We all believe in certain things, and the sum of those beliefs really defines us. As a father and grandfather, I hope to pass on some of my beliefs to those loved ones that follow me, while letting them decide the beliefs they choose to follow. Being less than perfect, I do not always do, or have not done, everything I suggest below. But I do, or have done, most and believe in the rest. Your list would be different and maybe much better, but after you write down such a list, you will know yourself better. But to really know yourself, let friends and family grade you on how well it describes you. I expect it could very much be an eye-opener. Here goes.

I believe in the following thoughts/ideas:

1. Be able to pass a citizenship test
2. Moderation in all things
3. Use technology, but don’t let it use you
4. Let your good deeds be discovered, not announced
5. Serve in the military or some civic service
6. Occasionally give each of your children your undivided attention
7. Pick up random bits of litter
8. Make fresh air a priority
9. Desire perfection but accept a best effort
10. Visit other countries and other parts of your country
11. Visit people in a nursing home
12. Take care of babies and toddlers for a week before having your own
13. Work with those of different ethnicity
14. Eat less, move more
15. Reward yourself occasionally
16. Earn what you take
17. Be generous with what you earn
18. Study history
19. Notice things
20. Rethink having earphones on in public
21. Occasionally take deep breaths
22. Be a mentor to someone
23. Smile honestly
24. Make every attempt  to be on time
25. Take long walks
26. Be responsible for something
27. Do what you say you will do
28. Never smoke that first cigarette
29. Understand risk and consequences 
30. Take a parenting class/test prior to having a child
31. Stop at lemonade stands
32. Respond to all reasonable requests, even if it’s no.
33. Have a workable plan
34. Have an informed opinion
35. Watch the movie, “It’s a Wonderful Life”
36. Remember the good, forget the bad, but learn from both
37. Trust your instincts 
38. Go to farmer’s markets
39. Don’t accept the rude behavior of others (unless they can beat you up)
40. Never tailgate, except at sporting events
41. Save at least 5% of whatever you earn, 10% or more is better
42. Wave to folks in sparely populated areas
43. Have some knowledge of etiquette
44. Look up at billowy white clouds
45. Dress properly for the occasion 
46. Argue respectfully
47. Never be patronizing
48. Make eye contact
49. Governments should make laws, enforce laws, and interpret laws—as seldom as possible
50. Never use the f-word (except, maybe, when you stub your toe, etc.)
51. Buy locally when possible
52. Give family the benefit of doubt, while being the toughest to convince.
53. Think outwardly, not inwardly
54. If you move away, always root for your home team
55. Let cashiers know if you were undercharged (or overcharged)
56. Never forget the big picture 
57. Violence is a display of fear and ignorance
58. Whistle while you’re alone, but rarely in public.
59. Know the friends of your kids
60. Wear seatbelts/helmets because your smart, not because it’s the law
61. Never text while driving, even if you think you’re good at it.
62. Give in sometimes, but not at the wrong times.
63. Swing your arms when you walk, slightly.
64. Be patriotic! But not ‘idiotic’ patriotic.
65. Never stop learning
66. Keep busy
67. Never be drunk and/or naked in front of your kids
68. Respect the customs of others, especially in their homes and/or country 
69. Ask a lot of questions, especially at your doctor’s and insurance agent’s
70. Call your mom
71. If you have a good relationship with your dad, you won’t have to call him, but do.
72. Go out of your way to be kind to those who need kindness the most
73. Think, but not always
74. The best things in life are free, you just have to notice them.
75. The core family is the most important social unit on earth--it needs help

If you disagree with anything, that means you are not me. And that is a good thing for you.
Thanks for taking time to read!

At 73 years old, you like to think you have gained some wisdom. Well, I don't always feel wise, but I do try to help others, mostly young fathers. It's top of my mind to share what I have learned because being mentored came late to me. This experience is the topic of a memoir that is currently at my publisher.

The title is "A Vagabond Life - A Memoir of Father Hunger". I hope for it to be available before the end of the year.

Sometimes it's good to be reminded of things we may already know, or really never thought through. Here are some thoughts:

• The bravest person is not the most fearless. It’s the person that may be terrified but does what they have to do. 
• A beautiful person is not the most pleasing to the eye. It’s the person that is pleasing to all the senses. 
• A successful person is not measured by accomplishments alone, but by the failures that were overcome while serving others with kindness and grace. 
• A good parent is not one that gives without expectations and overly protects. It is the parent that guides, tests, and corrects while placing learning stresses on their children while preparing them for the world. 
• Honesty alone does not ensure respect. An honest person who can be believed without deception yet with thoughtful forbearance will be the most respected. 
• Those things that can be perfected will take away from other things that could be done better. Choose wisely. 
• Have integrity and you will have friends, influence, purpose, and meaning.

