Reposted from August 2018
“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” —Frederick Douglass
When I was a new father, it never occurred to me to be a life coach. Sure, my wife and I would teach our children practical things like colors, numbers, dos and don’ts, and simple manners. But developing character wasn’t on my radar. As my children grew physically and as I grew in maturity as a dad, it dawned on me that having values and good character were at least as important as having an academic education.
As the oldest child of six, in a mostly single-parent home, life lessons were more basic and most certainly of short term value during my childhood. There is no doubt that my siblings and I suffered from a lack of character training. There were issues of confidence, respect, self-control, attitude, and ethics lacking in varying degrees among us. Without an early introduction of these tenets, it can take time to work things out--if we ever do. Given that we are sometimes born without certain values, then the absence of character training can become a huge obstacle in one’s life!
My wife and I wanted our children to have every advantage in meeting all of life’s challenges. Encouraging them in their studies and correcting behavior as necessary were obvious responsibilities as parents, but I began to do more as I learned more myself. I would often write notes and thoughts to encourage and teach them (example). Surely, they thought I was a little square, maybe even a nerdy dad. But that was okay with me, and they knew I cared.
I don’t know how much thought goes into character building by other parents, but their actions are teaching character every day. It’s obvious from this fact that our character matters quite a bit. From The Power of Dadhood, “A father must have good character to use his influence properly. Having good character and knowing how to influence others, using respect and being respectful, you will have all the tools necessary to be an outstanding Dad.” *
So what makes up character? Here are a few areas to look at.
Respect – Respect is many things! It is an appreciation for what’s given to or shared with you. It is acceptance of proper authority. It is an admiration for those you trust. It is deference to those who know better. Children must learn that when no respect is given, no respect will be received.
Patience – Simply stated, patience is the ‘delay of gratification’. It is self-control. This is one of the most important principles for success. Children that can do what’s best for themselves before doing what is most pleasing at the time will be more successful than an impetuous child that wants dessert before dinner or who wants to play in the pool, but not take swimming lessons. Aristotle stated, “Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.”
Confidence – This is a two-edged sword. False confidence without ability can be disastrous. Ability without confidence can be wasteful and inefficient. Therefore, building confidence must be groomed and supervised, one of a parent’s most important responsibilities. Challenge your kids with incrementally tough but achievable tasks to build their confidence. Also, “What a father does to prepare his children for the challenges of life will likely be different from their mother’s approach”.
Courage – With absorbed confidence comes greater courage to try new challenges. Trying new challenges, whether successful or not, will create true growth. Parent’s need to gently coax their children to face their fears. Sometimes, it is best to suggest a dip of a toe in the water of fear. Other times it might (with good judgement) be best to jump right in.
“Many of our fears are tissue-paper-thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them.” —Brendan Francis Behan
Fairness – I just recently wrote an article on fairness. In short, I suggest not letting your children expect fairness in life while teaching them to be as fair as possible to others. People can be fair but often they are not. Nature has no concept of fairness. Lightning can strike anyone. Fairness to others includes honesty and integrity. Integrity will fight the unfairness of peer pressure. Fairness is good and real. Expecting fairness is a trap to avoid.
Attitude – Attitude is how you dress your brain. Will it be shorts or long pants? Bright or Gothic? Business or casual? You shouldn’t wear shorts or be Gothic-casual to an interview. Nor would you wear business attire to the beach. One’s attitude can change, but it must match the occasion. As a parent, you help your kids develop good attitudes by supporting good attitudes. A good attitude is a key ingredient in achieving goals, having confidence, and being persistent, and is important in being likable.
Values – Building character in your children is basically teaching the values you deem most important.
It is in the home . . .
When the home is successful then your children will ‘Have basic values you always live by, such as:
When your children have self-worth and acceptance from family, then they won’t look elsewhere for it.
Looking for acceptance can become more important than having values.…children can try new things and be influenced by others, but the values you have molded will remain.
Not always will our efforts bear fruit any more than the apple tree I planted six years ago. But someday that tree will bear fruit unlike the trees I never planted. Do your due diligence as a mother, a father, and a mentor. We owe it to our children!
* All italicized sentences are excerpts from my book, “The Power of Dadhood – How to become the Father Your Child Needs”
“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” —Frederick Douglass
When I was a new father, it never occurred to me to be a life coach. Sure, my wife and I would teach our children practical things like colors, numbers, dos and don’ts, and simple manners. But developing character wasn’t on my radar. As my children grew physically and as I grew in maturity as a dad, it dawned on me that having values and good character were at least as important as having an academic education.
