Only a fool thinks they have all the answers, all the wisdom, all the experiences, all the talent to address every situation they face. Coaches have assistants, as do principals and executives. Doctors have collaborators and nurses. Airlines always have two pilots to fly their aircraft. The President has a Vice President and military officers have knowledgeable NCOs to make things work. My point?
It is best when children have two parents with different skills and outlooks to guide and teach them. One parent can fill the gaps the other may leave open. A girl learns from her mother but needs the love and male interaction of her father. A boy learns from his father but needs the often softer touch and protection of his mother. Parents often have different interests and talents that may match the interests of one of their children, while the other parent may have the talents to help another.
My childhood family of six children had too much mother while not near enough father; and because my father did not contribute to raising us, the mother we had could not be all she could be in that role. In my efforts through my book ‘The Power of Dadhood,’ and my nine years of blogging on fatherhood, I have been challenged by single mothers who believe I am berating them and their efforts. Of course, this is not true. I think single mothers who raise children alone are heroes! But these moms must realize that a male influence is critical in a balanced upraising of their children.
The few times my father involved himself in my youth, I realized his lessons had to do with the long-term me while my mother’s concerns were more often the short-term me. As an example, I once found myself in a fight with a couple of bullies. My father happened up on this and decided he could help by only allowing one bully to fight me to make it fair. I really didn’t want to fight either and was no match for the bully, who was easy on me, with my father present, until I connected on a punch.
My mother was furious with my father when she heard what had happened. Dad wanted me to learn to defend myself. While my father may have had the disputable tactic, he was trying to help the ‘long term’ me. Mom would have protected the ‘short term’ me, i.e., kept me out of the fight. I don’t claim either was right or wrong, but they had different outlooks on what I needed. Without both of them in my life, I would lose something important to my development.
Sometimes it is just impossible to have two parents, or two parents of opposite sex, in a family. One parent dies or the parents don’t get along; some have different lifestyles, etc. But never forget to do what you can to balance the experiences, during the tender years of growth of a child, needed to meet their best possible future.
#powerofdadhood
It is best when children have two parents with different skills and outlooks to guide and teach them. One parent can fill the gaps the other may leave open. A girl learns from her mother but needs the love and male interaction of her father. A boy learns from his father but needs the often softer touch and protection of his mother. Parents often have different interests and talents that may match the interests of one of their children, while the other parent may have the talents to help another.
My childhood family of six children had too much mother while not near enough father; and because my father did not contribute to raising us, the mother we had could not be all she could be in that role. In my efforts through my book ‘The Power of Dadhood,’ and my nine years of blogging on fatherhood, I have been challenged by single mothers who believe I am berating them and their efforts. Of course, this is not true. I think single mothers who raise children alone are heroes! But these moms must realize that a male influence is critical in a balanced upraising of their children.
The few times my father involved himself in my youth, I realized his lessons had to do with the long-term me while my mother’s concerns were more often the short-term me. As an example, I once found myself in a fight with a couple of bullies. My father happened up on this and decided he could help by only allowing one bully to fight me to make it fair. I really didn’t want to fight either and was no match for the bully, who was easy on me, with my father present, until I connected on a punch.
My mother was furious with my father when she heard what had happened. Dad wanted me to learn to defend myself. While my father may have had the disputable tactic, he was trying to help the ‘long term’ me. Mom would have protected the ‘short term’ me, i.e., kept me out of the fight. I don’t claim either was right or wrong, but they had different outlooks on what I needed. Without both of them in my life, I would lose something important to my development.
Sometimes it is just impossible to have two parents, or two parents of opposite sex, in a family. One parent dies or the parents don’t get along; some have different lifestyles, etc. But never forget to do what you can to balance the experiences, during the tender years of growth of a child, needed to meet their best possible future.
#powerofdadhood
