MichaelByronSmith: The Power of Dadhood
  • Home
  • Blog: Helping Fathers to be Dads
  • Dadhood Book
  • Photos
  • About Me
  • A Vagabond Life - A Memoir of Father Hunger

Notes and Quotes for Dads

10/12/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
My father was not a good father. I learned much about fathering by watching him and, when I became a dad myself, I tried to do every fatherly act he didn't do.

​I still loved him and longed for his attention as a boy. Knowing the magnitude and impact of the loss of fatherly advice, guidance, and simple attention, I wrote notes and observations on fatherhood for my extended family. These observations became a book, "The Power of Dadhood: How to Become the Father Your Child Needs."


I want to pull some lines from my book, giving you an idea of my passion for the importance of involved fathering. I'd then like to share some quotes on fathering from other authors, famous people, and great minds as further encouragement, hoping they will give depth and meaning you the most important role a man can have.


​
                                                                               *   *   *
From: "The Power of Dadhood"

On a father's mission and attention:


"No man is a failure who has helped a child, especially his own. The greatest single gift a man can give his children is his attention. It seems so simple, but somehow it is lost in its simplicity. There is no excuse for not trying your best to be a good father. There are reasons, obstacles, and hardships, but no excuses."

On Helping Fathers to be Dads:

"While some men thrive naturally as fathers, there are too many who don't, and the results can be disastrous. We must not judge these men because we don't know what they've been through, how they were raised, or how they see things as a unique personality. But they could use a mentor, especially if their father was not there for them."

Learning from other dads:

"I learned so much from my father. I learned from him that I needed to get an education. I learned that people would judge me by my actions and react to me according to my attitude. I learned the importance of reliability and trust. These things I learned from him because he demonstrated how difficult life can be without them."

Impact on Society:

"Almost all of society's ills can be traced to people whose family lives were in turmoil. Often the turmoil started with an absent or uncaring father."

The Truth:

"You are the only true father your children will ever have, but you are not alone. Your children are waiting for you. Their mother is longing for your help. Society is cheering for your success. Fathers who are true Dads are always ready to talk to you."
 
Fatherhood quotes from authors, leaders, and great minds:
 
"But there's no substitute for a full-time dad. Dads who are fully engaged with their kids overwhelmingly tend to produce children who believe in themselves and live full lives." Tony Dungy
 
"I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection." Sigmund Freud
 
"As an educator, I've seen the positive influence that fathers have on their children." Nicoline Ambe, Being Dad
 
"My dad encouraged us to fail. Growing up, he would ask us what we failed at that week. If we didn't have something, he would be disappointed. It changed my mindset at an early age that failure is not the outcome, failure is not trying. Don't be afraid to fail." Sara Blakely
 
"When I was a kid, I used to imagine animals running under my bed. I told my dad, and he solved the problem quickly. He cut the legs off the bed." Lou Brock
 
"Being a father is about adaptation and about making the most of the opportunities that are given to you." Colin Adams, Parenting for New Dads
 
"A daughter needs a dad to be the standard against which she will judge all men." Gregory E. Lang
 
"Being a father is the most rewarding thing a man whose career has plateaued can do." Aristotle
 
"Being a father has been, without a doubt, my greatest source of achievement, pride and inspiration. Fatherhood has taught me about unconditional love, reinforced the importance of giving back and taught me how to be a better person." Naveen Jain
 
"Listen, there is no way any true man is going to let children live around him in his home and not discipline and teach, fight and mold them until they know all he knows. His goal is to make them better than he is. Being their friend is a distant second to this." Victor Devlin
 
"It is a wise father that know his own child." William Shakespeare
 
 "The guys who fear becoming fathers don't understand that fathering is not something perfect men do, but something that perfects the man. The end product of child raising is not the child but the parent." Frank Pittman
 
"Being a father means you have to think fast on your feet. You must be judicious, wise, brave, tender, and willing to put on a frilly hat and sit down to a pretend tea party." Matthew Buckley, Fatherhood: The Manliest Profession
 
"...that the most precious things a father can provide are time, attention, and love." Tim Russert, Wisdom of Our Fathers: Lessons and Letters from Daughters and Sons
 
"Fatherly love is the act of giving your life for the sake of someone else's needs." Nate Dallas, Hacking Fatherhood: Preparing For Success in the Biggest Role of Your Life
 
"No amount of money can be paid for the relationship between a father and his sons and a father and his daughters." Willie Williams, 7 Steps to Parenting Power
 
"My father taught me that the only way you can make good at anything is to practice, and then practice some more." Pete Rose
 
"Studies show that when a baby, child, or teenager has a good father, that child will soar." Meg Meeker, MD
 
"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years." Mark Twain
 
"One of the greatest needs of this age is for responsible and committed fathers." Bishop Charles Edward Blake Sr.
 