 
Michael Byron Smith 
Author of “The Power of Dadhood” 

(A Tool for Dadhood)

When I see a father holding his child's hand, or pushing a stroller, I get a mini-shot of endorphins in my brain. I admit being sensitized to the relationships of men to their families. It's in my DNA, background, and life mission since retirement. Holding your child's hand is simple yet effective, and most fathers do this automatically. But not every facet of fatherhood happens automatically. To be the best father you can be depends on your willingness to listen, learn, and contribute using every tool available. Occupations, sports, hobbies, etc. all have tools and would suffer without them. That brings me to a tool for  ‘Dadhood’, which is 'fatherhood with caring.'

A Tool that will make you an even better Dad!

In my book, “The Power of Dadhood,” Appendix B is a tool all fathers can use to evaluate their actions and skills as a parent. Its title is “A Dad’s Self Inspection (DSI) Checklist.”

Every year around Father’s Day I make the DSI Checklist available as a reminder to dads to think about their children in a focused way. It will take just a few moments to go over in your head and can be a tipping point positively contributing to being a more effective, loving, and caring father. Please read and think about every question that applies to your situation. It could change you or your children’s lives, or the checklist may validate that you already are an outstanding dad!

The DSI Checklist is an eye-opening and straightforward list of questions you can ask yourself as a father. If you would keep it handy, glancing at it occasionally, it can pull you back to your children in areas where you may have been lax. I developed it after I had written the book. Therefore, every question is a topic addressed in the book, helping with details.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!

An aspect of being a parent hit me hard when my wife, Kathy, passed away a few weeks ago. Her health was suffering prior, but her death was unexpected and shocking. Only 70 years old, we had spent 53 years together, 47 years married. While I remain at a loss, I am supported by my son, daughters, their husbands, and grandchildren, which I will expand upon later.

At first, I was in shock and amid great activity - making arrangements, constantly surrounded by words of compassion and foods of comfort. Many who loved Kathy were around, sharing their sadness and stories with my family. Her service was attended by so many whose lives she had touched. It was almost joyous given the remembrances of her. After the formalities were over, we had a luncheon for all. It was a good day in the sense that it was a wonderful celebration of her life.

Then, everyone went back to their daily lives, to routines that were normal for them. That’s when the reality had a now open path that hit me hard! The silence of the house, the wonderful dinners she cooked were no more. I missed our conversations and even our arguments. Our new kitchen, which she had dreamed of for years, was being constructed as she lay in the hospital for four months. I gave her updates, and she told me NOT to pick out our new stove until she could go with me. Now, her beautiful kitchen is finished, and she never saw it. But I see it every day, and it reminds me of her in both good and very sad ways.

Overall, I am doing just fine, not great, but why would I be doing great? I worry about my children having lost their mother and four grandchildren for whom every moment of her recent life was dedicated! She basically clothed them and created traditions they all loved. I’m sure, like me, their emotions erupt out of nowhere with the realization of her absence, which cannot be undone. And that realization hits the hardest, like a hammer to the forehead, something impossible to undo. But I then consider all the adventures we had together with our family. They were wonderful! They happened, and they too cannot be undone. Death is as natural as being born. Kathy lived a good life and much longer than many who die tragically young. She will never suffer the fear of a child’s or grandchild’s sickness. She left us without having to worry beyond what normal mothers/grandmothers do. Thoughts like these are helpful, if not a remedy for the sadness.

Now for my family. Every parent knows the difficulties of parenting. Enforcing rules, trying to be fair and consistent. Not always sure when to help your children or to let them flounder on their own to learn. We know the worries that keep us up at night, the frustrations of not feeling like we’re getting through to them. We give up trips, shiny objects, peaceful evenings, and spend lots of time and money on them. But my God, if you raise them to be decent, loving, human beings, you will want and need them around to return to you the love and help you will need when you are older.

