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 David Naster and the author I revised this article due to a an error on my part.Click: here for rewrite.
http://michaelbyronsmith.com/blog-helping-fathers-to-be-dads/helping-your-kids-with-bullies
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I have written at least two articles a week for the last 120 weeks, 95% on fatherhood, a few on photography and two or three involved both. Some were good, some bad, some ugly. I have written over 240 articles during this time, all available on this website. I decided to take a break for a week or two, but I don't want you to forget me or my blog on Dadhood.
I'm guessing you haven't read them all and I don't suggest that you do. But I have ferreted out four at random and made sure they weren't the ugly ones. Please hit the links below to read these four past posts of mine and check them out. It will feel nice knowing I'm getting some traction without writing something new. Yes! I believe in recycling! Thanks Mike The Seven "Be"s of Successful Dads - All dads should 'BE' these things! Balancing Work and Family - A Fatherly Dilemma - Both are important but you need to be aware! When Your Heart Lags Your Brain - A brief look at a dad (my dad) "lost at sea"! A Photo Journal of Cinque Terre - A change of pace! All about five picturesque villages in Italy.  Scenes of the homecoming of members of the 101st Airborne Division on Jan 10th, 2016 This article is a tribute to the members of the United States military and their families. The efforts and contributions of these men, women, and children to and for our country are truly a family affair. While our Soldiers, Sailors, Marines, and Airman are those in the most danger and often live in real discomfort, the families have the stress of fending for themselves back home. We owe them all our thanks! Children are born while fathers are away. Kids have birthdays, sports, and recitals without mom or dad around to cheer, applaud, and encourage. The moms and dads who remain with the family have the work of two parents and all household chores. I haven’t yet mentioned the loneliness, fear and heartache all feel. I left off my last article mentioning that I was going to Ft. Campbell with my wife Kathy and our two daughters to greet our son upon his return from Afghanistan. Mike had been deployed four times before, but this was the first time he returned to the mainland where we could meet him. It was a new experience for us. I brought my camera with the sole purpose to record the event for my family. As it turned out, it became a bigger story for all of us. We entered Ft. Campbell an hour prior to the scheduled arrival of the troops of the 101st Airborne and were directed to hanger 3 for the homecoming ceremony. As we walked into the hanger and saw all the families, the signs, and the children running around freely, I was overcome with emotion. My wife and daughters were walking ahead of me. When they turned around, they all had tears in their eyes. We were all struck by the same emotion of sadness and thankfulness. My oldest daughter said, “I don’t know how I’m going to get through this.” We took seats in the stands, had a drink and some popcorn provided by the family support group, and watched the families and kids waiting for loved ones. The welcoming signs many had so proudly prepared, and being dressed in their finest were both subtle hints to the obvious. They had waited a long time for this day! One child had a sign attached to his stroller saying, “I’ve been waiting all my life to meet my Daddy”. Another little girl boasted that her daddy was coming home to be her Valentine. Finally, an aircraft could be seen in the distance. A chartered airliner was bringing the troops home on a very cold, sunny day. Everyone had poured outside to greet, and get a first peek of their loved ones walking across the tarmac from the plane. Despite the cold, the enthusiasm was intense. The soldiers had to take care of some business before coming into the hangar. Families returned inside for a brief ceremony prior to their reunions. Upon release from the two-star commander, the soldiers broke their ranks and the families poured from the stands. It was a great scene, heartwarming, but I was a bit surprised. The crying tears of happiness I had expected were few. What I witnessed were mostly big smiles, kisses, group hugs, and handshakes all around. Kids were placed on the shoulders of their dads, one couple stared into each other’s eyes seemingly forever, unaware of anyone around them. One little girl hugged her daddy’s leg and wouldn’t let go. Another little one sucked on a juice box as her daddy hugged her mom. The strong emotion we all felt when we first arrived had curiously not gotten out of our control. We took the lead of the brave families, who may have gone through this scene maybe two to five times before and had accepted this as their way of life. They didn’t act as if they had just survived a major interruption and sacrifice in their lives. Instead, they were thankful that they could be together once again. It was if they had become calloused to giving so much of their lives and loves, doing something more than 95% of the country has never had to do, yet all benefit from the service of these brave men, women, and children. I tried to tell this story with words, but the story is likely better told with pictures. Please take the time