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The Gift of Time

3/14/2017

As a young boy, I only remember two presents very clearly. Both were given to me between six and nine years of age. One was a huge, green, Johnny OMA (One Man Army) - a type of toy bazooka. The other was a pair of silver, white handled, six-shooters with a hip-slinging holster. Neither are politically correct these days, but they were sure popular back in the late 1950s.

The Johnny OMA I remember well because my brother broke it over my head one day during one of our altercations. The pair of six-shooters I remember with the help of an 8mm film, one I haven’t seen in decades. I was a freckled face, auburn-haired kid, with a plaid shirt and a cowboy hat twirling my guns on Christmas Day.

The best gift I ever got back in those days was a rare one from my dad (I called him dad, but he was mostly just my father). At the time, he was a truck driver delivering sod to homes in new subdivisions. One day, when I was about 10-11, he asked me if I wanted to go on one of his deliveries. I was stunned a bit. He never asked any of us to go anywhere. Of course, I jumped at the opportunity and couldn’t wait for the next morning! I remember so many details of that day – the climb up into the cab of the truck, the tall gearshift that my dad had to maneuver back and forth, the ragged seat, the mostly cloudy warm day, and the flat green fields of the sod farm where we picked up the rolled up grass.

I don’t remember much conversation that day. It would have been difficult with the noise of the engine, which billowed out black smoke, visible as I looked back out the window; it wasn’t too difficult without the constraint of a seat belt. My dad was a hard worker and a pleasant guy when he was sober, and he usually was when driving for work. We didn’t have much in common and we really didn’t know each other very well. I liked baseball, he didn’t. He was not around much and I don’t think he lived with us then. He rarely was in town, often at sea as a merchant marine. But I had a wonderful time that day!

I didn’t need to get whacked over the head to remember this adventure with my father, nor did I need a video to solidify my memory. The opportunity to be alone with my dad was so cool to me. I was special that day and it felt good! I really wanted him in my life, even with all the heartaches he caused to my mom and siblings.

Summary

Dads, you are so awesome to your kids! You are more awesome than today’s video games or any electronic gadget. Will they love you if you buy them the latest cool thing owned by their friends? Yes. Will they love you if you don’t? Yes. Will they look back on their childhood with fond memories of the things you bought them? No! Will they look back fondly on the time you spent with them? You had better believe it!

Don’t be fooled by a teen’s seeming non-interest in you. It’s not real. Remember how excited your children were to see you as toddlers, when it was natural for them to run to you. Their love is not as obvious any longer because they have so many other things to think about and, of course, the need to be cool. So give your kids your time in every stage of their lives. Their moments and memories with you will be your greatest legacy!

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A Dad is a Father Who Cares!

3/13/2017

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Let’s face it, men can be stubborn and refuse to ask for help. I know it because I am often that way myself. I never ask for directions, that’s admitting to a weakness, a lack of knowledge, and a deviation from the man code. Of course, that was the old me. Now I ask for directions all the time because the only ones that know I’m asking are me and the sweet thing with the British accent on my GPS device.

This malady extends to many other issues, but the one that concerns me, in this forum, is not being open to learning the skills necessary to be the best dad possible. Men don’t come pre-wired for fatherhood - not that I have seen. We may be pre-wired to love and protect, but not so much to ‘show love’ and to nurture.

In becoming fathers, we seem to ‘play it by ear’, gamble a bit, and employ a little trial and error. But for these methods to work, you must have an ‘ear’, you must recognize errors and then correct them, and gambling with your family is foolish.

Making mistakes as a father is not only normal, but it’s expected if you are really trying. These mistakes are your best teacher - the lessons that really stick with you. Dads, as opposed to fathers, are looking for better ways to parent their children at all times. When mistakes are made, or when you have no answer to a situation, dads will take that extra mile to get help - to get directions.

Dads can find help if they are looking for it. There are other fathers who can act as mentors. You can discuss a situation with the children’s mother, or you can read a parenting book.

READ A PARENTING BOOK!?

Yeah, I know. It sounds not only desperate, but beyond boring! And to be honest, many of them are boring and/or academic. But your kids are mighty important! They are worth a little effort. And because they are worth the effort, I wrote a book on being a dad. I did so after reading a few parenting books and found some good and others bad. The advice was usually good, but the delivery was often bad and often academic. Why write a book if no one can get into it?