I still have my family to live for, to help, and to rely on. How could I have got through Kathy’s death without their support, love, and help? They were worth every investment in time, money, and irritation as Kathy and I raised them. Our children will look out for us when we can’t think or walk as fast as we used to. They will protect us from social predators, from making bad decisions, and give us unconditional love–just as we did for them when they needed it. I’m a healthy 72 years old and very independent. But I am dependent on their love, and I know they have my back. That path opened again as I write, and it’s good to let it out. Thankfully, tears don’t stain a keyboard as they do paper, where the ink would bleed into pools of blue.
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Many young people today are deciding not to have children, or maybe just one. That’s not a good decision for society in my opinion, but it may be for them. Also, no one has or should have kids for the purpose of using or depending on them in old age! But aging without a family is something I could not do very well, and I don’t recommend it. Give of yourself as a parent, and it will be given back generously. Being born, living, and dying are all part of nature’s plan. It’s my belief that having a family is also. Thank you, God, for mine!!
 
Michael Byron Smith
Author of "The Power of Dadhood: How to Become the Father Your Child Needs"

A man took his two sons camping one gorgeous weekend in May. The boys’ names were Jeff and Joe. Jeff was 10-years-old and Joe was 7-years-old.  The boys were different in personality as one would expect. Jeff was bigger than Joe, not just because he was older, but because he had a husky build while Joe was slight. Jeff always had to be prodded by his parents to do anything. Joe was ambitious, a self-starter.

The boys got along as well, as well as brothers can, but Jeff had a habit of taunting Joe, claiming to be stronger, faster, and better at video games. The father noticed this sibling rivalry and didn’t think too much of it. After all, it was a rite of brotherhood to challenge each other and competition was good for both of them.

The father decided that while Jeff was getting the best of Joe, Joe was the one becoming a stronger person from the interaction. Jeff had the ability but he didn’t really make the most of it. In his heart, the father knew that his younger son Joe was the more likely to succeed in the future. He thought he needed to do something to reward Joe and to teach Jeff a life lesson.
      
After setting up their tents and eating some breakfast bars, the father asked both boys to bring the biggest stone they could carry to the campsite, the biggest! He told them he had a surprise for them. They both went down to a rocky creek, full of boulders, big and small.

After a short time, Jeff came back huffing and puffing with a decent sized stone. He was proud of himself and his dad was impressed. They sat around their campsite and waited for Joe. A few minutes later, Joe came up the hill drenching wet with sweat and struggling. Joe also had another decent sized rock but it was noticeably smaller than Jeff’s.

“So what is the surprise?” asked Jeff, Joe still catching his breath. “What are we going to do with these big ol’ rocks?”

“Well”, said their father, “We are going to look at these rocks and see who actually got the biggest one.”

“It’s obvious dad. I got the biggest rock!” exclaimed Jeff.

“You sure did, Jeff.” his father said calmly.

Joe complained, “That’s not fair Dad. Jeff is bigger than me.”

“Hum, you’re right Joe.” said his father. “Jeff, you are almost twice as big as your brother, but his rock is not that much smaller.”

“I still won because my rock is bigger”, said Jeff.

His father, ready to explain said, “Jeff, even though you came back with the biggest rock, Joe gave more effort. Sometimes you can win because you have an advantage. That’s good but not near as satisfying as when you out-work someone. If you gave as much effort as your brother, your rock would have been much bigger than his. If you go by effort, Joe has the biggest rock by far.”

“But I didn’t know it was a contest,” said Jeff.

“Every day of your life is a contest,” said his father. “You will be competing for everything and without your best effort, even if you are talented, you will never reach your potential.”

At his point, Joe was beaming! He was proud to have been recognized by his dad. Jeff, on the other hand, was quietly thinking about what his dad had just told him.

You could say that the moral of this story is to always give your best effort if you really care about success. And that is true! But the real message of this story is this--This is what good dads do!

​They observe, they help, they mentor, they correct, they teach, and they love.

The Power of Dadhood

1.  A family that loves and supports each other.

2.  Knowing someone you can really trust.

3.  Having a goal that excites and motivates you.

4.  Feeling in control.

5.  Having a hobby that makes you forget time.

6.  Being able to compartmentalize things to free your mind.

7.  Being comfortable with your situation.

8.  Knowing how to prioritize.
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9.  Understanding you can influence others, but you can’t change them.

Happiness is a result, not a goal. Having purpose in life is a goal that can bring happiness as a result.

It may help to look at this list to realize what may be missing in your life. For those things above you don’t have in your life, you may find it clarifies the heavy fog in your head and give you incentive to use #8 to work on things.

Michael Byron Smith, Author of “The Power of Dadhood”
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