Helping Fathers Become Dads - MichaelByronSmith: The Power of Dadhood

Being an Example (re: “Titus CH 2”)

8/5/2022

Parents much be good examples and teach proper conduct to their children. Fathers and mothers must follow through on their obligations and be sensible in their decisions or the wrong examples will be followed.

Urge young people to be self-controlled, because being quick to anger or quick to love can devastate their futures. Do good things for others with integrity, dignity, and careful language to avoid conflict and to show the way to a good and fruitful life.

As parents and children respect each other in their duties and obligations, as must employers and employees. An honest day’s labor must follow an honest day’s pay with respectful consideration for one another’s complaints.

We have been given the gift of life and the means to do good things. Whether you do this for God, yourself, or your offspring, it will benefit all around us and those who follow in our footsteps.

* * *

What I wrote above was inspired by the Bible’s Titus Chapter 2. As a newcomer to the Bible for reasons I won’t get into here, these are my main takeaways from those verses. I respect the Bible’s teachings too much to be secular, yet I still have much to learn.

In my modest version of Titus CH 2, I have taken out references to slavery and the subjugation of wives to their husbands (areas of controversy) to concentrate on the importance of being an example of good deeds and teachings.

It is clear in my mind, as is obvious in my previous posts in my “Helping Fathers to be Dads” blog, that strong families with a strong ethical base are the cure for a crumbling society. Young people follow whoever shows the most interest in them. Hopefully, those would be parents. But sometimes the parents themselves are leading young men and women down the wrong path. That fact can lead to multiple generations of broken or struggling families.

It takes someone who is in the predicament of being uninspired by those they love to become inspired by seeking help through their own volition. That help could be from reading, listening, the support of trusted mentors, or the church. When that happens, the ‘cycle of despair’ for that family branch is broken. Sometimes, a parent of their child will find a passage like Titus Ch 2 and get the inspiration they need. For some, it takes the secularization an important Bible lesson to reach those who do not follow it. For this reason, I wrote “Being an Example”.

A Rookie Dad Story (It wasn't funny, then)

8/1/2022

The Author with his first child, April, in 1976

Kids start out in this world knowing nothing, so like little birds in the nest, they are blessed with certain instincts. Not only that, they have super powers of hearing and eyesight. They are in tune with every vibration that would benefit them.

Our first child, April, had terrible sleep habits as a baby! She does to this day. As first time parents we would do anything to get her to sleep…so we could sleep. We made the rookie mistake of patting her gently in her crib to calm her. It seemed to soothe her, but even though she appeared totally zonked out, she would start crying as soon as we stopped. What to do?

So, okay, I’m a smart guy. I decided that I’ll pat her bum--but I’ll start out firm. Then I will s-l-o-w-l-y pat her lighter and lighter, until I’m barely touching her, then she won’t notice when I stop…. Whaaa!

Okay, maybe I was impatient and slowed my pace too quickly. So, the next time I bent over the crib with my forehead resting on the rail, blindly patting. PAT,PAT,PAT, then Pat-Pat-Pat, then paat—paat—paat, then and paaat---paaat---paaat, barely touching her. I then stopped for a moment. Then another paaat---paaat---paaat, assuming I could confuse her timing mechanism for expecting pats.

I stopped patting again…and patiently waited. QUIET! I raised my head off the rail--I’m sure I had a red mark on my forehead--and thought, with possibly a little smirk of pride, that I had done it! But I waited a little longer. Easier to resume patting a half-asleep kid than to start over with a screaming one.

I must have stood there over three minutes, making sure April was sound asleep. Too many nights Kathy and I had not gotten the rest we needed. Since I was often gone a week at a time while I was on alert duty in the Air Force, I felt it was my turn to get her to sleep when I was home. So did Kathy!

Well, April was breathing in a nice deep rhythm. My weary body was imagining the coziness of the fetal position I would soon be in! With a fluffy pillow and warm blanket! It was time to s-l-o-w-l-y walk out of her room.

Now I had been through this before, and I knew the creaks in the floor. Those creaks that you never notice during the day but sound like a Gabriel’s trumpet in the quiet of the night! She had been awakened by these creaks before. The loudest creak was about four slats from the doorway. I would stay away from that slat the same way I would stay away from rattlesnake on a hiking trail!