A good parenting book needs to:

Be encouraging
Have good advice
Be easy to read
Have short paragraphs
Be able to read in relevant pieces or straight through
Have highlights and summaries
Be useful for any and all types of fathers and children
Be useful from infancy to adulthood

Here’s my pitch! I write this blog, "Helping Fathers To Be Dads" and I wrote “The Power of Dadhood” for families! It is not an occupation, it’s an obsession. I don’t make money, I only recover some costs. If you want to give a book to a father, this is the one! It’s a mentoring book for dads to be mentors to their children. You will learn something!

Don’t take your parenting for granted. Be the best dad you can be! Get help even as you help others.

Thank you!
Mike

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First a Father, then Become a Dad!

3/12/2017

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Sometimes fathers are just not tuned in to their children. Kids are always wanting this and asking for that. Of course, no father should or could give in to all of those requests. Neither, however, should a father never give in, or never reward a child. To know when to say no or yes requires one to know each and every child.

A self-absorbed father can make a wrong choice in one of two ways. He can give in too easily to remove, what is to him, an annoyance – a way to move on, to stop the engagement. Or he can stubbornly refuse in order to instill his authority, whether necessary at the time or not. Then again, he just might be lazy, cheap, or not interested.

A dad handles issues like those above differently. He know his children, their desires, their tricks, their needs. A dad knows when to reward, when to surprise, and when saying no is best, which can be quite often – at least at first.

An inner question insightful dads sometimes ask of themselves is this, “Will this (reward, gift, act, assistance) make my child a better or worse person?” Now granted, many of the acts are micro impacts, but over time, they shape your child.

Do dads make mistakes? Do they grow potatoes in Idaho? Yes! An occasional slip, giving in too easily or an earned reward denied, will not be an issue. A cloudy day or two should not ruin a summer vacation. But a father, who is also a dad, will have children who do not beg for every lollipop or bicycle they see, and they will trust their father to make the right decisions for them.

A child learns behavior. Some learn how to work with you as a parent, and others learn how to work around you. Fathers who aren’t ‘dads’ can work against their children, slowing their progress or even pushing them in the wrong direction. A dad works with his children moving forward together.

First a father, then become a dad!

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8 Benefits of Reading for Children

3/11/2017

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Yes! As a father I had this terrible affliction and it remains to this day as a grandfather. When I read to my kids, I have yawning fits. I cannot get three pages in to a kids’ book before it starts. When I try not to yawn and continue reading, I sound like an elephant’s mating call. The kids never seem to mind that much. They patiently wait until I get my mouth back into reading position only to get four or five words in before another yawn comes. My wife, on the other hand, just laughs at my disorder.

I don’t know why this happens. But I do know why reading to my kids is so very important!

Reading to your kids is like, well it’s like being a dad. The closeness, the caring, the teaching, the connecting are all happening at the same time, not to mention the learning. But don’t just listen to me! Read what the experts from "in the book" have to say!

Click on: 8 Benefits of Reading for Children

Reading to your children, even when they are infants, is one of the most important activities a parent can do to prepare their children for success!

PS. "The 16 Differences Between a Father and a Dad" can be found in the archives to the right. See March thru May 2017.

#powerofdadhood

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You Should Be the ‘Most Perfect’ Person You Know

3/6/2017

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Yes, the title sounds a little imposing and very much a challenge. You would like to be perfect, but you don’t want to be held to that standard. Being perfect is impossible and even if you were, many people would be waiting for you to fall or to make a mistake. But let’s look at perfect in a different way. Let’s say being perfect is achieving your best self. This standard, while closer to being reachable, may be attainable for short periods, but not sustainable. You would, however, be far ahead of most people if you were to strive to this standard. As I used to tell my children, reach for the stars and the moon becomes relatively manageable.

In striving for perfection, we are, ourselves, the only person in which we truly have control. Of course, our young children need to be controlled to protect them from harm, but that is a responsibility. Controlling their lives would be ruining their freedom to choose. Hopefully, we will have influence over them in a positive way, but they ultimately decide to accept your influence or not.

What is Perfect?

Some think of perfect as an absolute – a perfect diamond, a perfect rose, a perfect evening. But a perfect diamond is the best one you can afford. A perfect rose is the one a loved one brings to you. A perfect evening depends mostly on who you are with.

