We all lie to our children. It’s a matter of convenience sometimes, or we lie because we love them or fear for their safety. We tell them they can do anything they want to do, when we actually mean they can do anything within their capability – and usually, that is quite a lot. But to tell a kid he can be an astronaut when he has physical limitations is not fair to them. There are so many paths to take that are achievable and desirable while others are nearly impossible. But if a kid decides they want to do the impossible, don’t get in their way. Children accomplish great things under impossible odds, but those stories stand out for a reason.
We lie to protect our kids from harm and disappointment. “You did great!” when they didn't. Or, “You didn’t win because it was unfair.” It is not good to make excuses for them. Kids learn from disappointments. Sure, there are times when you want to ease their pain, but don’t make it a habit.
We lie because it’s quicker than explaining the actual reason for not doing, or allowing, something. If you have to lie about something you don’t want to do, what does that say about you? “They don’t sell ice cream on Mondays.” Or, “Disneyland is closed this year.” (Only true during pandemics.) When you do this - you are lazy!
“We’ll see.” almost always means “No.” Be strong! Just say, “No.”
Some parents are accused of lying because they make promises they don't keep. When that becomes a habit, they genuinely are lying. “Maybe later” is a lie when you don’t ever intend to do so.
Some lies are considered harmless. We keep fantasies and dreams alive, knowing the truth will come out eventually. Christmas, as an example, is like the Super Bowl of lies. Yes, there is a Santa Clause, and he comes down the chimney after landing on the roof with his reindeer. Four lies in one sentence. Then we lie to boost egos. “You are so strong.” Or, “That outfit you picked out is so cute!” I don’t know many adults who are in therapy because their parents kept their imaginations soaring. Beware, however, because compliments on every issue will start to become hollow and worthless.
Sometimes your kid is being stubborn, and you say, “I’m leaving without you!” No, you aren’t, but that could traumatize a younger child. Besides, you’re setting yourself up for never being believed. Crying wolf doesn’t work as a child-rearing technique!
One parent may lie to shift the blame on another parent. “You can’t go because your father doesn’t want you to.” Or, “I love your dress, but your mom thinks it’s too short.” Cowardly!
Some lies are devastatingly harmful! “You’ll never amount to anything!” Or, “You will just have to settle for what you have.” These can destroy the confidence and self-esteem of any child! These are lies that can become true when they never should. Always be encouraging! Try instead, “I know you can do better!”
There are white lies, convenient lies, harmless lies, traditional lies, and devastating lies. When in doubt, never lie. There should be little doubt that the truth is almost always the best way to go, if not the easiest! Don’t think you are fooling your kids when you lie to them. They will catch on if it happens too often! And when you lie, your children learn to lie.
We lie to protect our kids from harm and disappointment. “You did great!” when they didn't. Or, “You didn’t win because it was unfair.” It is not good to make excuses for them. Kids learn from disappointments. Sure, there are times when you want to ease their pain, but don’t make it a habit.
We lie because it’s quicker than explaining the actual reason for not doing, or allowing, something. If you have to lie about something you don’t want to do, what does that say about you? “They don’t sell ice cream on Mondays.” Or, “Disneyland is closed this year.” (Only true during pandemics.) When you do this - you are lazy!
“We’ll see.” almost always means “No.” Be strong! Just say, “No.”
Some parents are accused of lying because they make promises they don't keep. When that becomes a habit, they genuinely are lying. “Maybe later” is a lie when you don’t ever intend to do so.
Some lies are considered harmless. We keep fantasies and dreams alive, knowing the truth will come out eventually. Christmas, as an example, is like the Super Bowl of lies. Yes, there is a Santa Clause, and he comes down the chimney after landing on the roof with his reindeer. Four lies in one sentence. Then we lie to boost egos. “You are so strong.” Or, “That outfit you picked out is so cute!” I don’t know many adults who are in therapy because their parents kept their imaginations soaring. Beware, however, because compliments on every issue will start to become hollow and worthless.
Sometimes your kid is being stubborn, and you say, “I’m leaving without you!” No, you aren’t, but that could traumatize a younger child. Besides, you’re setting yourself up for never being believed. Crying wolf doesn’t work as a child-rearing technique!
One parent may lie to shift the blame on another parent. “You can’t go because your father doesn’t want you to.” Or, “I love your dress, but your mom thinks it’s too short.” Cowardly!
Some lies are devastatingly harmful! “You’ll never amount to anything!” Or, “You will just have to settle for what you have.” These can destroy the confidence and self-esteem of any child! These are lies that can become true when they never should. Always be encouraging! Try instead, “I know you can do better!”
There are white lies, convenient lies, harmless lies, traditional lies, and devastating lies. When in doubt, never lie. There should be little doubt that the truth is almost always the best way to go, if not the easiest! Don’t think you are fooling your kids when you lie to them. They will catch on if it happens too often! And when you lie, your children learn to lie.