to watch the slide show of this remarkable event (below). It will make you want to personally thank the next military family you see. In my opinion, in these days of strife and terrorism, you can’t thank them enough! #powerofdadhood Slideshow of the 101st Airborne Homecoming  Easter 2015: The last time we were all together. I was 26 and a Captain in the Air Force when my first child was born. Back then we didn’t know what the sex of the child would be until birth. You hear stories all the time about fathers who just have to have a boy. I, however, wanted a girl -- and I got my wish. We named her April. I think I had this vision of a sweet little girl with curls who wanted to wait on me. I got the sweet little girl with curls. I later discovered the ‘waiting on me’ thing was a little backward. As a B-52 pilot, I was stationed at Ellsworth AFB, South Dakota, just outside of Rapid City and the beautiful Black Hills. In the mid-1970s, Rapid City didn’t have a lot going on. Two theaters, about four decent restaurants, a new fast food place called Arby’s and a K-Mart were the highlights. I was on alert quite a bit back then, which meant I lived on base next to my aircraft, just in case World War III might break out. So my wife Kathy was often alone with April. To give her a break when I came home, I would take April out for a daddy-daughter dates. Walks to the park when it was warm enough, sometimes rides in the car, but mostly we went to the local K-Mart. Usually, we didn’t have anything to buy--it was just a warm place to walk around in with colorful things for April to look at. I’m certain the employees knew us. Not quite two years later, Kathy was pregnant and another baby was on the way. Today, dads are pregnant too, as in “We are pregnant.” Nonsense! I can understand saying, “We are expecting.” But only the mother will ever be pregnant in my mind. Nevertheless. Again, I didn’t have this great desire to have a boy. I just wanted what every parent wants, a healthy child. It was June 4th, 1978 and I was in the delivery room as Kathy was about to deliver our second child after a very long labor. The doctor came when the nurses called him. Soon after, the baby was delivered and the doctor said, “It’s a boy!” Instantly--emotion welled up in me to the point of crying. I had expected the adrenaline of being a father again, what I hadn’t counted on was this emotional reaction of having a boy. It was quite surprising! I think I actually wanted a boy since I already had a girl, and I didn’t consciously know it. Obviously, I don’t have any evidence, but I think an ancient part of my brain needed to have a boy for the reasons boys were so important in the past. Maybe for survival, lineage, society, protection, etc. Whatever it was, I didn’t know it existed. I didn’t get to wander around K-Mart with my son because two weeks later I left the Air Force. Thank goodness Mike was not late or we would have had to pay for the delivery ourselves! He flew home to St. Louis with his mother while April, her grandmother, the dog and I drove home, pulling our meager belongings behind. Four years later we are going to have our third child. This one a civilian birth in much more plush circumstances for Kathy than the Air Force births. Again, I did not care if it was a boy or a girl. I remembered my reaction to Mike’s birth, but since I already had a boy, I figured that dormant emotion wouldn’t happen again. So it happens that we are blessed with another girl and we're thrilled for the third time! I remember driving home from the hospital with the other two kids singing a song we made up using the spelling of our newborn daughter’s name, R-A-C-H-E-L! What a doll she was - and is. I used to take her to the mall, just the two of us, and because of her long curly hair and pretty dresses, cute ladies and girls would always come up to talk to us (her). Rachel was our last child and we waited another twenty-six years before having grandchildren. I’m writing this the night before Kathy, April, and Rachel are leaving for Ft. Campbell, KY to welcome our son, Mike, home as he returns from another tour in Afghanistan as an Army helicopter pilot. He’s been gone for nine months! I talked to him a few days ago and he said he didn’t want everyone to come, just me because he needed someone to pick him up. Besides, he said, he would be driving to St. Louis the next weekend. Well, we didn’t tell him, but we compromised. We’re leaving his grandmother, aunts and uncles, two brothers-in-law, his nephew and three nieces home--just the four of us will be there to greet him. We’ll try not to be emotional. He hates that (because he's emotional too!) Parents--enjoy every simple moment of your children's lives. They grow up so fast! The next day! (follow up article coming) 
My family at Ft. Campbell, KY, home of the 101st Airborne
 "Homecoming GI" by Norman Rockwell, 1945 If you take the time to notice, there are things all around us that are just incredible. The voices of singers, the grace in dancers, the brilliance packaged in a smartphone, or the learning capability of a toddler. Our senses are numbed too often to everyday things that would otherwise make our jaws drop. I cannot sing, dance, understand a smartphone or learn at the pace of a toddler, but what I can do is notice these things. Not always. I’m not forever turning in circles with my mouth wide open. But I can stop every so often and take it all in.