To get to the hallway was my goal! It was about four tippy-toe steps away. But with that creaky slat in my path, I would take three small tippy-toes, then one big one over the slat from Hell! My first tippy made a small creaky noise. I froze! She still slept. I took another tippy, all okay. The third tippy and I was getting slightly delirious with relief. Now the big tippy, over the fourth slat from the doorway. I reached for the wall to steady myself. No way did I want to lose balance and make a noise of any kind.

One last balanced tippy-toe step and I was free! In the hallway, I was making the same motion with my arm that a locomotive engineer makes when he pulls the rope to blare his horn. I went to the bathroom but I didn’t flush--too risky. I crawled in bed and it was Shangri-La! I fluffed up my pillow, closed my eyes and then……Whaaaa- whaaaaaa! Ten minutes later, still wailing!

This is how kids are! They have no sympathy for you and they never give you a break. They know the sound of a hard candy wrapper from the next room. They can see the look in your eyes when you are trying to hide something. You can’t whisper low enough when you’re talking about something fun or tasty; and you can’t talk loud enough when you want them to stop doing something. Finding tempting hidden treats is just child’s play to them. But they can’t find their shoes! Its normal behavior and you will live through it.

Every mom and dad has a story like this. I’m sure as experienced parents read this, their heads nodded up and down. Yep!

But WOW! April has paid us back a million times over with her accomplishments, her love, her notes of thanks, and the beautiful grandchildren she gave us! Each of our three children gave us challenges, but every challenge we faced with each child has brought us rewards beyond our comprehension.

So go forth young parents! Do your duty and you will get your rewards! They seem to come slowly at times but patience will be rewarded! It’s a lot of fun if you do things right!

PS. We stopped that ‘patting them to sleep’ thing with our second child!

The Social Consequences of Father Absence

7/27/2022

Why do some neighborhoods live in relative peace and prosperity while others live in fear and dread? The real answer is rarely discussed nor seriously attacked.

In any society you will find:

Child abuse
Education issues
Poverty
Crime
Emotional and behavioral problems
Inappropriate sexual activity involving minors

But in a society where few fathers are engaged with their children, these issues explode!

The societal symptoms mentioned above are addressed much more aggressively than the cause. We often blame crime on drugs, drug trade is blamed on the lack of work opportunity, lack of work opportunity is caused by educational issues, educational issues exist because of poverty, and poverty is caused by all these issues. Where does it begin and how do we stop it?

Many believe, as I do, that most of these issues are rooted in the breakdown of the family.

What Linda Eyre’s says is true! Can anyone deny that the issues of society would be dramatically decreased with more effective families? Families are ineffective for many reasons, often because the parents were the result of their ineffective families. And if we are honest, the reason families are not whole or effective is most often due to the lack of fathers in the home.

One vs Two Parent Homes

One parent homes can and do work, but not nearly as often or as well as two parent homes. Two parent homes have twice the love, twice the variety, better financial capability, and both feminine and masculine models.

Having positive role models is vitally important! A boy needs to watch his father and learn from him. He needs his father’s approval and validation. If not, the boy tries to prove himself to the wrong people in all the wrong ways.

Girls need to be loved by a father who will show her how to be properly treated by a man and to experience male approval. If she does not find male approval from her father, she will seek it elsewhere, often in the wrong places.

The Cycle of Despair

When a fatherless boy, who is desperate to prove his masculinity, meets a girl who is looking for male approval, you can assume we have the making of another dysfunctional family. In The Power of Dadhood, I call this the “cycle of despair.” Defeated mothers and absent fathers create future defeated mothers and absent fathers.

Let’s look at some statistics which come most often from the US Census Bureau.

So we do have serious issues in society, but these stats tell us they are caused, in very large part, by kids growing up in homes without a father involved.

Teen pregnancies and high school dropouts alone are serious issues that can take generations to correct. I know....I’ve seen and lived it firsthand. Around 85% of these situations are from father-absent homes. Resolving these two issues alone, by closing the fatherhood gap, would erase many other social issues.

Fathers or Government?

Most government programs address symptoms that will never go away without addressing the cause. We can build drug treatment centers and prisons, rely on government-assisted childcare, provide school lunch programs and food stamps, which are well intended programs that help and often work well temporarily in smaller settings, but they won’t stop these societal issues from reoccurring. And no matter how hard it tries to provide food, shelter, and medical care for needy families, our government cannot provide the two most important things a child needs from a father: love…. and emotional support.

The only program that would help every issue mentioned is a program to encourage, train, and mentor young parents, especially the dads.

