied for several years, he was finally granted a spot in Baltimore. He purchased a ticket on a boat for his family and left Haiti. They arrived and Alex, remembering his dream in the slum several years prior, looked for a way to join the U.S. Army. He found a national guard program that allowed him to join the Army in exchange for citizenship. He didn't hesitate.

After a series of fortunate occurrences, he was given one of the few spots at West Point for prior enlisted soldiers. Despite his severe lack of formal education, he graduated as an honor graduate (top 5% physically and academically) and the top student in the Physics Department. This picture was taken just prior to tossing his hat in the air, the realization of a dream that began 10 years ago in a slum in Port-au-Prince. 

If he can do this, what can you do for yourself, or for your child?
Helping Fathers to be Dads Blog

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Life Lessons through Flying

8/29/2021

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PictureAuthor during USAF Pilot Training
Introduction:

Those of you who have followed this blog, “Helping Fathers to be Dads”, know about my book on fatherhood entitled, “The Power of Dadhood”. The book was written from the standpoint of a father whose own father was not there for him, nor for his siblings. I am now writing a memoir of my childhood describing the unnecessary struggles we battled to succeed. What helped me to overcome the lack of help from, and even the obstruction of, my father, was my strong desire to be a pilot, which gave me purpose.

Currently, I am in an editing phase of my memoir, which I find quite difficult. I have added, deleted and flipped paragraphs, even chapters. I have written and rewritten sentences over and over again. Complete scenes seemed irrelevant on review and therefore dropped as I continued to fine tune my message . During this editing, I continued to write this blog each week.

Following is a deleted story from my draft. I found it was too redundant and excessive. But it is somewhat humorous, so I decided I could use it here as fatherly advice. The intent of the story was to show how failure is often caused by overthinking. When there is only time to react, you may find out you are more capable than you know.

The Excerpt

My slow start during T-37 training had passed, and I was getting into a rhythm. On a T-38 cross country training flight from California back to Texas, my instructor and I were leaving March AFB on a typically low overcast morning. This young captain, my mentor, had visited friends in the area and had a late night of celebration.

We were cruising around 30,000 feet over Phoenix, Arizona, and the ship was mine, meaning I was flying the aircraft. Suddenly, the nose of the T-38 shot straight up vertically! I did not know what was happening as I heard my instructor mumbling to me, “You…. have… the (gurgle)… air…craaaft.” With that, I pushed the control stick forward to stop the climb and descended back to our assigned altitude. When I leveled off, I asked him if he was okay. He replied, “I’m sick… very sick, you’ve got it from here.” I never heard another word from him until landing 800 miles later when he said, “Good job”! I taxied in, my instructor crawled out of the rear cockpit looking like a ghost and mumbled, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

The airman directed us to our parking location, climbed the ladder to the rear cockpit, and began cursing as if he were in the Navy! My instructor had thrown up all over the cockpit and left it to the ground crew to clean up. Courtesy held that any pilot who lost his lunch would clean up his mess, but my instructor was too sick to do that in his condition. Hopefully, he apologized to the young airman later.

The T-38 Talon had taken a sudden climb upward over the Phoenix area because the instructor hit the trim button on the top of the control stick as he was vomiting his breakfast into his flight glove. The purpose of the trim button is to adjust the pressure felt on the control stick as the flow of air over the control surfaces changes. To keep from losing control, I had to push the stick forward against all the pressure of the trimmed surfaces while ‘re-trimming’ (nose down) to a level flight position. Of course, when you are climbing and then push forward, you will become weightless. I can only imagine what this did to my flight instructor’s stomach, not to mention the vomit in the cockpit and that captured in his flight glove!
​

That flight taught me I could do what I needed to do when I needed to do it. Not that what I did was difficult at that point in my training. First, I had to recover from an unexpected out-of-control situation. Then, I had to take full responsibility for the aircraft, the instructor, and myself. Without the ‘chance’ to anticipate the challenge, it went flawlessly. This positive outcome came because I didn’t make it more difficult in my head beforehand.

Summary

My issue as a boy growing up was confidence and poor self-esteem. I carried these feelings into the Air Force. While I earned my wings, I had to fight every day to do so. Acting with full confidence and valuing myself would have allowed my training to be more enjoyable and made me a better pilot. I was learning basic life skills at a place and time when I should have simply been learning the skills of an Air Force pilot. I think I would have been in the top of my class had my father been there to prepare me. Fathers! Please mentor your children. Learn what they can do well, what scares them, and what interests them. You can guide them to a greater success!




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​The Second Man (or Woman) In

3/22/2021

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PicturePhotographer unknown
A leader can't lead without the first follower.

We have heroes in this world, men and women, who have led causes and people. Lincoln, Gandhi. Martin Luther King and Susan B. Anthony, to name a few. There are, however, heroes we never see or hear about. They are those that fight city hall or the school board, confront bullies, lead men into battle, charge into the unknown, risk death or injury to save a life, or speak a dissenting opinion. These are true heroes that rarely get their due for the chances they take or the ridicule they may bring on to themselves. Sometimes, they may even be on the wrong side of what is right in the view of most. That doesn't take away from their courage. As the title suggests, I'd like to speak, not for these heroes, but for the second man (or woman) in a fight.

Popularly held opinions are difficult to oppose. It takes a strong will and resilience to take on the forces against a dissenter. However, no matter how strong the leader may be, they will get nowhere until a second man joins the fight. This second man may not be as daring or have the characteristics necessary to lead, but they are brave enough to be supportive. Without that second man, there will never be a third or fourth to join in. When a tipping point of support is reached, these opposing issues have to be acknowledged. For instance, one woman at the turn of the 20th century, wanting the right to vote would be ignored or shunned until a second joins in. They both may be disregarded, but a third woman (or man) may join upon seeing the bravery and verification of the first supporter.

A lieutenant in battle raises to lead a charge. His heroism is for naught if none under his command rises behind him. It takes but one soldier being unhesitant to make the charge go forward. A woman jumps into a frozen lake to save a drowning child, but she may also die without the help of others who can throw a lifeline to them. The fastest way to stop a bully is to have someone intercede on behalf of the one being bullied. But the bullying will continue unless someone else, hopefully, many, supports the hero's efforts.

My point is this. I see many crazy ideas coming forth these days, especially culturally. Not all new ideas are crazy, most being helpful. Without them, we will never move forward as a society. But some trends or thoughts (choose your own trend or idea you think insane, or at least not helpful) are antithetical to our beliefs. If you see no hero speaking up, then you may reevaluate yourself and remain in your silent corner considering you are alone. Then again, maybe you will be the hero! If, however, someone else does speak for you, they deserve your backing in whatever way you can; otherwise, their voice will be drowned.

There are many ways to protect yourself, your family, and your society. If you fail to take action, you cannot complain when the circumstances overtake you. A silent, inactive majority cannot win against a vocal and aggressive minority. History has shown this is true.

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