Here are twelve things that blow me away when I stop to notice them. Every one of these must be noticed, not just by looking, but by soaking them in. This list came to me in about 15 minutes. I’m sure I missed some doozies, but I wanted to keep it short and spontaneous. My List
My list goes from shameless to schmaltzy and, not surprisingly, most have to do with nature. I’m guessing half of the things on this list may not have occurred to you. I hope so because it would be a shame to miss the wonder and appreciation of the special and unique aspects of our world that you may also appreciate if considered. And, of course, I am absolutely blown away by the #powerofdadhood ! What amazing things blow you away? 
Kids go through stages. Stages of growing, learning, maturity, understanding, etc. There is a great lesson to be taught in every stage whether it be how to share, how to be responsible, how to be kind and so on. All parents know it takes a lot of patience and perseverance to teach these important characteristics. Some of us are better at it than others. There is, however, one lesson every kid should learn before they are tossed out into the cold cruel world. It's a two-part lesson. From that time forward, it may be the last greatest lesson you can give them.
What is the first part of the lesson? It is one that will free them from many ills such as, dependence, regret, self-pity, misunderstanding, anger, and resentment. It is something kids are taught to be when they are young because it is an admirable trait. But, unfortunately, the lesson doesn’t always hold true in the real world. It’s not that it doesn’t happen frequently, but it can never be assumed or to be counted on. So what is the lesson? I. Life is not fair and one should accept that reality. It is true. Life is not fair as we all have experienced. There are many examples of it. Some people have fancy homes and cars while others live on the edge of hunger. That doesn’t seem fair at all. Some people are born into money, some are born with lots of intelligence, and others just seem to have more energy and better instincts. None of those things are fair, but you know what? That’s just too bad and we must get over it! II. The second part the lesson: "Success is about leverage”! Kids need to know that in the adult world, decisions are not always made according to fairness. They are more frequently made based on leverage. For instance, educated or skilled people have the leverage of better performance than those who don’t. They are the ones who are awarded scholarships, better jobs, and more money if they use that leverage! Yes, you say, but there are some not-so-educated and not-so-hard working people that have more money. True, and that may not be fair. But surely they have leverage in some way that allows them to have more money. Any person born into a western culture like the United States has much more leverage than a very hard-working person born in the slums of Calcutta. The leverage in this example is birthplace. Again we see that it isn’t fair that some people are born less fortunate or in the wrong location. But life is not fair and likely never will be. Note: Be as fair and ethical as possible, but don’t depend on it coming back to you! Anyone can come up with examples they think are unfair. But in every one of those examples, there will be a situation where leverage has come into play. I thought that it was unfair when I went to college, that I was a commuter student without dorm friends who, I discovered later, helped each other study and had access to all kinds of old tests, etc. They had the leverage of instant help from smarter people who lived across the hall. It wasn’t fair to me, who studied alone. But I didn’t have the leverage of living in the dorms or knowing how things really worked in college. Yes, being naive is on me! Note: There is NO leverage in being naive! Here is another example. Should there be a minimum wage and is it fair to have one? Most people who have minimum wage jobs do not have the leverage of an education or special skills. People who hire them have the leverage of a large pool of non-skilled workers from which to choose so they can pay as little as it takes to get the employees