Mommy and dad Parents, one of the most important things you can do for your child is to teach him or her how to handle themselves in times of stress, fear, and intimidation. These are feelings all children will experience but few escape without a loss of self-esteem or self-doubt.
Children are not the only ones who suffer the wrath of bullies. It happens to people of any age, background, race, or religion and it happens in a myriad of ways. Bullies can be very subtle or violent, young or old, boys or girls, co-workers, family, or strangers. They have one thing in common, bullies prey on those they perceive are weaker than them. That knowledge is useful in defending yourself against them.
I was bullied as a young boy. I was skinny, meek and usually by myself. I was ‘chum’ for bullies who had a feeding frenzy when they saw me. Not surprisingly, the bullies I came across always travelled in pairs. Usually one was the harasser and his buddy was his flunky entourage. Whenever I saw these bullies first (I learned to peek around corners before proceeding) I would run for safety. If they saw me, I would not run, but I would tremble in my shoes. Fortunately, most confrontations were verbal with maybe a little shoving. A couple were more physical and I wasn’t a confident fighter.
In my book, The Power of Dadhood, I have a couple of stories about being bullied. In one story, a young black bus driver in the late 1950s helped me by chasing some white bullies away from me. In another, my father came by as I was being harassed. Both of these incidents greatly affected me for different reasons, which I explain in the book. But there is no doubt I was not prepared for bullies. That is something parents can do for their children.
To ignore them may work for a while. But the bully may feel victory in having thrust the verbal dagger in your self-esteem without consequence and they may look to do it again. They have not been stopped, having gained confidence in their perceived power.
If you can, take a deep breathe and see if you can disarm them instead of angering them. You do that by developing a sense of humor. I was once teased about wearing the same shirt all the time. I told them I got a deal, “but one get five free”. It broke the tension and the teasing stopped. I did, however, stop wearing that shirt to school.
Another thing I now know is physical hurt is rarely as painful as emotional hurt. Just the idea that you may fight back will stop most bullies. One time I did get into a physical fight and I lost badly. I wasn’t seriously hurt but I did have a few scrapes and a bloody nose. Amazingly, I was a little euphoric afterwards because I had not backed down. Had I backed down and ran I would have avoided the bloody nose but felt morose and disappointed in myself. Those feelings last a long time while my nose stopped bleeding before I got home.
Every child is different and no one knows them better than mom and dad. As a parent, you know your child's weaknesses and perceived challenges. Talk to them about different ways to handle themselves in challenging situations. Some preparation will give them more confidence and self-esteem.
If you have a serious issue regarding bullying, you can download this short book for free.
Bullied to Death Click on titleBy Thomas Jacobs
& James Sutton
Children are not the only ones who suffer the wrath of bullies. It happens to people of any age, background, race, or religion and it happens in a myriad of ways. Bullies can be very subtle or violent, young or old, boys or girls, co-workers, family, or strangers. They have one thing in common, bullies prey on those they perceive are weaker than them. That knowledge is useful in defending yourself against them.
I was bullied as a young boy. I was skinny, meek and usually by myself. I was ‘chum’ for bullies who had a feeding frenzy when they saw me. Not surprisingly, the bullies I came across always travelled in pairs. Usually one was the harasser and his buddy was his flunky entourage. Whenever I saw these bullies first (I learned to peek around corners before proceeding) I would run for safety. If they saw me, I would not run, but I would tremble in my shoes. Fortunately, most confrontations were verbal with maybe a little shoving. A couple were more physical and I wasn’t a confident fighter.
In my book, The Power of Dadhood, I have a couple of stories about being bullied. In one story, a young black bus driver in the late 1950s helped me by chasing some white bullies away from me. In another, my father came by as I was being harassed. Both of these incidents greatly affected me for different reasons, which I explain in the book. But there is no doubt I was not prepared for bullies. That is something parents can do for their children.
To ignore them may work for a while. But the bully may feel victory in having thrust the verbal dagger in your self-esteem without consequence and they may look to do it again. They have not been stopped, having gained confidence in their perceived power.
If you can, take a deep breathe and see if you can disarm them instead of angering them. You do that by developing a sense of humor. I was once teased about wearing the same shirt all the time. I told them I got a deal, “but one get five free”. It broke the tension and the teasing stopped. I did, however, stop wearing that shirt to school.
Another thing I now know is physical hurt is rarely as painful as emotional hurt. Just the idea that you may fight back will stop most bullies. One time I did get into a physical fight and I lost badly. I wasn’t seriously hurt but I did have a few scrapes and a bloody nose. Amazingly, I was a little euphoric afterwards because I had not backed down. Had I backed down and ran I would have avoided the bloody nose but felt morose and disappointed in myself. Those feelings last a long time while my nose stopped bleeding before I got home.
Every child is different and no one knows them better than mom and dad. As a parent, you know your child's weaknesses and perceived challenges. Talk to them about different ways to handle themselves in challenging situations. Some preparation will give them more confidence and self-esteem.
If you have a serious issue regarding bullying, you can download this short book for free.
Bullied to Death Click on titleBy Thomas Jacobs
& James Sutton
