Reposted from August 2018

“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” —Frederick Douglass

When I was a new father, it never occurred to me to be a life coach. Sure, my wife and I would teach our children practical things like colors, numbers, dos and don’ts, and simple manners. But developing character wasn’t on my radar. As my children grew physically and as I grew in maturity as a dad, it dawned on me that having values and good character were at least as important as having an academic education.

As the oldest child of six, in a mostly single-parent home, life lessons were more basic and most certainly of short term value during my childhood. There is no doubt that my siblings and I suffered from a lack of character training. There were issues of confidence, respect, self-control, attitude, and ethics lacking in varying degrees among us. Without an early introduction of these tenets, it can take time to work things out--if we ever do. Given that we are sometimes born without certain values, then the absence of character training can become a huge obstacle in one’s life!

My wife and I wanted our children to have every advantage in meeting all of life’s challenges. Encouraging them in their studies and correcting behavior as necessary were obvious responsibilities as parents, but I began to do more as I learned more myself. I would often write notes and thoughts to encourage and teach them (example).  Surely, they thought I was a little square, maybe even a nerdy dad. But that was okay with me, and they knew I cared.

I don’t know how much thought goes into character building by other parents, but their actions are teaching character every day. It’s obvious from this fact that our character matters quite a bit. From The Power of Dadhood, “A father must have good character to use his influence properly. Having good character and knowing how to influence others, using respect and being respectful, you will have all the tools necessary to be an outstanding Dad.” *
 
So what makes up character? Here are a few areas to look at.
 
Respect – Respect is many things! It is an appreciation for what’s given to or shared with you. It is acceptance of proper authority. It is an admiration for those you trust. It is deference to those who know better. Children must learn that when no respect is given, no respect will be received.

Patience – Simply stated, patience is the ‘delay of gratification’. It is self-control. This is one of the most important principles for success. Children that can do what’s best for themselves before doing what is most pleasing at the time will be more successful than an impetuous child that wants dessert before dinner or who wants to play in the pool, but not take swimming lessons. Aristotle stated, “Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.”

Confidence – This is a two-edged sword. False confidence without ability can be disastrous. Ability without confidence can be wasteful and inefficient. Therefore, building confidence must be groomed and supervised, one of a parent’s most important responsibilities. Challenge your kids with incrementally tough but achievable tasks to build their confidence. Also, “What a father does to prepare his children for the challenges of life will likely be different from their mother’s approach”.

Courage – With absorbed confidence comes greater courage to try new challenges. Trying new challenges, whether successful or not, will create true growth. Parent’s need to gently coax their children to face their fears. Sometimes, it is best to suggest a dip of a toe in the water of fear. Other times it might (with good judgement) be best to jump right in.

“Many of our fears are tissue-paper-thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them.” —Brendan Francis Behan

Fairness – I just recently wrote an article on fairness. In short, I suggest not letting your children expect fairness in life while teaching them to be as fair as possible to others. People can be fair but often they are not. Nature has no concept of fairness. Lightning can strike anyone. Fairness to others includes honesty and integrity. Integrity will fight the unfairness of peer pressure. Fairness is good and real. Expecting fairness is a trap to avoid.

Attitude – Attitude is how you dress your brain. Will it be shorts or long pants? Bright or Gothic? Business or casual? You shouldn’t wear shorts or be Gothic-casual to an interview. Nor would you wear business attire to the beach. One’s attitude can change, but it must match the occasion. As a parent, you help your kids develop good attitudes by supporting good attitudes. A good attitude is a key ingredient in achieving goals, having confidence, and being persistent, and is important in being likable.

Values – Building character in your children is basically teaching the values you deem most important.
It is in the home . . .

• where children should learn kindness, goodness, values, discipline, and manners.
• where children should find understanding, care, and comfort.
• where successful lives should begin, with open minds, encouragement, and love.
• where compassion should exist, where the safety nets of our children’s failures are made of rubber bands, ready to sling them back into the world—stronger, wiser, and with new momentum.

When the home is successful then your children will ‘Have basic values you always live by, such as:
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• Respect for others
• Honesty and integrity in all you do

• Doing what is best and not what is easiest’

When your children have self-worth and acceptance from family, then they won’t look elsewhere for it.
Looking for acceptance can become more important than having values.…children can try new things and be influenced by others, but the values you have molded will remain.

Not always will our efforts bear fruit any more than the apple tree I planted six years ago. But someday that tree will bear fruit unlike the trees I never planted.  Do your due diligence as a mother, a father, and a mentor. We owe it to our children!

* All italicized sentences are excerpts from my book, “The Power of Dadhood – How to become the Father Your Child Needs”

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​You can read more helpful articles on parenthood at Michael Byron Smith's Helping Fathers to Be Dads blog.
 
Helping your kids stay engaged and learning at home has always been important. But after the kind of year we all had, it’s never been so essential. Whether your children are participating in remote learning, attending school in-person full-time, or doing a hybrid of the two, it’s safe to say that things are different since the pandemic rolled into the picture. To help harried parents everywhere, Michael Byron Smith offers the following ideas on how you can keep your kids entertained and educated through indoor activities at home:
 
Turn to art.
 