they need. You can say it is unfair to these workers who may work very hard for their wages, but the employer has the leverage. The only leverage unskilled workers may have is when the public, via their government representatives, has sympathy towards them. If deemed by law, these unskilled workers must be paid more than the market alone allows. This becomes fairer for the workers but unfair to the employers who now have to pay an artificially higher amount than the market. It may also be unfair for those that will not be hired because of the higher cost of labor. A majority in a democracy will almost always have leverage. My wife was a teacher, my son is a soldier, one of my daughters is a college counselor and my other daughter is an occupational therapist. None of them make even one percent of the salary of an average major league baseball player. I think we now know that this is about the leverage of their talent, not the fairness of what occupations are most important in society. We accept that. And I do enjoy baseball even though they are overpaid in the minds of many. It’s not fair that some people have unique leverage that you could never attain, but you can’t wallow in that. Note: There is no leverage in wallowing! If your children can understand leverage and the ethical use of leverage, they have a tremendous head start over their peers! Being young, in itself, is a great leverage tool! Young people have time to earn, learn, and implement the things that will become leverage for them later in life, without ever depending on fairness or luck! Those people with this attitude are the ones who seem to succeed and be the most “lucky”. Note: Understanding leverage IS leverage! Leverage that doesn’t exist by chance can be built. Working hard in school to have good grades creates leverage over others to get into college or even a scholarship. The education attained via scholarship provides leverage over those without an education to get the best jobs. The money you earn is generally higher because fewer people have your education or skill. We all know that having money is classic leverage. Note: There is tremendous leverage in a good attitude, a good education, a good work ethic, and a good understanding of how the world operates. Like intelligence, a special talent, or being born into a well-to-do family, sometimes leverage is given to you. That is a gift. But leverage can be wasted if not valued. Also, leverage given to you can be taken away. It is the worst kind of leverage because you are counting on others and not yourself. If your older children can grasp the notion that building leverage is to their advantage, that complaining about life not being fair is a waste of time, then you have given them a tremendous advantage in life. The leverage of understanding life, of having a work ethic, and knowing their success is basically up to them, could be the greatest lesson of their life! Note: Having leverage is not always fair, and being fair does not always create leverage. 
* According to the Smith Family and their friends! ;)
But experts like it too! Ph.Ds, educators, authors, and parents are among those who endorse The Power of Dadhood", which celebrates fatherhood's continually understated importance and discusses fatherhood's unique and unending challenges. The rewards of being an involved and caring dad can make a man feel like he didn't do enough to deserve all the joy that being a dad brings. Here are some of the experts on parenting and fatherhood (with links) who have read, reviewed, or endorsed The Power of Dadhood and/or my writings on the importance of fathers to the well-being of their children and society!
Please consider buying a copy for your son, husband, nephew, grandson, or yourself. Being a dad is the best thing a man could ever give of himself. Happy 2016! Michael Byron Smith  Me with my grandson and oldest granddaughter. Here we are between Christmas and the New Year, 2016. If your year was like mine, there were plenty of ups and downs. Fortunately, my ups were higher and more frequent than the downs. It didn't always seem that way, but 99% of the time things aren't as bad as they seem to be at the moment. Patience and time solve a lot of problems.