Again, we only have control over our own lives, given our strengths and weaknesses - and that is very important to note! A perfect branch is not perfectly straight. A perfect cloud can have countless shapes. A perfect day for a gecko may not be a perfect day for a duck. Perfection, in my mind, is performing the best you can with what you’ve got given the circumstances that surround you.

Perfection within Limitations

My oldest daughter was a perfect softball player. She was not the best softball player, not even the best on her team. But she always showed up! She always ran as fast as she could. And she played for her teammates more than she did for herself. There was nothing I could have asked of her to be better. There were, however, other players who were less than perfect than my daughter even though they could run faster, hit better, or were naturally more athletic.

If I met someone who liked baseball, photography, and airplanes as I do, then I would think they were close to being perfect as a friend. My wife would not think that person a perfect friend at all, even though she puts up with me liking those things. Perfection in our relationship depends on our being loving, listening, and sharing. Did I mention this standard is difficult to attain? But striving for perfection remains the secret, like my daughter did in softball.

You Control Your Own Level of Perfection

If you think kindness, openness, manners, and work ethic are the keys to approaching perfection as a human being, then you are the only one you can control to become that person. Your personality, skills, and attitude are yours! You own them. But you don’t own anyone else’s. Because of that fact, you should be, or strive to be, the most perfect person you know! Your perfection is how you see the world not others because your perfection would never be anyone else’s. Then there are those who consider perfection as having no responsibilities, no goals to work towards, nor having to meet anyone’s expectations. That is a perfect waste of a life!

Conclusion

In softball, absolute perfection is batting 1.000. But perfection as a player is trying your best at all times to bat 1.000 knowing a perfect performance may be batting .400 for one player, and batting .275 for another. The real world will be looking at perfection with a world view. The .400 hitter will be favored. That’s just how the real world works. However, don’t ever let that reality hurt your self-worth!

I want each of my children and grandchildren to be the most perfect person they know possible. Clearly, they need to understand that I never expect them to be perfect to anyone else’s standards. I do hope they have high standards for themselves. That’s where my wife and I have expectations of ourselves, to instill those standards in them the best we can, with the skills we have, and the circumstances that surround us.

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Writing is a Lot Like Life

2/28/2017

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"Your attitude today determines your success tomorrow”
~ Keith Harrell in his book, “Attitude is Everything”

‘Attitude is Everything’, the title of Harrell’s book, is a bit of hyperbole because you could also say ‘persistence and determination are everything’, or ‘vision and goal-setting are everything’, or ‘passion is everything’, etc. But given literary license, attitude is way up there when it comes to self-development…or writing.

I had a wonderful opportunity to talk to a large group of students at Troy Buchanan High School in Troy, Missouri yesterday. It was a part of ‘Writer’s Week’ and I received an invitation thanks to the recommendation of a good friend. I was asked to read a few passages from my book and talk about my struggles. Well, I’ve had some struggles as a writer and did talk a bit about that. But my struggles as a writer were/are minimal compared to my struggles developing a positive attitude as a young man.

I may have drifted a bit from what the students and their teachers were expecting. I expanded greatly from discussing writing to contemplating life, i.e. one’s responsibilities to contribute to their own success. (See my previous article, “If You Want X, Then You Must Y”). Since I was asked to speak for forty-five minutes, time permitted me to expand. And because I only write to allow me to get the message of fatherhood and strong families across, my knowledge of writing likely pales to what they hear from other, more successful and experienced, writers.

My attitude as a young man did not suffer so much from being negative towards others. My negative attitude was towards myself! As I explained to these inspiring students, I suffered from shyness, insecurity, a lack of confidence, and lack of a guiding hand. That’s a lot of negativity! But a couple of goals and a passion for them pulled me through, eventually bringing me out of the darkness.

Why would I express my former weaknesses so openly? Because long ago I wish someone had told me how to get out of that crippling negativity. Brenda Ueland, in her book “If You Want To Write”, wrote…”I have said that art is generosity, i.e., you tell somebody something not to show off but because you want to share it with them”. More than anything, writing is sharing. That’s why you publish your work. Of course, you can write for yourself, such as a diary, but you are not bound by the same rules of writing.

Writing is like life

Writing is like life. In retrospect, I should have told that to the students of Troy Buchanan. Referring to my speech to them, I discussed listening, risk-taking, responsibility, persistence, planning, effort, patience, and courage. Those are all important in life, but they are also very important in writing!