One of the most fun and engaging ways for children to spend time is through art! Whether it’s crafting, painting, sewing, drawing or working with clay, give your children the opportunity to explore their creativity. You can even sign them up for online art classes so they can get some extra instruction or inspiration.
 
Decorate your home.
 
Decorating may not sound like the most fun thing for your children. But it’s a great way for them to strengthen their organizational skills. And if you involve them in the process of picking out decorations, they might find that it’s a great way to use their creativity. Whether it’s Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, or general seasonal decorations, get with your kids to come up with a plan, and head online to find whatever you need. Then, set aside time on the weekend to put on some music and transform your home!
 
Make reading an hour a thing.
 
In an age when we are surrounded by technology, sometimes it can be refreshing to unplug and take time to read a book. Schedule reading time with your kids where everyone takes turns reading aloud. There’s no end to the different books out there for all ages, and reading is a fundamental activity for learning and development. If you want to add an incentive to reading, consider looking at reading tablets so they can have a wealth of books at hand.
 
Order some classic games.
 
Remember the classic games like Monopoly, Scrabble, Go Fish, and Uno? Board games and card games like these can provide hours of fun and education for your kids. For example, Monopoly (or Monopoly Junior) can teach your children math and money-management skills. Scrabble (or Scrabble Junior) can help your children develop a stronger vocabulary.
 
Moreover, card games like Go Fish and Uno are fun for teaching younger kids about numbers and patterns. You might have these games laying around the house, but if you don’t, you can order them from any number of online stores and have them shipped straight to your door.
 
Allow gaming.
 
Yes, that’s right—let your kids participate in online gaming. This doesn’t mean to allow unlimited screen time in your household. But in moderation, gaming can yield a variety of cognitive benefits for children, such as improved concentration, memory, coordination, and problem-solving skills. While gaming can provide your kids with a break from schoolwork and chores, certain games can even help them learn and strengthen their social skills. If you decide to let your children pick up online gaming, however, make sure you have an internet connection that’s up to the task.
 
Spend time building.
 
Building challenges are another great way for kids to learn while having fun. Legos come in a variety of forms, from standard sets to themed sets like Star Wars, Disney princesses, and Marvel. Some of the primary skills that can be sharpened through building challenges and free play include problem-solving, creativity, and fine motor skills. Furthermore, if you want to foster your kids’ patience, hand-eye coordination, and manual dexterity, set up a Jenga challenge.
 
If your family is spending more time in your home these days, it’s important to have some fun and educational activities that you and your children can engage in. Remember to try online gaming, decorate your home, and read books more often. Pull out the old board games and card games, and have your kids do a Lego and/or Jenga challenge from time to time. Just because your children’s school year looks a lot different than in years past doesn’t mean that they can’t keep learning in entertaining ways.

Appreciation to Lacie Martin of Raise Them Well for this article.
 

When my three children were young teens and tweens, I wrote something for them and put it in a cheap plastic photo frame next to their beds as a reminder of their responsibilities in life. Whether they read it often, or understood it completely, was not something I could control… but it was there for them to contemplate or to ask questions about if they chose to do so.

Some twenty or more years later, I was moved to write The Power of Dadhood, about the importance of fathers being involved in their children’s lives. I decided what I had written for my children so long ago would be perfect for my book on fatherhood. That something was simply called...If You Want ‘X’, Then You Must Do ‘Y' 
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 X = That
 Y = This
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If You Want ‘X’, Then You Must Do ‘Y’
Copyright: Michael Byron Smith

• If you want to Learn, you must listen.

Do I get an Amen for this one?

• If you want Growth, you must take risks.

To have growth requires trying new things, facing your fears, and calculating the risks given the potential growth and rewards. If you rarely fail, then you rarely put forth much effort.

• If you want Responsibility, you must be responsible.

Everyone deserves a chance at responsibility. But when you get it, you better not mess it up because it will take a long time to get trust back!

• If you want Commitment, you must be involved.

You must show you care for your mission or goal if you expect anyone to be committed to helping or serving you.

• If you want Achievement, you must have goals.

If you had a plan called a ‘ladder’ and achievement was reaching the ‘top’ of a ladder, then each ‘rung ‘of the ladder is a succession of goals. You cannot have achievement without goals, and very rarely without a plan!

• If you want Success, you must have persistence.

Easily reaching a goal is not much of a success. Success usually involves failures, missteps and hard work. Surviving through all of that requires persistence!

• If you want Control, you must plan.

Back to the plan, symbolized by a ladder above. You cannot control your ascent or descent without a plan. The plan may not always work, but you can adjust from a known issue (e. g. get a better ladder) instead of experiencing chaos.

• If you want Rewards, you must provide effort.

You may win the lottery, and that’s great, but you provided no effort and that is not a reward. The most enjoyable things that come to you in this world are those for which you have struggled to obtain.

• If you want to Be Liked, you must like yourself.

If you don’t like yourself, you likely need help. But first help yourself by being kind to others, allowing that act to be reflected back to you. When that happens, you will like yourself. Be first! Like and be liked.

• If you want Love, you must be patient.

