Will You Make Them Stronger or Weaker?

A perfect start to a perfect relationship.

We all need support. Especially our children. Just like a sapling when you stake it in place, allowing that sapling to establish roots and strength, our children are human saplings that need that same support. Parents are the stakes that support and give them time to become strong and independent!

Virtually nothing moves forward successfully without support. Success stories that seem to have miraculously occurred with sheer determinism, seemingly devoid of any support, are rare.

Many years ago I was a bomber pilot in the U.S. Air Force. I thought I had the best job on the crew although it was just a support role. The entire purpose of the aircrew, the ground crew, the logistics organization, etc. was to take the radar navigator (bombardier) to the target, but he couldn't do his job without us!

Any successful person, any well-adjusted child, has a support system that is vital to their success. That support system may be hidden by quiet conversations and stealthy observations. Often, support must be flexible, knowing when to jump in or when to pull away. Being flexible is particularly important when you are a parent, adjusting to each child and circumstance.

Here are some samples (with those characteristics) of support:

• Wings (vital) support an aircraft’s airframe in flight. The airframe cannot do its job otherwise.
• A good foundation (hidden but so important) supports a building. The building above is what everyone notices.
• Ropes (flexible) support a swing. The seat supports the person that swings, but not without the ropes, nor the tree limb.

Some successful people could have been more successful with a stronger support system. That is one of the hidden costs of dysfunctional families. Some parents support too much, not allowing their child to build a strong, resilient character. Other children fail even with a strong support system! I can’t explain why this happens, but there will always be a small percentage that defy logic and the odds. We can’t let those failures keep us from the continuing support of the majority.

Know how and when to give your support:

• Help your children to know right from wrong. Don’t help them escape punishment from doing wrong.
• Help them with their education. Don’t do their homework for them.
• Help them learn financial responsibility. Don’t give them money just because they ask for it.
• Help them to have strength of character. Don’t fight their battles for them.
• Help them by having rules and structure. Don't think you're helping by being their friend.

In summary: Always quietly ask yourself when you are helping your children, "Will my help make them stronger or weaker?" The answer to that question will help you decide what to do.

---