It seems we are, as a nation, advancing-in-reverse to our corners of comfort. The idea of “safe places” at liberal colleges has expanded and become pervasive as virtual safe places for each religion, for each mode of thought whether liberal or conservative, for each family, and for your personal choice of social media and/or cable news. We go where we feel validated.
It’s tough to leave our ‘safe places’ because outside of them makes us uncomfortable and/or angry. Its uncomfortable when we see some logic or understanding from the other side - even if you don’t agree with it. We become angry when the rhetoric of other viewpoints appear over-the-top, exaggerated, or misleading. This tends to push us back into our ‘safe places’. But if we do and never communicate, then finding a resolution is impossible.
I think civility would come about if we try to understand the other position from their viewpoint because all of us have backgrounds and personalities that give us many ways of looking at an issue. For instance, I may like dogs and you may like cats. In fact, I never understood people’s fondness for cats until I talked to them about their relationship with their feline friends. Cats are fun to watch, easy to care for, and they keep creepy critters away. Now none of that is convincing to me, but it does allow me to have respect for their choice.
To know why is not necessarily to be convinced, but to understand which conveys respect. Those who drive a Prius have reasons for doing so just as those who drive Escalades. Some people do things because of guilt or conscience and others do things because they can or need attention. If it’s not illegal or harming anyone, then live and let live. We can be critical but we best do that quietly. Forcing or demanding anyone to do anything is rarely, if ever, acceptable.
What to do?
Here are a few things to remember when discussing any topic from cats to politics with someone who may have thoughts differing from yours. We all break these rules occasionally, but if you keep coming back to them, you will do well in this world as a citizen and leader. It would be helpful to teach these thoughts to your children. It will make their lives a lot easier and teach them to have open minds.
Things I Must Remember
We don’t have to agree about everything; but let's agree to have an open mind, being kind, and civility in discussion. The situation can only improve from there.
It’s tough to leave our ‘safe places’ because outside of them makes us uncomfortable and/or angry. Its uncomfortable when we see some logic or understanding from the other side - even if you don’t agree with it. We become angry when the rhetoric of other viewpoints appear over-the-top, exaggerated, or misleading. This tends to push us back into our ‘safe places’. But if we do and never communicate, then finding a resolution is impossible.
I think civility would come about if we try to understand the other position from their viewpoint because all of us have backgrounds and personalities that give us many ways of looking at an issue. For instance, I may like dogs and you may like cats. In fact, I never understood people’s fondness for cats until I talked to them about their relationship with their feline friends. Cats are fun to watch, easy to care for, and they keep creepy critters away. Now none of that is convincing to me, but it does allow me to have respect for their choice.
To know why is not necessarily to be convinced, but to understand which conveys respect. Those who drive a Prius have reasons for doing so just as those who drive Escalades. Some people do things because of guilt or conscience and others do things because they can or need attention. If it’s not illegal or harming anyone, then live and let live. We can be critical but we best do that quietly. Forcing or demanding anyone to do anything is rarely, if ever, acceptable.
What to do?
Here are a few things to remember when discussing any topic from cats to politics with someone who may have thoughts differing from yours. We all break these rules occasionally, but if you keep coming back to them, you will do well in this world as a citizen and leader. It would be helpful to teach these thoughts to your children. It will make their lives a lot easier and teach them to have open minds.
Things I Must Remember
- Know for sure what I am talking about.
- Is it important to say? If not, keep it to myself.
- Does the occasion require it?
- How will the other person react and does it matter?
- Separate facts and opinions. MINIMIZE opinions.
- Know my opponent's key points from their point of view.
- Listen. Appreciate another’s counterpoint. Concede a good point.
- Don’t embarrass anyone.
- Don’t get mad or defensive.
- Save my arguments for important moments or causes.
- Showing understanding is not weakness.
We don’t have to agree about everything; but let's agree to have an open mind, being kind, and civility in discussion. The situation can only improve from there.