Summary

Thank you for your interest in fatherhood, or 'Dadhood' as I like to call fatherhood with involvement, mentoring, nurturing, and demonstrating love.
​
Dadhood = fatherhood + nurturing + demonstrated love
​

0 Comments

Being a Parent is Like Being a Photographer

9/14/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
A couple of weekends ago, I masqueraded as a wedding photographer. Although I had no experience in photographing weddings, a niece of my sister-in-law asked if I would shoot hers. She based her decision on photos on my personal Facebook page. I do love photography as a hobby, but I don’t consider myself technically confident or competent. You can view my photos page – which I haven’t updated in some time – to see only photos I allow to be there. After explaining to Kelsey, the Bride to be, that it was risky for me to photograph such an important event in her life was something she should give more consideration, I was still her wedding photographer.

I realized then how much I didn’t know about photography. Flash photography was definitely not a strength. I hadn’t used any flash outside of my pop-up flash in many years. Most of my photos were of landscapes and family, where second chances can become third and fourth chances. I use auto mode more than I like to admit, and I had become even lazier, taking almost all my photos on an iPhone 11 (which does a fantastic job). After secretly considering using my iPhone to photograph the wedding, I imagined how silly that would look. Not the photos, but me running around with an iPhone trying to be a ‘professional’ photographer.

Of course, I jumped to the Internet and googled ‘Wedding Photography.’ That research helped, but I found conflicting advice. Some said use shutter priority outdoors while others believed in aperture priority. All advised photographing in ‘raw’ and not in ‘jpeg.’ I had always stayed away from raw photos in fear, and the amount of memory it ate up.

Mentioning to a friend that I was going to shoot a wedding, and him knowing my angst, he asked a photographer buddy to talk to me. His name was Fran, and he saved me with tons of good advice! I bought a new flash for this assignment, but it wasn’t TTL (through the lens). Fran loaned me his TTL flash (this took out a complication) and suggested an ISO setting. His advice likely saved half my photos, especially those indoor photos.

With this introductory story, why is it relevant to fatherhood or parenting in general? It is a metaphor on so many levels!
  • I thought I was a pretty good amateur photographer, and maybe I was in a very narrow area. However, I had so much more to learn! The same is true in fathering!
  • I already knew how to focus on what was important. But what’s going on in the background was made much more apparent--so true in good parenting.
  • Parenting, like photography, has many variables. You must sort them out and choose what aspects are most important at any moment—lighting, depth, action, focus, moments, etc. See if you can see the analogies of photography to parenting
  • With lighting, so many variables exist.
    • How much light do you allow? Too dark and you miss what’s important. Too much light, and you blow out detail. Analogy: be involved but not too involved with your children’s lives. See them for who they are and can truly be.
    • Is natural light sufficient, or will you need something to help you see the subject better? Analogy: You may need more than your eyes, more information, research, or the input of others when your parenting is not working as well as you would like it to be.
    • What ISO setting? This setting determines the sensitivity to light. Analogy: every kid is different. Their personalities and sensitivities must be taken into consideration when mentoring them.
  • What aperture do you use?
    • A small aperture will add detail to the background but restricts light requiring a slower shutter speed. Analogy: a parent can miss the forest for trees, seeing particular behavior but not knowing why it is occurring. A longer attention span towards your child is letting the light shine on your child, perhaps allowing the picture to be more exact.
    • A large aperture will blur the background and give you subject more attention, but you must decrease your shutter speed, or the subject will be overexposed. Analogy: Too much attention on your child without considering the background can be a mistake, overexposing him or her unfairly.
  • Using the auto setting is lazy! Sure, you can get some good results, but almost anyone can do it, and you have given up control. A good photo could have been a great photo with a little more thought. When in doubt, you should default to the auto setting (standards) in parenting. But don’t forget your child needs specialized attention sometimes using tools you can use to focus, add depth, shine the best light on or increase/decrease ISO (sensitivity) for specific moments.

