Professional leg model for hire :) My last article was entitled, “Stream of Consciousness”. It was an experiment. I wrote what came to my head and since it was going into my blog, my mind was on fatherhood. I was lucky that I didn’t say anything too embarrassing, although it sounded like I was frustrated and depressed. Maybe I was, but that is not a message I would have put across had I wrote as I usually do.
Stream of consciousness is unfiltered. What you say may be true, at least in that moment, but it can also be emotional and not as true in a more reflective period. My initial drafts are always like that, and I always review and usually change them. Why? Because moods change, wording can be misunderstood, and often you really don’t believe what you thought you did. And while one should always be honest, one doesn’t have to always tell everything. That decision takes caring and judgement.
Those of us who don’t write regularly aren’t accustomed, sometimes, to reread what we write. In these days of social media we actually write more often, but less elegantly. We use short cuts, abbreviations, colloquialisms, LOLs, etc. not to mention mistypes and missing words. Because we use email so often, this can cause many misunderstandings and even anger. Twitter sometimes forces us to abbreviate.
More seriously, when we are upset with our spouse and/or our children, we too often go ‘stream of consciousness’. We say things in anger, we say them in the wrong way, and usually we regret what we said. Unlike stream of consciousness writing, you don’t have a chance to edit when your words have been spoken. While spouses are adults and may be able to understand words of anger are just that, children are more likely to take them to heart and be hurt or afraid.
The lesson here is not to judge your carelessness, your writing ability, your use of shorthand, or your lack of English skills. But I do hope I brought to your consciousness the need for pause when angry, especially with your children. There will be times when you will not remember to hold back, but practice will help you. When you do overreact or over punish or say terrible things to your kids, apologize for your words and/or actions while making it clear their actions were also wrong, if they were.
Sometimes kids are just innocent bystanders of an angry parent. I’m sure you agree that this is unacceptable in any situation! Restrain yourself. If it’s too late for that, reflect on why you did not. Rethink your actions before you regret another incident. And when you communicate in words, a moment of review can save hours of regret, or even a friendship.
Be the person you want your children to be.
Stream of consciousness is unfiltered. What you say may be true, at least in that moment, but it can also be emotional and not as true in a more reflective period. My initial drafts are always like that, and I always review and usually change them. Why? Because moods change, wording can be misunderstood, and often you really don’t believe what you thought you did. And while one should always be honest, one doesn’t have to always tell everything. That decision takes caring and judgement.
Those of us who don’t write regularly aren’t accustomed, sometimes, to reread what we write. In these days of social media we actually write more often, but less elegantly. We use short cuts, abbreviations, colloquialisms, LOLs, etc. not to mention mistypes and missing words. Because we use email so often, this can cause many misunderstandings and even anger. Twitter sometimes forces us to abbreviate.
More seriously, when we are upset with our spouse and/or our children, we too often go ‘stream of consciousness’. We say things in anger, we say them in the wrong way, and usually we regret what we said. Unlike stream of consciousness writing, you don’t have a chance to edit when your words have been spoken. While spouses are adults and may be able to understand words of anger are just that, children are more likely to take them to heart and be hurt or afraid.
The lesson here is not to judge your carelessness, your writing ability, your use of shorthand, or your lack of English skills. But I do hope I brought to your consciousness the need for pause when angry, especially with your children. There will be times when you will not remember to hold back, but practice will help you. When you do overreact or over punish or say terrible things to your kids, apologize for your words and/or actions while making it clear their actions were also wrong, if they were.
Sometimes kids are just innocent bystanders of an angry parent. I’m sure you agree that this is unacceptable in any situation! Restrain yourself. If it’s too late for that, reflect on why you did not. Rethink your actions before you regret another incident. And when you communicate in words, a moment of review can save hours of regret, or even a friendship.
Be the person you want your children to be.
