The Ten Most Important Words in Parenting

Grandchildren running under a sprinkler, photo: M.Smith

My blog is unique in the world of fatherhood blogs. I am not raising babies, toddlers, or teens any longer. I’m not pushing Legos or advertising healthy foods for kids. I’m not telling funny stories about my four-year-old nor am I talking about Star Wars movies or comic book heroes. All of these topics are wonderful and have an audience. My blog, however, is a thoughtful attempt to remind parents, especially fathers, of how vitally important their role is in raising healthy, productive, children. Read this quote from my book which explains my goal.

From The Power of Dadhood: Become the Father Your Child Needs

Most would agree that fatherhood is not as natural as motherhood. I have little doubt that a woman is more likely to pick up this book than a man, even though it is targeted for men. We want to be attentive, caring fathers for the most part, and while not difficult intellectually, parenting for men is not necessarily intuitive either. The simplest of tasks appears difficult when we have no idea where to start. Swimming is not difficult, but without some basic lessons, we could easily drown. We men need help with fathering before we drown not only ourselves, but also our children.

Help does not come looking for us like it does in the workplace. If you are a lawyer, bomber pilot, carpenter, or truck driver, you have had lots of training, advice, mentoring, and guidance in your field. But as a father, you may have had little or none.

With that passage in mind, and understanding there are tons of great dads (and moms) out there, here are my thoughts on ‘The Ten Most Important Words in Parenting’. Let me start with three. And pardon the repetition intended for emphasis.

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If I Could Tell You the THREE Most Important Words in Parenting, they would be:

• LOVE – PROTECTION – ENGAGEMENT 
  
• With this, you’ve got the basics of being a good parent!
  

If I Could Tell You the FOUR Most Important Words in Parenting, they would be:

• LOVE – PROTECTION – ENGAGEMENT – PRINCIPLES
  
• You must have ethical values because you are being watched, judged and/or copied.
  

If I Could Tell You the FIVE Most Important Words in Parenting, they would be:

• LOVE – PROTECTION – ENGAGEMENT – PRINCIPLES – UNDERSTANDING
  
• It’s not a one-way street! know your children and explain why you do things.
  

If I Could Tell You the SIX Most Important Words in Parenting, they would be:

• LOVE – PROTECTION – ENGAGEMENT – PRINCIPLES – UNDERSTANDING – CONNECTING 
  
• Like phone lines and bridges, the pathways must be open to communicate. 
  

If I Could Tell You the SEVEN Most Important Words in Parenting, they would be:

• LOVE – PROTECTION – ENGAGEMENT – PRINCIPLES – UNDERSTANDING – CONNECTING – CONSEQUENCES
  
• With very action comes a responsibility. This must be taught!
  

If I Could Tell You the EIGHT Most Important Words in Parenting, they would be:

• LOVE – PROTECTION – ENGAGEMENT – PRINCIPLES – UNDERSTANDING – CONNECTING – CONSEQUENCES – NURTURING
  
• Teach, mentor, guide, encourage, support, and cultivate.
  

If I Could Tell You the NINE Most Important Words in Parenting, they would be:

• LOVE – PROTECTION – ENGAGEMENT – PRINCIPLES – UNDERSTANDING – CONNECTING – CONSEQUENCES -- NURTURING – TRUST
  
• Say what you will do and do what you say. 
  

If Could Tell You the TEN Most Important Words in Parenting, they would be:

• LOVE – PROTECTION – ENGAGEMENT – PRINCIPLES – UNDERSTANDING – CONNECTING – CONSEQUENCES – NURTURING – TRUST – BALANCE
  
• You must try very hard to balance children, work, marriage, self-interests, attention, and life.
  

But...

Having thought about it for some time now, I do believe these are the TEN most important words in parenting. But these words are not in stone nor are they 'one size fits all'.

• AVAILABLE would have been a good word. ‘Being there’ when your kids need you is really important.
  
• On second thought, maybe having PRINCIPLES should be in the top three? 
  
• Or maybe I should have added a SENSE OF HUMOR? But that is three words. 
  
• By TRUST I really mean, TRUST BUT VERIFY. At least until your children have demonstrated PRINCIPLES.
  
• ENGAGEMENT and CONNECTING need to work together, being ENGAGED but not CONNECTED could be an issue. 
  
• Maybe LOVE isn’t first. Some loving people are terrible parents. But it must be near the top!
  

SUMMARY:

What do you think are the most important words in parenting? Certainly we all have different thoughts about being a mom or dad. Maybe the order of these words would be much different in your mind. You might think about placing them in order of those that are the toughest for you to achieve. For me, the toughest word in parenting may have been 'BALANCE'. My hope is that you think about these words as you parent your children. There is no right list, no right order or priority for every parent, or every child. Just thinking about words like these will help you to become an even better parent.

#powerofdadhood