Editing

Here is where photography and parenting depart. If a photographer is fluent in photographic editing, he or she can correct many of the mistakes made the moment the shutter opens and closes. Lighting can be adjusted, cropping can get rid of unnecessary detail, colors can be brightened, and bad moments can be deleted. Corrections in parenting are not quickly or easily done! But….

You can learn from your mistakes! It takes focus on your part. Remember what worked and didn’t work. Did you put too much light on your child, like a floodlight on an interrogation? Was there not enough light, not enough to learn anything? I could go on, but I think I made my point.

Summary

The lessons of these photo/parenting analogies will only stick with you by reviewing them just as you would a photo album. After all, what good are photos if you don’t look at them, enjoy them, or learn from them? Photography is not difficult, but we rarely get the shots others do because we don’t dig deep enough into the topic, or we are too easily satisfied. It’s also true for parenting!
​
Happy picture taking and parenting--and may all your photos and children bring joy!

Picture
It was a fun and memorable wedding!
0 Comments

Happiness is Not a Realistic Goal

9/7/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
Photo by the author.
“Happiness is a wonderful symptom but a terrible goal”
~ Mike Rowe

Do you know what dads are perfect for - talking to their kids. This simple act shows that you care, allows each of you to know each other better, and is a way to impart wisdom, i.e., discussing things that can help them now and in the future. One subject not on top of most young peoples’ minds is long term goals. Following is a topic that can make your children think. The issue is happiness, and how do they achieve it? Or more importantly, what does being happy mean to them?

We all want happiness for ourselves and our loved ones, but should it be something to strive for, our goal? We hope for it, and we do things for ourselves and others, thinking it will bring happiness. Sometimes we are successful in this pursuit, but more often, happiness is a byproduct of something else. But what?

It’s pretty simple, really, but it’s difficult for some to grasp, especially those that have not yet fully matured.
  1. That something involves delaying gratification, and who wants to do that?
  2. It also involves a higher purpose than your happiness, but is there a higher purpose?
  3. And it takes some effort. Ugh!

That ‘something else’ that so often has happiness as a byproduct is ‘accomplishment!’ Accomplishment is the achievement of a purpose or goal. It involves effort and a result worthy of that effort. It could be improving yourself, helping someone or a cause, or creating, giving, comforting, mentoring, improving, or just caring. That’s meaningful - a meaningful life is a value-added life. It requires hard work, determination, and a plan.

A happy life is not going to happen without meaningful contributions. That’s where delay in gratification is so significant. When you spend each moment and dollar towards pleasure at that moment, you are self-centered. Think of two hungry men on the streets. A man comes up and tells them that one can have his lunch, but he only has enough for one. However, the man offers the second person a job learning how to do landscaping, allowing him to make money to buy food, not just for today, but every day (the fish or fisherman story).

No doubt, the one who chooses the lunch will be happier sooner because the hunger has passed. But it will return. The one who learns to landscape suffers through a day of hard work and continued hunger. But at the end of the day, his hunger is also satisfied. When hunger strikes again, he will not have to depend on anyone. He may even buy lunch for his lazier friend, who again will be dependent. Is one happier than the other? I have my thoughts, but who knows for sure. I do know that ‘happiness is ephemeral while accomplishment is forever.’

You may think, “well, some accomplished people are not happy,” and you would be correct. Not being happy could be caused by clinical depression or other issues beyond their control. It’s never their accomplishments that cause their unhappiness. In fact, accomplishments are endorphins that fight against the sadness that may come into our lives.

Some people search for happiness through avoidance. They are avoiding responsibility, work, education, exertion, communication, or even confrontation. They are relieved in their avoidance, confusing it for some joy. If happy but lazy people exist, they are dull and of little use to society. Their moments of happiness are dependent on their habits - drinking, smoking, constant TV or video games, or other usually egocentric acts - and dependence on others. Satisfaction comes not from narcissism, but altruism. Your happiness today may rob you of happiness in the future.

But there are no rewards for lazy people because they avoid all risks. There are no contrasts that make like interesting. No challenges to overcome. No warmth after being cold. No adrenalin. No feelings of relief after a particular fear is conquered. We learn so little by having no conflict. Rest is boring if you’ve nothing to rest for - or no goal for which to strive. On the other hand, rest is blissful after a meaningful activity. It is a chance to reenergize those with goals in mind. Result-oriented living is always chasing new challenges. It is life too busy to be unhappy.