While I could have discussed research, style, use of the English language, structure, or character development, Troy Buchanan has a writing teacher that will more than adequately cover those essential topics. I chose to discuss subjects that will, hopefully, not only help the students that continue to write, but those who will become contributors to society in a myriad of other ways.

My speech was called “Beginnings". Its message being that an early and informed beginning in any venture will be a tremendous advantage and positive start to success. Contradicting that advice, my modest career in public speaking began only three years ago - and I am old enough to qualify for Medicare. My forte is not public speaking. Therefore, I learn so much from every speaking opportunity. I learn from the faces I am speaking to and the feedback which helps so much, giving me an attitude of hopefulness and enthusiasm.

A young student stopped me after the speech and told me she understood my message, having suffered some of the same experiences, and thanked me - one student out of one hundred and fifty. Understandably, the final bell had rung and everyone was scurrying to buses and cars. Her gesture alone was enough to encourage me to continue my mission of helping families help themselves - and to help young writers. That was everything to me!

Writing is a lot like life - Life is what writing is about.

Thank you Troy Buchanan High School!

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Stop and Smell the Caution!

2/13/2017

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Parenting is exhausting! Fighting toddlers who have amazing resilience, keeping up with schoolwork, teaching manners, interacting, softball, music lessons, a gazillion birthday parties, and having an adult life somewhere in between…whew! Now multiply that with two, three, or four kids, a job, limited income, personal demons, and only 24 hours in a day!

I’ve only scratched the surface of challenges facing a parent, especially a single parent. So it’s not too difficult to imagine that we can miss some things. In my book, The Power of Dadhood, I talk about challenges faced by fathers, kids, and the family unit. One of the challenges all three encounter is time. Not just having time for one’s self, but having time available for everyone in the family at the same time.

This introduction above is intended to give you some pause to reflect on the more time-intensive, less tangible tasks of motherhood and fatherhood, i.e. shaping and preparing an individual - an individual very important to you - for life and success. It is essential for a parent to know their child’s strengths and weaknesses. Parents are on the front line in this endeavor and are usually the most concerned and hopeful for their children.

While teaching kids to clean up after themselves, eat their peas, and say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, you can’t just stop there. But many parents do often stop there for the reasons of being so busy. Like the tourist attraction in your town that you never go to because you can go tomorrow, the similar is true for teaching your children life lessons. Somehow the opportunity (tomorrow) rarely comes.

An article I wrote “Confidence or Determination”, is an example of giving thought to helping a child, your child, who lacks something you can hopefully correct. In my article, the weaknesses are ‘confidence’ or ‘determination’. What happens if your child has one and not the other, or lack both! Other areas to watch for are fear, peer pressure, and attitude. All people, let alone kids, are impacted by these human qualities.

This article will not give you more time. There is only so much to go around. A 24 hour day will not grow to 25 hours nor will 12 months in a year become 13 months. What you can do is evaluate and prioritize! Stop and smell the cautions that you may be ignoring. I hope you can take three to four minutes to read “Confidence or Determination” with gratitude to Dr. James Sutton, a Child Psychologist and founder of “The Changing Behavior Network”, who allowed me to publish on his forum and giving professional credibility to my thoughts.

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Misplaced Anger, Forgotten Priorities

2/2/2017

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This little girl, given a loving family, can help fix many of the ills of our society!

There seems to be a lot of anger, angst, and protesting going on these days. The good news is that we live in a country where protests are possible and encouraged. The bad news is much of it is hyped up and misplaced. It doesn’t matter if it comes from the left or the right. Why do I say protests are often hyped and misplaced? Because they are. Hyped by the rhetoric the feeds those that are like-minded, misplaced because the real issues that should generate action are ignored. Let’s narrow it down and use two controversial subjects, gun rights and abortion, as examples.

Guns for sport and hunting are really not a problem to anyone save a few extremists. But guns for protection, real or imagined, are more controversial. Similarly, having an abortion when the mother is at serious risk, or if she was raped, is understandable. But having an abortion because you made a bad decision, or think you cannot mentally, socially, or fiscally handle a child, is very controversial.

Here’s what I say. If we put all our energy into helping families to stay together, there would be far less need to have a weapon to protect ourselves from the consequences of fatherless families. If we put all our energy into incentivizing families to stay together instead incentivizing them to be apart, there would not be kids looking for love in all the wrong places. Instances of controversial abortions would be drastically reduced.