My ups of 2015 include:
My downs of 2015 include:
What I notice is the ups and downs often have little to do with anything we have done. It’s just life. We can, however, make our ups higher and more frequent while our downs can be shallower and less frequent by just thinking ahead and properly planning. Of course, my ups and downs list don’t reveal all my secrets. There have been a couple of other downs that I have or will conquer. What isn’t a secret is that any up or down is magnified significantly when your family is involved. Something to think about when tough choices are necessary is, “How will this impact my family?” This isn’t a question you ask about every decision. Sometimes the family has to take an occasional back seat. But long term decisions should always seriously consider the impact on your marriage, your happiness, and especially your kids. So when you think about your New Year’s resolutions, go ahead and pretend that you will work out three times a week, eat less, read more books, volunteer for charities, get organized, or travel to Europe. But how about every year having a ‘long term’ resolution? For example:
Short term plans frequently get in the way of having long term plans. My greatest successes come from long term planning. I would never have become a pilot or have written a book without long term planning. Striving for those things created a vacuum behind me dragging with it a military career, a good living, friends, and personal satisfaction. But while we plan and look ahead, we are living now the life we hopefully devised in the past. So notice it! Notice the chubby cheeks of a baby, which disappear so quickly. Notice your son’s triple down the right field line. Be so happy that he is even on the field. Take photos of birthdays and graduations because they become more precious with time. If you allow the good things of now to sink in, you won’t regret missing them in the future. I guess I just talked myself into my New Year’s resolution and my ‘long term’ resolution.
Resolutions aren’t easy! That’s why they are resolutions. Happy New Year!  What Do You Really “Want” for Christmas? When you ask someone what they want for Christmas, you will get a myriad of answers. Most of these fall into one of three categories:
 photo credit: www.ieampk.org The First Want We all (except for a few million loons) want peace in the world, love, and the end of poverty and suffering. But what can we do about it? Very few of us are influential on a worldly stage. And if we were, what would it take to make a dent in the quest for world peace? It’s wonderful to hope and pray for peace, but as the saying goes, “hope in one hand and ‘expel waste’ in the other”. Try if you can to change the entire world, but it might be more practical to focus on a smaller goal, one that will contribute to a better world.  The Second Want The second ‘want’--unselfish hopes for loved ones--is getting much closer to a place where you can make a significant difference. But how can you best help them to succeed? What you as a parent really want, are children that will seize every opportunity that comes their way--that is, children that work to create and recognize opportunities and know what to do with them. Therefore, don’t give your kids and/or grandkids the advantages of easy access. Give them the advantages of a value system and good work ethic which will create opportunities that will give them an advantage they deserve and can use.  The Third Want
The last ‘want’ may sound selfish, but there is nothing wrong with working hard and rewarding yourself. After all, if everyone were capable and successful in taking care of themselves and their own needs, they wouldn’t need the help of others. We would then be free to focus on ourselves and our own prosperity. If that pipe dream were to come true, the world would be an even more, wonderful place for us all. That’s the goal! To erase the need for Wants #1 and #2. To minimize the necessity of helping others and to share our blessings for the sheer joy of it. But there will always be those who need help because of a variety of disadvantages. Summary Personally, I am comfortable with satisfying Wants #2 and #3. Therefore, what I want for Christmas might fall in the category of Want #1: The talent and the ability for each of us to help those with disadvantages to minimize the influence of those disadvantages by giving them tools to fight them. That is why I wrote a book for families and fathers, as a small contribution to the greater goal of a better world. I wish I had more influence. In conclusion;