However, a particular accomplishment is not always the path to happiness. It’s more like a continuum of accomplishments – keeping busy, doing good things for yourself and others, being resourceful, and involved - that brings enjoyment. If nothing else, you will be too preoccupied to think of poor little you. You know you are happy when you admire the accomplishments of others and don’t envy them, which happens when you have achieved much yourself and realize what others achieve helps us all.

The conundrum for many is, to go to a better place from where you are, you must first go through discomfort, stress, and sometimes pain. Kids, and even adults, need to know it is worth it and not to let fear or ignorance get in the way. They will like how they feel on the other side.

A conversation like this may be lost the first time through. But if you live it, repeat it, have numerous examples of this philosophy working for others, then you are on your way to forming strong values in your children. Maybe you will even remind yourself of things you may not have thought about in a while. The Power of Dadhood is mighty indeed, for good or bad.



0 Comments

​Why I Wrote a Book

8/31/2020

2 Comments

 
PictureThe author and his book.

My father and I didn’t do many things together. He did, however, occupy my thoughts often as I struggled through the first few decades of my life, eventually moving into the background by my fortieth year. But his ghost returned as I neared retirement – by choice. I decided I wanted to make something out of his wasted life, at least as a husband and father. Maybe, through me, he could help other fathers to become dads.

It took many years to capture and organize my thoughts. My memories were hazy. The gaps in time and space were epic. But that didn’t matter, not as much as my lack of writing experience. My studies were of numbers and engineering, not words. I wrote mostly in bullet format, random thoughts, a little philosophizing, and a lot of chaotic rambling. When I thought I had finished, I dropped my collection of words to my oldest daughter, a Summa Cum Laude graduate of the University of Missouri’s School of Journalism. She gave it back to me, saying, “Dad, you have to organize this!” She was right!

Three or four more years, many rewrites, a writing coach, and three editors later, spending a small boatload of money I’ll never recover, I was finished. Even more shocking, I found a publisher willing to take a chance of what I had written. It is entitled, “The Power of Dadhood – How to Become the Father Your Child Needs.”

I was not too fond of the subtitle. It was the publisher’s idea, and who was I to argue? The publisher, Familius LLC, was giving me the chance of a lifetime, at least as an author. My thoughts had always been self-publishing, but here was a publisher that was giving me legitimacy! The reason I didn’t care for the subtitle is that every father is the father his child needs, but not every father knows how to do it well. Even the finest of men who give their all to a child as a step-father, mentor, or surrogate will be compared to a child’s ‘what-if’ biological father.

My book has sold a few thousand copies over the years. Not bad for a first-time author. It’s even been translated into simplified Chinese. But I will never come out ahead financially, and that’s okay.  There’s a quote that I can’t remember, but it goes something like this, “Anyone who writes and loses money is a fool.” Well, I raise my hand as I place my court jester hat on my head! I wrote this book initially for my family, extended family, and our future generations – but then I decided I wanted to share with anyone who would take time to read it.

So, I wrote this book to help families! Society improves one child at a time. If that is, the child is loved, mentored, and raised by involved and passionate parents. Its hard work, but not difficult. It's the first duty of every parent. As neglected children decrease, a balanced and caring society will grow, and all our fortunes will be raised!

2 Comments

​Fathers are Rain – Mothers are Soil

8/24/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
Photo by author
Fathers have an enormous advantage over just about any other category of people. Mothers get more attention (those interviewed on TV always say “Hi Mom” not “Hi Dad,” and Mother’s Day is far more celebrated than Father’s Day), but it’s still true. To be accepted, all dads have to do is to be there. To be loved, all they have to do is smile and care. To be revered, all they have to do is support and encourage. A dad doesn’t need to be anyone but himself. He doesn’t have to be the same as the dad next door. A dad just has to be available--physically and mentally. Yet too many men fail to be contributing fathers!

In a metaphorical sense, fathers are ‘rain’ while mothers are ‘soil’. We notice the rain more than the soil. When it gently rains on a field of corn, it is something for which we are thankful. When the rain becomes a deluge and doesn’t let up, damage can occur, and it is cursed.  When rain fails to come, the crops are in danger of growing improperly. But quietly, the soil does its job - incubating the seeds, allowing for roots and stability, and providing necessary nutrients. When soil and rain work together, crops are healthy and plentiful!