I see marches and protests these days being more about fear than any tangible rights for which to fight. Fear of losing what you have or want - I get it! But guns, school choice, abortions, rights for LGBTQIA, all pale to the real problems in America. The real problems all stem from broken homes, lack of mentors, getting even with someone or some group instead of getting above the fray for the good of all.

Another example. Helping a foreign family come to the US to escape harm, sickness, or death is a no-brainer. But in an atmosphere where terrorists will try any trick in the book to get their foot in the door to our destruction adds a complication. The percentages of bad guys are small, but the consequences of their action are huge, so innocent immigrants and refugees pay the price of the bad guys’ intentions. The highest responsibility of the US government is to protect its citizen’s. Each side has arguments that are worth hearing.

I care about immigrants, especially those that have become citizens in accordance with our laws. But what about the natural born citizens of our inner cities or poor towns in rural America? I would guess there are an embarrassingly large number of US citizens that live in worse situations than some immigrants have seen. Refugees fleeing war, not of their making, are in a different situation. They need help from the rest of the world. However, we have wars going on in our own streets for which we are directly responsible. Directly responsible because we want fewer guns, or fewer abortions, or more cops instead of doing that which is necessary to remove the desire for handguns, the desire for abortions, or any need for more cops.

We want equal rights for the LGBTQIA community, fair and good! But if we had a “KTFT” (Keep The Family Together) community that had the ratio of “hype compared to the number people impacted” power that the LGBTQIA community has, we would likely solve 80% of our drug, crime, poverty, and out-of-wedlock issues in two or three generations.

Lost children and adults from non-functional families frequently use drugs to escape their plight or soothe their anger. Drugs bring crime because drugs cost money and drug offenders often don’t work or have money for basic needs due to their habit. Crime chases away businesses and jobs. Poverty sets in. The idleness of ‘not working’ causes more concentration on sex, drinking, drugs and partying. More sex and drinking brings children into the world with just a wisp of a chance to escape the challenges that caused their birth. The cycle of poverty, drugs, crime, out-of-wedlock births, health issues, and anger just continues, over and over!

So I am tired of the protests of anger and fear. I’m ready for action! Action in the form of a concentration of ideas and methods that will turn around the destruction of families in our country. I guarantee that in any area that has a large number of broken families, you will see the troubles I described above. Actions to address family breakdown doesn’t happen because too many of us have our little corners to protect, our pet projects that fit our belief systems, forgetting that a combined effort to make families whole and self-sufficient would take care of almost every corner and destroy the causes of the arguments that divide us. It won’t be easy to stop the genesis of all our problems, but what a waste of energy to ignore it. Our lowest level of social organization is the family. The genesis of our problems is the breakdown of the family!

Yes, support of family and family values are in my corner, in every corner!

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Dreams and Barriers

1/30/2017

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Dreams have been the seed for many wonders and successes. Novels, buildings, religions, societies and entire industries have been born from dreams. One wonders what dreams were dreamt that could have helped or pleased us all that never came about. What is it that brings some dreams to reality and others to silently die?

Barriers! We see barriers all the time. Some are meant to keep us safe. Some are meant to make us pay up or stay out. Some are meant to keep secrets for us or keep them from us. Others are just challenges, mostly in our mind. It’s pretty clear that barriers can be good or bad. Mountains, seas, diseases, prejudices, all have been real barriers that have been conquered. But there are barriers much less formidable that continue to keep too many of us from moving forward with our lives. The worst barriers are those that are imagined.

The four-minute mile was an imagined barrier until Roger Bannister of Great Britain broke it in 1954. After that, many others ran a mile in under four minutes. The spell was broken and so was an imagined barrier. Now the record is an amazing three minutes and forty-three seconds and even many high school track and field runners have broken the four-minute mile barrier.

Desegregation was a serious barrier in our country for many years. What is so clearly ‘right’ today, was not as clear to many in the past. It took decades of brave people to push for what was right. Patience was necessary to change the mindsets that had been passed down from generation to generation. While it existed, desegregation was a real barrier to those who bore the burden. But it was also an imagined barrier by those who sought to keep segregation in practice.