It’s not my intention to blame all our social ills on irresponsible fathers. There are some fine families with troubled kids and some troubled families whose offspring find a way out and are very successful. Many times the mother is the ill-suited parent, or the mother may block a father from seeing his children. No matter the situation, it is clear that healthier and whole families would allow our social issues to be much more manageable!

My Thoughts

Lets spend money on something that will eventually save money, and much more importantly, save lives! It is my hope that many more private and government led programs will evolve that promote family welfare, not through subsistence but through better educated, willing and able parents. That education needs to start before young people become parents and continue after they are parents, especially if they have no example at home to follow. And admittedly, it would likely take three generation to see significant results--but it HAS to start!

The Correlation Between Single Parent Homes and Social Issues

If the statistics above don't convince you of the crises of father absence, examine the two maps below. (I'm from St. Louis so I'm using my home town as an example, but you will find similar maps in any city.)

On the left is a map displaying areas, in orange and red shading, where many single parent families exist. The green shading show areas where two parent homes exist 90-100% of the time.
On the right is a map displaying areas where major crimes occur.

The correlation is astounding if not surprising!

If you imprison every perpetrator of every crime, but don't fix the families--is there any doubt that those crime dots will reappear in the same places with the same density in little or no time? In too many single parent homes, there are teaching gaps, morality gaps, social misdeeds and immature philosophies that become accepted. But there are too few organizations, leaders, or mentors to counter this kind of thinking and the cycle continues.

Could the root cause of our social issues be any more clear!? Can we not concentrate on educating and emphasizing family values and responsibility?

Responsible fathers could work miracles. This is why I wrote, and why I believe in, "The Power of Dadhood"!

(Below are larger versions of the maps above)

To the right (east) of the Mississippi River is East St. Louis, IL.

* http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2012/dec/25/fathers-disappear-from-households-across-america/?page=all

** http://www.stltoday.com/news/multimedia/special/st-louis-area-homicide-map/html_aac4a83d-2729-58b6-9abe-158e8affa085.html

First published here in July 2015

The Perils of Parenting

7/11/2022

ou know what kids want, besides sympathy, sweets, and getting their way? They want to be loved, understood, and protected. They also want someone to help them when they need it and to watch their backs. Who better to do that than Mom and Dad?

What else do kids want? They want answers but may not ask. They want discipline but won’t admit it. They want consistency, but may not know it. They want attention, but on their terms. Surprisingly, perhaps, they don’t expect you to be perfect, but they do want you to be fair. It’s left up to parents to connect the dots, knowing when to give their kids what they want but may not realize.

Discipline is the tough responsibility for most parents. Characteristically, discipline is accompanied by anger, uncertainty, tentativeness, and a desire to look past the infraction and often followed by remorse, guilt, and reflection. When my oldest daughter was a young teen, I became upset with her for reasons I don’t recall. But I became angry at her defiance at the time. It was stealthy defiance, the kind where kids give you the “how dare you” look. My rising anger involved yelling and threatening looks. As I recall, I acted more threatening than I would ever be in reality. Regretfully, I was resorting to fear as my weapon. My official stance is to never parent through fear, but we know that isn’t always easy.

When a child gives you a smirk, or laughs at your reprimands, or ignores your directions, it is a show of disrespect. That disrespect is a challenge to you. It’s a test of where the limits are and a power-play you cannot lose. But how do you go about not losing? How do you keep your cool? If I had a pat answer to that, I would have a parenting show on the Oprah Winfrey Network. What I do know is you must have a response that is swift and strong - but without anger. But who am I kidding? How can you not have anger occasionally?

When I say your response should be without genuine anger, I mean being out of control. Showing controlled anger helps to get your point across, IMHO. Without having any specific recommendation as to how to handle a challenge by your child, I do recommend that you be thinking at that moment, “Am I in control?” While fear is not a gold star tool of parenting, you must demand respect from your children. Fortunately, you can get that respect by your fairness and consistency throughout your parenting. It will do you well in most circumstances. But we don’t live under a permanent rainbow, nor do we ride unicorns on cotton candy clouds. Challenge is in children’s nature. It’s how they learn.

When kids refrain from doing something, of which you would not approve, hopefully, their decision is based on fear of losing your respect and not out of fear of reprisal. But fear is a very close cousin to respect, and we can’t deny that. For instance, I admire 99% of police for what they do and the dangers they face. But I also have a bit of fear when one knocks at my door or pulls me over in traffic. Police carry weapons - there is both fear and respect in that. In a way, you are the law enforcers in your home, and kids react in different ways to your authority. Some will respect your earned authority (you’re a good cop) and others will not (evoking the bad cop).

