Worry: To torment oneself
Last week, at a St. Louis Cardinal Baseball game, I was walking in the corridors between innings with my ten-year-old granddaughter. She noticed there was a medical cart with a stretcher on it and asked me why it was there. I told her that sometimes people fall or experience heat exhaustion, etc. and need medical attention. With 47,000 people in the ballpark, it would be likely that someone may need medical help. Immediately she asked if I thought anyone would get heat exhaustion today (it was 76 degrees), and where would they take them? “How often do people fall”? “What happens when people get heat exhaustion”? She continued showing concern for people she didn’t know about things that hadn’t happened. We were there to have a great time, but her focus was elsewhere.
Her anxiety was not an isolated incident. My granddaughter worries continuously about things she hears on the news, things she sees on TV, the fate of people and animals, and things that might happen – even if unlikely. Although her parents are frequently reassuring her, it doesn’t seem to help. Because I don’t want her to go through her young life like this, I decided to write her a letter, but I have not decided to give it to her, yet. I leave that decision to her parents.
Knowing she is not the only person, young or old, who wastes precious time worrying, I thought I would share this letter in my blog, Helping Fathers to Be Dads. I tailored this letter to my granddaughter, but much of what I say is appropriate for anyone who has a loved one that tends to mistake ‘worry’ as something kind, as some type of salve that will make things better. It is sad to see someone else who is unhappy or in some distress. But to see someone who is sad when they have many other reasons to be thankful or when nothing wrong has happened to them, it is a waste of their precious time on this earth. This letter is my attempt at an argument that might help those worriers to enjoy their lives better.
* * *
Dear Granddaughter,
When you came into the world, it was then I knew that being a grandfather was what I always wanted to be. When you were a baby and toddler, I had the privilege of spending time with you, one-on-one, being completely taken by your joyous and adorable personality. As you grew, you remained as sweet as the day you were born, and it was apparent you had gifts of intelligence, creativity, and empathy for others. I wouldn’t change a thing about you, but there is one thing I’d like to bring up to hopefully help you live a more cheerful life.
Too many times I’ve seen the sadness in your eyes as you have seen the struggles of others and felt their pain. Your concern for them is one of your finest traits, and I love you so much for it. But don’t replace empathy for others with wasteful worry. Your heart is big, big enough to share it with others. Even the potential of sad events is worrisome to you as you suffer in small amounts, stealing from your deserved happiness and right to a childhood that should be as innocent and lighthearted as possible.
I hope you understand that adulthood will bring you new and immediate concerns. But they will be concerns that more directly affect you and, fortunately, you will be better prepared and capable of handling them. You will move from worrying about things you cannot change or fix to issues that you can attack to the best of your given abilities. Being able to address a concern is comforting and something you will do. What will not change is life as it has been for thousands of years - full of good things and bad, joy and sorrow, miracles and tragedies, and ups and downs. The cycle of life and the survival of the fittest are the very essences of nature. We are sad for the antelope that is captured by the lion and forget the lion has to survive lest we will feel sadness for its starvation.
What I am trying to say is captured in one of the most famous prayers ever spoken – The Serenity Prayer! Read it and live it. There is only negativity and anxiety in placing worry in things you cannot correct on your own. While this insight is true, it is undeniable that turning away untouched by unfortunate events is difficult. However, unless you have a role in a heartbreaking development, you have no reason to feel guilt or responsibility for it. All you can do is say a prayer for those involved and then accept what you cannot change, pushing the sorrow out of your consciousness. When you do, you will be free to concentrate and improve upon those things near and dear to you, making them better. That’s your way to make the world a better place, by looking past where you have no power and towards where you can do so much good.
You are who you are, and I would never want to change you. I want the best for you because you have so much to give. You can do so much more if not burdened by those unchangeable things that hurt your sweet, loving heart. You can worry all you want and feel bad for others, but it won’t solve one thing. Worry is exhausting - a thief of energy and serenity – and as worthless as that worrisome thought last week, whatever that was?
Worrying about something that may happen in no way eases the pain even if it does happen - and usually, your worries will never come about. Turn on your ‘worry radar’ and shoot down that worry before it gets ahold of you. Do it by thinking what good you can do for yourself, or others you love, in its place. If you try a little each day and remind yourself that you can make the world a better place without worry, you will become a powerhouse among all those you touch and so very pleasant to be around.
