Alfred E. Neuman of "MAD Magazine" The title is a quote from the fictional character, Alfred E. Neuman of MAD Magazine, characterized as a young man who you may assume, by his looks, was too dumb to worry. While I believe the ignorance of some things will keep you from worry, ignorance will also cause you to worry.
My wife, Kathy, asked me the other day, “What do you worry about?” She asked out of exasperation because she feels she has the burden of worry while I get off scot-free. That’s not fair in her mind. Well, it may not be fair - but that’s not my fault. Worry is an affliction that is allowed to happen.
I was not born immune to worry. I just got over it years ago because I had to change. As a kid, I worried about everything, and there was a lot to worry about. I worried about my father’s alcoholism, about our bills being paid, about school issues, about my parents when they argued, and about the bullies that lay in wait. As the oldest of six, I worried about my siblings and what they were getting into. My siblings, on the other hand, never seemed to worry about anything – so I knew what Kathy was thinking.
I didn’t get over my worry sickness until I was in my thirties. It took a severe case of unnecessary burdens and misplaced apprehension to bring me to the point of actually analyzing it. It’s all very simple, really, and I’ll get into that a bit - being a total layman. What is not simple is accepting the idea of not worrying, even more difficult for those who have naturally occurring anxiety issues, confidence issues, etc. However, I ask you remaining worriers to think about a few things.
One of the most important facts to consider is this essential point. Practicing suffering (in your imagination) will never ease any conceivable actual suffering! So why do it? You can place yourself or a loved one in the most horrible of imagined situations and some suffering will come. But that is not preparation, that’s insanity! Why would you do that to yourself? Would you ever hit yourself in the head with a hammer to see if you could live through it? If you did, and you survived, you would find that, 1) it’s never going to happen anyway and, 2) if it did, it would hurt just as much as the first time. Practice does not make perfect when it comes to suffering. It will not be easier for you.
If you are afraid of your child learning to drive because you worry about them being in an accident, those imaginations will not stop an accident from occurring. A better word than ‘worry’ is ‘concern.’ While a ‘worried’ person thinks of ‘bad’ things happening, a ‘concerned’ person thinks of ‘good’ things that will prevent those terrible things. Good things to do in this example is to demand the use of seat belts, having rules to follow when driving, certainly no drinking or texting, a driving safety course, etc. If you can do something about something that troubles you, do it! If not, let it pass on through and out of your consciousness.
Worry is frightening and exhausting while concern is being alert, resulting in preventive action. Remember that sentence when your child is sick or being bullied on the internet. The bulk of Kathy’s worries are regarding our grandchildren. The bulk of my concerns are regarding my grandchildren. Neither her worries nor my concerns involve anything that can’t be overcome by any of them. We’re just being grandparents. The difference is my concerns are addressed while Kathy’s worries keep her awake. As I wrote in “The Power of Dadhood’- “Prevention is easier than correction!” Concern, put it action, is prevention.
Some good quotes on ‘Worry’:
The quotes above (and many versions thereof) are all anonymous. The reason for that, I believe, is because they are accurate and said by many wise people. We may be surprised by how many others would trade their troubles for ours. We look up because of envy, forgetting that others envy us.
What if?
So, you say to me, “I was worried about something, and it happened!” But what of it? Maybe you thought and worried enough for it to come about. Perhaps you should have taken action because of concern, but worry paralyzed you. Would the incident have happened without your worries? Most likely! Another word we should use in place of worry when appropriate is sorrow. When bad things do happen, worry did not prevent it or make it easier. Sorrow shouldn’t be wasted on worry; worry should be minimized as much as possible
My wife, Kathy, asked me the other day, “What do you worry about?” She asked out of exasperation because she feels she has the burden of worry while I get off scot-free. That’s not fair in her mind. Well, it may not be fair - but that’s not my fault. Worry is an affliction that is allowed to happen.
I was not born immune to worry. I just got over it years ago because I had to change. As a kid, I worried about everything, and there was a lot to worry about. I worried about my father’s alcoholism, about our bills being paid, about school issues, about my parents when they argued, and about the bullies that lay in wait. As the oldest of six, I worried about my siblings and what they were getting into. My siblings, on the other hand, never seemed to worry about anything – so I knew what Kathy was thinking.
I didn’t get over my worry sickness until I was in my thirties. It took a severe case of unnecessary burdens and misplaced apprehension to bring me to the point of actually analyzing it. It’s all very simple, really, and I’ll get into that a bit - being a total layman. What is not simple is accepting the idea of not worrying, even more difficult for those who have naturally occurring anxiety issues, confidence issues, etc. However, I ask you remaining worriers to think about a few things.
One of the most important facts to consider is this essential point. Practicing suffering (in your imagination) will never ease any conceivable actual suffering! So why do it? You can place yourself or a loved one in the most horrible of imagined situations and some suffering will come. But that is not preparation, that’s insanity! Why would you do that to yourself? Would you ever hit yourself in the head with a hammer to see if you could live through it? If you did, and you survived, you would find that, 1) it’s never going to happen anyway and, 2) if it did, it would hurt just as much as the first time. Practice does not make perfect when it comes to suffering. It will not be easier for you.
If you are afraid of your child learning to drive because you worry about them being in an accident, those imaginations will not stop an accident from occurring. A better word than ‘worry’ is ‘concern.’ While a ‘worried’ person thinks of ‘bad’ things happening, a ‘concerned’ person thinks of ‘good’ things that will prevent those terrible things. Good things to do in this example is to demand the use of seat belts, having rules to follow when driving, certainly no drinking or texting, a driving safety course, etc. If you can do something about something that troubles you, do it! If not, let it pass on through and out of your consciousness.
Worry is frightening and exhausting while concern is being alert, resulting in preventive action. Remember that sentence when your child is sick or being bullied on the internet. The bulk of Kathy’s worries are regarding our grandchildren. The bulk of my concerns are regarding my grandchildren. Neither her worries nor my concerns involve anything that can’t be overcome by any of them. We’re just being grandparents. The difference is my concerns are addressed while Kathy’s worries keep her awake. As I wrote in “The Power of Dadhood’- “Prevention is easier than correction!” Concern, put it action, is prevention.
Some good quotes on ‘Worry’:
- “Worrying is a waste of time. It doesn’t change anything; it just messes with your mind and steals your happiness.”
- “99% of the things you worry about don’t even happen.”
- “The less you worry, the less complicated life becomes.”
- “If the cost of worry is your peace, then it’s too expensive.”
The quotes above (and many versions thereof) are all anonymous. The reason for that, I believe, is because they are accurate and said by many wise people. We may be surprised by how many others would trade their troubles for ours. We look up because of envy, forgetting that others envy us.
What if?
So, you say to me, “I was worried about something, and it happened!” But what of it? Maybe you thought and worried enough for it to come about. Perhaps you should have taken action because of concern, but worry paralyzed you. Would the incident have happened without your worries? Most likely! Another word we should use in place of worry when appropriate is sorrow. When bad things do happen, worry did not prevent it or make it easier. Sorrow shouldn’t be wasted on worry; worry should be minimized as much as possible
