Me in my Undergraduate Pilot Training Days. I did it all wrong! I almost blew the dream I had since I was a little boy. Fighting my way through the multiple schools I attended, dealing with introversion and extreme shyness, I had received a college degree, joined the military, and had been accepted into USAF Undergraduate Pilot Training (UPT). Since I was old enough to imagine, I wanted to fly. No, not like Superman, but like Charles Lindbergh or Chuck Yeager. That dream was the driving force that fought against my doubts of having the chance or ability to be a pilot. But now I had the opportunity I had been fighting for! I was at Laughlin, AFB in Texas with my shiny gold Second Lieutenant bars ready to be trained as an Air Force pilot. I would actually be flying jets!
Perhaps you can understand my enthusiasm and single-minded aspiration if you ever wanted something so desperately. I was on the cusp of a dream I always imagined, but one I never could convince myself would really happen. Now that I was here, it meant everything to me. I gave a damn! I gave a BIG damn, and that would become a problem. The ‘giving too much of a damn’ was complicated with the ever-recurrent doubts about myself. It was my first time away from home, and I was competing with mostly Air Force Academy graduates, young men who had been away from home and in the military atmosphere daily for four years. My lack of confidence was palpable and it fought against my desire.
Now, giving a damn about something would seem to be a characteristic that would be helpful, if not critical. I certainly believe this. However, to allow your passion to become a fear of failure is to cloud what you need to do to achieve it. Giving a damn can covertly defeat your goal by becoming a distraction. I allowed worry to occupy my mind instead of constant, intense, preparation -- not that I didn’t think I was preparing. On reflection, however, I did not ‘try like hell’ to study smartly, using every advantage available and forgetting my competition. I didn’t know what I was doing to myself! How crazy was this?
You cannot concentrate and worry at the same time. You can’t be a good shortstop if you are worrying about making an error. Philosophy of life and living was not a strength of mine back then. Because this is a blog about the importance of fatherhood, I mention that not having my father around contributed to the doubts I had about myself. He could have counseled or mentored me, and maybe I would have approached flight training with a different attitude. If I had been my father, I would have told myself to take care of business then accept the results. That advice is precisely what “try like hell, but don’t give a damn” means.
Of course, you should always give a damn about what you think is important. You do that best by setting a goal and doing what is necessary to achieve it. Once you have dedicated yourself to your best effort, forget about what the results may bring. The result of your best efforts will be what you deserve given your talents and competition. Most every time, this attitude will find success. If it does not, then you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of! Acceptance of results after doing your very best is not difficult. It may be disappointing but not in the least devastating. Devastation is when you realize you missed out on something very important to you because you didn’t approach it fully armed with all you have. Something that almost happened to me!
I was lucky! After being at the bottom of my class in the first half of UPT (T-37 aircraft), I was in the top third of my class in the second half of UPT (T-38 aircraft). Time and experience helped me, but I still had much to learn about my approach to challenges. Eventually, with more angst than necessary, I got my silver wings, and it remains the very best job I ever had. I actually was paid to do what I would have paid them to do if I had the money.
I know I would have been a better student and pilot had I known what I should have known. And that is this - You can only control what you have control over. When you allow your mind to be cluttered with things you don’t have in your control, then you’ll be placing yourself at a disadvantage. Everyone has influence over the results in their life, but they don’t have control of the results themselves when competition and/or standards exist. Therefore, don’t give a damn about the results, don’t focus on them, just try like hell to influence those results to the best of your ability.
A Dad’s Role
As a father, you can be such a positive influence and indisputable force for your family! If you feed, clothe, and shelter your children, that is only the minimum requirements of fatherhood. Unfortunately, even these minimums are too often not met. But a Dad - an involved and nurturing father - can be the rock that his children need. He can explain concepts like “Try like hell, but don’t give a damn!” to help his children in their approach to the challenges they will certainly and necessarily meet throughout their lives. The Power of Dadhood is not only strong, but it has such powerful leverage! Just the simplest acts of love and nurturing will result in many multiples of wonder and success for the children of real Dads! A smile, a wink, a pat on the back, a suggestion, a correction, even a reprimand are all tools, and the magic wands, of Dadhood!
#family #powerofdadhood
Perhaps you can understand my enthusiasm and single-minded aspiration if you ever wanted something so desperately. I was on the cusp of a dream I always imagined, but one I never could convince myself would really happen. Now that I was here, it meant everything to me. I gave a damn! I gave a BIG damn, and that would become a problem. The ‘giving too much of a damn’ was complicated with the ever-recurrent doubts about myself. It was my first time away from home, and I was competing with mostly Air Force Academy graduates, young men who had been away from home and in the military atmosphere daily for four years. My lack of confidence was palpable and it fought against my desire.
Now, giving a damn about something would seem to be a characteristic that would be helpful, if not critical. I certainly believe this. However, to allow your passion to become a fear of failure is to cloud what you need to do to achieve it. Giving a damn can covertly defeat your goal by becoming a distraction. I allowed worry to occupy my mind instead of constant, intense, preparation -- not that I didn’t think I was preparing. On reflection, however, I did not ‘try like hell’ to study smartly, using every advantage available and forgetting my competition. I didn’t know what I was doing to myself! How crazy was this?
You cannot concentrate and worry at the same time. You can’t be a good shortstop if you are worrying about making an error. Philosophy of life and living was not a strength of mine back then. Because this is a blog about the importance of fatherhood, I mention that not having my father around contributed to the doubts I had about myself. He could have counseled or mentored me, and maybe I would have approached flight training with a different attitude. If I had been my father, I would have told myself to take care of business then accept the results. That advice is precisely what “try like hell, but don’t give a damn” means.
Of course, you should always give a damn about what you think is important. You do that best by setting a goal and doing what is necessary to achieve it. Once you have dedicated yourself to your best effort, forget about what the results may bring. The result of your best efforts will be what you deserve given your talents and competition. Most every time, this attitude will find success. If it does not, then you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of! Acceptance of results after doing your very best is not difficult. It may be disappointing but not in the least devastating. Devastation is when you realize you missed out on something very important to you because you didn’t approach it fully armed with all you have. Something that almost happened to me!
I was lucky! After being at the bottom of my class in the first half of UPT (T-37 aircraft), I was in the top third of my class in the second half of UPT (T-38 aircraft). Time and experience helped me, but I still had much to learn about my approach to challenges. Eventually, with more angst than necessary, I got my silver wings, and it remains the very best job I ever had. I actually was paid to do what I would have paid them to do if I had the money.
I know I would have been a better student and pilot had I known what I should have known. And that is this - You can only control what you have control over. When you allow your mind to be cluttered with things you don’t have in your control, then you’ll be placing yourself at a disadvantage. Everyone has influence over the results in their life, but they don’t have control of the results themselves when competition and/or standards exist. Therefore, don’t give a damn about the results, don’t focus on them, just try like hell to influence those results to the best of your ability.
A Dad’s Role
As a father, you can be such a positive influence and indisputable force for your family! If you feed, clothe, and shelter your children, that is only the minimum requirements of fatherhood. Unfortunately, even these minimums are too often not met. But a Dad - an involved and nurturing father - can be the rock that his children need. He can explain concepts like “Try like hell, but don’t give a damn!” to help his children in their approach to the challenges they will certainly and necessarily meet throughout their lives. The Power of Dadhood is not only strong, but it has such powerful leverage! Just the simplest acts of love and nurturing will result in many multiples of wonder and success for the children of real Dads! A smile, a wink, a pat on the back, a suggestion, a correction, even a reprimand are all tools, and the magic wands, of Dadhood!
#family #powerofdadhood