An excellent book for all men with daughters is Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Meg Meeker, M.D., a pediatrician who is an expert on the treatment of adolescents with medical and social problems. She writes:

“I have watched daughters talk to their fathers. When you come in the room, they change. Everything about them changes: their eyes, their mouths, their gestures, their body language. Daughters are never lukewarm in the presence of their fathers. They may take their mother for granted, but not you. They light up — or they cry. They watch you intensely. They hang on your words. They wait for your attention, and they wait for it in frustration — or in despair. They need a gesture of approval, a nod of encouragement, or even simple eye contact to let them know you care and are willing to help.”

With boys, their fathers are the example that their sons look to when they are learning to be men. In his book, Man Enough: Fathers, Sons and the Search for Masculinity Dr. Frank Pittman states,

“There was no secret to fathering, no magical answers about masculinity that are passed on from generation to generation. Boys learn to be men by being with their fathers, experiencing the world and living life. But if they haven’t had that experience, they may never feel comfortable with an awareness of what it means to be a man, what they are supposed to do with their masculinity, and how they can become fathers themselves.”

Of course, mothers have been the standard-bearer for parenting. They have shown to be the more reliable and nurturing parent throughout history. But mothers and fathers have different roles, often characterized by the steady hand of the mother and the stimulation of the father.

We know that both the soil and rain are necessary for the fields of corn to thrive. When rainfall is not sufficient, crops will not flourish. When the soil has little or no nutrients, the rain will have little impact on the crops being healthy. So it is with children! When fatherly attention is lacking, or motherly love is weak, children are at high risk for trouble or failure. When both of these situations exist, a child’s future is tragically burdened with predictable, and unfortunate results.
​
It is good for the family when parents have different strengths, because children have various needs that can vary from child to child. Of course, the metaphor is not perfect. Parental roles and family outcomes are not set in stone. But both parents are critical factors in the mental and physical health of their families even if the father is the soil, and the mother is the rain. Children want your attention and need your positive influence. Fathers mustn’t waste the advantage they naturally have with their daughters and sons. Mothers must encourage and appreciate what the fathers have to offer. Having happy children growing into responsible adults will likely be your most significant contribution to society.  

May your crops be healthy and bountiful!

​#powerofdadhood
0 Comments

Our Life is our Painting

8/16/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
We all have different beginnings and different endings. While your beginning has little to do with you, your end has everything to do with you. But you are held back or boosted by your beginning. Suppose you were born to a poor, dysfunctional family. When your life is over, will you still be poor? Will you have lived in dysfunction? Or will you find some strength in yourself and make choices to pull yourself out? No doubt it will take more strength than someone born into a strong, stable family to get to a certain level of success. And maybe you will not achieve as much because of all you had to overcome. But the satisfaction comes in the overcoming.

Suppose, on the other hand, you were born into a family of means, where education was emphasized and opportunity abounded. Will you take full advantage and grow? Or will you become lazy and feed on your advantages, never doing much with them and passing on to your children less than you once had?

We come into this world with three things. First of all, we are born into a life situation. Where we are born, who we are born to, and the history of those to whom we are born to are circumstances beyond our control - yet very significant factors for our future. Secondly, we are given a unique personality. Whether that is as an introvert or extrovert, an optimist or a pessimist, some degree of intelligence, or many other factors, our personality is as unique as our face. Lastly, we are given choices. Every day of our lives, we are making choices. Sometimes, it seems as if our options are limited, but there will always be choices. However, those choices can be tough, painful, and often limited.

​
Canvas - Brush - Colors 
​
A metaphor for the life situation into which we are born is a canvas. That canvas can be almost blank for some, dark for others, and beautiful for the fortunate among us. Once we are born, and our personality begins to reveal itself, we become a paintbrush with the ability to make our own mark onto the canvas. How we change that canvas, which is now our own, depends on our choices. Choices are the colors we choose for our brush, altering our canvas every day. Even non-action is a color, likely grey.  Someday, we may become a parent, leaving a canvas for our children to begin their life.
​
As artists, we are not equally talented. Our canvas, at various stages of our lives, will become what we do with it. We have no control of the canvas we were given, little control of our paintbrush’s size or texture, but we can choose any colors we want of those before us. It’s up to us to do our best with what we have. We all can’t be Rembrandt, but we can, at a minimum, improve upon the canvas we were given. Our painting is our life and will become the canvas we leave for those that follow us.