Merry Christmas! I want you all to have all your wants! (Yep, this falls into a category #1 Want!) Mike #powerofdadhood  Grankids on Christmas Eve 2013 I’ve rediscovered the magic of Christmas, again! Or should I say my grandchildren have found it for me. The first magical Christmas I recall is a faint memory of when I may have been four or five. I remember a two-story metal gas station/garage with miniature cars that my aunt had bought for me. I’m not sure how I knew that she bought it since I totally believed in Santa Claus. But that is the first present I remember ever getting. Each year, thereafter, had a common thread of memories. The slow march of days in anticipation of the big reveal. Then the day finally arrived, with all my brothers and sisters waking early on Christmas morning tearing through presents placed under an often scrawny tree tricked out in tinsel, then the emotional crash soon afterwards realizing that the magic was over--and it wasn’t even noon yet.  My mother with her grandchildren, Christmas 1990. However, I was usually happy with my presents. One year I got a “Johnny OMA”. It was a replica of an Army bazooka. OMA was short for “One Man Army”. My brother and I got into a fight one day soon after Christmas because my brother wouldn’t give me my Johnny OMA. I was eight and my brother was six. I chased him into our bedroom and from his advantage on top of the bed, he smacked it over my head. Pretend guns don’t hurt brothers, brothers hurt brothers. I was big into cowboy stuff. My favorite, when I was ten years old, was a set of toy pistols (cap guns, I believe) in a double holster. I loved practicing my quick draw. Somehow I managed not to become touched in the head by those innocent endorsements of handguns and army weapons. It is difficult to explain to parents these days how exciting it was to play ‘Army’ or ‘Cowboys and Indians’. We never thought of those games as violent. Today parents are criticized for buying their children toy guns-if you can even find them. Yet video games, that are violent beyond anything we could have ever imagined, are common! My mother usually managed a good Christmas even though we had next to nothing in money. When you have five siblings, the number of presents piled under the tree looks impressive. Often it was my grandmother or an uncle that helped. Sometimes it was the local church.  My first grandchild on her first Christmas Between my late teens and becoming a parent, Christmas is kind of a blur. Some of that has to do with a memory so bad that I forget to take the pills that help my memory. But mostly it is because no small children were there to forge a memorable impression. That all changed when my wife and I became parents. Again we got into the wonder of Rudolph, Santa, and his elves. The kids picked up on Christmas like they were born with a knowledge of its story and all its traditions. We were excited about them being excited and looked forward to Christmas morning almost as much as they did. I confess that I never really liked wrapping presents nor did I like putting up Christmas lights that never seemed to work. Worse yet, they worked off and on. I would try to fix them when they went off, eventually getting into a terrible mood when it took up half my day. But all the preparation and work was worth it on Christmas morning, watching our kids open presents which, by the way, came with rules. My wife insisted the kids take turns opening their presents, one at a time. That never happened when I was a kid.  Grandkids on Christmas last year. My wife and I really enjoyed our family Christmases! But eventually they grow up and the magic that come with little children disappears. No eyes the size of saucers, no screaming or jumping up and down. No little girls in brand new pajamas with missing teeth, or little boys wearing new cowboy boots in their underwear. It becomes a nice, but relatively unexciting, day of controlled present unwrapping and polite thankyou’s when only adults are involved. Then come the grandchildren! The excitement returns! They want to help you with your decorations, which triples the time it takes, and afterwards, they want to play with them. Hiding presents becomes necessary once more. Wondering what they might want and buying too much is a given.  Family Christmas Eve at the Farmhouse. I still don’t like wrapping presents and putting up lights! My wife doesn’t like the Grinch in me. But we do have new traditions along with the old ones. For instance, cookie day is a must for my wife, daughters and kids. I help as a taste tester and bowl licker. My main responsibility comes on Christmas Eve when the extended family gets together for dinner and fun at our family farmhouse. In the days prior I look for inexpensive gifts, mostly from the Dollar Store, and wrap them as prizes for the kids who win rounds of Christmas Bingo. The first one who gets five elves, or sleigh bells, or wreaths, in a row, wins and gets a present to open. The older kids help the younger kids and they get such a kick sharing the excitement with younger siblings and cousins.  Granddaughter and nieces on Christmas Eve Christmas has always been a mixture of emotions, changing with the circumstances of your life. One constant has been the absolute joy of kids and Christmas morning. Of course, the birth of Jesus is why Christmas exists at all, and the holiday has certainly become too commercialized. But the joy of Christmas includes the smiles of children around the world. Certainly their smiles would make Jesus smile also.
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