There are barriers that are common to most of us, many of which are imagined, or self-imposed. I've listed many of them here:

Common Barriers:

Getting out of bed – it can be tough some days
Being responsible – you may be unwilling
Listening – you may not want to
Adjusting – you may not like it
Patience – you may have none
Lack of a goal – can’t meet one if you don’t have one
A lack of imagination – a serious barrier
Poverty - avoiding the other common barriers will usually break this barrier
Stupidity – one of the tougher barriers to overcome
Studying – it could be boring and/or difficult
Working – it could also be boring and/or difficult
Race, sex, religion – much more difficult for some than others, but never impossible in today's America (see other bullets)
Waiting to be treated fairly – Ha!
Coddling – don’t let it happen to you
Sympathy – don’t look for it!
Laziness – you brought this one on yourself!
Lack of confidence – a serious barrier you must fight through
Fear – risk taking is critical to real achievement

When I review the bullets above, I think every one of them could be eased or exacerbated by parents. Good parents teach responsibility and avoid excessive coddling. Weak parents often don’t urge or encourage their children to do well, nor do they preach patience in the face of struggle or failure.

Breaking Barriers

Imagined barriers are learned or self-imposed and keep us from reaching a higher success. While some give up when faced with an imagined barrier, others use them as incentives. Breaking barriers by individuals come about from at least three methods.

I’ll show you I can! (a challenge or anger can be a strong motivator)
I want it really badly! (desire, determination, vision)
I didn’t know there was a barrier. (innocence is sometimes a gift)

To break a barrier usually takes two of the three methods above named anger, desire, and innocence. Even the “I didn’t know about a barrier” method requires one to want something ‘really badly’ because if it were easy, there wouldn’t be a barrier. In fact, barriers exist every step of the way to self-improvement or to any goal.

Failure

Failure is often considered the ultimate barrier, the final blow - but nothing could be further from the truth.

Failure is an important pathway to success, i.e. unless you are failing in any of the ‘Common Barriers’ above. Failure is the backbone of trial and error. Failure is a tool of learning. Failure, when used in a positive way, will strengthen you. How often you fail indicates your drive and determination. Edison invented the light bulb, but only after he failed 10,000 times. Without experiencing failure, you will be an underachiever no matter how successful you appear to be to others.

Real failure and real success are within you, not a comparison to others. Real ‘earned’ success is dependent on the difficulty of the tasks and how much hard work was required to get to where you are. For instance, two men are equally intelligent, effective and successful lawyers. One comes from a well-to-do, educated family. The other comes from a broken home and was raised in a mostly welfare situation. The second man achieved more ‘within his world’ because he had to overcome more barriers. A woman sets a world record for women in the mile. Her time is slower than many men, but she is more triumphant because those men set no records.

No two people have equal talent, skills and ability making it difficult to determine who the real winner is in any circumstance beyond, of course, the obvious and tangible ways we measure success; who’s first, who’s fastest, who gets the most accolades.

Finding Help

The saddest failures in life are those who will not get help when suffering from any of the common barriers. Common barriers can be overcome by education, coaching, experience, practice, adjustment, alternatives, and openness! But the individual usually has to take the first step in breaking their personal barriers. When they do there are usually many people willing to help. This is where mentors become so effective. The first and most obvious mentors are parents.

Good parenting and mentoring will go far in minimizing the common barriers above by reaching their children early and molding them. Simple observation by a mom or a dad will guide them to correct a weakness through education and encouragement. Mold your children into confident, imagination-filled people starting in their infancy. If you wait too long to be a mentor, molding them will be either a much more difficult chore, or too late to make a real impact!

Summary

Dream big dreams for they make smaller dreams appear more accessible. Accept success in small increments without frustration. Be patient, for it helps one to think clearly and stay on track. Never give up unless you are truly no longer interested in the goal. And, of course, have goals! All of these characteristics can be taught, especially to young children. Both parents are critically important as mentors and teachers! Certainly there are tough barriers we will never conquer. These failures are reserved for the most ambitious of us because the ambitious never stop until they reach their highest challenge!

The Power of Dadhood and motherhood is real!

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A Sense of Humor

1/23/2017

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Having written hundreds of articles and a book about the undeniable importance of fathers being involved in their children’s lives, it dawned on me that I need to lighten up once in a while. Humor is an important aspect of life. It’s the salt that makes something bland, palatable.

It’s not that what I have written is really depressing, unless you recognize yourself as not being the best dad you could be. My articles just haven’t lent themselves to a lot of humor. One might think that I am one serious, dour dude, but I’m not! I’m often annoyingly not serious, trying to be clever or funny. You can ask my wife or any of my friends who have suffered from my brand of humor, puns, and occasional sarcasm.