Love,
Papa
Last week, at a St. Louis Cardinal Baseball game, I was walking in the corridors between innings with my ten-year-old granddaughter. She noticed there was a medical cart with a stretcher on it and asked me why it was there. I told her that sometimes people fall or experience heat exhaustion, etc. and need medical attention. With 47,000 people in the ballpark, it would be likely that someone may need medical help. Immediately she asked if I thought anyone would get heat exhaustion today (it was 76 degrees), and where would they take them? “How often do people fall”? “What happens when people get heat exhaustion”? She continued showing concern for people she didn’t know about things that hadn’t happened. We were there to have a great time, but her focus was elsewhere.
Her anxiety was not an isolated incident. My granddaughter worries continuously about things she hears on the news, things she sees on TV, the fate of people and animals, and things that might happen – even if unlikely. Although her parents are frequently reassuring her, it doesn’t seem to help. Because I don’t want her to go through her young life like this, I decided to write her a letter, but I have not decided to give it to her, yet. I leave that decision to her parents.
Knowing she is not the only person, young or old, who wastes precious time worrying, I thought I would share this letter in my blog, Helping Fathers to Be Dads. I tailored this letter to my granddaughter, but much of what I say is appropriate for anyone who has a loved one that tends to mistake ‘worry’ as something kind, as some type of salve that will make things better. It is sad to see someone else who is unhappy or in some distress. But to see someone who is sad when they have many other reasons to be thankful or when nothing wrong has happened to them, it is a waste of their precious time on this earth. This letter is my attempt at an argument that might help those worriers to enjoy their lives better.
* * *
Dear Granddaughter,
When you came into the world, it was then I knew that being a grandfather was what I always wanted to be. When you were a baby and toddler, I had the privilege of spending time with you, one-on-one, being completely taken by your joyous and adorable personality. As you grew, you remained as sweet as the day you were born, and it was apparent you had gifts of intelligence, creativity, and empathy for others. I wouldn’t change a thing about you, but there is one thing I’d like to bring up to hopefully help you live a more cheerful life.
Too many times I’ve seen the sadness in your eyes as you have seen the struggles of others and felt their pain. Your concern for them is one of your finest traits, and I love you so much for it. But don’t replace empathy for others with wasteful worry. Your heart is big, big enough to share it with others. Even the potential of sad events is worrisome to you as you suffer in small amounts, stealing from your deserved happiness and right to a childhood that should be as innocent and lighthearted as possible.
I hope you understand that adulthood will bring you new and immediate concerns. But they will be concerns that more directly affect you and, fortunately, you will be better prepared and capable of handling them. You will move from worrying about things you cannot change or fix to issues that you can attack to the best of your given abilities. Being able to address a concern is comforting and something you will do. What will not change is life as it has been for thousands of years - full of good things and bad, joy and sorrow, miracles and tragedies, and ups and downs. The cycle of life and the survival of the fittest are the very essences of nature. We are sad for the antelope that is captured by the lion and forget the lion has to survive lest we will feel sadness for its starvation.
What I am trying to say is captured in one of the most famous prayers ever spoken – The Serenity Prayer! Read it and live it. There is only negativity and anxiety in placing worry in things you cannot correct on your own. While this insight is true, it is undeniable that turning away untouched by unfortunate events is difficult. However, unless you have a role in a heartbreaking development, you have no reason to feel guilt or responsibility for it. All you can do is say a prayer for those involved and then accept what you cannot change, pushing the sorrow out of your consciousness. When you do, you will be free to concentrate and improve upon those things near and dear to you, making them better. That’s your way to make the world a better place, by looking past where you have no power and towards where you can do so much good.
You are who you are, and I would never want to change you. I want the best for you because you have so much to give. You can do so much more if not burdened by those unchangeable things that hurt your sweet, loving heart. You can worry all you want and feel bad for others, but it won’t solve one thing. Worry is exhausting - a thief of energy and serenity – and as worthless as that worrisome thought last week, whatever that was?
Worrying about something that may happen in no way eases the pain even if it does happen - and usually, your worries will never come about. Turn on your ‘worry radar’ and shoot down that worry before it gets ahold of you. Do it by thinking what good you can do for yourself, or others you love, in its place. If you try a little each day and remind yourself that you can make the world a better place without worry, you will become a powerhouse among all those you touch and so very pleasant to be around.
Love,
Papa