I still think about that time some thirty years ago when I frightened my daughter over her perceived disrespect for me. I may have overreacted (although I think she overreacted also). I regret that incident, but while I was angry and showed it, I knew what I was doing at the time. I was not out of control. I may not react the same way today, but my daughter did know one thing after that incident - I loved her, and I was being her dad.

Summary

There are no pat answers to parenting. However, always think through what you are doing. Never lose control. Mistakes will be made, and be comforted that you are not alone in making them. Perfection will not be the reason your kids love you. But there is something that will make them love (or hate) you, and that is their perception of you. If your children:

perceive you are loving and protecting them,
that you have their backs,
that disciplining is just part of your molding them to be better people, and
you are predictable and consistent,

then you will be loved as much as any child can love a parent – despite your occasional mistakes.

Your child’s perception of you is more important than your attempted perfection as a parent!

Originally posted July 2019

What Every Dad Should Teach His Children

7/1/2022

A simple yet very complicated message follows. It is a list of things a father should teach his children. It’s not specific, not like, how to fish, or hold a fork, or a million everyday things that are very important to pass on either through specific lessons or example. It’s more like how to live your life. These are big lessons, taught in many small bites, day after day, year after year!

You can’t teach these ideas without trying your best to live them yourself. If you find them very idealistic, they are. But any serious attempt at achieving or teaching these principles to your children is a definite step towards true, loving, nurturing, DADHOOD!

Found in the beginning of my book, "The Power of Dadhood"

Great, you say. How do you teach these things?

Here are some thoughts:

Be an example of all
Know and notice your child
Never let these teachings fall to the wayside

With these things in mind, you will find ways to establish them in the psyche of your children. Many ideas will literally come from the ether. Be proactive!

Michael Byron Smith

You’re Perfect Just the Way You Are…Really?

5/30/2022

Few things are perfect in this world. The nearest to perfection I can think of is the movement of celestial objects which are predictable to a microsecond. Perfection like that does not apply to the human race. While the sentiment is noteworthy, the message, “You’re Perfect Just the Way You Are.” is not a good one in most situations. Although with kind intent, it’s never true for anyone. Telling someone you love them just the way they are - that is much more honest - if not always completely honest itself. Of course, we love our children, scars and all!

I give some leeway to the innocence of infants because they are as perfect as they can be, no matter their looks, intelligence, or disposition. But as they age, they have decisions to make that will determine how they approach or move away from perfection, never to get there. We will make mistakes that will ensure we never reach that unreachable goal. Telling someone that they are perfect ‘as they are’ is taking away goals they have yet to achieve. It’s like saying, “you’re done” … nothing left for you to do. Wouldn’t that be depressing?

I doubt anyone with self-respect wants to hear that they are perfect the way they are. Many interpret that as having no skills or potential to get better. I would even hesitate to say to my wife or kids, that ‘I love them just the way they are’. More appropriate would be to say that I love you!.”

Strangely, I found a blog from ‘Be Positive Now’ entitled “We are Perfect”, that claims we and everything are perfect. Yes, when you fall off a cliff, nature will work perfectly to take you down. When you eat fatty foods continuously, you will become perfectly fat. If you smoke your odds of dying earlier than normal go up, it’s absolutely predictable. The world reacts perfectly to our imperfections. Nature is closer to perfection but our reactions to it are not. Why did some people feel compelled not to leave on the East Coast when warned of Hurricane Florence? Florence was a perfect, if not a welcomed, storm. Reactions to Florence’s threat were not always perfect.

There is one paragraph in the “We are Perfect” article that I agree with. The problem is that this paragraph argues against the theme.

“Flaws, wrong, bad and ugly are thoughts that exist in our parent’s heads and thru negative training are passed along to us. We believe them and act as if the lies are true and pass them onto our children. Humans have been doing this since the first human wanted something other than what nature provided.”

The paragraph above says we can contribute to others being less perfect, proving “We are Perfect” is not true. Interestingly, all the comments praised this article immensely! I think they missed the irony. Maybe there is hope! Maybe we will all be perfect in a few years! I’m not counting on it.

