"""…if a seemingly unfortunate aspect of a life has proven to be beneficial overall, then it would appear not to have been a genuine misfortune.” ~ Saul Smilansky
The above quote by Smilansky is probably true. All of us have benefitted from events that seemed, at first, to be unlucky or regrettable. True misfortune is not learning from any unfortunate aspect of your life or giving up when things appear bleak. The strength of misfortune is undeniable. It often works in one of two ways - by making the strong, stronger - or the weak, weaker. Of course, some misfortunes wake up the weak and, negatively, eventually defeat those that were once strong.
One may be surprised by how many failures burdened those who ultimately found success. If interested, here are stories of 48 people who suffered numerous failures before their success. These are the people who become stronger with misfortune, learning from failure. You will never know those who gave up unless you know them personally. They are buried among the multitudes.
Astronaut Buzz Aldrin wrote on his Facebook page,
“As a young man I applied to be a Rhodes Scholar twice and was turned down both times. Just think how different my life would have been if I'd been accepted. I'm sure I never would have become an astronaut much less walked on the moon. Sometimes your greatest disappointments or failures lead to your greatest success. So just remember, failure is always an option.”
How do we regard misfortune?
I turned the misfortune of growing up poor into the advantage of getting a 'need-based' academic scholarship to an expensive private university. I could never have afforded the top-notch education I received otherwise. Of course, misfortune is relative. When I say I had the misfortune of growing up poor in a broken home, that’s a relative misfortune. After all, I was born in the United States, not in the mountains of Afghanistan. Then again, those barren mountains in Afghanistan may bring happiness to those who know nothing else. Unlike many areas in the world, I had enough to eat. Never did I live in terror by fear of people who could dominate my life. I had schools to teach me, and I had a roof over my head most of the time. No, I could never claim to be a victim. When I think of victims, I think of the Holocaust or the killing of infant girls in China. No, my misfortune occurred in very fortunate circumstances!
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a Hungarian psychology professor, wrote in his book The Evolving Self that most notably successful people (~70%) come from two types of atmospheres. One atmosphere is ‘struggle’ where individuals have a strong desire to escape their circumstance. The other atmosphere from which successful people emerge is from strong and often privileged families where much is expected of each other. Those in comfortable situations where expectations are light do not usually stand out. Their misfortune could be said to be their fortune. It’s clear we must have a purpose or motivation to move forward. It is also clear that those in relative comfort look at their misfortunes through a magnifying glass.
As stated in one of Garth Brooks’ most popular songs, “Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers”. But we are rarely aware of those gifts. Sadness or tragedies we have unknowingly avoided are not appreciated. Everyone has had seemingly unfortunate incidents that have ultimately saved them from something worse, never to be celebrated, never to be cherished.
Summary
Misfortune can be deceitful! It is only human to be disappointed with seeming failure or a lousy break. Allow yourself a brief pity party but bounce back with attitude! That attitude should be to look at any misfortune as guidance from God, nature, karma, or whatever, to what is best for you. With that attitude, even if you don’t believe in God, nature, or karma, you will have an advantage to those who wallow in their temporary misfortune. Do your best! Go with the flow! Make lemonade from lemons. Accept what you must and move on, but don’t except quitting, not unless you are honestly no longer interested in a goal.
Now if you live your life with this attitude, your family will notice and learn. That's "The Power of Dadhood"