Parents

Parents are directly responsible for the canvas and indirectly responsible for the paintbrush and colors provided. Leave a canvas that stimulates and encourages your children, which gives them an edge over those that have to whitewash and start all over. Leave them a canvas (environment) to build on, to deepen, and to make their own. Please give them the  education, support, and confidence - the brushes (right tools), that can make broad, strong strokes - or  fine brushes that can bring out details that make all the difference in telling the story of their painting. Provide a broad spectrum of colors (choices) for them to choose from, but let them make those color choices. 

Every child's success will be helped or hindered by their parents. Sometimes parents help without reward. Other times our children succeed without our help. Mostly parents are the leverage all kids need for a good start in life. We will never know how much, but be assured the impacts of parental actions or non-actions are significant.  #powerofdadhood




0 Comments

​The Underappreciated Dad

8/10/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
Nobody appreciates daddy…Nobody ever says, “Hey, Daddy, Thanks for knocking out this rent!” Hey, Daddy, I sure love this hot water!” Hey, Daddy, it’s easy to read with all this light!”

Chris Rock, comedian

Before I begin, I considered the title, “The Underappreciated Breadwinner” to include moms. When parental roles are reversed, the circumstances mentioned by Chris Rock could certainly apply to mommies. But the memes have been established over decades, maybe centuries, and it still mostly true today - that dads are the primary breadwinner.

Kids don’t usually see their dads digging ditches, serving the public, pounding the streets, sitting in mind-numbing cubicles, or putting up with bosses and co-workers they can barely be around without exploding! Moms that work have many of the same issues, but males do have more occupations endangering their lives. A December 19, 2018 article in Forbes states, “Men (are) 10 Times More Likely Than Women to be Killed At Work”!

Kids, in most families, see their moms toil with their own eyes, while dads work in virtual anonymity. They see the efforts of their moms to feed, clothe, transport, support, fix “owies,” and clean up messes, while dads get to ‘escape.’ Whoever makes dinner receives the credit, not the one that earned money to pay for the dinner. Granted, in many families, both parents work, and both cook the meals. In those families, only the cooking is appreciated by the children, not what got the meal on the table.

When dads are the sole income producing parent, they don’t do as much at home. But when they do  dads are often out of their element and
 can be categorized as dummies. Advertisers take advantage of this situation. A 2013 Clorox commercial stated, “Like dogs or other house pets, new Dads are filled with good intentions but lacking the judgment and fine motor skills to execute well.”

We see dads characterized as being confused as to how to use appliances or change a diaper. A Doritos Super Bowl commercial shows a father more interested in his snack than the ultrasound the wife and female doctor are examining. A United HealthCare commercial shows men acting sophomoric while their wives choose the best health care options for their families. Try making moms look stupid while the dads are behaving responsibly, and there would be rioting in the streets (a common practice these days) by some moms and feminists.

I think these commercials are entertaining and funny, but not balanced at all. As an adult, I can see the humor and not make judgments. Children, however, are being brainwashed unknowingly, forming opinions about which parent is smarter, or more caring.

TV is no better. Homer Simpson is funny as a self-absorbed buffoon, while Marge is the “grounding voice” of her crazy family. Raymond is a clueless and mildly caring father whose family is held together by wife Debra in “Everybody Loves Raymond.”  These categorizations are not uncommon. Thankfully, ‘Modern Family” reveals parents on both sides being occasionally irrational, but rarely would one see moms the sole targets of humor with wise dads correcting them. There are movies that celebrate fathers (“Parenting,” “It’s a Wonderful Life,” and “Mrs. Doubtfire” - although Robin Williams appears to be irresponsible). But there are hundreds of movies where dads are violent or abandon their families.

The most severe aspect of the uneven portrayal of men and women as parents is in the courts. When in doubt, the mother gets custody of their children. This decision makes sense when the standard is ‘what is best for the children?’ because kids are more accustomed to be with their mothers. But what about “Stay-at-Home” dads?

From FamilyLawRights.net

“In cases where a father has been an available, present, and competent parent, the “gender-neutral” rewriting of custody laws would suggest that the father should be awarded primary custody if joint custody is not an option. However, there is a question as to whether a lingering sense that mothers make better caregivers is causing more family court judges to award mothers primary custody.”

It’s true, parents, in general, are sometimes not appreciated by their children. Stay-at-home moms are underappreciated because their efforts are routine, resulting in kids becoming numb to just how much work she is doing for her family. However, breadwinner dads are underappreciated because their efforts are usually invisible and unknown to their children, and they are not in the home as often. These factors combined can give moms an advantage in appreciation and custody fights.

