One of the key principles in parenting is ‘balance.’ That’s one of the great treasures of having two parents. A child can see different reactions, beliefs, attitudes, personality, tone, sex, and other differences with two parents in their lives. One parent may be more or less correct than the other but a sneak at both sides, when there are differences, is likely a good thing. Some people call it diversity in viewpoints. Hearing the same thing all the time is more akin to brainwashing. I’m not a big fan of indoctrination! I like choices with reasoned opinions and enlightened options. Of course, I will be biased in my teaching while trying not to be dictatorial.
There also needs to be balance in words that describe your kids’ behavior and personal characteristics. For instance, I like hope - but with action. I believe in faith - but with sincere desire. Hope puts a pilot light in your head, but action comes when you turn on the gas. Having faith, which assumes that you can’t make it happen on your own, is worthless if your faith doesn’t come from deep within your heart.
The Bible, Matthew 5:5 says, “Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.” I believe the meek should have a voice, but I never really understood how they would inherit the earth. That requires some aspect of strength. Then I heard a speaker note that ‘meek’ meant something different when that word was written or translated. The meek were those who ‘had swords but kept them in their sheath,’ assuming they would never be used for gain. I can see those that have ‘strength with temperance’ as those deserving of inheriting the earth.
No, I don’t expect everyone or anyone to accept this meaning of ‘meek,’ but the point is ‘having strength alone’ is not necessarily a good thing. Having strength, using it only for good, is balancing. It makes a strong person compassionate around those without strength.
Another example of balance with words is, ‘rules with flexibility.’ I state in my book on fatherhood, “In a family, a system (a plan or an agreement) can be a set of rules, beliefs, or standards. Most of the time these are never written down, but they should be clear.”
A child doesn’t know what to expect, or what’s expected of them, without rules. But rules must never be so rigid that exceptions can’t be made. Allowing your kids to stay up late to watch an expected meteor shower is more meaningful than sticking tightly to a rule, "In bed by 9."
Flexibility balances rules. Just as:
Maybe the words I use above to balance each other don’t make sense to you, and perhaps some do. I could explain my thoughts on each, but that’s not what is essential. I hope to convince you that there is never one word that can adequately describe or define a person or situation. It may be true that I was a demanding parent who was loving to his wife and a patriotic citizen - but indeed not the whole truth. For instance, I would say was demanding yet reasonable as a parent, loving but fallible as a husband, and patriotic but not blind as a citizen.
Summary
Balance is a place you always want to be leaning towards. Take time to think. Have I been too hard on my kids lately? Am I working too much and home too little? Have I been spending more time with my youngest child than my oldest? Did I call a child bad when I meant they did a bad thing? Actions matter. Words matter. Be sure the ear is hearing what the mouth is meaning. Nature is always leaning towards balance. In human nature, balance must more often be created.
Life is about balance. Be kind, but don't let people abuse you. Trust, but don't be deceived. Be content, but never stop improving yourself.
Nishan Panwar
Be precise in your speech.
Jordan B. Petersen
There also needs to be balance in words that describe your kids’ behavior and personal characteristics. For instance, I like hope - but with action. I believe in faith - but with sincere desire. Hope puts a pilot light in your head, but action comes when you turn on the gas. Having faith, which assumes that you can’t make it happen on your own, is worthless if your faith doesn’t come from deep within your heart.
The Bible, Matthew 5:5 says, “Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.” I believe the meek should have a voice, but I never really understood how they would inherit the earth. That requires some aspect of strength. Then I heard a speaker note that ‘meek’ meant something different when that word was written or translated. The meek were those who ‘had swords but kept them in their sheath,’ assuming they would never be used for gain. I can see those that have ‘strength with temperance’ as those deserving of inheriting the earth.
No, I don’t expect everyone or anyone to accept this meaning of ‘meek,’ but the point is ‘having strength alone’ is not necessarily a good thing. Having strength, using it only for good, is balancing. It makes a strong person compassionate around those without strength.
Another example of balance with words is, ‘rules with flexibility.’ I state in my book on fatherhood, “In a family, a system (a plan or an agreement) can be a set of rules, beliefs, or standards. Most of the time these are never written down, but they should be clear.”
A child doesn’t know what to expect, or what’s expected of them, without rules. But rules must never be so rigid that exceptions can’t be made. Allowing your kids to stay up late to watch an expected meteor shower is more meaningful than sticking tightly to a rule, "In bed by 9."
Flexibility balances rules. Just as:
- Accountability balances compassion
- Humility balances competence
- Guidance balances empathy
- Encouragement balances sympathy
- Responsibility balances love
- Conviction balances promise
- Planning balances action
- Courage balances vulnerability
Maybe the words I use above to balance each other don’t make sense to you, and perhaps some do. I could explain my thoughts on each, but that’s not what is essential. I hope to convince you that there is never one word that can adequately describe or define a person or situation. It may be true that I was a demanding parent who was loving to his wife and a patriotic citizen - but indeed not the whole truth. For instance, I would say was demanding yet reasonable as a parent, loving but fallible as a husband, and patriotic but not blind as a citizen.
Summary
Balance is a place you always want to be leaning towards. Take time to think. Have I been too hard on my kids lately? Am I working too much and home too little? Have I been spending more time with my youngest child than my oldest? Did I call a child bad when I meant they did a bad thing? Actions matter. Words matter. Be sure the ear is hearing what the mouth is meaning. Nature is always leaning towards balance. In human nature, balance must more often be created.
Life is about balance. Be kind, but don't let people abuse you. Trust, but don't be deceived. Be content, but never stop improving yourself.
Nishan Panwar
Be precise in your speech.
Jordan B. Petersen