Summary:

The way we are is perfectly us! Yes, a child can have a flaw given to them by God, but that’s not the issue. If an imperfection at all, the flaw is not an imperfection of the child. The best of us understand that and this situation is when this phrase is often used, understandably. Instead of telling a child that they are perfect just the way they are, tell them they are destined for great things with the right attitude. At no time are we in a place where we, or our loved ones, can stop improving ourselves, or our lot in life…until we give up on it. And that may be the furthest from perfection we can ever get.

On This Memorial Day . . .

5/28/2022

Author in 1973 and son in 2012

On this Memorial Day, I want to emphasize the magnitude of the sacrifice so many of our military families have faced throughout the years to protect our precious way of life. So much time lost, which would normally go to loved ones but instead went to love of country, and to protect our future generations from having anything less.

While many active duty parents, sons, and daughters give up birthdays, graduations, weddings, and so many everyday family activities/memories - too many of our military have given up their very lives! And families have lost fathers, mothers, sisters and brothers, and sons and daughters.

A soldier in Iraq, a marine in Afghanistan, a sailor in the Pacific, or an airman on a far-away base would love to be anywhere but where they find themselves. It is difficult for the general population to grasp all of this because less than one percent (1%) serve in the military. Not only are their few who serve, there are few who even know anyone who serves. Therefore, the sacrifices or known, but felt by few.

My career spanned over twenty-nine years, yet I served at the tail end of the Viet Nam war and retired a month after the Twin Towers were destroyed with all those lives. I really had no hardships of my own. But I know many who have, including my son who, in twenty years has had five combat tours in a maintenance and as a helicopter pilot in the Army. These men and women know real stress, not the stress most of us consider tough.

As a citizen, a veteran, and a father, thank you and a salute to those who occupy Jefferson Barracks Memorial Cemetery in my hometown of St. Louis, and all the US National Cemeteries throughout the US and Europe. And to our active military, stay safe! And a salute to you also!

PS. If you don't know what a Gold Star Family is, find out.

Calming the Paranoia

5/24/2022

photo by author

It used to be that kids could play outside on their own for hours on end. “Come home when the streetlights come on,” moms would say. No longer! The typical neighborhood in the US is no more dangerous now, and likely less dangerous than it was then. But, of course, we hear of every discretion in the world now through the multitude of media outlets and the lightning-fast way that news travels. Then we imagine the transgression and make it personal, thinking how horrible it would be if that incident or tragedy happened to our loved ones!

For instance, many parents now fear that any day their 9 year old will be abducted on his three-block walk home. So mom or dad meet him at school or, at my grandchildren’s school, the school won’t let a ‘walker’ off the property until in the hands of a known adult. My purpose here is not to criticize steps taken to protect our children, but to ease some of the mind-numbing fear because another factor exists which is rarely considered, that is the exceedingly remote likelihood of a kidnapping happening to you or anyone you know–the ‘IF’ factor.

According to the Polly Klaas Foundation, 99.8% of the children who go missing do come home! And only about 100 children (a fraction of 1%) are kidnapped each year in the entire United States in the stereotypical stranger abductions you hear about in the news.

Let me take the example of flying in a commercial aircraft. This causes much fear in some people because, let’s face it, a crash is dramatic and might kill you. But if you care to look, here is a link showing the flights currently in the air. It reveals just how busy the airways are, yet you rarely hear of an incident even though every accident, even minor, is reported. So while Americans have a 1 in 114 chance of dying in a car crash, according to the National Safety Council, the odds of dying in an air incident are 1 in 9,821. That’s 86 times safer than driving and three times safer than eating because of the choking hazard, yet we take the risk of riding in a car and eating.

Two Factors to Consider

Likelihood: Realize that you can cheat yourself or your children of significant life opportunities if you don’t consider how unlikely some consequences are. Being kidnapped or dying in a plane crash are just two examples of risks that parents and others avoid, only considering the consequences and not the likelihood.

When we keep our kids too safe, there are still risks. You may end up with a child who is afraid of things they’ve never tried in life or who is awkward in certain social situations. They may miss out on experiences to grow or to build confidence. These consequences are not as severe as being abducted or dying in a plane crash, but the likelihood of those things happening is much higher.

Consequence: Some bad things do happen and happen frequently! And they are good for personal growth. Consider the consequences (impact) of the failure. Often the result is learning. Striking out with in baseball is not desirable, but the consequence is small; and the experience is a good lesson in corrective action and sportsmanship. Other consequences are so devastating that one would not take the chance of even with small likelihood. Those decisions are often personality related.