​Both parents should be treated fairly, if not by their children, then at least by society. Especially in the eyes of the law, entertainment, and consumer advertising! 

0 Comments

Keeping  An Oath

7/27/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
Keeping  An Oath

It’s Sunday night and here I sit,
Trying to engage my wit.
For seven years I’ve kept a vow.
Some words are needed, here and now.
 
Last minute words to share with all,
‘Cause bad parenting comes before a fall.
Near 400 straight Mondays, my thoughts have been due.
Sometimes, a Tuesday. Since I missed a few.
 
A new topic I search for every week.
It’s not easy, even for a parenting geek.
Sometimes life just gets in the way.
Mowing, reading - a graduation today.
 
And the baseball season finally began.
Everyone knows, I’m a big fan!
So here I sit, looking for a good theme.
Because today, I just ran out of steam.
 
Just remember your kids need you so much!
So always remember to love, praise and touch.
I hope this suffices in keeping my oath.
Encouraging parents, Moms and Dads, both!
 
Michael Byron Smith
#powerofdadhood

0 Comments

​Lies We Tell Our Children

7/19/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
We all lie to our children. It’s a matter of convenience sometimes, or we lie because we love them or fear for their safety. We tell them they can do anything they want to do, when we actually mean they can do anything within their capability – and usually, that is quite a lot. But to tell a kid he can be an astronaut when he has physical limitations is not fair to them. There are so many paths to take that are achievable and desirable while others are nearly impossible. But if a kid decides they want to do the impossible, don’t get in their way. Children accomplish great things under impossible odds, but those stories stand out for a reason.

We lie to protect our kids from harm and disappointment. “You did great!” when they didn't. Or, “You didn’t win because it was unfair.” It is not good to make excuses for them. Kids learn from disappointments. Sure, there are times when you want to ease their pain, but don’t make it a habit.

We lie because it’s quicker than explaining the actual reason for not doing, or allowing, something. If you have to lie about something you don’t want to do, what does that say about you? “They don’t sell ice cream on Mondays.” Or, “Disneyland is closed this year.” (Only true during pandemics.) When you do this  - you are lazy!

“We’ll see.” almost always means “No.” Be strong! Just say, “No.” 

Some parents are accused of lying because they make promises they don't keep. When that becomes a habit, they genuinely are lying. “Maybe later” is a lie when you don’t ever intend to do so.

Some lies are considered harmless. We keep fantasies and dreams alive, knowing the truth will come out eventually. Christmas, as an example, is like the Super Bowl of lies. Yes, there is a Santa Clause, and he comes down the chimney after landing on the roof with his reindeer. Four lies in one sentence. Then we lie to boost egos. “You are so strong.” Or, “That outfit you picked out is so cute!” I don’t know many adults who are in therapy because their parents kept their imaginations soaring. Beware, however, because compliments on every issue will start to become hollow and worthless.

Sometimes your kid is being stubborn, and you say, “I’m leaving without you!” No, you aren’t, but that could traumatize a younger child. Besides, you’re setting yourself up for never being believed. Crying wolf doesn’t work as a child-rearing technique!


One parent may lie to shift the blame on another parent. “You can’t go because your father doesn’t want you to.” Or, “I love your dress, but your mom thinks it’s too short.” Cowardly!

Some lies are devastatingly harmful! “You’ll never amount to anything!” Or, “You will just have to settle for what you have.” These can destroy the confidence and self-esteem of any child! These are lies that can become true when they never should. Always be encouraging! Try instead, “I know you can do better!”

There are white lies, convenient lies, harmless lies, traditional lies, and devastating lies. When in doubt, never lie. There should be little doubt that the truth is almost always the best way to go, if not the easiest! Don’t think you are fooling your kids when you lie to them. They will catch on if it happens too often! And when you lie, your children learn to lie.

0 Comments

Top Tips for Keeping Your Kids Safer in the Pool

6/30/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
Beyond love and nurturing, the main duty of a parent is to keep their children safe! ​Due to COVID-19 stay-at-home orders and warmer temperatures, families are starting to get out and enjoy their outdoor spaces. This includes opening up pools for swimming. That’s why now is the perfect time to reiterate the rules of pool safety, especially for parents. 

Thanks to safetytoday.org for this life saving information!


