Original draft On this Veteran’s Day 2015, I wanted to share a letter I wrote to my son as he was about to join the Army in September 2001. It was just ten days prior to the attack on the World Trade Center in New York. I share it for two reasons. One because it is Veteran’s Day and I want to honor my son who faced all his fears and worked very hard to became an Army Blackhawk pilot. This Veteran’s Day he is currently in Afghanistan on his second tour there. The second reason is to show an example of a father mentoring his son. It doesn’t matter that my advice is good or bad. What matters is a father’s desire to help his son. That desire will mean more to him than the advice itself. All sons and daughters need the full support of their family.
Thanks to all you veterans out there. Your service is much appreciated!
Thanks to all you veterans out there. Your service is much appreciated!
A Letter to My Son Prior to His Joining the Army
1 September 2001
Dear Mike,
I know you are very nervous and full of self-doubt about going into the Army and the challenges ahead. You’re not crazy for feeling this way because it is quite natural. I have gone through all this myself. Facing your fears and seeing them melt away is a part of growing and maturing as a person.
All the fears and doubts you have are made more or less tolerable by your way of looking at these things. One way to put challenges into perspective is to really look at how likely things will turn out and what the consequences will be if they do. But before I go any further, I have no doubt of your ability to be successful in the Army if you apply yourself to your best ability and if you will do the things needed to be successful.
1 September 2001
Dear Mike,
I know you are very nervous and full of self-doubt about going into the Army and the challenges ahead. You’re not crazy for feeling this way because it is quite natural. I have gone through all this myself. Facing your fears and seeing them melt away is a part of growing and maturing as a person.
All the fears and doubts you have are made more or less tolerable by your way of looking at these things. One way to put challenges into perspective is to really look at how likely things will turn out and what the consequences will be if they do. But before I go any further, I have no doubt of your ability to be successful in the Army if you apply yourself to your best ability and if you will do the things needed to be successful.
Mike after earning his pilot wings. You’ve mentioned to me that some guys who have signed up don’t seem worried or nervous at all. Let me tell you why that may be. First of all, some are much more nervous than they let on. They don’t want anybody to know they are apprehensive because being cool is very important to them. Inside, the want their mommies. Also, it may be that they are not nervous because they are ignorant of what is before them and are not thinking past their noses. Or maybe they just don’t care enough.
The best reason for not showing anxiety for a new situation is preparation. Some guys and gals have known they wanted to serve most of their lives. They have read about it, asked questions, and visualized themselves in uniform since they graduated from kindergarten. They are ready to ‘get going’!
I think your fears are the same mine were. I was afraid to fail. It takes courage to move toward a goal that seems elusive. If you go for something, everyone will know if you didn’t make it. If you don’t go for it, you never have to explain why you failed or be embarrassed by it. When your desire is great enough for you to take a chance, you have taken a good first step. But to keep from being worried all the time, you have to do something very important. It’s something Buddhists teach. You must detach yourself (your self-worth) from your goal. In other words, you must realize that with failure, you can move on, it wasn’t meant to be, and you can rebound and find your value elsewhere.
Don’t be confused. In simple words, have the attitude of “I will fight like hell to meet my goal, but if I fail, I will be satisfied I did all I could and be proud of that fact, then move on”. Strangely, a healthy attitude like this will almost assure your success given your diligence in doing everything that is in your control. Don’t place all your dreams for yourself through one path.
One more thing, when you start your journey, it will become easier because you are acting, not thinking about it. While there, help others and they will help you. You will feel like a team and less focus on yourself is always good. Remember, you can have an easy life or a fulfilling life, but you can’t have both.
I know you will succeed! I’m very proud of you!
Love,
Dad
The best reason for not showing anxiety for a new situation is preparation. Some guys and gals have known they wanted to serve most of their lives. They have read about it, asked questions, and visualized themselves in uniform since they graduated from kindergarten. They are ready to ‘get going’!
I think your fears are the same mine were. I was afraid to fail. It takes courage to move toward a goal that seems elusive. If you go for something, everyone will know if you didn’t make it. If you don’t go for it, you never have to explain why you failed or be embarrassed by it. When your desire is great enough for you to take a chance, you have taken a good first step. But to keep from being worried all the time, you have to do something very important. It’s something Buddhists teach. You must detach yourself (your self-worth) from your goal. In other words, you must realize that with failure, you can move on, it wasn’t meant to be, and you can rebound and find your value elsewhere.
Don’t be confused. In simple words, have the attitude of “I will fight like hell to meet my goal, but if I fail, I will be satisfied I did all I could and be proud of that fact, then move on”. Strangely, a healthy attitude like this will almost assure your success given your diligence in doing everything that is in your control. Don’t place all your dreams for yourself through one path.
One more thing, when you start your journey, it will become easier because you are acting, not thinking about it. While there, help others and they will help you. You will feel like a team and less focus on yourself is always good. Remember, you can have an easy life or a fulfilling life, but you can’t have both.
I know you will succeed! I’m very proud of you!
Love,
Dad