Don’t confuse 'like' or 'infatuation' with love. Be cautious, wary, and don’t settle for less than you deserve. Live a life of independence before looking for true love. 

• If you want a Challenge, you must dare to improve.

You can challenge someone in darts or arm-wrestling. That’s fun! But real challenges involve improving yourself or helping someone who needs help. Again, don’t settle for less than you deserve. But if you don’t challenge yourself, you don’t deserve much.
 
Summary

Kids must know that their success is mostly up to them, but they have to be aware of that fact. Children of wise parents are statistically much more successful!  The reason they are is having been taught these basic facts of life.

Be a provider to your children, be a source of love, but also a be a mentor.
 

Counting those who run a home-based business and those who are telecommuting because of the pandemic, there are millions of Americans working from home right now. And many of these are parents whose kids are at home throughout the day. So if you find yourself in this situation, you’re not alone. You also probably know how stressful it can be as you’re trying to balance a full-time career with a full-time family.
 
The truth is that there are really no ways to completely eliminate the stress that comes with the responsibilities of remote work and parenting. But you can learn how to minimize the stress, navigate challenges, and establish harmony between your work and home life. From creating a daily schedule to planning family outings to reading The Power of Dadhood, here are nine ways to thrive when working from home with kids.
 
1. Adopt a morning routine.
 
How you begin your day is crucial. If you get off to a solid start, it can help you to be more confident and mentally engaged throughout the rest of the day. Find a morning routine that works for you and sets you up to be productive. As a parent, this will likely involve you getting your kids ready for the day. But make sure to carve in time for yourself, whether that means working out, writing in your journal, having coffee, or eating a healthy breakfast.
 
2. Establish a solid schedule and structure.
 
Aside from the morning, you’ll also want to find a good schedule for your workday. This is particularly key since you're working from home—where you're naturally inclined to be more relaxed. Figure out your kids’ schedules, what times of day you are most productive, and how to break up your tasks. Then, try to establish a structure that helps you eliminate distractions and stay focused on your work.
 
3. Keep the kids happy
 
Some of your kids’ time may be taken up by schoolwork (which you might need to take part in as well). But what will they do in all the other hours of the day while you’re trying to hone in on your daily tasks?
 
Find fun and educational activities to keep your kids busy so that you can concentrate. For instance, there are tons of enriching online games these days. Make sure your child has a laptop, such as a Google Chromebook, and introduce them to some of these games. Just be sure to invest in good antivirus software to protect all of your home’s networks and devices.
 
4. Don’t work after hours.
 
Once you create a good work schedule, make sure you abide by it. One thing about working from home is that you are only seconds away from your office at any given time. Don’t give in to the temptation to finish up that project or send that email after you’ve clocked out for the day. Otherwise, you can sabotage your efforts to find balance and miss out on quality self-care/family time.
 
5. Do fun stuff with the family.
 
While it’s true that your family must come first, the reality is that you need to work so that your family can thrive. However, if you want a good balance in your work and home life, you must actually make time to do things with your family. Whether it’s planning a weekend getaway at the beach or the mountains, going for a day hike, or taking the occasional workday off for an impromptu activity, nothing can replace good experiences with loved ones.
 
6. Make space for your work.
 
That said, you have to prioritize your work to some degree, and creating a home office is a significant step towards that. Choose a location in your home that will help you to minimize distractions, such as a spare bedroom or garage. And make sure the space will provide plenty of room for your equipment, storage, and other necessities.
 
7. Equip your home office.
 
Once you’ve chosen space for your home office, start outfitting it with equipment. This includes the basics like a desk, office chair, and laptop or desktop computer. You also want to ensure that you have a fast and reliable Internet connection, as well as any other equipment necessary for your day-to-day tasks.
 
8. Stay organized
 
Organization is key when it comes to productivity. After all, it can be hard to produce good work consistently when your workspace is messy and dirty. Spend at least one day a week deep cleaning your office, and keep clutter at bay every day. Look for decorative storage solutions to organize your items, and be sure to keep any cords and wires out of sight so that you can enjoy a clean and seamless office space.
 
9. Remember self-care.
 
Lastly, you must take care of yourself. This is especially important when you’re trying to balance a full-time career with a full-time family. While it may seem like there’s not enough time in the day, you must leave room in your schedule for relaxing activities, whether that means doing meditation and yoga, taking a hot bath, picking up a hobby, or doing some other activity that reduces stress and makes you happy. If you want a relaxing activity that teaches you about parenting techniques, start reading Helping Fathers to be Dads.
 
And of course, it’s essential to keep up with your overall health and well-being. The most basic ways to accomplish this is to eat a healthy diet, exercise regularly, and get plenty of sleep.
 
If your kids are at home and you're working remotely full-time, you must figure out how to strike a healthy balance so that you can succeed at both and enjoy life. Along with considering the tips listed here, be sure to remain open-minded to other ways that you can reduce stress, boost productivity, and foster relationships with loved ones. Then you’ll put yourself in a position to take full advantage of the privilege of remote work!
 
If you would like to find more practical, insightful guidance on parenting, visit michaelbyronsmith.com today!