Summary

I know that few parents are likely to stop escorting their children in safe neighborhoods if that makes them feel more comfortable (certainly a valid thing to do in unsafe neighborhoods), and those afraid of flying will remain so. But I hope that, maybe, if we consider more than just the visions of what we hear and see on the news, and consider their likelihoods also, then the paranoia can be reduced, thereby helping our sanity, our contentment and our joy of living.

The Power of Dadhood, a book of parenting by this author.

How to Encourage Self-Care For Kids

4/18/2022

How to Encourage Self-Care For Kids

Kids today live in a complex world where they have easy access to a wealth of information, which they don't always know how to process. From an early age, it's important that children learn coping mechanisms and how to de-stress from the frenetic world around them. When children learn self-care, it makes it easier for them to identify their own physical and emotional needs, which paves the way for handling stress well in the future. As a parent or caregiver, you might be wondering where to start with teaching kids about self-care.

Be a Role Model

Parents or caregivers should practice self-care. Kids pick up on their caregivers' emotions and mirror what's happening in the home. Your anxiety and stress could rub off on them, so focus on maintaining balanced routines, eating healthily, and reducing work stress.

Let Kids Be Bored

You don't need to provide constant entertainment for children. Let them be bored. Bored moments inspire creativity and provide a blank canvas for their young imaginations to run wild. When you leave kids to their own devices in a safe environment, you'll soon find them recreating scenarios from school, making up dance routines, and putting on shows. Boredom allows for expression and new ideas.

Get Kids Involved in Arts and Crafts

Art can be therapeutic for children. It's an outlet for them to express their innermost emotions without having to verbally share them. Crafting can also improve hand-eye coordination and fine-motor skills, which builds confidence.

Drawing is a great outlet for young people who suffer from anxiety, as it gives them a space to draw how they feel. Some kids are encouraged to match colors to emotions, which can help adults understand how they're feeling.

Encourage Time Outdoors

Encourage some time in nature, away from the screen. If you see your child is stressed, tell them about the calming effects of nature and instill a passion for the outdoors. As they get older, they'll learn that being outside is good for the mind and soul.

Find outdoor spaces and activities for kids. Try paddle boating on the river, have a picnic, or cycle on trails in your area.

Teach Kids to Breathe Mindfully

Teach your child that being upset and anxious is normal, but they can make themselves feel better. A simple technique is to get them to take five or ten slow deep breaths. Count with them until they learn how to do it themselves. It's a worthwhile technique for calming the nerves.

Schedule Family Time

Whether it's daily or weekly, schedule family time. Decide on an activity that everyone enjoys, such as walking the dog or playing a board game, and encourage everyone to participate. One simple daily practice is to each share one thing about the day that you really enjoyed. This encourages connection, gratitude, and positivity.

Practice Self-Care for Happiness Kids need to learn that happiness is essential. When practicing self-care from an early age, children will learn vital skills to handle stressors later on in life.

This helpful article was submitted to 'Helping Fathers to be Dads' by Lacie Martin of Raise Them Well.org <[email protected]rg>

Nine Simple But Difficult Rules for Parenting

3/1/2022

Nine Simple Yet Difficult Rules for Parenting

Be your child’s biggest advocate.
Find balance in your parenting.
Be involved with your children’s lives, but not too involved. (see #2)
Be a fun parent when appropriate. Be stern, when necessary. (see #2)
Be loving and show it—but have strict boundaries for behavior. (see #2)
Be consistent with rules and consequences, but don’t be totally inflexible. (see #2)
Never argue with your spouse in front of your children, nor use them as tools.
Treat all your children fairly, but you can’t treat them all the same. They’re individuals.
Remember that your child trusts what they see in you more than what you say.

An important consideration

Every child benefits by having two parents/guardians. Every measure and statistic support this statement. Often single parents, mostly mothers, are offended by this comment when they need not be. Most single parents are heroic in doing the job of two. Often, being a single parent is not a choice, yet children need the love and perspective of both a male and a female. Seek the help of a friend or relative to fill that void if it exists. (see #2)

My mother was married but raised six children alone. And while no family can follow these rules perfectly, it was impossible for my mother. She did her best without the help of my father. We all had to deal with the consequences of that situation; and there were many.

Michael Byron Smith
Author of “The Power of Dadhood” and the “Helping Fathers to be Dad’s” Blog (MichaelByronSmith.com)