But you don’t have to be ‘Jerry Seinfeld funny’ to have a sense of humor. Having a sense of humor means you are open to seeing situations in a positive light. Having a sense of humor is an indication of having confidence. Not often will you see a person, full of self-doubt, being light-hearted. A sense of humor will relieve tension whether it be in your body, or in a room. It does not consist of a preconceived joke waiting to be sprung; it is deftly demonstrated as a positive attitude that is welcomed by all.

It’s no surprise that being a good parent includes having a great sense of humor. If you can see the humor in most situations, you will be calmer, make better decisions, and not go crazy. At least, not go crazy as fast. One of my Seven Characteristics of a Successful Dad is “Fun”. It’s not just doing fun things with your family, but having that wonderful characteristic of seeing the humor in most all things.

Even this article about having a sense of humor is a bit serious. It’s important to remember that there will be many things we will not want to do in our lives, but must. So here is an example of having a sense of humor to utilize while doing something you may want to do, at least at the moment. It’s not necessarily funny, as you may see, but a sense of humor is not all about laughter, it’s about entertaining yourself when you are not being entertained.

An Example

With my wife, and sometimes solo, I watch three of my grandkids 18-20 hours week. They are four, three, and one year old. The kids are great! We love them so much! But kids are kids with energy, needs, and moods, especially at these ages. Talk about exhausting!

We don’t believe in babysitting with television as a tool, but we do believe in self-preservation! So once, and usually twice a day we will allow the little ones to watch a kids’ show to get a little peace and quiet. I’ve played cars, been a princess, had tea-parties, pulled wagons, broke up fights, changed diapers, made breakfast, looked for shoes, sang songs, read books, played hide and seek…I could go on. So the little quiet time that comes with them watching TV is very welcomed. But while I watch these shows, I can be very critical of them as a way of entertaining myself while the kids are being entertained.

These are thoughts I have had while watching kids’ TV shows that I would never see, or want to see, if not watching grandchildren. Unless you’re a parent or care-giving grandparent, you need not read further as you will have no idea of what I’m talking about. These comments are not necessarily funny, but represent a sense of humor – the salt that makes watching palatable.

A grandfather’s take on a few TV shows for children:

Curious George – George solves lots of problems being a monkey, but if George is so smart, why can’t he learn to talk? “Oo-Oo-Ah-Ah” gets very tiresome!
Shimmer and Shine – I’ve seen this maybe 20 times. I still don’t know which is which.
Dora the Explorer – I’ve picked up some Spanish lingo through Dora. Dora’s partner is a monkey that wears boots. That’s like a fish wearing scuba gear. And Dora really needs to get a smart phone with Google Maps.
Jake and the Pirates – that little parrot with the huge head and tiny wings wears me out. He works so hard to stay airborne, I can’t watch. Stop flapping little parrot and land on Jake’s shoulder!
Doc McStuffins – I doubt she has a license to practice medicine! But then again, all she is doing is “practicing” on Teddy Bears and toy soldiers. She’s an expert in recharging dead batteries and repairing button eyes.
Goldie and the Bear – I think Goldie ran off with ‘baby bear’ because he was “just right”, leaving Papa Bear and Mama Bear childless.
Peppa Pig – Yeah, I know they are pigs, but Daddy Pig has to go to find a decent shaver and get help for his constant snorting!
Caillou – His dad has a shaggy ‘doo’ - so when will this boy grow some hair!
Bubble Guppies – Clouds and deserts under the sea? Now that’s imagination!
Sponge Bob Square Pants – Never have I seen this series. My oldest daughter won’t allow it. I never bothered to find out why. I’ve seen enough cartoons so I’m not going to watch one just to find that answer.
Max and Ruby – Just where are the parents of these two bunnies? Making more rabbits? But I gotta give it to Ruby, she is a wonderful big sister. I wouldn’t mind babysitting Max and Ruby because Ruby does most of the work.
Elena of Avila – I only saw this show twice but it has a catchy theme song. The kids like it. Elena, like most animated females, is a princess. And like most princesses, she is pretty cute. But really, a talking, flying leopard as transportation?

And finally,

Teletubbies – They scare me! They scare me to no end! Very weird…

As many stay-at-home parents say, “Is there a grown-up I can talk to?”

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