​As a parent, you know that swimming pools are equal parts fun and dangerous. While your kids are focused on the fun part, you’re usually left worrying about safety. And rightfully so. Pools can be a dangerous place, even for experienced swimmers. However, there are lots of ways that you can make the backyard swimming pool a much safer place for your family.
 
Teaching Your Kids the Basics
 
No matter how safe the pool itself is, you have to make sure your kids know how to be safe in the water. These are a few things to teach your kids.


  • Slowly introduce your kids to different techniques so they can learn at their own pace. 
  • Cover basics like getting in the pool safely, treading water, and floating on your back.
  • Help your kids get comfortable being underwater so they know what to do.
  • Facing fear is important for becoming a confident swimmer, but don’t push too hard.
  • If you’re not comfortable teaching your kids yourself, swim lessons are always an option.
 
Securing the Pool
 
Pools pose a variety of dangers, but there are many things you can do to reduce the risk. Consider these precautions when getting your pool ready for the season.


  • Assess the normal wear and tear of your pool and do repairs or maintenance if needed.
  • Get a pool safety fence, cover, or net to keep kids from entering the water unattended.
  • Set up a comfortable spot by the pool where you can supervise your kids as they swim.
  • Make sure your pool chemicals are stored safely.

Staying Safe in the Water
 
Securing your pool and teaching your kids the basics is just part of the equation. These tips can make each swimming session safer.


  • Make sure everyone knows and follows the pool rules.
  • Check pool toys before each use to make sure they’re clean and in good shape.
  • Keep in mind that while float toys are fun, they’re not designed to be lifesaving devices.
  • Review the signs of drowning and make sure you know what to do.
 
Pools can be a source of stress when you’re a parent, despite the fact that they provide endless fun for kids while also getting them off the couch. Taking precautions such as teaching your kids to swim safely, putting up a fence, and making sure your kids have safe water toys will help minimize the risk. 
0 Comments
<<Previous
Forward>>
    Click on cover to order! 
    Picture
    A review of "The Power of Dadhood" by About.com
    100 Top Daddy Blogs - Healthy Moms Magazine
    Picture
    Picture
    ​daddy blogs

    Subscribe to MichaelByronSmith: Helping Fathers to be Dads - Blog: Helping Fathers to be Dads

    Subscribe in a reader
    'Helping Fathers to be Dads' Facebook page

    Archives

    May 2025
    January 2025
    August 2024
    July 2024
    May 2024
    April 2024
    March 2024
    February 2024
    January 2024
    December 2023
    November 2023
    October 2023
    September 2023
    August 2023
    July 2023
    June 2023
    May 2023
    April 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2011

    Follow my blog with Bloglovin
    Visit Michael's profile on Pinterest.

    Categories

    All
    Accomplishment
    Activities
    Adolescence
    Adulthood
    Advice
    Anxiety
    Attention
    Babies
    Balance
    Baseball
    Basketball
    BLM
    Books
    Boys
    Charity
    Checklist
    Child Custody
    Children
    Choices
    Christmas
    Clouds
    Communication
    Competition
    Confidence
    COVID 19
    COVID-19
    Creed
    Crime
    Dads
    Decision Making
    Discussion
    Diversity
    Divorce
    Eclipse
    Education
    Environment
    Equity
    Ethics
    Fairness
    Families
    Family
    Fatherhood
    Father Issues
    Fathers Day
    Finance
    Fire-safety
    Flying
    Free Speech
    Games
    Gangs
    Girls
    Goals
    Gold-star-families
    Guest Article
    Guns
    Happiness
    Harry Chapin
    Holidays
    Honesty
    Humor
    Ideology
    Integrity
    Interview
    Lesson
    Lies
    Life
    List
    Loss
    Lottery
    Love
    Marriage
    Memories
    Memory
    Men
    Mentoring
    Mistakes
    Motherhood
    Mothersday
    Nature
    News
    New Year
    Normies
    Nuclear Family
    Outdoors
    Pain
    Parenting
    Perfection
    Personality
    Pesonality
    Photography
    Poem
    Poverty
    Principles
    Racism
    Risk
    Ryan
    Sacrifice
    Safety
    Self Help
    Social Influencers
    Social Media
    Society
    Spain
    Sports
    Statistics
    Story
    Success
    Summer
    Teen Pregnancy
    Tools
    Travel
    Video
    Violence
    Woke
    Working At Home
    Worry

Web Hosting by iPage