As the oldest child of six, in a mostly single-parent home, life lessons were more basic and most certainly of short term value during my childhood. There is no doubt that my siblings and I suffered from a lack of character training. There were issues of confidence, respect, self-control, attitude, and ethics lacking in varying degrees among us. Without an early introduction of these tenets, it can take time to work things out--if we ever do. Given that we are sometimes born without certain values, then the absence of character training can become a huge obstacle in one’s life!
My wife and I wanted our children to have every advantage in meeting all of life’s challenges. Encouraging them in their studies and correcting behavior as necessary were obvious responsibilities as parents, but I began to do more as I learned more myself. I would often write notes and thoughts to encourage and teach them (example). Surely, they thought I was a little square, maybe even a nerdy dad. But that was okay with me, and they knew I cared.
I don’t know how much thought goes into character building by other parents, but their actions are teaching character every day. It’s obvious from this fact that our character matters quite a bit. From The Power of Dadhood, “A father must have good character to use his influence properly. Having good character and knowing how to influence others, using respect and being respectful, you will have all the tools necessary to be an outstanding Dad.” *
So what makes up character? Here are a few areas to look at.
Respect – Respect is many things! It is an appreciation for what’s given to or shared with you. It is acceptance of proper authority. It is an admiration for those you trust. It is deference to those who know better. Children must learn that when no respect is given, no respect will be received.
Patience – Simply stated, patience is the ‘delay of gratification’. It is self-control. This is one of the most important principles for success. Children that can do what’s best for themselves before doing what is most pleasing at the time will be more successful than an impetuous child that wants dessert before dinner or who wants to play in the pool, but not take swimming lessons. Aristotle stated, “Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.”
Confidence – This is a two-edged sword. False confidence without ability can be disastrous. Ability without confidence can be wasteful and inefficient. Therefore, building confidence must be groomed and supervised, one of a parent’s most important responsibilities. Challenge your kids with incrementally tough but achievable tasks to build their confidence. Also, “What a father does to prepare his children for the challenges of life will likely be different from their mother’s approach”.
Courage – With absorbed confidence comes greater courage to try new challenges. Trying new challenges, whether successful or not, will create true growth. Parent’s need to gently coax their children to face their fears. Sometimes, it is best to suggest a dip of a toe in the water of fear. Other times it might (with good judgement) be best to jump right in.
“Many of our fears are tissue-paper-thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them.” —Brendan Francis Behan
Fairness – I just recently wrote an article on fairness. In short, I suggest not letting your children expect fairness in life while teaching them to be as fair as possible to others. People can be fair but often they are not. Nature has no concept of fairness. Lightning can strike anyone. Fairness to others includes honesty and integrity. Integrity will fight the unfairness of peer pressure. Fairness is good and real. Expecting fairness is a trap to avoid.
Attitude – Attitude is how you dress your brain. Will it be shorts or long pants? Bright or Gothic? Business or casual? You shouldn’t wear shorts or be Gothic-casual to an interview. Nor would you wear business attire to the beach. One’s attitude can change, but it must match the occasion. As a parent, you help your kids develop good attitudes by supporting good attitudes. A good attitude is a key ingredient in achieving goals, having confidence, and being persistent, and is important in being likable.
Values – Building character in your children is basically teaching the values you deem most important.
It is in the home . . .
- where children should learn kindness, goodness, values, discipline, and manners.
- where children should find understanding, care, and comfort.
- where successful lives should begin, with open minds, encouragement, and love.
- where compassion should exist, where the safety nets of our children’s failures are made of rubber bands, ready to sling them back into the world—stronger, wiser, and with new momentum.
When the home is successful then your children will ‘Have basic values you always live by, such as:
- Respect for others
- Honesty and integrity in all you do
- Doing what is best and not what is easiest’
When your children have self-worth and acceptance from family, then they won’t look elsewhere for it.
Looking for acceptance can become more important than having values.…children can try new things and be influenced by others, but the values you have molded will remain.
Not always will our efforts bear fruit any more than the apple tree I planted six years ago. But someday that tree will bear fruit unlike the trees I never planted. Do your due diligence as a mother, a father, and a mentor. We owe it to our children!
* All italicized sentences are excerpts from my book, “The Power of Dadhood – How to become the Father Your Child Needs”
