Author: A 73 year old white guy. How does this work? How do I gain any traction among young people when I’m a 73 year old white guy? I've had a challenging childhood, graduated from college, served in the military, been a volunteer, written two books, been married and helped raise three successful adult children. Yet my opinions are not valid to some because of my race and age.
Have you heard anyone say, “Why should I listen to you (or him)? You are (he is) just an old white guy.” Yes. there are old white guys that have different ideas about life and many of those ideas are wrong, but not automatically wrong. It’s not so much that they are white and old, it’s about their values and how they came about. It’s no different than anyone else.
I like baseball more than football. That’s not wrong, I just grew up with baseball as a companion. I’d be surprised if someone from Alabama didn’t like football more than baseball, or if someone from Indiana enjoyed basketball best. Thoughts are just opinions, 'likes' are personal. Some thoughts and opinions are based on interests, others come from tradition, training, mentorship, or personal background. These are important factors to understand when in discussion with someone.
The first step in any discussion involving disagreement is, “Do you know where I am coming from? Do you know why I feel this way?” That certainly does not create agreement, but it does provide understanding. For instance, I staunchly support the nuclear family as the best way to raise children. But many single parents or some in the LGBTQ community may disagree, and have! I understand why. How can you champion a situation you cannot have or do not want?
Why is the nuclear family a priority to me? First of all, it just seems to be obvious, but also I was raised, not with a single mother, but with an abandoned mother. I prayed for my dad to be responsible to his family. Personally, I missed out on having my father mentor me, support me, or correct me. When I became a father myself, I did everything I could think of to be the father my father was not. My children already had what I had as a kid, a loving mother. But with my help, we raised three thriving adult children with four grandchildren headed in the right direction. My siblings and I, on the other hand, struggled mightily with self-confidence, education, money, and for many of us, marriage. As a result, I see tremendous value in the nuclear family.
It's not just my experience, the proof is in the statistics! Those statistics overwhelmingly state the case that a father in the home results in less poverty, less crime, less suicide, more education, less mental instability, etc.! I am not telling the single parents or LGBTQ community they are doing a bad job at raising kids. Often, it is the best solution possible. I am saying the children are at a disadvantage not having access to a father (or mother) in their life.
I value traditional ideals based on my life experiences. If that makes me old fashioned, then I'm good with that. Alternate lifestyles are not something I’m against for those who want them…but I’d like to see restraint when the intent is to popularize some of the more progressive lifestyles with very impressionable young people. Sexually explicit books in schools are not something I endorse. Parents not being informed by teachers regarding issues that affect their child is beyond frightening. Encouraging young people to mutilate their bodies because they feel they are in the wrong body should be met with the greatest scrutiny possible. These are considered hang ups of old white guys, not keeping up with a progressive society. But why should I not support my value system? If I and others do not, my value system will die without proper defense. If my values do die, considering a strong and logical defense has been made, then they likely deserve to die.
I think it comes down to honestly surveying your values. Knowing the difference between biases and truth, between fads and rock-solid ideals, between opinion and fact, between rebellion and progress, while understanding the motives for people’s beliefs. These are fundamental understandings to aid any discussion.
Few of us are anarchists. Conservative or liberal, we want a growing stability in the world, better lives for those coming behind us, and the ability and freedom to thrive. We won’t always agree on how to do so, but we can agree to be open to hearing the views of others and understanding their rationale, thereby helping us to be respectful while still disagreeing...or even compromising.
Have you heard anyone say, “Why should I listen to you (or him)? You are (he is) just an old white guy.” Yes. there are old white guys that have different ideas about life and many of those ideas are wrong, but not automatically wrong. It’s not so much that they are white and old, it’s about their values and how they came about. It’s no different than anyone else.
I like baseball more than football. That’s not wrong, I just grew up with baseball as a companion. I’d be surprised if someone from Alabama didn’t like football more than baseball, or if someone from Indiana enjoyed basketball best. Thoughts are just opinions, 'likes' are personal. Some thoughts and opinions are based on interests, others come from tradition, training, mentorship, or personal background. These are important factors to understand when in discussion with someone.
The first step in any discussion involving disagreement is, “Do you know where I am coming from? Do you know why I feel this way?” That certainly does not create agreement, but it does provide understanding. For instance, I staunchly support the nuclear family as the best way to raise children. But many single parents or some in the LGBTQ community may disagree, and have! I understand why. How can you champion a situation you cannot have or do not want?
Why is the nuclear family a priority to me? First of all, it just seems to be obvious, but also I was raised, not with a single mother, but with an abandoned mother. I prayed for my dad to be responsible to his family. Personally, I missed out on having my father mentor me, support me, or correct me. When I became a father myself, I did everything I could think of to be the father my father was not. My children already had what I had as a kid, a loving mother. But with my help, we raised three thriving adult children with four grandchildren headed in the right direction. My siblings and I, on the other hand, struggled mightily with self-confidence, education, money, and for many of us, marriage. As a result, I see tremendous value in the nuclear family.
It's not just my experience, the proof is in the statistics! Those statistics overwhelmingly state the case that a father in the home results in less poverty, less crime, less suicide, more education, less mental instability, etc.! I am not telling the single parents or LGBTQ community they are doing a bad job at raising kids. Often, it is the best solution possible. I am saying the children are at a disadvantage not having access to a father (or mother) in their life.
I value traditional ideals based on my life experiences. If that makes me old fashioned, then I'm good with that. Alternate lifestyles are not something I’m against for those who want them…but I’d like to see restraint when the intent is to popularize some of the more progressive lifestyles with very impressionable young people. Sexually explicit books in schools are not something I endorse. Parents not being informed by teachers regarding issues that affect their child is beyond frightening. Encouraging young people to mutilate their bodies because they feel they are in the wrong body should be met with the greatest scrutiny possible. These are considered hang ups of old white guys, not keeping up with a progressive society. But why should I not support my value system? If I and others do not, my value system will die without proper defense. If my values do die, considering a strong and logical defense has been made, then they likely deserve to die.
I think it comes down to honestly surveying your values. Knowing the difference between biases and truth, between fads and rock-solid ideals, between opinion and fact, between rebellion and progress, while understanding the motives for people’s beliefs. These are fundamental understandings to aid any discussion.
Few of us are anarchists. Conservative or liberal, we want a growing stability in the world, better lives for those coming behind us, and the ability and freedom to thrive. We won’t always agree on how to do so, but we can agree to be open to hearing the views of others and understanding their rationale, thereby helping us to be respectful while still disagreeing...or even compromising.
My newest book is now available. It's the story of why I think fatherhood is so important!
